How to Win Back the Love of Your Existence
by Missypooh
Summary: It's 4 years after Edward leaves Bella. There are no werewolves. Bella & Jake were never more than friends. Bella has grown up, graduated from College, has a boyfriend & is moving back to Seattle to attend Law School when her path crosses Edward's. EPOV
1. Chapter 1

CHAPTER 1

GEORGIA ON MY MIND

Atlanta, GA

September 17

I will always remember this moment with perfect clarity. I am sitting in Terminal C at Atlanta Hartsfield Airport, near Gate 22, waiting for my delayed flight to be called. I am passing the time by listening to my Ipod and attempting to block the thousands of thoughts that are bombarding me in the busy terminal.

I quickly think back to how I ended up here, today of all days. I was, after all, simply passing through. I have agreed to join my family in January in a small town just east of Vancouver. Carlisle has recently accepted a position at a hospital there, and the "Cullen children" are to be enrolled in school starting in January.

Once I had finally agreed to return to my family after nearly four years of my self-imposed exile, everyone agreed it made sense to start over in a new location. A fresh start Carlisle had called it. I knew how much I had hurt him and Esme over the last four years. I had forced them to go along with my decision to leave Forks, to leave Bella. Then I had, in turn, left them. I could not bear to be around my family and had, for all intents and purposes, abandoned them for three years, 9 months, and 2 days.

While I had kept in touch with my family through periodic phone calls, I could not bear to see them until three months ago when I literally showed up on their doorstop in Gothica, NY. Of course Alice had seen my coming. All six members of my family waited for me on the porch of their spacious home in upper New York State. Carlisle and Esme approached me first. I slowly and hesitantly looked my parents in the eye for the first time in 1369 days.

There was no judgment, just unconditional love and acceptance in their matching golden eyes.

"Thank god!" Esme muttered as she hugged me.

Carlisle embraced us both. _Please, please, son, tell me you will stop punishing yourself. Stay. This family just does not function without you,_ Carlisle said with his thoughts.

I swallowed, the emotion overwhelming me and nodded briefly. With that, I was surrounded by embraces and welcoming words from my parents, my brothers and my sister Alice. Even Rosalie managed to give me a small smile.

I could not help but be happy to see my family and so grateful to receive their forgiveness and acceptance that I had managed to forget about the hole in my chest where my heart was once located for nearly fifteen minutes. It was the longest I had gone without thinking of Bella in nearly four years. Maybe I was permitted some relief due to the payment of my penance in Africa for nearly four years, or maybe it was the simple healing properties of time, but for the first time since I had left my Bella in those woods in Forks, WA, I felt alive again. There was still a huge part of me missing. I had left that part of me in Forks with Bella. That part of me would always be with her. But at least I felt like I could exist and allow myself the comfort of my family.

Over the following two weeks, I reconnected with my family. I enjoyed an extended hunting trip into the Eastern Canadian wilderness with my brothers. I purchased a new car, a Ferrari sports car, and let Rosalie upgrade it for me.

Perhaps my favorite memories of that time were the memories of the time I spent with Alice. She showed me breathtaking sights in the national parks of New England, and I shared with her stories of my time in Africa. Just before I left them with a promise to return at Christmas, Alice told me what I needed to hear in order to finally make peace with my decision to leave Bella. We had been sitting on a cliff overlooking Lake Placid watching the sun set. Recognizing it was twilight, I was overwhelmed with memories of Bella and the many twilights we had shared together during those incredible 9 months I spent with her. Alice's thoughts were full of Bella as well.

"You know, I miss her, too," Alice said softly. I continued to stare straight ahead but swallowed hard as I knew she was speaking of Bella. "She's happy, you know."

I slowly turned to Alice, my eyes full of confusion and questions. "How do you know that Alice?" I asked, struggling to keep my voice controlled even though I was sure the trepidation I was feeling was visible in my eyes as I suspected I already knew the answer.

"Don't be mad, Edward. I promise I don't intentionally look into her future. But sometimes glimpses just come to me. I can't help it. But they are only brief visions, sometimes very fuzzy. I am not as attuned to her as I once was."

Neither of us spoke for several minutes. I finally whispered, "What did you see Alice?"

"At first I saw her in college. I think she went to school in Florida. My last vision of her was last May, just before you returned. She was graduating, early I think. She was happy."

While Alice talked she thought about these visions and I watched them as they passed through her memory. I saw a very brief glimpse of Bella sitting in a college classroom; the words "Florida State" were written on a bulletin in the background. Her hair was braided, and she was simply breathtaking. In the next vision, she was walking across campus on a sunny day and appeared to be hurrying when she stumbled. Her book bag flew from her shoulder as she fell to her knees. I cringed at the vision of her fall, regretting for the thousandth time that I could not be by her side, catching her every time she fell.

Then the next vision was very fuzzy, but I could clearly see Bella in a black graduation gown. She was being hugged by Charlie, and she was smiling and laughing. When she pulled away from him, she turned into the waiting arms of a man, but I could not see his face. However, I could see Bella's face as she eagerly embraced him, and that was enough to make me gasp and to make my chest tighten with longing. I hung my head as I replayed the look on her face over and over in my mind. I finally spoke after several minutes.

"The look she gave that man at her graduation was quite....affectionate. Do you know who he is?" I asked softly.

"No," Alice said, her voice dripping with sympathy. "I have never seen him before."

I nodded my head to acknowledge I had heard her.

After several more long moments I took a deep breath and stood. "You're right; she does look happy. She has moved on." I turned to look into Alice's eyes which were full of concern and apprehension. I smiled at her with brotherly affection. "Thank you. Believe it or not, knowing she is happy, even if it is with someone else, helps me know that I made the right decision." Then I looked at her sternly. "But no spying Alice! She deserves privacy." The truth was that I was afraid Alice would soon have visions of my Bella marrying another man—perhaps the man from the graduation vision—and having his children and, while those were the human things I had always wanted for her, I did not want to witness them via Alice's visions. Even I was not that masochistic.

I had left my family shortly thereafter after giving them my promise I would meet them in Vancouver by Christmas. I had to return to Africa and tie up some loose ends. I had spent much of my time away from my family there. There were remote villages that were in desperate need of medical care, and I was able to administer medicine, vaccines, and treat common ailments. I found it fulfilling to finally be able to put my two medical degrees to some use. Even though I usually only visited the villages at twilight and night, the villagers were so very grateful they did not ask questions. After I made sure all medicines from my supplies had been properly distributed to villages I serviced often, I decided to take a few months to travel and adjust to being around civilization again before I started the monotony of high school.

And that is what brought me to Atlanta today. I have just returned from Africa, with the last leg of my flight going from Munich, Germany, to Atlanta, Georgia. As my plane had started its decent into Atlanta's Hartsfield Airport this morning, I still had not decided on any specific destinations for my travels.

There was a small part of me that was tempted to go to Florida. While it was not the ideal location for a vampire who needed to avoid the public in sunny weather, I assumed Bella was still there and a part of me longed to simply be in the same state as she was. It was not lost on me that Atlanta, GA, was not far from Florida. I could rent a car and be crossing the state line into Florida in just a few short hours. But no, nothing good could come of that. I had to let her be. I had to keep my promise and let her live the human life she was meant to live. I had to let her be happy...happy with him.

Then it occurred to me. There was a place I could go where I would feel close to Bella that was not Florida. I could return to the place I would always feel was my true home...Forks, WA. It was the place I had met my soul mate and the only place I had ever known true love. I could go there and surround myself with memories of my love. Yes, I was going to Washington. Once I had landed I had promptly booked a flight to Seattle, WA, and had reserved a rental at Sea Tac Airport.

My flight is delayed by an hour and a half, and I try to relax...after all I have nothing but time.

I close my eyes, lean my head back and am now enjoying a new song from Cold Play when the scent hits me. _Her_ scent. While I am literally surrounded by hundreds of humans and their scents, it is fairly easy for me to distinguish her scent. The ache in my throat is instant. I do not immediately open my eyes. Instead I concentrate and determine that she is approaching me from my right. I now recognize her heartbeat. I realize she has stopped and probably is seated just ten yards to my right. I slowly open my eyes and, for the first time in 1450 days, I see the love of my existence with my very own eyes.

I notice immediately the physical changes. While she still looks youthful, her face looks more mature than when I had last seen her. I can't help but notice that her body looks different. She is wearing jeans and a short sleeve white blouse. I can tell she is quite fit, and it is obvious she has been working out. Her legs and arms are quite toned. Her hair is slightly longer, and it is pulled back in a ponytail. She is alone, with a small carryon bag and purse sitting in front of her. She is looking at her phone and appears to be exchanging messages with someone. She smiles as she types something. I have stopped breathing and am not sure what to do.

I realize that as she is preoccupied I can probably escape to my left, and she will never see me, never know that I had been that close to her. Yes, that is the right thing to do. However, I cannot will my legs to move. I simply stare at her, taking in every detail. It is much needed nourishment for me, and I revel in every facial expression, every slight move of her body, and even her scent that is both my heaven and my hell. I feel my throat burn and almost cry out in gratitude because the burn, though painful, means that my love is close by and that is something I had given up any hope of ever experiencing again. I watch as she reads a message on her phone. I am surprised to see her blush. How I have missed the exquisite sight of the blood pooling in her cheeks. I ignore the monster that roars in me at the sight of her blush and instead watch her, frustrated once again that the one person's thoughts that I really want to know are forever silent to me. Oh, how I want to know what has made her blush.

Then...I stop wondering about what has made her blush. Because right at that moment, as I look at her, deep in concentration, she looks up and directly into my eyes. By her gasp and stunned expression, I know she recognizes me.


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2

OF ALL THE AIRPORTS IN THE WORLD...

"Edward?" she gasps after we stare at each other for what feels like an eternity. I rise and walk over to her slowly. She watches me with a mixture of wariness and disbelief. However, she does not seem to abhor the fact I am there and slowly approaching her.

"Hello, Bella," I say once I stop directly in front of her. It seems an inadequate greeting. I had fantasized so many times about seeing Bella again, and in all of those daydreams, I was much more eloquent.

She looks up at me with those beautiful chocolate brown eyes of hers, and I cannot stop the smile that spreads across my face at the sight. She smiles back at me, and without conscious effort, my smile grows even bigger.

"May I sit down?" I ask as I motion to an empty seat next to her in the gate's waiting area.

"Of course," she says in a way that is both polite and bemused. "Are you flying to Seattle too?" she asks.

"Yes I am," I answer, the whole time staring into her eyes. I am afraid my staring will make her uncomfortable, but I cannot seem to stop. "I am going there to...take care of some business."

I don't really have a good explanation to offer, and I desperately hope she will not press me for more. I cannot very well tell her that I am actually planning to return to Forks so that I can visit each and every place that reminds me of her in some desperate attempt to feel closer to her.

Her expression remains bemused, as if she can't quite believe what she is seeing.

"What about you? Are you visiting Charlie?" I ask in a tone that is meant to be soothing and to put her at ease.

"Visiting Charlie? No. I live in Seattle. I was visiting Renee and Phil in Jacksonville, and this is my layover on my way back to Seattle. Actually I was supposed to leave on a later flight, but since this one was delayed, I was able to change to this earlier flight." She stops and looks down and bites her lip, and then Bella looks up at me again. It briefly occurs to me that she is probably wondering why I am only staring and not saying anything. "How… how have you been Edward?" she asks me somberly.

"I've been... fine."

Her eyebrows draw up into a quizzical expression, and she chews her bottom lip as she mulls over my answer. "Your family?" she asks after a brief pause.

"Good. The family is actually in the process of making a move to Canada. We will be starting over, enrolling in school in January."

She smiles sympathetically. "High school again." It is not a question but a thoughtful observation.

It is then I feel the familiar emotion that I knew during my previous time with Bella: frustration. Frustration that I cannot read her mind. Well, if I cannot read her thoughts, I will have to satisfy my curiosity the old fashion way.

"How long have you lived in Seattle," I ask.

_"_Since June. I graduated from Florida State University last spring. I was accepted into Seattle University's school of law and will start classes there in a week. I spent the summer working for a small law firm in Seattle that specializes in civil rights law. I will return to work there in January, after my first semester of classes."

I cannot help but notice how her face glows when she speaks of her job. "Civil rights law? That sounds fascinating, Bella. Tell me more."

I ecstatically sit there in front of gate C22 for the next half hour and listen to Bella Swan talk excitedly about her job and her plans for a legal career of her own in civil rights law following her law school graduation. I had never pictured Bella being a lawyer, but as I listen to her speak with such passion and conviction, I can see she is quite suited for the career she has chosen. My heart swells with pride for the beautiful, strong woman who sits before me.

Then the bubble surrounding us that makes it seem like we are the only two people in the world bursts when the woman at the ticket counter announces first class passengers can start to board the plane in 5 minutes. I have a first class ticket. Bella pulls out her ticket and mutters "zone 3" to herself. Oh, that will not do. I swiftly remove her ticket from her hand, and before she can react, I walk swiftly to the ticket counter near the gate. "Excuse me, miss," I state with the smile and tone I use when I need to get my way with humans. "I would like to upgrade my friend's ticket to first class, and I was hoping we could also sit next to each other."

"Sure… certainly, sir. But there will be an extra charge in addition to the change in fare for the last-minute upgrade," the clerk says.

I smile and swiftly hand her my black American Express card. Bella catches up with me and looks as if she is about to protest. I stop her stating, "Bella, I insist. Consider it a belated birthday present." I, of course, remembered Bella's 22nd birthday which had occurred just four days prior. But realizing Bella never liked her birthday to be acknowledged, I decide to change tactics. "Besides, I want to hear more about civil rights law." I flash her my crooked smile that she use to tell me "dazzles" her. I am relieved to see it at least seemed to pacify her.

She simply nods and softly says, "Thank you, Edward."

I stare into her eyes and say most sincerely, "My pleasure." Maybe she has become more gracious to accepting gifts in our time apart I muse.

I don't know why I am surprised when Bella asks for a glass of white wine once we are seated on the plane. Of course I know she is 22 years old, of legal age to drink. Until seeing her again, I had imagined her as the same 17-year-old, beautifully innocent girl I had fallen in love with in the biology lab at Forks High School over four years ago. She has grown into such an alluring woman. I cannot help but notice that her figure is fuller, more womanly. Her skin, while pale, has a very healthy glow to it; I presume that is from the years spent in the abundant sunshine of Florida. Her hair is still long, and she still wears very little make-up, letting her fresh and natural beauty shine through. And of course I cannot help but notice she still smells simply heavenly. I take a deep breath of her freesia-filled scent and relish the burn it causes in my throat.

The six hour flight goes by much quicker than I want it to. Bella has me fascinated as she tells me about a case involving age discrimination that she had worked on during the summer at a Seattle firm. She is very much looking forward to returning to her job as a clerk in the firm in January. I am captivated as her eyes glow with excitement and passion as she speaks of her work.

"You know, in over a hundred years of educational experiences, I have never studied law," I tell Bella during the flight. "You have piqued my interest. I might have to change that in the future."

Bella looks down at her hands after I say this, her brows pulled together in thought. "Have you been in college since I last saw you?" she asks after a time.

"No." I answer honestly, but I do not want to elaborate. How can I tell Bella I have wandered aimlessly for nearly four years, fighting back the urge to run back to Forks, to run back to her every single day? She doesn't say anything in response to my curt answer, only nodding in acknowledgment of my answer.

At that moment, the pilot's voice comes over the speaker, announcing our descent into Sea Tac Airport. I notice the immediate change in Bella's demeanor. Her face falls, and she fidgets nervously. Bella's distress is something I simply cannot bear. Before I can stop myself, probably out of an old habit, I reach out for her chin with my forefinger and raise her fallen face to look at me. I almost drown in her eyes; they are so intense, so beautiful. "Bella?" I ask huskily. "What is wrong, love?" The endearment is a slip. It vaguely occurs to me it is now probably inappropriate to call her that, but it just sounds so natural, even after all this time. She will always be my one and only love.

"Nothing, Edward," she whispers. "I… I'm just tired. It was a long week in Florida." She then adds, "It's been so good to see you again."

We are now both staring into each others' eyes as I feel the plane hit the runway and come to a stop at the gate. Realizing these are probably my last moments in Bella's presence, it occurs to me that I should probably say something meaningful. But my vocal cords simply will not work. I am helpless to anything other than staring into her beautiful eyes. It is soothing, exhilarating, it is simply home. The pilot turns off the "fasten your seatbelt" sign and the passengers around us stand immediately to retrieve their carryon bags. I reluctantly pull myself from gazing at my beautiful Bella and stand to retrieve our bags.

I insist on carrying her carryon shoulder bag. "Don't be ridiculous, Bella," I tell her, shaking my head. "I will carry your bags." We walk through the terminal toward baggage claim. I deliberately try to set a slow walking pace, slow for even a human.

We locate the correct baggage carousel and wait for our luggage. She takes out her cell phone, and I notice it is a Blackberry. I am dying inside wanting to ask—no, beg her—for her cell phone number. She appears to be reviewing a text message or email, and I notice her eyebrows are puckered in a frown.

"Something wrong?" I ask.

"No," she says absently as she continues to read messages on her phone.

"Is your car here? Would you like a ride?" I ask. "I have a rental waiting for me. I would be happy to give you a ride." _Please, please let her need a ride, _I think. I want more time with Bella, and I have to admit I am curious about where she is living. When I had inquired about where she was living on the plane, she had been vague and said in the downtown Seattle area.

She finally looks up, and while I am no expert at reading Bella, it appears to me she is anxious, almost nervous. "Thanks, Edward, but that's okay. I have a ride."

I realize I am not imagining her anxiety. She is definitely looking around nervously. "Oh, that's good," I say, trying to hide my disappointment. Trying to sound more enthusiastic than I feel and quail her obvious anxiety, I speak. "Well, then, let's get your bags and get you to your car. Jeez, Bella, please tell me you are not still driving that truck." I chuckle softly thinking about that monstrosity that had been so dear to her in high school.

"No, no that's not necessary, Edward. Really, I..."

"Bella!"

We both turn at the sound of her name, and I see a tall man moving toward us, and it is obvious he knows Bella.


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3

EDWARD MEET JULIAN

A/N—The thoughts Edward hears throughout the story will be in italics.

Despite my vampire abilities which actually mean I have enhanced vision, I feel like I am watching the scene unfold in slow motion. I watch helplessly as a man looking to be in his late thirties hurriedly approaches Bella and brings her slim body into his arms.

"Oh, Bella!" he exclaims as he hugs her to him and cradles her head against his chest. "I have missed you so much." I noticed in terms of physical appearance he is the exact opposite of Bella. He is tall, almost as tall as me at around 6"2', tan, blond and as he opens his eyes to look down at Bella after drawing back from their embrace, I notice his eyes are blue.

I hate him. It is irrational, unfair, and maybe even immature. It doesn't matter. I hate him, and I have to fight back a growl as I watch him smile down at Bella with obvious affection and familiarity as he moves her by his side, with his arm wrapped protectively around her waist.

"I missed you, too," Bella whispers shyly, looking down and blushing. Somehow I am able to remain standing erect even though I feel a sharp pain go through my entire body at her words and the pain makes me want to sink to my knees.

"I thought you had to work and couldn't pick me up," Bella says to him.

"I arranged to go in later tonight, giving me enough time to pick you up and take you to dinner and hear the highlights about your trip," he says to her. Bella then looks up, first at Julian and then turns to me.

"Edward, this is Julian, Julian Yates. My boyfriend," she adds softly as she turns to the man who is now staring at me with polite curiosity. I am not surprised when she refers to him as her boyfriend. Their passionate reunion had clued me in.

"Julian, this is Edward Cullen. Edward and I went to high school together and ran into each other at the airport in Atlanta."

_Wow__,__ this guy went to school with Bella__,_he thinks as he politely extends his hand to me. _Sometimes I forget how young Bella is. _Despite his thoughtful musings about Bella's and my age, his words are nothing but polite. "Edward, nice to meet you. Do you live in Seattle?"

I shake his hand, and he notes in his thoughts that my hand is very cold but dismisses it as poor circulation. "No, just passing through on my way to join my family in Canada."

Julian nods politely at my answer, and I see Bella fidget nervously. _I guess they are waiting on their bags__,_ he thinks. His thoughts reveal he is anxious to take Bella home. _Bella is probably hungry. We should stop for dinner. I wonder if I should offer the kid a ride_. I internally bristled from the use of the word kid. I also realize from his thoughts that he has no idea that Bella and I dated previously. Maybe that is why Bella is nervous. Maybe she doesn't want Julian to know about me. While it is somewhat irrational, I cannot help but feel hurt that Bella has never spoken of me to her _boyfriend._

Isn't this man too old for Bella, I silently muse. He has to be at least fifteen years older than her, nearly old enough to be her father. I wonder briefly if Charlie knows about this and approves of a man just a few years his junior dating his daughter. I choose to deliberately ignore the fact that I am more than 80 years Bella's senior during my internal rant.

An uncomfortable silence falls as Bella stands beside Julian, tucked to his side, looking down at her shoes. There is slight blush on her cheeks.

"It seems they are taking a while with the luggage," Julian comments, glancing over at the still empty luggage carousel. His thoughts continue to assault me. _Damn...Bella looks so beautiful__,__ and we have so much to catch up on__,__ and we're stuck here waiting on luggage._

I realize my time is really limited as it is clear Julian intends to grab Bella's bags and hurry her out of the airport. I have to know about this...relationship. I have to know if Bella is truly happy. "How did you two meet?" I suddenly blurt out. Julian chuckles in response. I see a memory in his mind of Bella sitting in what appears to be an emergency room examination room. Her right ankle is wrapped, and Julian is examining it.

I look down at Bella, waiting for an answer. She is still blushing but speaks softly. "Julian is a doctor at St. Mary's hospital. He treated me one night during last Christmas break. I was spending the holidays with Charlie, and I was in Seattle doing some Christmas shopping on Christmas Eve and managed to slip on a patch of ice."

Memories flash briefly in Julian's mind. He is sitting in Charlie's living room with Bella's wrapped foot in his lap, massaging it while they watch a football game with Charlie. Then he is leaning down brushing a very soft kiss across Bella's lips as they stand near his car parked in the driveway of her home in Forks.

"She couldn't drive with a severely sprained right ankle, so I offered to drive her home to Forks. She was kind enough to invite me to stay for a few days and spend Christmas with her, and the rest, as they say, is history." He laughs good-naturedly as he finishes the story and leans down to place a kiss on top of Bella's hair as he squeezes her around her waist. For the first time in nearly a hundred years, I actually want to vomit to relieve myself of the sick, uncomfortable feeling that has settled in my gut. I have to silently remind myself: _She is happy. This is what you wanted for her. To have a safe, human relationship._

"I'm just glad she decided to attend law school in Seattle," Julian continues. "Did Bella tell you she is starting law school, Edward?" Julian asks me. I can tell from his thoughts he is only trying to make polite small talk as we wait for the luggage. He is still anxious to be alone with Bella and briefly fantasizes about pressing her up against the nearby wall and kissing her passionately. This is not helping me maintain my control.

"Yes, she did. I have to say I am a little surprised. When Bella and I _dated_ in high school, she never mentioned having any interest in law. But now hearing her speak so passionately about it, I can't imagine something she could be more suited for." I really hadn't meant to reveal the fact Bella and I had dated in case Bella had purposefully kept it from him. However, after having to bear witness to the beginning of their romance in his memories, the selfish, jealous monster in me just had to make it known that I had my own very special memories of being with Bella. I fear those memories may not be so special to Bella anymore.

Bella noticeably tenses at my words, and Julian's thoughts reveal his surprise though he doesn't speak aloud. _Oh__,__ he's the one__. _Then he is immediately distracted from this line of thought when the baggage carousel noisily starts up and luggage starts appearing on the moving belt.

"How many bags, Bella?" Julian calls to her as he moves away to get closer to the belt.

"Just one. The red one," Bella mumbles, but her eyes are still looking down, and she is clearly very tense. My small suitcase appears first, and I reach out and take it.

Bella finally speaks to me again. "Edward, I hope you will give my best to your family. Please tell them that I... miss them very much." She looks up at me as she says the last part. Our eyes meet, and I hold her gaze for a few precious moments. I am trying to glean the information from her eyes which I cannot obtain from her thoughts. I wish Jasper was with me as he could at least read her emotions and tell me if she is happy. Above all I want to know she is safe and happy. I know it is wrong, but I just can't stand the thought of simply walking away without ever knowing more.

Julian is still busy watching for her bag. I lean in and exhale as I speak softly to Bella "Perhaps if you give me your contact information, I can pass it along and they could call you sometime." Bella's eyes are glazed over and I know I am cheating and "dazzling" her, but I desperately need to know there is at least a chance I may speak to her again. Before she can answer, Julian steps up with her suitcase in one hand and answers for her.

"Bella lives with me in the City. My home number is listed under J.T. Yates. Call us anytime." His tone is not overly hostile, but I sense both from his rigid stance and his thoughts that he is not thrilled with the thought of Bella and me exchanging phone numbers. He is clearly more anxious than ever to leave. He picks up her carryon shoulder bag and slings it over his own shoulder and gives Bella a pointed look which clearly means "let's go." She turns to me.

"Please tell Alice I would love to hear from her." She speaks just above a whisper to me. "Goodbye, Edward. It was good to see you again."

"Goodbye, Bella. Please take care of yourself." To hell with propriety, I think as I reach out and softly but quickly run the back of my hand over her right cheek, just as I had that first time I had walked her to her gym class so many years ago. Just as that day, her cheek flames warm with her blush.

"Let's go, sweetheart. Nice to meet you Edward," Julian says as he carefully steers Bella away from me and toward the exit. I don't bother to return his sentiment and instead just stand there in the middle of Sea Tac airport wondering how the hell I will ever be able to just walk away from the love of my existence again.


	4. Chapter 4

CHAPTER 4

INCAPACITATE..DON'T DECAPITATE

**A/N-All things Twilight belong to SM.**

I stand in the middle of the airport for several more moments just inhaling Bella's lingering scent and resisting the urge to run after her. I am not surprised when my phone vibrates just after Bella's departure. I know it is Alice who has undoubtedly seen what happened. I sigh and answer the phone as I make my way to the car rental counter.

"Alice, some warning would have been nice," I say as soon as I answer. I have no doubt Alice had foreseen that I would see Bella again.

"Edward, I couldn't interfere. You needed to see her. I envy you. I wish I could see her. I still miss her, you know."

I sigh as I walk out of the airport to retrieve the rental car after picking up the keys.

"Alice, your visions do not do her justice. She is so beautiful. Can you believe she is starting law school soon?"

"What?" Alice asked with excitement, and I hear Esme squeal in the background, and I know she is listening. I chuckle and answer, "I know. Shy Bella Swan has grown up into a confident spitfire."

"How are you?" Alice asks pointedly.

"I think I will be okay... eventually. She has someone, you know," I tell Alice as I sit in the rental car, pinching the bridge of my nose.

"Yes, I saw," Alice responds, with a twinge of sympathy in her voice.

"He's a doctor," I say, and I cannot hide the melancholy in my voice.

"That's nice," Alice says quietly.

"He seemed fond of her and she of him." I cringe with the effort it takes to speak of Bella and her boyfriend in such a calm matter.

"Oh, Edward, come home. Please don't leave again, not after we just got you back. Esme will be devastated," Alice exclaims.

I know she must have had a vision of me leaving again. I am feeling an overwhelming urge to drive to the middle of nowhere so I can be alone with my misery. I sigh and after a few moments, with determination, crank the car.

"Alice, I need some time, but tell Esme that I **_promise_** I will be in touch soon. She will understand that I need some time after seeing Bella again. Goodbye."

I disconnect the call and throw the phone on the passenger seat as I pull onto Interstate 90 East. I have no particular destination in mind. I soon turn off the main interstate and find a back highway and push the rented Mustang's limits as I speed to nowhere, trying once again to escape the memory of my one and only love, the love of my very existence.

*****  
I drive for nearly fourteen hours, only stopping for fuel, and end up somewhere near Sioux Falls, South Dakota. I stop near a state park as I realize I need to hunt. It is midday and sunny. I spend the day and much of the night in the park, hunting big game and trying to find a reprieve from my constant thoughts of Bella and her new life in Seattle. Throughout my all-night drive, I had to fight the urge to turn around and find her and declare my feelings to her. I have to fight back these selfish urges and just let her live her life, her human life.

After I satiate my hunger by feeding on several moose, I sit and reflect. I can't let myself give in to the despair again. I owe my family more than that. And I know I have to simply learn to live with my decision. Bella is living the life I wanted for her, and I have to find some sort of peace and solace in that fact. It is simply not fair to make my family suffer anymore for my decisions. I make up my mind to return to them.

Just before sunrise, I return to the rental car and drive west. I stop in Spokane, Washington, and turn in the rental car and wait for the only Mercedes dealership within miles to open. I decide to buy a car with some real power so I can at least enjoy the rest of the drive to Vancouver. After securing my purchase, I pull unto Highway US-2 West. I realize that I will be reunited with my family in 8 short hours and try to focus on that fact and not that I am only a few hours from Seattle, from Bella. I am on the road for less than two hours and it is twilight when my cell phone rings. It is Alice calling. I pick it up, figuring she has seen my decision to return to the family.

"Edward! Thank god." Her voice is fully of worry and panic, and I just know. It's Bella.

"What's wrong, Alice? Where is she?"

"Edward...I just saw it. You have to get to her. She is going to be kidnapped and attacked soon...tonight."

I had been heading northwest, nearing the Canadian border but immediately exit, heading to I-90 East, the quickest route to Seattle. I am trying to fight down my own panic and concentrate on driving as fast as possible to Seattle. Alice is still on the line.

"Alice, I'm heading to Seattle. I'll be there in an hour. Please tell me your vision has changed."

She is quiet for a few minutes. "Sorry, no. I see a man in a ski mask tying her hands and ankles and putting her in a trunk of a car. I see flashes of him driving her out of the city to a house. I think it's in the suburbs of Seattle. I see a street sign as he turns unto a street. It says Red Oaks Drive."

"Where on Red Oaks Drive?" I ask as I punch that information into the GPS system of the car. It tells me that at my current speed I will arrive in forty-nine minutes.

"I don't know, Edward. I see him pulling into a house garage shortly after turning on that street. I don't see anything more descriptive than that. If I had an exact location, I would call the police. Hopefully if you can find that street, you can pick up her scent." Suddenly, Alice gasps, and I know she is having another vision.

"Oh, god," she groans, and I know it is bad.

"What, Alice?" Tell me, dammit!" I shout.

"He is going to rape her, Edward," she whispers.

I drop the phone and lash out in anger and knock the head rest of the passenger side seat clearly off. I try to control my grip on the steering wheel and save it from my rage as I know I need the car to function in order to find Red Oaks Drive. The next thirty-four minutes are the longest of my life. I have pushed the car as fast as it will go, and the GPS now says I will arrive at Red Oaks Drive in five minutes. My plan is to ditch the car as soon as I arrive on that street and take off on foot and try to pick up her scent or her attacker's thoughts.

My phone rings again. It's Alice. "Almost there," I state when I answer.

"I know," she says. "Listen, Edward, you have to gain some control. I just saw you barging in and literally ripping this man's head off in front of Bella. It freaks her out too much. You can't do that. You can't traumatize her even more."

I growl as I don't like what she is saying. My entire being wants nothing more than to rip this monster, whoever he is, into shreds and that part of me does not want to be denied the satisfaction of doing so as soon as I find him. However, the more reasonable part of me realizes that such a gruesome scene would be too much for Bella.

I speak through my gritted teeth. "Okay, Alice. I understand. I'll incapacitate him...and decapitate him later, after Bella is safe."

"Listen, Edward; Carlisle, Jasper, and I are on our way. The others were out hunting, but we left them a note. We will be there in a few hours. Please don't do anything too rash before we arrive. Just make sure Bella is safe; that is the important thing."

Carlisle speaks up, knowing I can hear him through the phone. "Son, she may need medical attention. Do not delay in getting her to the hospital. She needs to be examined. Do you understand?"

"Yes, I understand," I say simply and end the call.

I swallow hard as the venom pools, spurred by my rage and desire to destroy this unknown attacker. When I reach the street that Alice had seen in her vision, I put the phone in my back pocket and take off on foot, immediately scanning the area for Bella's scent and sifting through the thoughts of the neighborhood, trying to locate her attacker.

I pick up her scent almost immediately, and it is carrying me forward. Bella is just a few blocks away. I soon lock into the thoughts of the man who is with her. It's Julian! That son of a bitch is naked and leaning over my sweet Bella lying on a bed. Her hands are tied above her, and she is writhing underneath him, clearly trying to get away. The bastard is aroused by her struggles and starts to rape her just as I arrive and flash up the stairs to the bedroom where he has Bella captive.

I am chanting to myself,_ Incapacitate; control yourself, and only incapacitate_. I grab Julian from behind before he even realizes I am in the room and fling him; he slumps immediately, unconscious from hitting the back of his head against the wall. I had held back my strength, or he would have crashed through the wall, and every bone in his body would have been crushed upon impact.

Having incapacitated the immediate threat, I immediately turn my attention to Bella. Her eyes are as huge as saucers, and she is not saying anything, just staring at me and gaping. Poor girl. She is in shock.

I approach her slowly, not wanting to startle her. She is still tied up and lying on the bed nude. I divert my gaze and bend over slowly to pull the sheet over her, trying not to make any sudden movements which may scare her. She is looking at me with bewilderment in her eyes as if she does not believe what she is seeing. It appears to be a clear case of trauma which is to be expected after such a savage attack.

I reach up slowly and untie her wrists which are tied by a cotton rope to an iron rung in the headboard. I softly massage her wrists which are bearing red marks, clearly from her struggling against the bindings. My eyes never leave hers, and I patiently wait for her to get over her initial shock.

As I lower her arms to her side, she whispers, "Edward?" as if she does not believe I am actually there.

"Yes, love, I am here. I am so sorry this happened to you." I reach out to cup her cheek and stroke it softly, hoping she finds my touch comforting. She flinches a little but does not pull back. "It's okay, love. I'm going to take care of you. Everything will be all right. You are safe now."

Tears spring to her eyes as they travel and rest upon Julian's still unconscious body. "Oh, Edward!" she suddenly screams. "What have you done? Dear god! Please tell me he is all right." Her hands come up to her face, and she roughly pushes my hand away and covers her eyes with her own hands and starts chanting, "Oh god, please let him be okay" over and over.

I reach out to comfort her, and she pushes me away and screams, "No!" She jumps up from the bed, again completely nude and runs to Julian's side. She reaches out and rubs the hair that has fallen over his forehead away affectionately. "What did you do to him? Did you kill him?"

I almost stutter, I am so shocked. I finally push out my stunned response. "He's fine, Bella, just knocked unconscious. He deserved worse," I growl.

She starts to cry earnestly mumbling, "I'm sorry, Julian," while rubbing her hands over his face and through his hair.

I am at a complete loss as to what to say or do. I expected a whole spectrum of reactions but not tortured cries and concern for her attacker.

She rejects any attempts I make to comfort her. "Bella, please, sweetheart, we need to take you to the hospital..." Just then my phone vibrates, and I answer it, never removing my eyes from Bella's form which is still hunched over Julian.

It's Alice. "Edward, I think I might have made a mistake."


	5. Chapter 5

CHAPTER 5

WTF?

**A/N—My sincere thanks to those of you who have read and/or reviewed my first fan fic. If you have stuck it out this far then you know things took what was probably an unexpected turn last chapter. I've tried to set up a plot with a chance to interject some humor and explore what might have been. There will be mature themes and some cursing but nothing that I would term vulgar . I should say as for this chapter and all previous and future chapters, I do not own twilight...all of that belongs to SM. The story is written EPOV but I may do some BPOV outtakes at some point.**

"What do you mean you think you made a mistake?" I ask, trying to remain calm but feeling quite thrown by the last several minutes. I am trying to keep my voice low enough that only Alice can hear me so as not to frighten or upset Bella any further.

"I think the sex may have been consensual." Alice says.

"No it was not," I answer with a low growl. "Unfortunately, I bore witness to what the animal was doing to her. It was her boyfriend that did this to her."

"Are you sure Edward because I am having visions of Bella and this same guy in the future and they appear happy."

"_What?_" I almost shout. I then cringe as I watch Bella jump in surprise from my outburst. "Listen Alice, I think Bella may be more traumatized than we could have expected. She won't let me help her. It's like she is in some sort of complete denial of what just happened to her. I think maybe she needs a woman to talk to about this. How far away are you?" I am still watching Bella cry over Julian's still unconscious body and all I can think is this must be some sort of extreme reaction to the trauma. I remember learning in medical school that one of the natural defenses a human body will employ when a trauma is too great is to repress the memory of the traumatic event. Maybe that is what is happening here.

Alice speaks again: "We're about fifty minutes away. I saw the address when you approached the house. We'll be there soon. Take care of Bella."

I hang up and stand there just watching Bella and feeling completely helpless. She suddenly looks up at me. "You have medical training Edward..help him. Please, help him." She reaches up and pulls me down beside her.

Feeling completely helpless but wanting to do anything that will stop her tears, I reach out and examine his head and find a slight bump and abrasion where his head must have met the wall. I can hear that his pulse is slow but steady. I quickly check the rest of his body and as I suspected, nothing is broken. The jolt of hitting the wall has simply knocked him out. He will probably wake soon.

"He's fine Bella. Really, it is you who needs to be checked out. Carlisle and Alice are on their way but it will be nearly an hour until they are here. Please let me take you to the hospital now. You could have internal injuries." She turns and looks at me finally. "What? Edward, I don't need to go to the hospital. What is wrong with you? Julian is the one that is hurt..thanks to you I might add." Her tears have stopped and she appears to be angry, angry at _me_. Unfortunately, misplaced anger is another symptom often exhibited by rape victims.

She suddenly looks down, becoming aware she is naked and flushes. I want to tell her that I have tried very hard not to look at her body this entire time, out of respect for her modesty, but think that talking about it may just make her more embarrassed.

She speaks. "Can...can you hand me my robe? It's hanging on the back of the bathroom door." I quickly walk over to the adjoining bathroom and retrieve the robe and with my eyes still averted, hand it to her. After she has secured the robe around her, I decide that maybe she has calmed enough that she will let me help her. She is standing, looking at me, her expression full of worry, anger and apprehension.

"Will you help me take him to the hospital?" she asks. "What? Bella, he is going to be fine. You are the one that needs to go to the hospital." My phone beeps. It is a text from Alice. _He is going to wake up with a really bad headache in two hours. _

"Alice just sent me a text. He will wake up in two hours, with a headache, but very much all right." "Unfortunately" I add under my breath. She visibly relaxes upon hearing of Alice's vision.

I decide to try to reach her again and see if she is ready to face what has happened to her. It is going to be nearly impossible to get her to consent to medical treatment if she won't even acknowledge she has been attacked. I speak softly and in what I hope is a soothing manner. "Thank goodness for Alice's visions. She saw you being attacked and I rushed here as fast as I could..I'm sorry I was too late to stop this from happening."

Bella's eyes flash with several emotions and I have a hard time identifying them all. She is also blushing. "Edward, I was not attacked. Julian and I were..._together_. Having sex." she says, averting her eyes from my face and staring at a spot on the wall behind me.

Poor innocent girl. She is too embarrassed to admit what happened. "Bella, you don't need to be embarrassed sweetheart and you certainly don't need to try to defend him. Alice saw what he did, he kidnapped you and brought you here in the trunk of his car. You were attacked love. It is _not_ your fault."

Again, her reaction is not what I expect. Bella starts laughing. She bends over, holding her stomach and laughing. I notice the laughter has a bit of a hysterical edge to it. "Bella, I think you are hysterical, please let me take you to the hospital." My tone is that of a man begging. I look quickly at my watch. Alice and Carlisle should arrive in just over thirty minutes. I really don't want to wait that long before Bella is seen by a doctor but I am not having any success so far at convincing her to consent to an examination.

Bella wipes away tears that have formed in the corners of her eyes from the laughter and sits on the edge of the bed and speaks again. "Edward, please listen to me. I am not hysterical and I am not traumatized. I was _not_ attacked. I was _not_ raped. Julian did not kidnap me. It may have looked that way to Alice in her vision but I promise you that is not what happened."

My heart squeezes with the sadness and compassion I feel for her as she is clearly still in denial. She needs professional help. I kneel down by her on the floor and reach out slowly and take her hands, softly caressing her fingers with mine in what is hopefully a reassuring gesture. I am relieved she lets me touch her again. She is looking down at the floor and I am unable to make eye contact with her.

"But Bella, I came in here and saw you; he had you tied up, you were clearly struggling. Look at your wrists love. Don't you remember?"

"Edward, please listen to me. I was not attacked." I start to protest and she cuts me off. "Dammit Edward...please just listen." She takes a deep breath and continues "I was tied up and I did struggle but it was not what you think." She says and her face is aflame with her blush. "I _knew_ that Julian was coming to the apartment and he was going to tie me up and bring me here. We planned it. You know?"

"No Bella I don't know. What are you saying...he told you ahead of time of his plans to rape you?" I am utterly confused and am desperately trying to make sense of what she has just said. Maybe he warned her and she didn't heed his warning and she somehow feels it is her fault? Why does she always feel she has to take the blame when other people hurt her I wonder. She squares her shoulders and continues. "No Edward...it's a game we like to play...for fun...in bed. It's like role playing. I pretend I am being attacked and he _pretends_ he is attacking me."

I think a few minutes passes as I lull over what she has just told me. I can tell from her earnest expression that she is being truthful but I am having trouble comprehending what she is telling me. Struggling with comprehending words is not something we vampires usually have trouble with. I just never imagined such words coming from my Bella. A phase that I always thought was rather juvenile is suddenly the only clear thought I have..._what the fuck?_

Twenty one minutes later, I greet Carlisle at the front door of the house. Alice and Jasper are right behind him. "How is she?" Carlisle asks immediately. "Dear god Carlisle, " I say shaking my head in despair.

"Is she that traumatized? Where is she?" Carlisle asks. "She's upstairs but Carlisle it is worse than we thought."

"How so?" Carlisle asks as he moves to head upstairs toward Bella. I stop him by reaching out and grabbing his arm. "Stop. Carlisle, we have to help her. Bella has been manipulated and victimized by a sexual deviant." Alice and Jasper share the same mutual thought: _What the fuck?_


	6. Chapter 6

CHAPTER 6

CONSENTING ADULTS

**A/N—Everything still belongs to SM. Thank you all for your reviews. Reviewers of this chapter will receive a teaser for Chapter 7. I would like to thank my sis who helps me edit and gives me feedback.**

"I beg your pardon?" Carlisle asks me. I just shake my head, still reeling from what Bella has told me about what she was doing with Julian.

"Edward, is Bella hurt or not?" Carlisle demands and his voice betrays his worry.

"Not...physically." I answer. _Thank god,_ Carlisle thinks.

"What happened?" Alice asks. "She wasn't...raped." I say slowly.

"Thank god," Carlisle says out loud this time and Jasper and Alice both sigh in relief.

"But I thought you said you saw her being raped?" Jasper asks with confusion. I am pacing and running my hands frantically through my hair trying to reign in all of the tumultuous emotions that are threatening to explode like a volcano. I'm feeling anger, worry, shock, with a twinge of jealousy if I'm being honest. I ball my fists, resisting the urge to run upstairs and wrap Bella in my arms and run away with her to some far corner of the Earth. I can't believe what I have learned tonight. I left Bella so she could have a happy, normal life...not to be corrupted by some...pervert! I should have known. Bella was always so naïve, so trusting. She was easy prey for a degenerate like Julian Yates. I'm shaking with regret and self loathing as it finally occurs to me by leaving, I might have made Bella safe from vampires but I left her at the mercy of the human variety of monsters. There would be plenty of time for regret later. My focus right this moment has to be on helping Bella.

I sigh and turn to my father and my siblings who are standing around me, anxious and clearly worried about Bella. Their thoughts reveal their confusion. "Alice was right. Bella says the sex was consensual. Apparently this Julian likes to play sick perverted games and _pretend_ he is forcing Bella to have sex." I close my eyes trying in vein to block from my memory the disturbing scene I had walked in on when I had rushed into that bedroom under the belief I was saving Bella from an attacker.

Both Carlisle's and Jasper's thoughts reveal their shock. Alice's thoughts convey her sympathy for me, realizing what I must have witnessed and how hard it is for me.

_Jesus. Edward has broken in and entered a private residence and knocked a man unconscious simply because he was having sex with Bella. _I growl at Jasper's thoughts. "The sick bastard had her tied up and everything." I can't control my rage and I lash out with my right arm knocking a vase from a nearby table, shattering it to bits.

I hear Bella yelp upstairs in response to the noise made by the crashing vase and she rushes down the stairs, pausing when she sees Carlisle at the bottom of the stairs. Her gaze then travels further and she notices Jasper and then Alice. Her face lights up when she sees my sister and there is no stopping Alice. She launches herself at Bella and I stand there watching Bella and my sister hug and declare how much they have missed each other. The reunion is touching. It is obvious they have missed each other tremendously. Bella is crying and laughing all at once and Alice can't stop squealing.

Jasper cleans up the mess caused by the broken vase at vampire speed. He offers a timid smile to Bella as she gazes at him over Alice's shoulder. Bella returns his smile. _Edward, I think we should get the hell out of here._ Jasper says to me in his mind. I look questioningly at Jasper trying to understand his sudden desire to leave. _Edward, this Julian is going to be waking up soon_. _I don't think you should be here when he does_. "Why?" I ask him so only us vampires can hear. "He had it coming." I add.

_I don't think you are going to be able to convince him he deserved to be assaulted. We can't very well explain to him that Alice misinterpreted her visions of the future. _I glare at Jasper for a few moments and then turn my attention back to Bella, choosing not to respond to his sarcastic remarks.

Carlisle approaches Bella and speaks: "Bella, dear Bella, what a beautiful woman you have grown into." He holds out his arms and Bella rushes to him and hugs him tightly. "Oh Carlisle! I've missed you." Bella responds.

It does not escape my notice that both Alice and Carlisle have received much more _affectionate_ welcomes from Bella than I did. Bella pulls back and smiles fondly at Carlisle and blushes as she speaks to him. "I guess Edward told you about the misunderstanding."

Carlisle looks at me briefly before answering. "Yes, he has. I guess we all jumped to conclusions. We were just so worried about you. I am sorry for the trouble we have caused you and your friend." Bella gives Carlisle another smile "I understand but could you do me a favor and just check on Julian for me? I'm worried; He has been out for so long." "Of course. Lead the way." Carlisle answers.

Carlisle follows Bella upstairs and I can tell from Carlisle's thoughts during his examination that Julian has escaped with no permanent injury. He will have a small cut on his head but unfortunately that will heal quickly.

Alice approaches me and grabs my shoulders, forcing me to look at her. "Are _you _okay?" she asks. "I don't know what I am to be honest. We have to help her Alice."

"Help her?" Jasper scoffs. I turn to him and my anger flares. He obviously has something to say and I know I am not going to like it. "Edward, Bella does not need our help. We are imposing on what should have been a private moment, don't you see that? And if we don't leave soon, we are going to have to come up with some sort of reasonable explanation for this Julian guy."

"So you just want to leave her at the mercy of that freak?" I struggle to keep my voice low so Bella will not hear. "I would think you would want to help her considering the last time you saw her, you nearly killed her." Jasper visibly blanches from my heated words and a part of me, buried under my anger and worry for Bella, knows I am being unfair.

"You know more than anyone brother that I would do anything for Bella, anything to make up for my past weakness and the pain I caused you both. But she doesn't need our help. She is a consenting adult and a willing participant in a sexual relationship with another consenting adult. Being kinky is not a crime for god's sake."

_He's right son_. Carlisle's thoughts drift down to me. _I know it had to be hard for you to witness this but Bella and Julian are consenting adults and it really is none of our business. By the way, Julian is going to be just fine. I think he will be waking up soon. Will you ask Jasper to come and help me move him to the bed? I need Jasper to keep him calm and sleepy so he doesn't wake from being jostled._

"Jazz, Carlisle needs our help." I say and we flash upstairs. Alice is on the phone with Esme and the others to let them know Bella is okay.

As I enter the bedroom, I notice Julian is now wearing boxers and I realize Bella must have put those on him when I was downstairs, greeting the others. Carlisle moves Julian to the bed after Jasper sends out a wave of calm to ensure he stays lethargic and does not unexpectedly awake when he is moved.

Carlisle turns to Bella. "Again, I'm sorry that Julian was hurt. I'm sure you understand that Edward was only trying to protect you." Bella looks at me and then back to Carlisle and speaks "Of course, I'm not angry. I'm just worried about Julian and what I'm going to tell him."

"We need to come up with a realistic story to tell Julian as to how he ended up hurt. I think he will understand that it was a misunderstanding but we need to be able to explain how we ended up here in the first place." Carlisle says. He turns to Bella. "Bella, I don't mean to embarrass you but could you tell me, would it have been possible for a passerby to have seen Julian leaving your place, with you tied up?"

Bella blushes and looks down at her feet as she answers. "No he took me downstairs to the adjoining garage. Then when we arrived here, he took me in through the garage. There would have been no chance for anyone to see." She bites her lip and then adds "I was screaming and pleading when we arrived, so it is possible someone could have heard me."

Carlisle thinks about this and then nods, indicating he has reached a decision and states with assurance, "I think it's best if everyone else leaves and I stay here with you Bella. I will tell Julian that I saw the car leave your apartment and followed you here, looking for an opportunity to talk to you. When I came to the door, I heard struggling and jumped to the wrong conclusion and pulled him off of you and inadvertently slammed him against the wall." He turns to us and continues: "Bella will confirm the story and with a little luck he will buy it. _He will buy it, _Alice assures me in her thoughts.

I will also encourage him to let me take him to the local emergency room for a quick scan to make sure there is no head injury." Bella blanches at the mention of possible head injury. "Oh he does not have any type of head injury" Carlisle assures her, "Alice's visions have confirmed that. It is just as a doctor, he will know that is standard protocol after hitting your head and losing consciousness."

"Wait," I say. "I did this Carlisle. It should be me who stays here with Bella and makes these explanations."

_Edward, you are too emotional. For this to work, you would have to be calm, regretful, and above all you could not convey any animosity to Julian. Do you honestly think you can do that? _Carlisle directs his thoughts to me and I have no choice but to agree with him as I know there is no way I can act in such a way to the monster who is corrupting my Bella.

The real problem is I cannot stomach the idea of leaving Bella here. I don't care what everyone has said about Bella being a consenting adult, it just seems wrong to simply turn around and walk away. I honestly can't understand why Carlisle is not more concerned about this Julian character's deviant behavior and how it has affected dear Bella.

Alice returns at that moment and announces Julian will be waking up in three minutes. Both Alice and Jasper grab me trying to force me to leave. "No," I protest. "Bella, please come with us." She looks at me, clearly confused. "Edward, I need to stay here and confirm Carlisle's story and I will need to accompany Julian to the hospital."

Alice interjects. "Come on Edward. Bella, we will see you tomorrow, right?" Bella's eyes light up at Alice's words. "Will you still be here tomorrow?" Alice laughs. "Of course silly. We have a lot of catching up to do. Just give Carlisle your cell number and we will call you tomorrow."

Alice gives me a pointed look as she mentions "we" will call Bella and thinks: _See Edward. You will see her soon. We have to go now._ "Go—take Edward's car," Carlisle urges. I take one last look at Bella and she smiles tentatively at me. "You promise we will see you tomorrow?" I ask softly. "I promise," she says and smiles again. That promise and smile gives me the strength to leave.

Jasper drives us away as Alice calls a local luxurious hotel and books us two suites. My phone vibrates and I look down to see a text message from Emmett: _Dude, is it true what Alice said about Bella? She's a freak in the bed? _I groan and fight back the urge to break something. I focus on the fact that I will see the love of my existence tomorrow..after all, she promised.


	7. Chapter 7

CHAPTER 7

EMMETT'S HERE

**A/N- Thanks again for all of your reviews and kind words. The rest of the Cullens arrive in this chapter so I hope you find their arrival exciting. They may be sticking around for a while. I would like to thank my two Kats for their support and love. Reviewers will get a teaser for Chapter 8. Again, I own nothing, it all belongs to SM.**

I'm pacing in one of the hotel suites awaiting an update from Alice. She has been watching Bella through her visions. She has seen Bella and Carlisle accompany Julian to a local hospital and his tests confirm there is no head injury. His reaction to Carlisle's explanation was not what I expected. The bastard laughed, thought it was hilarious.

Alice announces Carlisle will be home in thirty minutes when I hear his thoughts: _Eddie, was she really tied to the bed? With handcuffs or rope? _

"Oh god," I groan. I'm still trying to process what I have so recently discovered about Bella's....personal life... myself. I have no desire to discuss these things with Emmett of all people. Two words that are not in Emmett's vocabulary: discretion and tact.

Esme, Rosalie and Emmett enter the suite ten minutes later. Rosalie walks straight to me and glares at me with a very serious expression. "Edward, are you sure Bella was not being forced?"

Rape is a very sensitive topic for Rosalie. She had suffered through a horrific rape just before she was changed. I should have expected she would be determined to make sure that Bella was not forced to do anything against her will. "Rose, believe me, if she had been forced, Julian would not be at the hospital getting his head examined. You know I would not have permitted him to see another day if he had done that to Bella." Rosalie nods in approval.

Emmett's thoughts assault me. _So she likes it rough.. I wonder if she likes whips. I would have never pegged Bella Swan as the type._ _It is always the quiet ones you have to watch out for. _I can't stop the primal growls that erupt from my chest and that I direct toward my brother in response to his thoughts and I am about to launch myself at Emmett when both Jasper and Rose rush me and hold me back. Esme speaks up, pleading "Edward, not here. We're at a hotel for goodness' sake."

I clench my jaw, struggling to keep control. "Outside. Now. Emmett" I say through my clenched teeth. "Whatever you say brother," Emmett says and never stops smiling. He is enjoying this too much and it has to stop for the sake of my sanity. "Boys..." Esme starts. Alice speaks up "Let them work this out." She is hiding her thoughts from me so I assume she has had a vision about me and Emmett. If she is encouraging Esme not to protest us leaving, I can only assume the result is a favorable one.

Emmett follows me deep into the woods behind the hotel. When we are far away from human contact, I turn to him. "Emmett, I won't have you disrespecting Bella, even if you do not mean it to be malicious. She may not have been raped but that does not mean she is not a victim here." Emmett pauses before answering, "First off, I would never disrespect my little sister. And dammit Edward, despite the fact you left her and made us leave her, I still think of her that way. I treat her with the same respect I do you and the rest of my siblings. Second, what do you mean she is a victim?"

"I think it is quite obvious that Bella has been seduced and manipulated by a much older, lascivious man. Bella's young, innocent.....naive even. Just because she is of age and it is not illegal, does not mean that she has is not being taken advantage of in one of the most cruelest of ways. I intend to do all that is in my power to help her."

Emmett stares at me as if he is trying to read me and I can tell from his thoughts he is trying to gauge my sincerity. He finally speaks.."Ed, are you serious?" The tenor of his voice and thoughts confirm he really is trying to determine if I believe what I have just said. "Of course" I answer with a hint of annoyance.

"Edward, is it possible that Bella is not really a victim at all? I mean I hate to rain on your whole 'corruption of the youth' theory, but I really think the more simpler explanation is she is involved in a romantic relationship that includes sex, some adventurous sex apparently, but still at the end of the day, just sex. And I know you don't want to hear this, but it is entirely probable she is enjoying the sex. So forgive me bro but I don't see how that makes her a victim."

I took a few deep breaths, trying to reign in my temper. Emmett means well; he just doesn't understand. "Emmett" I say patiently as I pinch the bridge of my nose. "Need I remind you she is young, just out of college?"

"Edward she is 22 years old, hardly a child. Certainly you know from the mind reading thing that it is not unusual for a _**woman**_ who is 22 years old to be in a romantic relationship and that usually includes a sexual relationship."

Emmett sighs. "Listen, I know it's Bella and you feel protective of her. But you are imagining that she is in harm's way here. If you want her to stop seeing this guy, the solution is easy. Go see her and steal her away from this guy. He has nothing on you bro."

I look at Emmett as if he has lost his mind. "Emmett, be serious."

"I am being serious Edward. We all know how much you love Bella. And I may not have Jasper's empathy abilities but even I know jealousy when I see it. And that is what this is, you know that right?"

"Of course I'm jealous Emmett," I say with annoyance lacing my tone. "I would be jealous of any man who earned Bella's affections. But jealousy notwithstanding, I'm not going to let Bella be corrupted by this sick bastard."

"Whoa Edward. Now he is a sick bastard? I thought he was a doctor and seemed to care about Bella. That is what Alice said after you saw Bella at the airport."

"Well that was before I knew how he was treating Bella."

Emmett sighs. "Edward man, I haven't heard anything that sounds like he is treating Bella poorly."

I look at him pointedly.

Emmett laughs. "Edward, from what I have heard it doesn't seem like Bella was or is complaining about what you saw going on between them. Besides, what can you do about it if you are not planning to get Bella back?"

"I'm going to talk to Bella, let her know she has mine and hopefully the whole family's support and that she needs to get away from this Julian and..." I falter as I haven't thought my plan through at this point.

"And what?" Emmett asks, smirking.

"And concentrate on her studies," I say lamely and then more forcefully as Emmett's smirk grows and he chuckles, I continue. "It doesn't matter. She can find someone else if that is what she wants. She needs to know she has options and there is better for her out there than this Julian."

"But what if she wants Julian and his kinky ass ways?" Emmett asks.

"She doesn't. I know Bella."

Emmett cocks his head to the side and says "You do?"

"Yes, I do."

"Edward you knew a 17 year old high school girl with very limited life experience. It's been more than four years. Humans grow, they change, remember? While you may _**think**_ you know what Bella wants, how can you really say that when you haven't even seen or spoke to her in four years?"

I have no immediate answer to Emmett's logical response.

"Look," Emmett continues. "I know you don't want to hear this but you really have no right to act like this. Bella is not yours to protect from all of the 'sick bastards' of the world anymore. I wish that wasn't the case. I wish you and Bella were together. And I am strongly urging you to go see that girl, get on your knees, and do whatever you have to do to get her back.." He took a needless breath before he continues. "But Edward, if you are not willing to do that, you have to accept the fact she is a grown woman who is free to decide who she is with and what kind of relationship she wants."

I sigh out of resignation. Emmett just doesn't realize how naïve and trusting Bella is. And he also doesn't realize how I want nothing more than to get on my knees and beg Bella to take me back. But nothing has really changed....has it? My putting Bella in danger had been the reason I had left her. My wanting her to have a normal loving relationship with a human man worthy of her was the other reason. In typical Bella fashion, she had managed to find a human that was dangerous and indeed not worthy of her. While I am horrified at to what has happened, a small part of me begins to rejoice as I am now able to justify my presence in her life. I am better for her than that....sexual deviant. But first things first. Whether she wanted me back or not, Julian had to go. I was definitely going to see Bella....today.

Emmett knows he has not changed my mind. I hear his parting thoughts. _Edward is just going to piss her off....I hope she takes a whip to him._

**A/N—Remember reviewers will get a teaser for Chapter 8.**


	8. Chapter 8

CHAPTER 8

FOR HER OWN GOOD

**A/N—Again, all belongs to SM. Thanks to Sis who gave some really good editing advice on this one. Reviewers will get a teaser for Chapter 9.**

Alice lets me know when I return that Bella is going to come to the hotel later in the evening, after making sure Julian spends the afternoon resting before his shift at a downtown Seattle hospital where he works as an emergency room physician. I immediately make plans to take her for dinner at a nice Italian restaurant in the Pike Place Market district. I choose Italian for two reasons: One, I know for a fact that Bella likes it and two, an Italian restaurant is where we had our first date. Or at least what I consider our first date.

Alice is not happy about my plan to monopolize Bella for the evening. I assure Alice I will bring Bella back to the hotel after dinner and she will get some time with her. Esme has also been looking forward to spending some time with Bella but understands my need to first be alone with her to talk.

About twenty minutes before Bella will arrive, Alice approaches me. "What exactly are you planning to say to Bella, Edward?" I had a brief vision of her getting very upset and refusing to come back to the hotel to see me or the rest of the family."

"What do you mean upset?" I ask worriedly. "I mean she is so mad she stomps out of the restaurant and after what looks like a pretty heated fight and despite your pleading, she refuses to come back with you."

"What are we fighting about Alice?"

Alice speaks with exasperation: "Edward, you know my visions don't include audio. I presume you are fighting over whatever it is you plan to discuss with her." I reflect on that.

Of course, I plan to speak to Bella about her relationship with Julian. I am sure if I approach her with understanding and support, she will agree that Julian is not good for her. I don't care what Emmett and the others have said. I don't think Bella really likes playing his _**games**_.

I am also toying with the idea of telling Bella I lied to her when I left her four years ago in Forks and letting her know how much I love her and that I have always loved her. I have to admit it really hurt that Bella had believed me so quickly when I had told her that blasphemous lie all of those years ago. A selfish part of me wanted her to see through the lie. But alas, I am a very good liar—it goes with the territory of living the life we do.

But Bella is a very understanding and forgiving soul. That is proven by her acceptance of Julian and his sick....needs. She is always willing to sacrifice to please others. Her good and pure heart is one of the things that had first drawn me to her. That and her mouthwatering scent I think sardonically.

Because she is so good-hearted, I had thought there was a chance she would forgive me and try to love me again. But if Alice is envisioning Bella being upset after we talk, I can only conclude that the anger will stem from me telling her of my feelings. I sigh in defeat. It is too soon. I will have to keep my true feelings a secret for now. Perhaps after some time, after I win back her trust, she will be willing to try again. But even if that never happens, at least I will know she is safe from Julian.

I hear her and smell her minutes before she knocks on the hotel suite door. I would know that heartbeat and scent anywhere.

Alice rushes past me to open the door first. "Bella!" she exclaims and pulls her inside, hugging her madly. "Be careful!" I scold. "You are going to hurt her." Alice shoots me an annoyed look over Bella's shoulder. She is forced to release Bella soon enough as Esme claims Bella and it touches my heart to see my mother sob with happiness as she hugs Bella. Bella has tears in her eyes. _My daughter _Esme thinks. This touching scene is quickly interrupted by Emmett's booming voice. "Bella, you little troublemaker! Get over here!" and in an instant, Bella is swept up in Emmett's arms and he is laughing, clearly overjoyed to see her again. Rose, Jasper and Carlisle all greet Bella with friendly but more reserved greetings and then it is finally my turn.

I take her hand and she smiles at me. "Bella, I took the liberty of making dinner plans. Will you join me?" Bella looks surprised and a little confused. "Dinner? At a restaurant?"

Everyone is amused by her response. "Of course at a restaurant. Did you think I was taking you to hunt?" By her sheepish expression I can tell the possibility had occurred to her. "I guess I'm surprised that you made dinner plans since you don't eat and I know the smell of human food is repulsive to you." she says softly, looking at me with a quizzical expression.

"Well I may not eat food but you do and.." I lean in to mock whisper "truth be told, I was hoping we would have an opportunity to talk _**alone**_ without the nosy ears of my well meaning family." Bella blushes in response and my heart soars at the sight. It is a vision I have missed seeing and it reaffirms my belief that Emmett is wrong. Bella is still the sweet wonderful girl I knew four years ago.

Bella looks down at herself. "Am I dressed okay for what you have in mind?" Bella asks. She is wearing light colored jeans with a light blue cashmere sweater. She is wearing her hair down. She looks like....Bella and she is absolutely stunning.

"You look beautiful...simply perfect." I tell her, staring deeply into her eyes as I say this. It had always been Bella's long standing habit to blush at compliments, especially those directed to her physical appearance. But I notice she does not blush at this compliment but instead looks back at me and simply says "thank you."

It is then I realize something _is_ different about Bella. I had noticed it at the airport in Atlanta and on the plane ride but I just had not pinpointed what it was until now. Bella has a more confident, self assured air about her. I sense she believes she is beautiful too. This pleases me. I never understood why Bella did not see how attractive she was when we were together in high school. Seeing Bella accept and appreciate a compliment about her appearance is a welcome surprise. I chalk this change in her to positive experiences from her stint in college and it reaffirms my belief that while it had been painful to leave her, letting her go to experience college as a human, was the right thing to do. Bella was finally seeing her own worth and her confidence is very attractive.

I hold my arm out to her and to my delight, Bella takes it. The warmth and electrical current that flows from her touch is so pleasant. We say our goodbyes to my family and I escort her to the elevators. "Bella, thank you for letting me take you to dinner. I really wanted a chance to talk to you alone."

Bella smiles, "Really?"

"Yes" I continue as I escort her downstairs and out into the street. The temperature is rather mild without any sign of rain. It is a perfect night for a walk so I ask "Bella, would you mind walking to the restaurant? It is just a few blocks from here." I like the idea of walking at a human pace with Bella. That means more time to talk. She nods and we walk at a comfortable pace. I am relishing the feel of her hand on my arm.

"Actually I wanted to apologize for last night. I am sorry for any embarrassment I caused you" I can feel her blush all the way to her hand which is still gripping my arm.

"Edward, I am sorry I troubled you and your family for nothing. It never even occurred to me that Alice would see me in a vision and I can understand how it would be misinterpreted." She stops walking, as do I. She pauses briefly before continuing. "Thank you for caring enough to come and rescue me...even if I didn't need to be rescued."

"Oh Bella, don't be absurd." I look down at Bella and she is smiling back at me softly. And for just a moment it feels like we are back during that summer that she and I had shared together four years ago. Memories rush forward in my mind. Images of picnics in the meadow, pushing Bella on a swing at the park, and holding her almost each and every night pass through me mind and joy floods my soul. Feeling empowered, I reach down and lift Bella's hand that had been resting on my arm and place a gentle kiss on her knuckles. I hear her breath catch and her heart speeds up. I smile as I recognize these signs...I'm having an effect on her, a positive one by the sound of her erratic heartbeat.

"Let's feed the human" I say and she giggles and we continue walking.

The restaurant is cozy and I dare say it is romantic. We are led to a very private booth as I had requested a private table when I made the reservation. I need to discuss some difficult things with Bella and remembering how well another difficult conversation had went at _Bella Italia_ all those years ago, I've decided to broach the subject here, tonight.

As I watch her peruse the menu, I take an opportunity to simply observe her, soaking up the beautiful image I have been deprived of for way too long. She smiles coyly at me when she orders mushroom ravioli. Keeping with tradition, I decline any food and order us two cokes as well. By the time the waiter leaves, we are both grinning madly at each other.

"You probably heard from Carlisle but Julian took his explanation and apology very well. He won't cause any trouble for you or your family." Bella says as she starts to eat her salad. I stiffen as the mention of Julian curtails some of my joy.

"If you don't mind me asking, how long have the two of you lived together?" I keep my voice calm and my expression impassive.

"Since I moved to Seattle in May. Julian splits time between his apartment here in the City and his house in the suburbs, where we were last night. He actually hates living in the City and is hoping to get a permanent attending position at one of the hospitals closer to his house."

_Good riddance_ I think. I make a mental note to ask Carlisle if he can make some calls and perhaps get Dr. Yates out of Seattle as soon as possible.

"But you will be staying in Seattle for school?" I ask.

"Of course. Julian will let me continue to live at his apartment if that is what I want." She says as the waiter brings Bella her entree.

I wonder if Bella has any friends in Seattle. "So if you just moved here this past summer, do you have any friends in Seattle?" I ask and I hope my tone conveys friendly curiosity.

"Actually just one....do you remember Jacob Black?" she asks me.

"Of course, the Quileute boy that fawned over you like a puppy." I say with a smile.

She frowns briefly and then says "Yeah, well Jacob lives in Seattle now. He has been attending college here for a few years. We hang out sometimes. Other than that, the only other people I have spent time with since moving here are the employees and clients at the firm so I really have not had an opportunity to make new friends."

She shrugs her shoulders and states in a matter-of-fact manner, "With law school starting soon, I don't believe I will have time for a lot of friends anyway. And I want to try to see Charlie at least one weekend a month. I really missed him while I was in Florida." She smiles fondly as she speaks of her father. "You will tell him I said hello the next time you speak to him, won't you?" I ask politely. Her expression falls. "Uh...okay", she mumbles.

She turns her attention to eating her pasta and I take some time to plan my next move. I process what I have learned. Bella is rather isolated with no close friends (I don't really count Jacob Black) and her closest relative nearly 3 hours away. That is probably how the degenerate has been able to exert so much influence over her. He has taken advantage of her being so isolated from loved ones.

Bella sighs as she finishes her ravioli. "Dessert?" I ask. "I hear they have delicious tiramisu here." I say with a smile.

"Oh, well if you recommend it, then I have to try it." she says with a laugh. After placing the order for a piece of tiramisu and a cappuccino, I decide it is time to bring up the subject of Julian. I think briefly about Emmett's warning but dismiss it. This is for Bella's own good.

I start out with the smile that Bella always told me dazzled her. "Bella, I did want to talk to you about something." Her heartbeat speeds up again and I move on, not wanting to keep her in suspense.

"Bella, I have thought about you often over the last four years. I have pictured you many times in college and moving on with your life." She smiles "You thought about me?" "Of course silly girl." I answer. Her smile grows and I continue.

"Carlisle was right you know. You were always a lovely girl but you are now a beautiful woman." I hear her heartbeat skip and then speed up again. She is not breathing. "Breathe Bella." I whisper as I lean closer.

"I know I don't deserve it but if you will let me Bella.." "Yes?" she whispers when I pause. "I would like to be your friend and offer you my help. And the help of my family of course."

Her smile fades at my words. "What?"

I take her hand in mine as I lean closer "Bella, you are not alone anymore. I will help you. We will help you. You can leave Julian. You shouldn't be subjected to what he is putting you through. You deserve so much better."

"Wait Edward. Why exactly do you think I should leave Julian?"

"He is bad for you Bella. You deserve better, a nice man that will respect you and honor you as you deserve."

"What makes you think he doesn't respect me or honor me Edward?" she asks very quietly. For some reason, her quiet tone gives me an uneasy feeling. There is an implied warning in her tone. I take a deep breath to continue, reminding myself that this for her own good.


	9. Chapter 9

CHAPTER 9

SINCE WHEN DOES BELLA USE THE F WORD?

**A/N—Thanks again for reading and reviewing. Again, it all belongs to SM.**

"Bella, I am not judging you. You did nothing wrong. But any man who would use you the way I saw him use you last night is simply unworthy of you."

I look into Bella's eyes as I speak to her, conveying the sincerity of my offer of friendship and to assist her in any way I can. She doesn't immediately respond so I continue. "I know Julian has probably been....attentive and I appreciate the fact he has helped you get acclimated to living in a new city." I sigh as I continue "But Bella you don't owe him anything. You don't have to do these things he wants you to do."

"Enough Edward!" Bella suddenly hisses. Bella stands to leave. I grab for her arm to stop her but she yanks it away. "Listen Edward, thank you for your concern but I am a big girl and I can take care of myself and Julian for that matter." I don't think I am imagining the sarcastic edge to her tone.

I hastily throw down several bills to cover the check and follow her outside. I catch up with her and move ahead, holding my hands up in front of me in a surrender pose. "Bella, please, I am not trying to offend you. I am not implying you are a child, I.."

"Aren't you?" she asks me pointedly, crossing her arms in front of her chest. "I believe what I just heard is your unfounded judgment that I am unable to make a decision as to who and what is good for me."

She continues. "What Edward? Are you the only one allowed distractions? Are you the only one allowed to find pleasure and solace with others?"

I couldn't help but notice she was throwing up one of my many lies to me. As if there ever could be a distraction that would make me forget her. I also couldn't help to blanch at her use of the plural term others. Had there been someone other than Julian? I felt a searing pain rip through my long dead heart at that thought. I try to mentally shake away my wayward thoughts and focus on the task at hand. The situation is quickly getting out of control.

"Bella, you misunderstand. I am not telling you not to have a relationship. It's just..." I pause as I'm having a hard time articulating what I want to say. I really had not expected Bella to take such offense. I expected blushing and perhaps some embarrassment but not such anger. And believe me...she is angry! There is fire coming from her eyes.

"You told me that love and sex go hand in hand for you. Remember? I know you Bella and I can't imagine you would want...."

She interrupts me again. "You _know_ me? How the hell would you know me Edward or what I would want?" You haven't seen me in four fucking years. I'm not the same 17 year old Bella Swan you left in Forks."

"Bella, I..."

"I am not that same stupid girl and I can assure you I know exactly what I want. I don't need your opinion on my relationship. And for the record, who says there is no love with Julian?"

Damn, Bella is going to make an excellent attorney. She is standing tall, hands now on her hips with her eyebrow arched, seemingly me to dare to contradict her. I have to admit the mention that she might actually love Julian hurts, it hurts bad. I have to focus on my task at hand. I decide to try a less adversarial approach of persuasion.

"Maybe I misjudged. But Bella I can't believe you really want to be treated so roughly, to be tied up and..."

"Oh, believe me I do. And I like an occasional spanking too, not that it is any of your business!" she snaps.

Okay. I'm going to choose to believe she is just trying to shock me now. "Bella, please.." I hesitate, not sure what to say at this point.

All of a sudden some of the fire in Bella's eyes dies out and her stance relaxes somewhat. She sighs and looks away for a few minutes. She looks almost...resigned. She finally speaks after just a few moments:

"Listen Edward, I know you are sincerely worried. I know it is in your nature to be protective of me and what you saw happen with Julian was probably shocking. I get that. But you need to understand something, I make my own decisions. I'll admit it took me a while to get to this point, to be able to trust others and myself again, but I'm there. Julian is a good man. Don't judge him by what you saw. That was just two people enjoying each other and trying to find some escape with each other. He had a very tough day at the ER, saw some horrendous things and I...well I need to forget sometimes too." Her voice has become very soft. She finally looks me in the eye again. "I assure you, everything between us is completely consensual and I am not being harmed in any way. You can go back to your own distractions. Poor helpless Bella Swan will be just fine."

Her words are swimming in my head. What does she mean it has taken her some time to trust others and herself again? Before I can formulate a response, she has hailed a cab. "Wait Bella." She pauses, with her hand on the door handle of the cab. "Please come back to the hotel and then I can make sure you get home safe." "Alice will kill me if you don't" I add weakly. She shakes her head sadly and says softly "Tell Alice to call me. She has my number from when I called her earlier today."

She gets in the cab and it pulls away. I follow the cab by reading the cabbie's thoughts and using my vampire speed in spurts when the shadows permit me cover. I'm soon standing in front of Bella's apartment building. Or I guess I should say Julian's apartment. I do not hear Julian's thoughts so I imagine Bella is inside alone. I am contemplating whether I should push my luck and go up and try to convince Bella to speak with me further. My phone buzzes. It is a text from Alice. _Don't you dare! Come back. We need to talk. _

I sigh in defeat and head back to the hotel. Alice's thoughts assault me as I approach. She is waiting for me a few miles away, in the nearby wooded area. I join her. I'm angry. "Why didn't you warn me?" I hiss. "Oh please..I did warn you, before you left. You just chose to ignore it, thinking you know best when it comes to Bella. Will you never learn?"

"Fine. You were right, is that what you want to hear?"

"Yes, for starters" she says and smiles at me, her smile and eyes full of sympathy.

I slide down against the tree I was leaning against, clutching my hair. "I've screwed up...again!" I look up at Alice, pleading with her.."Tell me, tell me how do I make this right?"

"What is it exactly you want Edward?"

"I want her to be safe, I...."

Alice cuts me off, "No what do you _really_ want. Be honest with yourself for a change and tell me."

"I want her back dammit. I want to fall to my knees, confess my love for her, beg her for forgiveness and make sure she never sees Julian Yates again."

"Well Edward, why didn't you tell her_ that _tonight? Huh?"

"Because, I thought that would upset her and...I was afraid she would reject me."

"Edward, why do you underestimate Bella's feelings for you? Did you not see how much she loved you before? Those type of feelings don't just go away. She's probably hurt, she's probably had to adjust and move on out of necessity but I can't believe there is no love there."

_She is right Edward_. Jasper's thoughts come to me and I can tell he is heading straight for us.

Alice smiles when Jasper appears. A look of understanding passes between them and reaches down to me and she squeezes my hand before she flashes away, leaving Jasper and I alone. I remain seated while he leans against a neighboring tree.

Jasper speaks right away. "I hope you don't mind Edward but I wanted to talk to you alone, about Bella. If you will let me, I was hoping I could help with the situation."

"How exactly are you going to help? You offering to get rid of Julian?" I add with a dry smile.

He smiles but then his look turns serious. "Bella still loves you, I picked up on it when she was at the hotel."

I can't help but feel some hope at his words. His next statement dashes most of that hope.

"But I also felt longing, betrayal and anger buried just under the surface of that love. And there is also a lot of pain there Edward, buried down deep, but it is there. "

"I hurt her." I say simply.

"Yes you did. And if you had come back to her four months after you left, I am willing to bet anything that she would have quickly forgiven you and all would have went back to the way it was. But Edward it has been _four years_. She has changed. Humans always do. She has learned to live with a lot of pain and it has changed her. Maybe in some ways for the better." From his thoughts, I know he is referring to the confidence and inner strength that Bella exhibits.

"Are you willing to fight to get her back?" Jasper asks me after several moments of silence.

"I don't think I can. She's angry with me. She _loves_ Julian. She told me so.

"So? She loves you too."

"He can give her things I can't give her Jazz."

"Like what?"

"Like a normal life. A family." I swallow hard and whisper "Sex."

Jasper sighs. "Edward, you can give her those things."

"Hold on and hear me out." He says in response to the incredulous look I give him.

"What is her life like now? Going to school, planning a career in law? She can still do those things if you are together."

He continues. "A family? You may not be able to give her children but you have already given her a family...our family. Don't discount that."

"And as for sex, Edward unless you have an anatomical problem I am not aware of, I see no reason why the two of you can't have a fulfilling and passionate sex life together."

"Jasper are you serious? In case you have forgotten, she is human!" I snap angrily at him.

"Edward you know vampires and humans can have sex. Have you forgotten about the Denali sisters?" Jasper is referring to our extended family in Alaska; three female vampires who regularly enjoy the company of human men.

"But my strength, the bloodlust, I can't afford to lose control like that. I could....kill her." I protest.

"Edward, you and I both know no one has control like you except maybe Carlisle. You are perfectly capable of doing this." His tone turns a little more harsher. "Just be honest and tell me the real reason you are so quick to dismiss a physical relationship with Bella."

"What do you mean, the real reason? Her safety is my only concern. Isn't keeping her alive reason enough?"

Jasper sighs again and slides down to the ground and sits across from me. "Edward, I have known you a long time. I know...we all know you have some...._hang ups_ about sex."

"_What?"_

"You are not the only one of us to grow up having a rather repressed view of sex. Jesus Edward, women during my human time wore five layers of underthings and one needed a degree in engineering to maneuver them." Jasper laughs as images of antebellum fashions flash through his mind.

"I pick up on your emotions. I know how uncomfortable you are when sex is mentioned. I guess the rest of us have been able to get over our inhibitions and outdated notions because we are all mated. You never had that opportunity."

"Just because I do not engage in meaningless sex and refuse to talk about sex all the time does not mean I am repressed sexually." I defend.

"But the fact that you found the love of your life, your mate, and you refused to even take the simplest of steps forward to consummate a physical relationship, would indicate such."

I scoff. "And how is it you think you know about exactly what happened between Bella and I when we were together? You assume nothing happened because I didn't brag to the heavens about my exploits like Emmett?"

"Oh come on Edward. First, I could feel what you felt remember? And I have never felt so much sexual frustration in my very long existence. And that was coming from you and Bella I might add. Torturous times for the empath, believe me. Second, girls talk Edward. Bella shared her _frustrations_ with Alice on more than one occasion. The poor girl thought something was wrong with her. That you didn't find her desirable."

"That's ridiculous. I explained to Bella that we had to have limits on physical intimacy to keep her safe. She told me she understood and accepted that."

"Did she? Or was she young and so in love she just accepted whatever you were willing to give her? Edward, neither of you were very good at telling each other how you really feel. That was obvious to everyone. And it still seems to be the case."

I have no response to that. Jasper continues. "Listen, like I said, I'll do anything to help you win Bella back. All of us will brother. But I think you need to think about this really hard and have some faith in yourself. You can give Bella what she wants, what she needs. But you are not dealing with an impressionable young girl anymore. She is a woman; a woman with desires and who obviously has a good idea of what she likes. If that intimidates you, you can't respond with attacking her choices. That will do nothing but drive her further away."

"What are you suggesting exactly?"

"Get to know Bella again. Give yourself some time to do that and to adjust to being near her again. Regain her trust. You will know when the time is right, when you are ready to be everything to her. Then, offer yourself to her, letting her know you love her, the woman she is now."

"What about Julian?"

Jasper smiles. "Well, we may have to get Emmett to give you some lessons on the kinky thing but I think you can ultimately best him." _Oh god_ I internally groan.

**A/N—Send a review and I will respond with a teaser from Chapter 10.**


	10. Chapter 10

CHAPTER 10

THE PLAN

**A/N- Thanks again for all the reviews. I really do enjoy them and it is true what all the authors say...reviews encourage you to write faster. As always, reviewers will get a teaser. **

_**How to Win Back the Love of My Existence**_

_**--Enroll in Seattle University College of Law;**_

_**--Desensitize myself to Bella's scent as much as possible;**_

_**--Observe and learn Bella's likes and dislikes;**_

_**--Review possible sexual repression issues;**_

_**--Regain Bella's trust;**_

_**--Maim Julian Yates;**_

_**--Get Julian Yates an attractive offer from a hospital far, far away.**_

This is the plan that Jasper, Alice and I came up with overnight. Alice made me strike out number 6. It is now mid-afternoon of the next day, the Friday before classes start at Seattle University's College of Law. It has been a productive day so far.

I spent the morning bribing my way into this year's first year law class at Seattle University. It took some extra persuasion and donations but I even managed to ensure I have five out of six classes with Bella. I would have made it all 6 but I didn't want to be too obvious. First year law students have to take certain basic and core law courses with the exception of being able to choose one elective. Bella had chosen human rights law, as did I. I am especially looking forward to sharing that class with her.

Jasper and Emmett are meeting with Jasper's contacts in order to ensure my documents and transcripts are ready and forwarded to Seattle University by the end of the day.

Esme and Rosalie are house hunting. Carlisle made some calls and not only did he secure Julian an attractive offer, but he has been offered a position as head of ER at the same suburban hospital. After a family meeting, it was decided that instead of the Canada move, Seattle would be the Cullens' next stop. I had already decided to stay. The vote was to see what my family wanted to do. I was surprised how quickly my parents and siblings agreed to uproot their lives again just to be close to me and close to Bella again. They are really the best family in the world and I vow never to take them for granted again.

I am anxiously awaiting Alice's return from her lunch with Bella. Alice had barely waited until a decent hour this morning before she excitedly called Bella and invited her to lunch. She is going to tell Bella of the offer Carlisle secured for Julian and the fact that Carlisle has accepted the position of head of ER at the same hospital. She is not going to tell her about my educational plans as I want to do that. Another task from the Plan that Alice has been charged with is trying to secure me some more time alone with Bella. She is going to let Bella know that I do not wish to upset her any further and that I am so sorry for my actions at dinner and finally that I want a chance to be her friend and make it up to her.

I realize that starting as her friend is only natural. She has moved on and as much as I want to, we can not go back to four years ago. I must deal with the present and unfortunately in the present Bella has a live in boyfriend. I try to console myself with the thought of friendship. Being a friend means I will be able to talk to her and spend time with her. This is very important and it is actually necessary for me to be able to implement steps 2, 3 and 5 of the Plan. And it is a hell of a lot more than I have had over the past four years.

I find myself sitting and daydreaming about Bella. I had spent a many a night in her bed in Forks, holding her and fantasizing about the two us attending college together. For some reason, Dartmouth is where I had pictured us. I imagined Bella and I attending classes together, holding hands in between classes, sitting on the college lawn on cloudy days while she ate lunch and I helped her study.

I realize I am getting a second chance at this particular dream, or at least to experience part of it. That is if she will forgive me and permit me to be her friend.

Where is Alice I wonder. I am feeling very anxious because Alice had not had any visions of Bella's reaction to my request and I was having to act in the blind so to speak. It is unnerving.

Jasper and Emmett return around 4:00 p.m. They are both carrying books. Jasper drops two large stacks of books on the table I am sitting at first. "I picked up the books you needed for your classes. While I was at the book store, I picked up some other reading material that I thought would help with you exploring....your issues." From his thoughts, I know he is referring to my alleged sexual repression. I scan some of the titles of the "self help" books:

THE NEW MALE SEXUALITY

EARLY 20TH CENTURY SEXUALITY: A LEFTOVER OF THE VICTORIAN ERA OF SEXUAL REPRESSION

OVERCOMING SEXUAL SELF HATRED.

"Jesus Jasper. This is a little much don't you think?"

"Just read them and see if they give you some insight about why you are so uncomfortable with the idea of intimacy."

"I am not uncomfortable with the idea..." I start but I am cut off by Emmett's enthusiastic booming voice. "Dude, my books are better." He produces a large stack of books as well. I peruse the titles:

HIS NEEDS, HER NEEDS

SM 101: A REALISTIC INTRODUCTION

SEX FOR DUMMIES

ORGASMS: HOW TO HAVE THEM, GIVE THEM , AND KEEP THEM COMING

HOW TO BE KINKY AND NOT HURT YOURSELF AT THE SAME TIME

Jeez, at least Jasper's books were somewhat academic. "Get that smut away from me" I growl at Emmett.

"This is not smut Edward. These are guides for innocents like your self. Jasper said I was in charge of your education on all things kink. While my knowledge is vast and my expertise is legendary in all things dealing with sex, I can only share so much. Besides, Rosie doesn't let me do some of the real fun stuff like bondage so I thought maybe these instructional guides may be more helpful."

Emmett finishes his speech and it is clear from his stance and the goofy grin on his face that he is quite proud of himself. I pinch the bridge of my nose between my thumb and forefinger fighting for patience. "Emmett," I say through gritted teeth. "I do not need lessons on being kinky."

"Oh I beg to differ. Let's face it. Bella has some specified _tastes_. This Julian knows how to cater to those tastes. You can't let him beat you man. You don't want to lose out on another chance with Bella simply because you are unprepared to ring her bell." Emmett is unfazed by my glare. "There is a chapter in one of these about fantasy rape..." I cut him off with a growl and am just about to attack when I feel Jasper's calming influence.

"Enough." Jasper says firmly to Emmett. "Edward, we are not trying to overload you, just thought maybe reading about some over points of view on sexuality may help you to understand Bella's sexuality better or at the very least help you to not be so bothered by it. Read them, don't read them. It's up to you." And with that, Jasper retreats to the living room area to play video games. Emmett simply shrugs and then he joins Jasper to play video games as well.

I throw the books aside, and begin to pace. I know my foul mood is caused by my worry about Alice's lunch with Bella. I am convinced that if she had good news to report, she would have at least called or sent me a text by now. She would see how worried I am and sh wouldn't let me worry needlessly....right?

Exactly nine minutes later my dear, dear sister _finally_ returns. I hear her thoughts as she makes her way to our rooms. She is overjoyed that Bella went on a short shopping trip with her after lunch. Really? She has left me here, burning in a tortured hell, so she could shop?

"What the hell Alice?" I ask as I greet her at the door. "You didn't call. You didn't text. Will she agree to see me or not?

"Don't take that tone with me Edward." Alice bristles. "It is not my fault you are in this pickle and I'm just trying to help you get out of it." I try to be contrite and give her an apologetic shrug.

Alice continues: "And I was successful by the way. She was excited to learn we were moving back to the area. She even agreed to come over to our new home next Friday night for dinner. She knows we all will be there and she was actually excited about coming over."

"New house?" I ask and then I smile knowingly. Of course Alice has already seen our new family home and apparently knows it will be ready by Friday.

"Esme finds a beauty for us. It's located about an hour out of town."

"What did she say about the job offer for Julian?" Alice replays part of the memory from lunch for me. Bella is somewhat suspicious at first at hearing the news of a sudden offer, knowing that Carlisle obviously had something to do with it since the job will be at the same hospital that Carlisle will be working at soon. But when Alice points out this is what Julian wants, Bella is happy and gracious to learn a job at the prestigious suburban hospital will be offered to Julian by the end of the week.

"Oh, I almost forgot something. Bella asked for your cell number." She adds slyly.

I know my answering smile is ridiculously big and sappy. "Why?"

"I don't know Edward. Maybe she wants to call or text you sometime." Alice is actively blocking me from her thoughts as she sings Irish folk tunes in her head. She has seen something.

"When Alice?"

"Oh Edward, what would be the fun in ruining the surprise?" With that last remark, she takes off to find Jasper.

While I am mildly annoyed at her refusal to tell me when Bella will try to reach me, it pales to the huge wave of happiness and anticipation that fills me. I am hopeful all will go to plan and maybe, just maybe, Bella will be mine again. I go to make sure my cell phone is fully charged as I await a call or text from the love of my existence.

**E/N—Remember all that is Twilight belongs to SM. Note most of the books mentioned are actual books, probably available at your local library for anyone who may want to read up on the subject. No copyright infringement intended. Those books and their authors are: SEXUAL ANOREXIA: OVERCOMING SEXUAL SELF HATRED. BY PATRICK CARNES, PHD AND JOSEPH MORIARITY; ****ROBERT LAWLOR EARTH HONORING: THE NEW MALE SEXUALITY; HIS NEEDS, HER NEEDS BY WILLIAM F. HARLEY JR.; SM 101: A REALISTIC INTRODUCTION BY JAY WISEMAN; SEX FOR DUMMIES BY DR. RUTH K. WESTHEIMER; ORGASMS: HOW TO HAVE THEM, GIVE THEM , AND KEEP THEM COMING BY LOU PAGET.**


	11. Chapter 11

CHAPTER 11

DAMN AT&T TO HELL

"Are you sure there is nothing wrong with my cellular reception?" I ask the AT&T wireless customer service representative for the second time.

"Sir, I assure you everything with your service is just fine and my computer tells me you are in an area right now in which you are receiving an extremely strong signal. Now I also see this is the third time you have called in the last forty eight hours. Unless you are aware of a specific problem with receiving particular calls or texts, I don't think there is anything else we can do for you."

"I understand. Thank you." I say dejectedly. The truth is I was hoping something was wrong with my phone or cell reception so I wouldn't have to face the truth. The entire weekend is nearly over and Bella has not tried to call or text me, not even once.

Disappointment does not seem a strong enough word to cover how I feel. Crestfallen, despondent, frustrated, hopeless, downcast, disconcerted, defeated...all of those words come close. I don't know who I am angrier at right now, Alice for getting my hopes up or AT&T for not being able to tell me I was having reception problems. It has taken all of my discipline not to break down and call Bella or at the very least go to her apartment and observe what I can from the shadows. Alice, after reminding me of the textbook definition of stalking, assures me that if I don't leave Bella alone and let her make the next move, I will lose headway with earning back Bella's trust.

It is the night before classes start at the law school. I have already read and memorized all of the books for my classes. It is just me at the hotel as the others, with the exception of Carlisle, are at our new house and are busy readying it for the big move in. Carlisle has returned to Canada to tie up loose ends there and will be back on Tuesday. I am bored and I do not yet have access to my usual distractions such as my music and my book collection.

My eyes notice the extra curricular learning materials that Jasper and Emmett picked up for me. Do I dare? I pick up one from Jasper's stack and turn to a random page and read:

Sexual repression is oftentimes caused by oppressive cultural and social views. The negative ideas about sex can be so deeply rooted that they will make an individual dread anything sexual, even sexual pleasure.

I slam the book shut. This is ridiculous. I have no dread of sex or sexual pleasure. I simply think that such things are between a husband and a wife and out of respect for a wife, such matters should be kept behind closed doors. The woman you love should be more than an object to use for sexual pleasure. We are not animals after all.

That does not mean I do not want to experience sexual relations with Bella. I always _wanted_ that. I have fantasized about it more times than I care to admit. I have imagined Bella and I in various romantic settings and sensual positions. My favorite fantasies involve me taking Bella in the meadow under the stars. I imagine Bella straddling me while I hold her hips gently and watch her beautiful breasts sway with her movements.

My thoughts drift to some of my...._darker_ fantasies. I feel ashamed of some of these other fantasies. The worse is when I imagine Bella on her knees in front of me touching me intimately with her mouth. It's just thoughts. I would never disrespect Bella in such a way, requiring her to service me in such a demeaning position. But I can't say such thoughts do not excite me, almost as much as they appall me. I don't know how to reconcile those two apparent conflicting reactions to the same thought.

I sigh and make my way to the shower. My body feels like a coiled spring, tension caused by my unfulfilled wait for Bella's call and now my painful erection caused from reminiscing about my favorite Bella fantasies.

Before I met Bella, I had rarely engaged in self gratification. It always left me with a feeling of shame that outweighed the brief physical relief provided by a self induced orgasm. After meeting Bella, it became a regular part of my life. I did not feel the same shame as I considered it to be a precaution to ensure I stayed in complete control around Bella at all times. The feelings of want and lust I felt around Bella were strong and posed a danger to my control which rivaled that of my blood lust. A little self indulgence was simply necessary in those circumstances.

Now in the shower, I groan as I grab myself and begin stroking, desperate to relieve the painful tension. My mind wonders to another dark but familiar fantasy. Bella is lying naked across the short width of her bed in her bedroom in Forks. I am standing by the bed, in front of her and her beautiful, taut legs are resting on my shoulders as I enter her. I use to try to convince myself that I was particularly fond of this position because it would be a safer position if I were to be with Bella in that way, as it would be easier to control my movements and strength. The truth is it's just a damn sexy sight seeing Bella spread out in that way. In my fantasy, my thrusts increase as Bella's moans of pleasure increase. I am stroking myself harder and moaning faster as I move toward release. Just before I reach my climax, the image changes to something I have never imagined before. Now Bella is in the same position but her hands are bound and are resting over her head. The binding of her hands causes her breasts to jut out and the sight is beyond erotic. I shout out at the strength of my climax and spend several moments bringing myself and my breath under control. _What the hell was that ?_

*****

It is finally 8:20 a.m. on Monday morning. It is ten minutes before my first class which I just happen to share with Bella. I am trying to ignore the appreciative stares and suggestive thoughts coming from many of the females and one male in the class.

I am nervous about what Bella's reaction will be when she sees me and realizes I will be attending law school with her. I had planned to tell Bella of my enrollment before this morning. However, since she didn't call me and I was not permitted to call her per Alice, I have no choice but to make it a real surprise. I am sitting in the classroom for First Year Contracts with Professor Phillips. I chose a seat a few rows from the back as I remember it had always been Bella's preference to sit in the back of classes in high school.

Five minutes before class begins, I know Bella is approaching as her unmistakable scent assaults me. I turn around and she notices me immediately. She pauses as she stands just a few feet inside the classroom, clearly shocked by my presence. I give her a tentative smile and a shrug of my shoulders. She starts to walk down the aisle which separates a dozen rows of seats. Her expression is now impassive.

She walks right past me and chooses a seat on the second row. I am reeling from being so obviously snubbed when I hear her whisper very softly, knowing I can hear her, "You want to join me down here Edward?" Only years of discipline stop me from rushing to her at vampire speed. I gather my books and move to sit to her right, near the aisle. I offer her what I hope is a disarming smile. She does not smile back but she does not appear to be angry either.

She shakes her head and mutters, "Why am I surprised?"

"Well,", I say, sporting a crooked grin, "I told you I had not studied law before. You made me curious."

She smiles back. "So you are saying this is my fault?"

I don't miss a beat. "Absolutely!" I answer. "You practically challenged me Isabella to study law."

"And of all the law schools in the free world, this is the one that had a last minute spot just waiting for someone to come along and fill it, is that what I am suppose to believe?", she asks in a taunting voice and with a flirtatious grin.

"No, of all the law schools in the free world, this is the only one at which the most beautiful and challenging woman I have ever met attends and its administration luckily is susceptible to my charms." I smile back, loving the banter and feeling a sense of déjàvu.

Our exchange is interrupted abruptly as Professor Phillips enters the room to start the lesson. I notice Bella leans in with interest when the Professor announces this class has a sponsored book award. This means the person scoring the highest grade will receive a plaque and a check in an amount equal to the cost of tuition and the books for the class.

When class ends, I rise and pick up Bella's backpack after she puts her books away. She smiles and says softly, "Always the gentleman."

I know she has an hour before our next class which is Torts with Professor Borisov. First year curriculum is structured with built in breaks between the classes as law students are required to put in a lot of reading time. "Can I take you to get something to eat before our next class?" I ask as we exit the classroom.

"_Our_ next class?" "Edward, level with me. Do we have all our classes together?"

"Except for real property on Tuesday and Thursday mornings," I answer.

"I'm not hungry and I really want to read over some of my notes from the first chapter of the Torts textbook But first, I would like it if we could maybe find a private spot and talk for a few minutes. I have some things I need to say."

"Of course Bella." Using my extra abilities, I am able to locate an empty classroom and I steer Bella in that direction. Because the sun is shining intermittently today, I am careful to avoid going outside as much as possible. She sits down at the last row of seats in the classroom. I lean against a table across the aisle from her. Her heart is pounding and she is fidgeting. Oh how I wish Alice would have given me some insight on this conversation. She has been so secretive lately spouting something about letting things go through their natural course.

Bella speaks. "I meant to call you over the weekend," she starts, looking up at me. "I picked up the phone several times but I wanted to give us both some time to calm down before we spoke again. I hate that I lost my temper and I hate how we left things on Thursday. It is just you are so...._judgmental_ sometimes."

"Bella," I interrupt. "Please let me apologize. I know I can be an ass sometimes but I didn't mean to offend you in any way. I respect you, every aspect of you."

"Thank you Edward and I hope you mean it. Alice told me of your family's plans to move here and I have to say I am overjoyed at the idea of getting to see you all again. I missed Alice so much..." "I missed you all actually," she adds softly.

My dead heart soars as I realize I am part of the "all" she mentions. Just as I am starting to feel a sense of relief that this has gone much smoother than I had hoped, she looks up and says very sternly and with an unwavering stare: "But I won't be told what to do. Friends don't dictate to each other how to live their lives. Alice told me that you were worried about me and I am quite aware of your thoughts about Julian. But who I am in a relationship with is _my_ choice and I won't have my personal life dictated to me."

"But Bella.."

"No buts Edward. Do you have any idea how unbelievably arrogant it is of you to decide you don't want me anymore and then later scoff at the choices I make after you are gone?"

Well, when she puts it that way...

"Besides, Julian has been good for me. He makes me feel good about myself. He encourages me to try new things and to challenge myself. Please, please. Can't you just be happy for me and keep all of your judgments to yourself?"

"But Bella..." I try again but she interrupts yet again, resolve clearly showing in her eyes.

"Because if you can't Edward, then we can't be friends."

There really is only one answer. "Then yes, I can be happy for you and I promise I won't need to keep my judgments to myself because I won't be judging you at all."

"Really? You can promise me no more attempts to save me from Julian or any of the other hundred bad choices I make because Edward I assure you that you have only seen the tip of the iceberg."

Wow. That's a tough one to promise but I manager to swallow back my instinctive reaction to protest and hold her gaze and whisper "I promise." What choice do I have? I can't lose her from my life completely.

"Okay then. I have one more question for you."

"Anything."

"Will you be my study partner for Contracts? I really want to win that book award.

**E/N—Again, all belongs to SM. I would like to thank squarepancake who was kind enough to make a blinkie for my story and I think it is adorable. The code is on my profile if you are interested. Again, thank you for all of your reviews and to those of you who have added this story to your favorites or to story alert. I may not be able to get the next update up until Friday or Saturday.**


	12. Chapter 12

CHAPTER 12

JULIAN MEETS THE CULLENS

Bella and I have finished our first week of law school and I am happy, euphoric, blissful, and most importantly, full of hope as I reflect on the past week. Bella and I spent time together in our classes and we spent a great deal of time between classes, studying together. Bella has a brilliant mind and she is so enthusiastic about her studies. We have decided to meet after our Human Rights class every Thursday afternoon to study and organize our notes and prepare an outline for Contracts. Bella really wants that book award and I am in awe of her competitive spirit and unwavering determination.

Of course we talk about non-school stuff during some of our breaks. Bella and I compared our iPod play lists, debated the pros and cons of affirmative action, and shared reviews of books we had recently read and enjoyed. It is so surreal to see how in so many ways, Bella is just the same. She is still the same book worm with a very mature taste in literature and she still has rather varied and impressive tastes in music. But she has also acquired some different hobbies and likes in my absence.

For example, the Bella I knew detested gym class in high school and by extension any type of physical exercise. Now I have learned that she stops at a nearby gym three mornings a week, before classes, for a one hour work out. She has a fondness for yoga which she told me helped improve her coordination.

Along the same lines of discovering new things about Bella, I was pleasantly surprised to find that Bella is now a college football fan. Well really just a fan of one team. She was so adorable explaining to me that one cannot attend three years at Florida State University without becoming fanatical about Florida State University's championship football team. She enthusiastically informed me of the short but proud history of the Florida State college football program which claimed two national championships during the 1990's. I couldn't believe this was the same girl who had once declared to me and Emmett that she could not see what we found so interesting about football as we watched a game. The real interesting part of her statement was the fact that we had been watching a hockey game at the time. So you can imagine my surprise to learn she now comfortably throws around terms like "west coast offense" and "nickel defense". I made a mental note to try to talk Bella into letting me fly her to Tallahassee, Florida for a live home game before the college football season ended.

Alice had joined Bella and I for our lunch break on Thursday. Of course she had to bring up the one topic I did not want to discuss with Bella: Julian. Other than informing me he had accepted the job offer and would be starting his new job in a few weeks, Bella had not mentioned Julian to me all week. Now Alice was bringing him up during _**my**_ time with Bella. Alice wanted to know everything, how did they meet, how long had they dated before it became serious, what did she like about him. In answer to the look I gave her, Alice shared her purpose with me mentally, _Edward, you need information about what Bella sees in Julian. It will help you understand what she likes and needs. _Bella had looked at me when Alice started in on Julian related questions. She was trying to gauge my reaction. I had kept my smile in place and played my part as the supportive friend to the tee.

I learned that Julian had stayed in touch with Bella after meeting her last Christmas and she returned to complete her last semester at FSU. Julian had visited her a few times in Florida and they had spent Bella's entire spring break holiday together in Key West. Bella moved to Seattle last June and immediately moved in with Julian. As an ER doctor, Julian had a very hectic work schedule which did not leave them a lot of free time. Julian was the "outdoors" type, frequently hiking, mountain climbing, boating and fishing. I was not sure how any of this would be helpful in my plan to win back Bella, but I filed the information into my memory to further analyze at a later date.

The real shocker was to find out that Charlie not only knew about their relationship but was supportive of it. Apparently he liked Julian and the two of them went on fishing trips together. _Dear God! _I thought. I knew Charlie had never been overly pleased about my relationship with Bella but I dismissed that as part of his protectiveness of Bella and a father's belief that no one is good enough for his daughter. How could he think that man was good enough for her? I was willing to bet he sure as hell did not know about Julian's _**tastes**_ and what he did to his daughter in the bedroom.

It was finally Friday and Bella would be here soon. Esme had done an outstanding job on our new home and she was anxious to show it off. When Alice had initially told me about Bella's plans to join us for dinner I had been ecstatic. I had also presumed it would be just Bella. But no, Bella is part of a couple it seems. An invitation extended to her, is automatically an invitation to Julian. Or at least that is what Alice told me when she informed me Julian would be coming too. _"_It only makes sense that the invitation would include him Edward. He wants to meet Carlisle and it would have been awkward for Bella to tell him he could not come with her, " she had said to me when I complained.

Emmett complained about Julian joining us but for different reasons than me. He knew that if Julian was coming, that meant we all would have to keep up the charade of eating.

In light of the news that Julian was coming, Esme decided to have a very informal BBQ. The new house had a huge back deck and built in grill. Eating grilled hamburgers and hotdogs outside would make it easier for us to dispose of food and keep up the charade of eating. Alice said Bella was excited about having a BBQ.

There is also a volleyball court in back. The previous owners had actually installed a regulation size beach volleyball net with surrounding sand that was obviously shipped in. The whole setting looks like the picture perfect outside family entertainment area.

The doorbell rings, signaling their arrival. Alice and I greet Bella and Julian at the front door. Bella is of course breathtaking. It never surprises me how beautiful she can look in jeans and a simple T-shirt. Alice hugs Bella and Bella introduces her to Julian and then they turn to me.

"Edward, good to see you again." Julian states politely as they enter the home. "Likewise." I tell him. , equally as polite.

Julian speaks up as we move into the main living area. "Thank you for the invitation. I am so excited about meeting your family and especially your father who I understand will soon be my boss." _I can't believe I'm spending my one free night this week with the Brady Bunch, _he thinks. After years of being privy to people's thoughts, it never surprises me when people say one thing and simultaneously think the opposite.

Alice grabs Julian by the arm and turns on the charm. "Julian, let me take you around back and introduce you to everyone. My father can't wait to meet you too." She adds, oh so casually, "Edward, why don't you give Bella a tour of the house while I show off Julian." This is why I love my sister so much. She has given me some alone time with Bella, without _**him**_**.**

"Wow," Bella says as she turns around, trying to take the large living area in. Like most of our houses, Esme has ensured it is spacious and light. I smile and offer her my arm. "Let me give you the tour. Alice's orders, remember?" She giggles and I feel lighter just hearing that sound, knowing that at least for the moment she is happy. As much as I detest the thought of Julian being here, it is all worth it if it means I get to be near Bella and see her happy.

A half hour later after showing Bella every inch of the house, she and I make our way out to the back. Jasper and Emmett, keeping up with the human charade, are playing volleyball. _Jeez this is so boring when you have to play with human speed and strength, _Emmett thinks. Rose is cheering on Emmett and Esme and Alice are busy at the grill. It occurs to me we do look like the freaking Brady Bunch. Julian would never guess he is among a coven of vampires. Our ruse has worked so well that Julian suspects nothing.

Julian and Carlisle are deep in conversation. They are both holding beers. It does not surprise me that Julian is drinking. He is probably a drunkard on top of everything else. Carlisle is sharing some of his ideas for improving the ER at the hospital and Julian's words **and** thoughts demonstrate he is impressed.

A few minutes later we have gathered around the large patio table and the humans are eating while the vampires are pushing around food on their plates and deftly dropping small portions between the wood planks of the deck when Julian is not looking.

I am monitoring Julian's thoughts. He has spent most of the evening scrutinizing Carlisle, wondering how old Carlisle is and wondering if he will be taking orders from someone who is younger than him.

"Edward, I understand Bella was surprised to learn you had also enrolled at the law school.", Julian says out of the blue. I scan his thoughts before responding. _I know this is the same Edward that Bella says in her dreams even if she denies it. It is obvious he has a thing for her. She can't really buy that he all of a sudden became interested in law and that his enrolling in the same school as she has nothing to do with him wanting to pursue her_.

Bella speaks up before me. "Yes, and it has been a pleasant surprise. Edward is going to help me get the top grade in our Contracts class so that I can get that book award I told you about."

_Oh that's ironic, _Julian thinks. He leans in and whispers to Bella, oblivious of the fact that we can hear him just as well as if he was using a bull horn, "Maybe you can put that knowledge about contract law to good use and review that one I gave you and finally sign it."

My first thought is crushing. The only contract I can imagine one might give a love interest is some sort of pre-nuptial agreement in contemplation of marriage. The thought of Bella and Julian getting married sends a streak of pain through my gut. For half a second, I give serious thought to simply grabbing Bella and running away with her.

Bella's reaction to his whispered comments does nothing to ease my fears. She visibly tenses and a look of panic comes across her face. A memory is playing though Julian's head of sitting on a couch with Bella by his side while he shows her a contract and asks her to just consider it and that it might be fun. Now I'm confused again. What might be fun about a pre-nuptial agreement? Then he recalls Bella's response: "Julian, I have told you I am not comfortable with being a full time submissive."

Oh holy hell. I instantly know what she is talking about. Ever since the sexual revolution of the 1960's, the BDSM lifestyle had become much more common and I had heard much about it in people's thoughts over the years. That sick bastard thinks he is going to make Bella into some sort of sex slave! That's it. Civility is wasted on this monster. He wants to hurt my Bella? He is going to learn what real pain is.

I can't stop the deep growl building up inside me as my anger grows and I seethe.

Julian hears it. "Man are you okay? Something wrong with your stomach?" I continue to glare at him, trying to decide which of his body parts I am going to remove first. I have a good idea which one it probably will be. I can tell from his thoughts that he is finally feeling fear.

Emmett steps in. "Yeah, digestion problems, you know how it is. Come on bro, let's go for a walk, that always helps, remember?" Emmett is tugging on my arm, trying to get me to stand.

"No," I say in a deadly soft tone.

Emmett tries again. "But remember we have a _**plan **_to help your digestive problems? Remember the plan?

"Fuck the plan!" I hiss quickly and quietly so only the vampires at the table hear.

Carlisle is pleading with me in his thoughts _Edward please don't do this. You will expose us. Think of Bella. Look at her -she is scared to death_.

That gets my attention and breaks through the haze of hatred that had been clouding my mind. She does look afraid and I think she may be holding her breath. I can't do the things I want to, the things he deserves, with Bella sitting here.

I have to get control and quick. I rise, the entire time glaring at Julian and relishing in the fear he is feeling. He doesn't know real fear yet but he will, I vow.

"Okay, I'll take that walk now."

**E/N -Sorry about the cliffie but I will post the next chapter as soon as possible. Reviews will make me write faster, I promise. I like to hear it all, the good and the bad. **

**Also, some people have inquired about what Bella is thinking at certain points. Because this is from Edward's POV, you obviously get HIS perception of Bella's reactions. Do any of you think an outtake or two of Bella's POV would be helpful to the story? Let me know what you think and I'll decide.**

**Thank you so much for reading and remember it all belongs to SM in the end.**


	13. Chapter 13

CHAPTER 13

OVER MY ALREADY DEAD BODY

I take off in a run as soon as I am out of Julian's line of sight. I run for miles trying to master the rage coursing through my useless veins.

I have been working hard on trying to make peace with the idea that Bella may be a willing partner in these kinky games that Julian wants to play. I really have been trying so hard to accept that it is her choice to make. But Bella being treated like some sort of slave to be treated any way _**he **_wants, is not something I will ever accept. He has to be stopped. It's time for a new plan.

After a while, I slow down and Emmett quickly catches up with me. "What the hell happened back there?" he asks me as he comes to a stop a few feet from me.

"Emmett, he wants her to be his sex slave! The contract he mentioned is one of those BDSM arrangements. He wants for her to agree to be his slave, to agree to let him do whatever he wants to her, including physical punishment. He wants her permission to abuse her...that sick fuck!"

Finally, even Emmett appears shocked. He whistles, shaking his head while his arms are folded over his chest. "That couldn't have been a pretty thing to see in his head."

"No shit Emmett." I drag my hand through my hair in frustration. I have to figure out how to get Bella away from him. Dear lord, how did I ever let this happen? What was I thinking leaving her so she could fall prey to this human monster?

"Is Bella agreeable?" Emmett asks.

"What?" I ask, distracted by my thoughts of self blame.

"You said he wants her to agree. Is she going to agree?"

"She told him she didn't want to do that. But it's obvious he is going to keep pressuring her until she gives in to his demands."

"The Bella I saw tonight seems to have a pretty strong will. I'm sure she will not agree unless she actually wants to do it."

"Are you suggesting that Bella would actually want him to use her in such a despicable way?"

"Possible."

"Take that back right now before I rip off your goddamn head."

"You didn't read the books did you?"

"Take it back Emmett. I'm fucking serious."

"Stop with the threats Edward. I'm thinking about imparting some valuable knowledge upon you right now. So don't piss me off."

"Bella is not sick. She doesn't want to be abused."

"Of course she doesn't. That's not what I'm talking about. Sit down. Calm down. And we will talk. You're like what, 113 years old now? Yeah, you're old enough for the talk."

"I have two medical degrees Emmett. I don't need the birds and the bees talk thank you very much."

"You understand the mechanics I'm sure but I'm going to tell you what every man needs to know. What those medical books don't teach you is how to please a woman."

"Actually I am quite familiar with how to please a woman. Sexual stimulation is part of a medical education for your information."

Emmett's response was overly sarcastic. "Wow. You know about sexual stimulation from a medical book? Well, what was I thinking? You're all set. Go rock her world doctor boy."

"Fine. Say what you have to say and then leave so I can figure out what to do."

"Sex is actually very complicated," Emmett begins, sounding like a professor lecturing a class. "Women need to be stimulated both physically and mentally. The mental part is the tricky part because what it takes to stimulate a woman mentally can vary widely from woman to woman."

"Emmett, you watch too much Dr. Ruth." I scoff.

"Don't knock Dr. Ruth."

"Listen, when I left I knew that it would be inevitable that Bella would move on and eventually have a lover. She is a lovely young woman and it is only natural for her to want that type of experience. But Bella deserves to be cherished, to be worshiped, respected. Not used and debased. That I will not allow."

"But you can't presume she feels used and debased. All women are different, but some enjoy a little kink in their sex lives. Some women are excited about being tied, being spanked, being handled roughly. It's not wrong Edward. What is wrong is telling a woman it is not okay to want those things. Do you really want to tell Bella that you think she is sick for liking the things she likes in the bedroom?"

"Well....no." And then it hits me like some sort of epiphany even though the answer has been right there in front of me the entire time. _**Bella likes**_ these things. This is not a part of her giving into a deranged man's sick fantasies. These are her fantasies too.

"Why? How?" I'm at a lost. I just had not let myself imagine that Bella would want these things and I am at a lost to explain why.

"The light bulb finally went off?" Emmett laughs. "You should be flattered. I'm willing to bet these sexual appetites of hers were influenced by you."

"What in the name of all that is holy are you talking about now?"

"Alice said Bella told her that Julian is the only guy she has had a relationship with since you. So why him? Maybe because he has an edge to him, brings a sense of danger to her life? Anything sound familiar yet?" His words are followed by his thoughts: _God I thought Edward was the smart one. He sure is slow to put 2 and 2 together when it comes to Bella_.

I narrow my eyes, trying to figure out what he is trying to say.

Professor Emmett is not finished with his lecture. "Bella dated a vampire for god's sake. One thing your relationship was never lacking was excitement and there was always that sense of danger there, just below the surface. She probably learned to associate a feeling of danger with you. Danger is a very power aphrodisiac. That is why some people go to great lengths to create the illusion of danger or a loss of control in sexual situations. It can be very stimulating."

Damn. He does know a lot about sex.

"I mean for a vampire, you are quite boring and tame but you are still a vampire. You craved her blood and a part of you wanted to kill her each and every day you were together. That had to add some spice to your relationship. After that, don't you think she would want someone who could recreate some of those feelings, some of that excitement?"

My mind is reeling with this new realization. Julian did say she says my name in her sleep. _**My**_ name. That had to mean something. I had to be in her thoughts, right?

"And another thing..stop putting her on a pedestal like she is the virgin mother or something. It is not going to help you win her back. You need to figure out what she needs and give it to her. Accept her as she really is, not some idealized version of Bella. Once you figure that out, then be her everything. Let her know you will be a kick ass lover if that is what she wants."

"You know I can't be with Bella like that!" I spit out.

"Why not? It works doesn't it?" His thoughts are horrified and sympathetic. _Oh lord man, that is not why you are so reluctant is it? Something not working right?_

"It works just fine." I say through gritted teeth. "Too well actually. That is the problem. In case you have forgotten I am much stronger than Bella. Presuming my blood lust didn't overwhelm me, there is no way I can get through sex without losing control and hurting her physically."

Emmett sighs. "Edward, I thought Jasper already went though this with you. It is possible. And no one exercises control like you."

"It doesn't matter. I can't take a chance like that simply for a few moments of pleasure."

"What a selfish jerk!" He exclaims, taking me by surprise. "This is not some romp in the hay we are talking about. We're talking about making love, sharing physical intimacy with the love of your existence, your mate. It is more than a few moments of pleasure. You're talking about an act that will touch both your souls and bind you in a way that is almost spiritual. You would deny Bella that? Selfish ass!"

I had not really thought of it like that before. I recall all of those times Bella had practically begged for me to push my boundaries with regard to physical intimacy when we dated and how I had firmly refused, thinking it was for her safety. But by doing so was I denying her something she needed? I had thought I was sacrificing my own pleasure for her safety but now I realize I was sacrificing her pleasure as well. How could I have been so blind?

"I need to be alone. Please extend my apologies to Bella and tell her I will call her if that is okay," I tell Emmett.

Emmett pats me on the back and gives me some words of encouragement, "She still loves you. I see it. Jasper feels it. She is worth the fight man."

I nod my thanks and then I sprint off. I need to hunt and I need to do some serious thinking about what I have learned about Bella.

*****

It is the early hours of Saturday morning when I return home. I go straight to my room and pull out the box of reading materials that Jasper and Emmett gave me last week. I spend the rest of the day reading them and doing my own research on the internet. I have always been a fast learner and it has been decades since I have had so much new material to learn.

At the end of the day, I add another item to the plan: Tell Bella how I feel and that I want another chance to do it right.

**A/N—After considering your input and questions, I have decided to do a BPOV outtake. It will be posted this week under separate story: "HOW TO WIN BACK OUTTAKES" so you need to add me to author alert if you want to know when it is posted. For those of you who do not want the mystery of what Bella is thinking revealed, you can avoid it. It will probably be the only BPOV I will do but I reserve the right to change my mind. It may be fun to do an Emmett outtake at some point too.**

**Please keep those reviews coming. They are so much fun to read and so encouraging. And finally, please remember it all belongs to SM (except Edward's kinky sex books).**


	14. Chapter 14

CHAPTER 14

THE ROAD TO HELL...

**A/N—First, a shout out to Teresabug for being my 100th reviewer. And heart felt thanks to all readers and reviewers. Also, a small warning. This may be what I call a "going to need a shot of whiskey" chapter. It's a bit emotional, so to be on the safe side, have a shot of Grey Goose, Jack Daniels, Mad Dog, NyQuil, or whatever is your preferred poison, on standby.**

Sunday morning, after verifying Julian Yates will be on call at the hospital from noon to midnight, I send Bella a text, asking her if I can see her at 1 p.m. Her response is swift: _Sure. I presume you know where I live stalker! _She is right of course.

A feeling of calm washes over me as I change my clothes and prepare to meet Bella. I am trying a new tactic and I have faith it will work. I am going to be completely honest with Bella. I am going to tell her how I feel, how I have always felt, and lay out my case as to how I can make her happier than Julian, or any man for that matter. Her rejection can't be worse than this pretending to be her friend thing, watching her live her life with another man that I know is not good enough for her.

Alice approves of my plan even though she is still keeping her visions from me. She is emphatic that everything will work out so long as she doesn't interfere. Her approval gives me a boost of confidence as well. Carlisle's approving and proud thoughts assault me as I go to leave: _You are doing the right thing son. She is your mate. You are meant for each other_. I nod my head in acknowledgment to the man I consider my father, thankful for his unconditional support and love.

*****

Bella opens the door with a friendly smile. I take that as a good sign.

"Hello Bella." I reach for her hand and pull it to my lips and kiss the back of her hand and smile at her, shamelessly doing all things that use to dazzle her.

To my immense joy, she blushes. But then she pulls her hand away and gestures me inside. Various text books are open and spread out across a table. It is obvious she has been studying.

"I apologize for interrupting your studying but I was wondering if I could talk to you" She raises one eyebrow in question.

"It's important, " I add giving a shrug of my shoulders.

"Okay," she says, looking at me warily. She leads me to a very large couch. She sits and I sit next to her, very close and grab her hand again and hold it between my two cold hands and look into her beautiful brown eyes. Her heart skips a beat again and I smile, anticipating the race of her heart beat that is sure to follow.

"I want to tell you what I should have told you when we had dinner that night."

She starts to speak but I put my finger to her lips to silence her. "Please, let me finish love."

I steel myself to continue, pushing down my fear of Bella's rejection. "I want to start by telling you of the joy you have brought to my dreary existence since I saw you in that airport in Atlanta."

Bella looks at me intently and I continue. "We both have pointedly ignored the topic of what I said to you in the forest that day I left Forks."

"Oh God," Bella groans. "Don't. Edward, please don't." She closes her eyes and a look of pain washes over her countenance.

I put my hands on either side of her face, willing her to open her eyes and look at me. When she does, I see the pain in her eyes. It is as if a mask has fallen and I am seeing the full extent of what has been lurking under the surface all this time. The worst thing I see in her eyes is fear. I realize she is afraid I am going to cause her more pain. What have I done to this beautiful creature?

"Bella, I'm so sorry love but I have to tell you the truth." My eyes lock with hers and I confess everything that has burdened my lifeless body since I left her.

"I lied to you that day. It was blasphemous to deny my love for you. But I thought I was doing the best thing for you. I was trying to let you go so you could live the happy, normal human life I believed you were destined for. But you have to know, I _**never**_ stopped loving you-not for a second. You are the love of my existence...my one and only true love. I have been in absolute hell these past four years away from you."

I pause to take in Bella's reaction. She is not saying anything and she has become very still.

"Certainly you had to know that I didn't mean what I said..." I stop speaking as her expression quickly changes from calm to something I do not readily recognize. It is similar to anger but there is an unhinged quality to it. She slowly removes my hands from her face.

"Pray tell how was I suppose to know you were just joking when you told me that you didn't want me, that I was not good for you?" I know that tone. I heard it 9 days ago at that disastrous dinner.

I rush to explain. "Bella, I wasn't joking. I wasn't being flippant. I was trying to do what I thought was best for you. I had to say those things so you would let us go and move on with your life. Things were so dangerous for you when you were near me and my family. You were so focused on the idea of becoming one of us and you were letting your human life slip away, if one of us didn't lose control and take it away first. I couldn't let that happen!"

"Couldn't let what happen Edward? Let me live my life the way I wanted to?"

"Not when it is the wrong choice for you," I respond, inwardly cringing at the arrogance of my statement.

"Let me make sure I am clear, that there is no misunderstanding. What you are telling me is that you have _**loved**_ me all this time. Yet, you threw me and _**my**_ love away, left me broken, left me.." She pauses as tears start to flood her eyes. Her hands are clenched by her side and she is clearly fighting to control her physical reaction, to control her tears.

I can't help myself. I reach out to comfort her, to wipe her tears away. She slaps my hand away. I barely feel it but it makes me stop immediately. She cringes at what I am sure is a rush of pain through her hand from meeting my marble, unyielding flesh. I whisper, "sorry", and become as still as a statue, letting her take the time she wants to compose herself. I have to fight every natural instinct not to comfort her and can only do it because I know she needs to finish what she is saying, without my interference. I deserve this.

She rises from the couch and paces. My eyes never leave her. After a few moments and once the tears stop, she comes to stand a few feet in front of me, looking down at me where I sit, and she continues. "You took all of my choices away because you thought it was best for me? You arrogant bastard." Other than a small flinch at her piercing words, I do not move. Her tone has become so soft and dangerous. She continues.

"For the first time ever, I wish you could see my thoughts. I wish you could see the torture you put me through for four years," she says so sadly as her bottom lip quivers from emotion and the force of her holding back her tears.

It is my undoing. I sink down to my knees in front of her. I put my arms around her waist and press the side of my face to her stomach. "Please, please Bella," I whisper. "Let me make it up to you. Please let me make up for my arrogance, my stupidity. I will do anything you want. I mean it, anything my love," I cry out, my voice full of desperation.

She is very still. I look up at her and she is looking down at me. Her eyes are intense but the rest of her expression has become impassive again. I feel like my whole existence hinges on my next words.

"Isabella, I know I don't deserve your forgiveness but I honestly don't know how to go on without you. I mean it. I will do anything to be deserving of you."

She finally speaks. "Anything?"

"Anything," I answer fervently, pressing a kiss to her stomach as I say it.

"You would stay with me?"

"Yes, of course. Forever."

"You would respect my choices?"

"Yes my love, absolutely."

You would have a _**real**_ relationship with me?"

I know what she is referring to and I rush to reassure her of my intentions. "I would be honored to be your lover Bella, in every sense of the word. You know the dangers but I am so willing to try. I want so very much to give you every pleasure possible." I place several light kisses on her stomach to punctuate my declarations.

"Will you change me?"

I still completely. She has brought up the one thing I can't do.

I look up at her and her eyes are boring into me. I know. This is a test.

I can't lie to her. "Bella, I....I don't know," I finish weakly.

She moves out of my grasp and I have no choice but to let her, although every part of my body is screaming to latch onto her and never let her go.

She moves across the room, to stand by a chair and I stay on my knees watching her warily, afraid of her next words.

"I thought you just said you would do anything, that you would respect my choices. If I want to be like you, if I choose to be like you, why would you refuse to change me?" Her argument is logical, succinct and very lawyer like. And she has effectively trapped me.

"Bella, you don't want this," I start but she cuts me off.

"Don't tell me what I want Edward. I think you lost that right a long time ago."

I try another tactic. "Bella I love you. You can't ask me to destroy you, to destroy your soul."

She shakes her head sadly and looks resigned. "Oh Edward, you can't change, can you? You will never change. How many times have you told me that your kind can't change? Yet, I dared to hope."

I don't know what to say.

"I've told you this before. I am not that same stupid teenager you knew in Forks. I won't let you push me around. I won't be with someone who doesn't respect me."

Out of nowhere, my anger flashes at her words. I stand up and move toward her and stand directly in front of her.

"Push you around? Not respect you?" I ask incredulously. "Bella, I think you are referring to Julian, not me."

"How dare you," she seethes. "Julian does respect me...he respects my choices. That is a lot more than I can say for you," she spits at me, anger lacing her words.

I can't stop my angered and sarcastic response at her preposterous insinuation. "Oh believe me, I saw firsthand how much he respects you!"

Fortunately I see it coming. Her hand is raised and her intention is clear. But she is no match for my speed. I stop her by gently grabbing her wrist and bringing it to her side. "Don't," I whisper. "You will only hurt yourself."

Anger is radiating from her. I wish I could let her hit me. Maybe it would help her expel some of the anger.

"At least Julian wants me. At least he is not afraid to touch me. At least he sees me as a woman for god's sake," she cries.

She looks so vulnerable and I see another glimpse of what I did to her. She honestly thinks I never saw her in those ways. I move even closer to her and put my finger under her chin, to make her look up at me.

"Bella," I whisper. "I _**always **_wanted you. I _**always**_ desired you. How could I not? You are the most beautiful, beguiling creature that has ever walked upon this planet."

And I know it is time and I prepare myself for the onslaught. I have dreamed about kissing Bella every day for over four years. The moment is finally here.

I slowly lean toward her, making my intentions clear, looking for any sign of resistance in her eyes. She licks her bottom lip in anticipation and I am lost.

Our lips meet and heat and sensation explode through my body. I reach out and pull Bella as close to me as I dare, groaning into her mouth as the heat of her body surrounds me. She opens her mouth and I feel her tongue pressing against me. It is too much and I release my tight grasp enough to pull back. "Bella, don't," I whisper.

I struggle to contain all of the emotions coursing through me. My intention is to regain control and continue but too late I realize Bella has misinterpreted my actions.

She looks crestfallen. She thinks I am rejecting her. "No, no Bella," I start to explain but her scream cuts me off. "Get out! Get out!"

"Bella, please let me explain."

"There is nothing to explain. I understand perfectly. You want to treat me like your own personal china doll and kiss me and pet me and use me for your amusement. I'm past such silly games in case you haven't noticed Edward."

"I never played games with you Bella! Again, I think you are referring to Julian."

Her voice is taunting. "I like Julian's games better."

Maybe it is the emotional roller coaster and absolute mind fuck that this conversation has been. Maybe the monster inside me is not as well buried as I like to think. But for some reason, her taunting, her poking at my jealousy, makes something in me snap.

I grab her by her shoulders and move her against the nearby wall. "Don't say that," I breathe against her lips, which are slightly open in shock and surprise. "Julian doesn't deserve you. You are mine."

And I want to devour her. I am kissing her everywhere my lips can reach. On her eyes, her cheeks, her temples, her collarbone. My lips are frantic to touch every part of her. Both of us are breathing heavy.

Bella's heart is pounding and she looks me in the eye. "Prove it. Make me yours. Bite me. Change me. Right here. Right now. If you want me like you say you do, make me yours." I move my face to her neck and groan at the implication of her words, desperate to make her mine. It would be so easy. My tongue reaches out and traces her carotid artery. Her blood is gushing as her heart pounds harder and harder.

She moans and I can tell from her reaction and the sweet scents permeating from her, she is aroused. It is intoxicating and I want so badly to grind my erection against her while I taste the ambrosia just under my tongue. The monster screams at me _She wants you to take her. Take what she offers. Make her yours!_

But as the reality of what she has asked of me and what I am so close to doing sinks in, I awaken from the heady haze I have been in. I am appalled at my actions as I realize I still have her pinned against a wall, my razor sharp teeth dangerously close to her artery. Venom has pooled in my mouth and I have to swallow it back.

I immediately release her and turn from her in shame. "Bella, I am so sorry," I start.

"Oh for fuck's sake Edward! Why do you do this to me?" I turn to her, feeling full of shame and regret. I have disappointed her-hurt her again.

"I can't do this anymore. I can't give my heart to someone who will crush it anytime his own warped, personal sense of morality tells him he should do so. I can't play this game anymore."

"Bella no...," I protest but she cuts me off again.

"I won't be your pet anymore. Besides I am with Julian. Doesn't your sanctimonious morals tell you that it is wrong to interfere with our relationship?"

"Julian doesn't deserve you."

"Julian is a good man. Too good for me actually."

"No!"

"Yes, Edward. I am not sure what you meant to accomplish by coming here and telling me these things. I am not interested in a one sided relationship anymore. I now know what is it like to be in relationship where the participants are _**equals**_. Where one respects the decisions and wants of the other. I won't accept anything less."

Her tone leaves no room for argument.

**E/N—All belongs to SM. Not a lot of humor but I promise you there are smiles in the future. Please stick with me. And as always, tell me what you think. Your reviews are so encouraging. **


	15. Chapter 15

CHAPTER 15

BELLA'S TOYS

**A/N—Thanks to all of you who have added this story to your favs and/or story alert. Your reviews are so great as well. It is so nice to know so many people are enjoying this crazy story. **

**I need some help for an upcoming chapter. There is going to be a discussion about the best songs to listen to while you are getting your groove on. I have a few songs in mind but I would love to hear your suggestions. You can leave them in a review or PM me. I promise to give a shout out if I use your suggestion(s).**

She finds me two days later. I am sitting on a glacier near Kenai Fjords National Park, Alaska.

"Hello Alice," I tell her, not looking up. I continue to do what I have been doing for thirty four hours straight. I stare at the majestic beauty of the Harding Icefield which is spread out before me and reflect upon all the ways I have wronged the love of my existence. I had left my phone in Seattle deliberately, not wanting any contact with my family for a while. However, I have no way to block Alice's visions.

"I had a vision that even you would tire of brooding and want some company," she says in a playful tone. Her thoughts are full of sympathy.

"Bella called."

My head snaps up.

"She was worried about you when you weren't in class on Monday and Tuesday."

"What was she worried about? She knows nothing can hurt me...except for her."

"She was worried you had left again."

I sigh. "You can let her know that I will continue to be her study partner, if that is what she is concerned about."

"Don't be stupid Edward. She is concerned about you walking out of her life again, after professing your undying love for her."

"She doesn't want me. She said so."

"She is testing you Edward."

"She wants more than I can give."

"Again, a test. She knows that your changing her should be a mutual decision. She's pushing you because she doesn't trust that you respect her wishes enough. She doesn't trust you when you say you won't run again. Quite frankly, there are a lot of things about you she doesn't trust and she is certainly entitled to feel that way. Only time can cure that. Trust cannot be earned overnight. You know that."

"Are you sharing your visions with me now?" I ask.

"No. I told you I won't interfere. Just consider that some gratuitous advice from your more mature, wiser sister."

I smile at her teasing tone. "Thank you," I whisper.

"You're welcome. Consider it payback for all those times you came and found me in some isolated corner of the earth after Jasper and I had a fight."

We both stand. "Are you coming home?" Alice asks.

"Yes, soon. Tell Bella I will see her in class tomorrow."

"I knew it!" Alice jumps up and down and kisses me on the cheek. "Oh and Edward?" she says as she is about to rush off back to Seattle.

"Yes?"

"Just so you know, Bella is going to keep pushing, trying to get you to break. I hope you are prepared for....anything."

I smile. "Thanks for the warning."

*****

I sit down next to Bella in our contracts class on Wednesday morning. She looks straight ahead as do I, but I steal looks at her from my peripheral vision. She acknowledges my presence with a nod and a whispered, "So good of you to join us today."

"I couldn't stay away for long. We have a book award to win, remember?" I tell her and her lips fight against the smile that wants to form. I lean in closer to her, still looking straight ahead. "Just so you know, I'm not leaving you ever again...not unless you order me away."

When class ends, she finally turns to me. "I'm coming over today. Alice invited me."

I smile. "That's great. Do you want a ride?"

"No, I'll drive myself. I am not leaving Julian." Alice was right. She is going to test me at every turn.

"If that is your choice, then I respect that." She eyes me suspiciously and I just smile in response. "I can still be your friend, right?"

"Okay."

"And I can keep reminding you that you have other choices, right?

"Okay."

*****

By the time I arrive back at the house that evening, I can hear Bella upstairs and she is in Rosalie's room. My curiosity is piqued as Rosalie never struck me as the type to sit around for girl talk, especially with Bella. Actually, Esme and Alice are both in there too and there is so much giggling going on. I lock in on Esme's thoughts. She is focused on something that Bella is holding and listening to her explain that it is the first green one of its kind. That is strange because I could swear that what Bella is holding is black.

I knock and quickly enter the room. One amused and three shocked faces turn to me. They are all sitting on Rosalie's bed and I finally get a clear view of what Bella is holding. Alice's warning to be ready for anything was not enough. How can one be prepared for this scene? There is my precious Bella holding what looks suspiciously like a very large black vibrator, clearly telling my sisters and _my mother_ about its various features.

Bella meets my gaze for just a brief second and I see the look of challenge in her eyes. Another test!

"As I was saying. This is an environmental friendly vibrator. You crank it with this small lever for four minutes on the side here and it gives it enough energy to last for three to four hours. No batteries needed."

Now I understand what she meant by a "green" vibrator. A part of me wants to congratulate Bella for remembering to be so environmentally conscious, even in the pursuit of sexual gratification. The other side of me wants to walk over, rip that offending thing out of her hand, take her to my room and ravish her for hours. God, where are these type of thoughts coming from?

_Oh lord. The virgin is going to blow. _Rosalie's taunting thoughts reach me. I am not going to give Rosalie or Bella the satisfaction of seeing my mortification at what I have just witnessed.

I smile. "Ladies, sorry to interrupt. I will be in the garage if anyone needs me."

I turn and flash to the garage. I have to block out what is going on in that bedroom before I do something barbaric. I go down to the garage and start tinkering with my new Ferrari. Rosalie and I have been working on more upgrades. I put my iPod in the docking station that is located in there and turn up the volume, trying to drown out the thoughts and voices from upstairs and turn my attention to under the hood of the car.

I take several long breaths in an attempt to calm myself. I remind myself that if I want to prove to Bella I respect her choices, I cannot go upstairs and put Bella across my knee and spank her pretty little bottom until she agrees to behave no matter how badly I might want to do so.

I hear movement and Emmett's approaching thoughts. _Dude, you have got to see this_.

I look up when Emmett is near and he is holding up for my viewing what looks like a chain with attached miniature jumping cables. "What is that?" I ask.

"Oh just a little gift from Bella."

"What is it?"

"Nipple clamps."

"I'm sorry. What?"

"Nipple clamps. Actually Bella says these are called alligator clamps. See the saw tooth edges? Not for the faint of heart." Emmett smiles and is pleased with his new found knowledge.

"Emmett, why did Bella give you nipple clamps?"

"Because I asked for them. She said she doesn't use them anymore since she got her nipples pierced."

I slam the hood of my car hard.

"Her what?"

"Yeah, Bella's got nipple rings. So I guess she doesn't need these type of clamps anymore because now she just attaches smooth surface clamp to her rings, instead of clamping directly on the nipple."

Emmett explains this as if he has just explained the difference between an automatic and standard car transmission.

I think I may be having an outer body of experience. I feel detached from my body and my mind is simply frozen, trying to comprehend all of these things that Emmett has just oh so casually told me.

I am quickly pulled from my outer body experience when Emmett unbuttons his shirt and starts to rub one of the clamps over his left nipple. "Emmett for the love of god what are you doing?"

"Trying them out. I can feel the grooves but just barely. Feels...nice," he muses.

That's it. I rush out of the garage with the intent to go straight to my room, lock the door and turn the music so loud I never hear any sound again. However, I stop short on the second floor as Bella is standing in the hallway smirking at me. She is daring me to judge her. She has orchestrated this entire show and tell of her toys just to see if she can break me. That thought helps me reign my emotions in. I have to show her I am not affected by her choices. At least not affected in the way she expects me to be affected.

"Emmett says you have nipple piercings. When did you get over your fear of needles?" I ask as casually as I can.

It works. She is visibly surprised by my casual question.

"I haven't but the piercing was quick." I can tell I am shocking her with my reaction, or lack thereof, to her news. "It was worth it though," she adds with a sly smile.

"I imagine. Did you get a ring or barbell?" I ask with extremely polite curiosity.

Her mouth briefly drops open in shock. I smile internally. I can do this.

She recovers quickly though. "Why don't I show you?"

She starts to slowly unbutton her shirt, clearly waiting for me to tell her to stop.

_Oh man. Bella is showing Edward her nipple rings_. I hear Emmett whine from downstairs. _Don't worry bro, we're leaving-giving you two some privacy._

I am transfixed, watching her small fingers work the buttons of her shirt. My eyes focus in on her breasts and because of my vampire vision, I can see the faint outline of some adornment on each breast even before she removes her shirt. Why hadn't I noticed those before? All of a sudden I hope they are barbells. Where the hell did that thought just come from?

She finishes unbuttoning her shirt and leaves it hanging open. She reaches up and pulls the cups of her black bra down. A blush is completely covering her chest and her heart is racing. Her breathing is heavy and I know she is not just nervous, but excited to show me.

It takes me a few seconds to even notice the rings. I am so focused on her perfect pink nipples and C cup breasts. I lick my lips without conscious thought and try to imagine what they would taste like in my mouth. I had never touched Bella there. The sight of her breasts is stimulating and intimate.

"They're perfect," I whisper.

"They're platinum."

"What?" I say, thinking she is talking of her breasts.

"The rings...they are platinum. Julian insisted on the best."

And my fantasy of Bella and I sharing a deeply intimate moment is abruptly halted. This is just another taunt, just another test. I notice that they are in deed rings and I remember from my research how they can be used in erotic play.

She covers those beautiful orbs back up with her bra and starts to button up her shirt. I can't let her have the last word.

"I presume you use them with a pulling chain. Be careful and make sure you don't overstimulate. As you probably know, direct stimulation to that area should not last more than four minutes at any given time to maximize pleasure."

And as her mouth falls open further than I thought it ever could, I give her a big smile and walk past her completely stunned figure and proceed to my room. I give my self an internal high five as I enter, knowing that I have definitely given Bella something to think about.

*****

I am in an especially good mood the next day, anxious to get to school and see Bella. My good mood is somewhat tempered as I come downstairs and hear Esme's anxious thoughts.

_Edward, I am too embarrassed to ask your father. But please tell me if you know. Can vampires' nipples be pierced?_

E/N—Don't forget to give me your suggestions on best songs to F*%# by. And remember it all belongs to SM (except for Emmett's alligator clamps)


	16. Chapter 16

CHAPTER 16

RESEARCH

"Want to meet at 5:00 in the library to study for contracts?" I ask Bella as we leave our human rights law class. It is Thursday, our designated study night. Or as I like to think of it, the one evening a week I am guaranteed to get Bella to myself.

"Can we make it 7:00 instead? I am going to be tied up until after dinner."

God I hope she means that figuratively and not literally.

"7:00 will be just fine. I have to do a little personal research anyway. I can do that before we meet up."

"What type of research?"

"Oh Esme asked me to find out if there is a piercing device strong enough to pierce vampires' nipples. I have no idea where that idea suddenly came from."

Bella giggles and says "Esme really asked you that? That's a little disturbing actually."

I lean over and say in a low voice, "No what is disturbing is that I am not sure if she is interested in this information for herself or for Carlisle."

*****

A few hours later I watch as Bella approaches me. I am in a study room located in the top floor of the law library. I don't attempt to hide my adoration for her as she approaches, letting my face break into the biggest of smiles.

She gives me a weak smile in return as she places her book bag on the table and pulls out her contracts text and notes.

"Something wrong?" I ask.

"Nothing in particular. Just in a bad mood I guess. So, can we go over apparent agency vs. actual agency relationships? I think it is going to be a big part of the exam."

I know something is bothering her and I want so much to just fix it for her. But she has made it clear she doesn't want to talk about it right now. I carefully word my response.

"Of course Bella. We can talk about _**anything**_ you want."

There. I have respected her wishes but also let her know I am available to talk about it whenever she may be ready. I am getting really good at this.

A few hours later, I hear Bella's stomach growl. "I'm sorry Bella. I thought you had already had dinner. Let's stop and go feed the human."

"Yeah, well I didn't feel like eating earlier but this studying has made me work up an appetite. I think I'll stop at the diner across the street. But you don't have to go. It's late and I'm sure you have better things to do than watch a human eat."

"Well, I don't know. I could catch up on my sleep..."

She giggles in response. She has been very quiet and pensive throughout our time together. It's a welcome change to hear her laughter.

I pick up her book bag. I decide to take a chance and put my arm around her shoulder in what I hope is an acceptable gesture for friends as I lead her out of the library. "Come on, you know how much I enjoy watching you eat that disgusting and repulsive food." She seems to welcome my touch. She leans into me and the electrical current that is always between us is amplified. She smells so damn good too!

We take a seat at a booth in the back in the near empty diner. Bella places her order for scrambled eggs and pancakes. I thought that was a breakfast meal but what do I know? All human food is pretty much the same to me.

"So have you picked out a topic to write about for the human rights law paper due at the end of the semester?" she asks me.

"Yes. I am going to write about the crisis in certain parts of Africa where sanitary conditions and minimal medical care are non existent and explore what international laws arguably permit the US or other countries to interfere."

She looks up and I see from her expression that she is impressed with my selection. "Wow. That sounds like it might take a lot of research."

I shrug. "Not really. Most of the background facts, I know from personal experience and I previously looked into ways to obtain intervention from the international community."

"What personal experiences?"

"I spent much of the last four years in Africa."

"Doing what?"

"Well believe it or not, practicing medicine. People there are desperate for medical care. They didn't question the fact that I was pale as a ghost, my hands were like ice and I only came to see them after sunset. They were just glad to have some much needed medicine and care. "

The look she gives me is a mixture of surprise and admiration. Admiration from Bella is one of the most precious gifts I can ever receive and I bask in the glow of it.

"Alice didn't mention Africa."

"She wasn't there. I was there alone."

"Alone?"

"Alone."

She is about to ask me another question but is distracted by the buzz of her blackberry. She looks down at the incoming message and her brows knit together.

"It's Julian. He is at the library looking for me," she says, almost as if she is talking to herself. She sighs and sends him a text message. She looks up at me apologetically, "I had to tell him I was here. I'm sure he will be here in a few minutes."

That bastard! It is like he knew I was finally impressing Bella and he had to come and interfere

"We sort of had a fight," She says looking down at her plate.

"About that contract he wants you to sign?" I say before I can stop myself.

"How do you know about that?"

"The BBQ. His thoughts."

"Oh." She gives me a knowing smile. "I thought that might be why you took off suddenly."

"No, that's not what we fought about." Is that because she has already agreed I wonder.

As if she is sensing how anxious her response is making me she says quickly, "I'm not signing that contract. That is not....my thing."

I have to clench the table to keep from leaping over it and kissing her in sheer gratitude. I had read a lot about dominant/submissive relationships when I was doing my research and had come to understand they are not all sex slave type arrangements. However, the level of trust that has to exist between two people to engage in such an arrangement is something I just couldn't bear to think Bella may share with Julian. Also, I wanted to be the one that ties Bella up and spanks her until she promises to be a good girl. _Holy hell. Where do these dark thoughts keep coming from?_

Speaking of things that may come from hell, Julian walks in and makes a bee line for our table. His thoughts are anxious and he is not happy to see me sitting with Bella. A bit of the fight he had with Bella earlier in the evening plays in his mind. He wanted her to stay home with him instead of meeting me at the library. The jerk had told her I wanted to do more than study with her. How dare he of all people insinuate my intentions with Bella are anything but pure and proper? She is my mate! He is the interloper here. I don't care what Alice says, maiming Julian Yates is reinstated as part of the plan.

He stops by our booth and nods politely to me "Edward."

"Julian," I say, using an equal amount of false sincerity in my voice as he had used.

He slides in beside Bella and greets her with a kiss on her cheek. "So, what are you kids talking about?"

Bella visibly bristles from his use of the word "kids" to describe us. "The current state of international intervention into areas of the globe that are experiencing a record level of hunger, disease, genocide, and the like. You know, typical kids stuff, " I answer with a smile that shows my teeth.

_God that kid is freaky sometimes_, he thinks. I just increase my smile and show off some more teeth.

Bella speaks up. "I'm trying to come up with a topic for a paper I have to write in our human rights class. The professor has given us _carte blanche_ to choose any topic that involves human rights, from any time period, so long as we include an analysis of any applicable laws."

I speak up. "You should look at the US during the 50's and early 60s, prior to the passing of the first Civil Rights Act. You could compare the pre-civil rights laws of the United States with laws in other countries during that same time period. I think you would be surprised how much US law didn't conform to the ideals set forth in various international treaties the US was party to during that same time period. The laws in countries like Germany and Japan at that time would have been considered more _humane_ by today's standards."

_Show off_, Julian thinks.

Bella smiles at me. "That's a great idea. But it sounds like a lot of research would be involved."

"Bella, you know I would be happy to help you with that. Besides, if you are going to be practicing civil rights law someday, you should have a fundamental understanding of where those laws came from and just how different things were not so long ago."

_Kid talks like he grew up during that time period. What a delusional, arrogant know it all._

I can easily ignore Julian's thoughts because my Bella is giving me a smile full of gratitude and admiration. Take that Julian!

*****

By the time I return home it is late. I know Alice and Jasper are hunting. Carlisle appears to be at work but I can hear Esme, Emmett and Rosalie sitting at the kitchen table. That's odd. We rarely use the kitchen or dining room table.

I enter and greet my family. I smile in greeting at Esme and then tell her, "In response to your question from this morning, I am afraid the answer is no." There are instruments possibly strong enough to pierce but no ring could stay in place because there is nothing that would keep the pierced flesh from immediately healing because of our venom.

"Oh," she says, her face showing her disappointment.

"What are you guys doing?" I ask noticing Emmett is still holding those damn nipple clamps. His thoughts reveal he is coming up with a list of the strongest known metals.

"We're coming up with a business model for our new venture," Emmett responds, grinning enthusiastically. I am almost afraid to ask.

"What venture?"

"Well, that talk with Bella got Rosalie and me to thinking. You know no one makes durable sex toys for vampires. I mean look at these nipple clamps. If I latch that onto my nipple or Rosalie's nipple and let go, the thing is just going to break. And no handcuffs sold in the stores are going to hold one of us. Now is this fair I ask you? Of course not. We want to get our kink on too. So we are going to design, manufacture, and sell vampire approved sex toys.

Please let him be kidding. "Emmett, how in the hell are you going to market such things? You can't very well take out an ad in the _Sunday Times,_" I point out.

"Yeah, that's going to be the tricky part. When Jasper returns from hunting I will get his input on that one. I think he has a marketing degree or two, right?"

I just shake my head and start to go to my room. "Hey Ed, any ideas on what we should call our business? Esme's and Rosie's ideas are too damn girly for my taste."

"No offense intended," he adds in response to the reproachful looks he receives from Esme and Rosalie.

"How about Sodom and Gomorrah?" I say as I head upstairs.

"Excellent!" Emmett exclaims, completely ignoring my sarcasm. "I like it! Sodom and Gomorrah, Inc., Emmett McCarty Cullen, Founder and CEO."

**E/N—Remember it all belongs to SM. Keep those song suggestions coming. Not just for the story but also for my own personal collection and playlist...lol. And a shoutout to latuacanante4him, my 150th reviewer! All reviewers will get a teaser of Chapter 17.**


	17. Chapter 17

CHAPTER 17

FALL

It's Saturday and our entire household is abuzz. Bella is coming over to spend the day watching football, culminating in the FSU vs. Boston College game this evening. Alice has decorated the den area in garnet and gold and Esme is busy in the kitchen cooking up "football tailgating snacks." My brothers are already in front of the TV looking forward to a day full of football. Rosalie is sitting next to Emmett looking bored. Carlisle comes out of his study to admire everyone's work. Their thoughts reveal how excited everyone is to spend the day with Bella.

_I can't believe Bella is going to watch football with us._

_I wonder if Bella would let me add highlights to her hair?_

_I can't wait to tell Bella about my Sodom and Gomorrah empire._

_I hope she likes spinach and artichoke dip. _

At 11:22 a.m. I hear Bella's car approaching. She has in fact upgraded from that old red Chevy truck. She told Alice she had received a Toyota Prius as a graduation gift, courtesy of her parents and Julian who had shared the cost. I try not to dwell on the fact that Bella would never even consider letting me buy her a car.

Alice pushes ahead of me to greet Bella. Bella looks absolutely adorable in her jeans and FSU sweatshirt. Her hair is in a high ponytail and she has some sort of painted on tomahawk symbol on her cheek. She looks very young and very much like the Bella I first saw in that school cafeteria in Forks. It reminds me of the fantasy I had enjoyed just a few short hours ago in the privacy of my shower while most of my family had been out. It was a new fantasy and I can't resist replaying it in my mind as I look at Bella greeting my family:

Bella has her hair up in a high ponytail and she is sitting on the lab table in the Forks High School biology room. She is wearing nothing but her nipple rings. Her left nipple ring has a diamond "E" on it, marking her as mine. I am standing in between her legs with her right nipple ring between my teeth, gently tugging. Her legs are wrapped around my waist and she is moaning my name over and over.

Jasper's thoughts bring me out of my new favorite Bella fantasy. _Man, I don't know exactly what you are thinking about but give me a break before I have to take Alice upstairs and miss kickoff. Take another one of your special showers if you need to._

I cringe at Jasper's crude thoughts. There is no way I'm doing _that_ with Bella in the house.

The day goes by too fast. We watch a total of three games and Alice manages to give Bella a pedicure and manicure during half time. FSU has just won and Bella is in an especially good mood at that fact. I will admit I was slightly taken aback the first time I heard Bella shout at a referee in response to a bad call against FSU that he was a "blind mother fucker that should have his testicles cut off and fed to rabid dogs" but I recovered quickly.

Bella takes out her iPod and plays the FSU fight song in celebration. Inspired, I take her iPod away to scroll and look at her newest additions. I'm a firm believer that you can tell a lot from a person by their play-lists, especially when you can't read that person's thoughts. "Hey!" she yells in mock anger.

I laugh and hold her off easily with one arm. "I'm just checking to see if my good taste in music is rubbing off of you."

Bella gives up her weak attempts to recover the iPod from me and excuses herself to go to the restroom while I stroll through her rather extensive play-lists She has a play-list marked "CFM Songs" My mind is quickly going through all of the possibilities that CFM could stand for while I scroll down the list:

Distorted Love by Enigma

In the Air Tonight by Phil Collins

Cream by Prince

I Touch Myself by Divnyls

Figured You Out by Nickleback

Wicked Game by Chris Isaak

Bump and Grind by R. Kelly

Your Body is a Wonderland by John Mayer

Sex on Fire by Kings of Leon

Creep by TLC

Lick by Joi

Say it Right by Nelly Fertado

I don't readily recognize the connection between the songs. "What are CFM songs?" I ask.

Emmett doesn't miss a beat and answers almost absently as he watches SportsCenter. "Come fuck me songs."

"What? No, I'm sure it means something else."

"No it means come fuck me songs," Emmett says confidently.

_Sorry Edward but it does. Like CFM shoes are come fuck me shoes. _Alice's thoughts confirm Emmett's revelation.

"Here, let me see," Emmett reaches out and grabs the iPod from me and looks at Bella's CFM songs list. "Wait, maybe I'm wrong. This can't be a come fuck me list. Closer by Nine Inch Nails is not even on it."

I know that suggestive, overtly offensive song.

Jasper takes a quick peek. "Not a very good come come fuck me list. No Marvin Gaye's Let's Get It On or Sexual Healing."

Carlisle speaks up. "Let's Get It On and Sexual Healing, I know. What is this Closer song?" Before I can tell him he doesn't want to know, Emmett grabs his own iPod and plays it and the lyrics sound out:

_You let me violate you_

_You let me desecrate you_

_You let me penetrate you_

_You let me complicate you_

"Emmett turn that off. It's offensive," I say in annoyance.

"No it's not. Damn hot is what it is."

I don't want him to embarrass Esme and Carlisle but it's too late as the chorus has already started.

_I want to fuck you like an animal_

_I want to feel you from the inside_

_I want to fuck you like an animal_

_My whole existence is flawed_

_You get me closer to god_

"That's not my iPod," Bella says as she re-enters the room.

"I know. You need to add Closer to your CFM song list," Emmett says, smiling.

"My list is just fine the way it is thank you," Bella retorts, not seeming the least bit bothered by the fact we have discovered her list.

"Would Barry White's Can't Get Enough of Your Love be considered a CFM song?" Carlisle asks.

Jeez. I can go the rest of my existence without knowing what Carlisle is going to put on his CFM song list. What is with my parents lately asking inappropriate questions? First Esme and now Carlisle.

"With that voice? Definitely," Bella says, smiling.

Alice speaks up: "Nice and Slow by Usher. Best CFM song ever."

"No. Slow Hand by the Pointer Sisters is the best CFM song. It's the original CFM song," adds Rosalie.

Esme is too embarrassed to speak up but she is going through various Elvis Presley songs in her mind that "get her in the mood." I urgently block out her thoughts as she starts to fantasize about Carlisle singing Burning Love to her while he shakes his hips.

"I like Rosalie's suggestion. I'm going to add that to my iPod," Bella says.

"None of you have mentioned the _**real**_ ultimate CFM song," I say.

"_**You **_have a CFM song list?" Rosalie sneers.

Stupid Rose. She has no idea how many times I have fantasized about making love to Bella, including the music that would accompany our union.

I lock my eyes upon Bella and it is like no one else is in the room. "Not a list per se but I know what song I would want playing while I take my one and only love to my bed and proceed to worship every inch of her body."

Bella tenses and I know she likes my admission. She's flushed, her eyes are slightly dilated and she's breathing heavier than normal. All good signs.

We stare at each other and the sexual tension is palpable.

"Well? Care to share?" Rosalie's annoyed voice interrupts our moment but I smile at the small victory of knowing that Bella still wants me. Jasper is shifting with discomfort and I know the lust that Bella and I are projecting is having a profound effect upon him.

Bella is looking at me expectantly and I can tell from everyone's thoughts that they are getting impatient.

"Bad Company's Feel Like Making Love," I reveal, looking at Bella the entire time.

I start walking toward Bella who is still standing just inside the doorway, our eye contact never wavering. When I am finally close to her, I whisper some of the lyrics in her ear:

_Baby, if I think about you, I think about love_

_Darling, if I live without you, I live without love_

_And if I had the sun and moon and they were shining_

_I would give you both night and day of satisfying_

_I feel like making love_

I feel the whoosh as everyone quickly leaves us alone, giving us privacy for our impromptu moment.

I pull back and look at her. She is now leaning against the wall for support. I brace my right hand against the wall, just above her. I cup her cheek with my left hand. Bella swallows before speaking. "That is what you would play?", she whispers.

"Isn't it the obvious choice? It has provocative but loving lyrics, a sensual rhythm, sexy guitar riffs, and of course a climactic chorus," I say, as I continue to caress her cheek and stare into her eyes.

Her lips part and her tongue sneaks out to moisten them. I lean closer

"There should always be a climax," she says as my lips are almost touching hers.

"Oh definitely--always a climax," I whisper just as my cold lips descend upon her warm, soft lips. I try to stifle the groan that the sensation causes. She opens her lips wider and breathes her sweet freesia scent into my mouth and I'm lost. I crush her to me and she whimpers. I start to pull back, afraid that I have hurt her but she latches onto me, pulling me closer and wrapping her left leg around my waist. And god help me I let her. I pour into the kiss, all of the pent up frustration I have felt from being tested, taunted, and slowly tortured out of my mind all week by Bella.

Her tongue seeks entry to my mouth and I am about to throw caution to the wind and let her have what she wants--what I want when her phone rings. She pulls back from our kiss. "Ignore it," I say leaning back in to pick back up from where we had left off. "I can't. That's Julian's ring." Nothing like the mention of her live in, sexually depraved boyfriend to kill the mood. I pull back with a sigh and release her so she can answer her phone.

_Sorry about the stupid cockblocker bro_. I can't help but smile at Emmett's thoughts of comfort which float down to me.

I am not surprised when Bella tells me she has to leave. Julian will be home soon from work and apparently the arrogant neanderthal thinks that Bella has to be home waiting for him like a puppy dog. It takes tremendous will to fight down the cutting remarks I want to make about him. But I can't risk jeopardizing the progress I have made with Bella.

Bella calls out her goodbyes to my family and I walk her to her car. "I can drive you home and just run back here," I offer.

"No, I really want to be alone. Clear my head during the drive, you know?"

I hug her to me gently and place a kiss on the top of her head. Something shifted between us tonight For just a moment, Bella was able to put aside her hurt, her anger, and her distrust of me and let me in.

"You have options. Remember that Bella. I know you need time. I will be waiting for you. I will wait forever if that is what it takes, I promise."

She pulls back, gives me a sad smile and turns to go. I watch her until I can no longer see her car and then I continue to listen until I can no longer hear her heartbeat. Then I take off in a rush to hunt and to let out my _frustrations_ from our amorous activities.

*****

When I return home the next day, Carlisle is coming downstairs, on his way to work. He is whistling and he is in an especially good mood, even for Carlisle. I inwardly cringe when I realize the reason for his jubilant mood. I recognize the lyrics from the song he is playing in his head:

_Help me, it's your sex I can smell_

_Help me you make me perfect_

_Help me because somebody else_

_I want to fuck you like an animal_

**E/N—What is up with Edward's parents? They may be the most adventurous couple in that household! So what do you think about Edward's CFM song? I thought it was fitting. He has been around a long time and I thought he was more likely to choose something not so modern. And it is a damn sexy song!!! Thank you all for your suggestions as to song choices. A special shout out to: Teresabug; Sweetp-1; RoseArcadia; JennyPenny1204; Princessnerra; Tahughes; Monamour (even though I never did find out about your wall sex selection); klrtwilight; PaulineAH; Ange de l'aube; and latuacantante4him. If I have forgotten anyone who gave me a suggestion that was used in this chapter, please forgive me. I really enjoyed listening to your suggestions and my own CFM list has improved because of it. All the songs mentioned can be found on Youtube (except Cream by Prince). Don't forget. It all belongs to SM.**


	18. Chapter 18

CHAPTER 18

ONE STEP FORWARD, TWO STEPS BACK

"Son of a bitch! Some son of a bitch took my name!"

Emmett's booming voice echoes through the entire house.

Esme admonishes him, "Emmett McCarty Cullen, language!"

Emmett flashes down the stairs with a letter in his hand. "Edward, look at this shit. I applied to copyright the name Sodom and Gomorrah and some asshole in Atlantic City has already claimed it. My application was denied. This good for nothing lawyer I use says there is nothing I can do. Can you believe this?"

I shrug. "What's the big deal? Choose another name."

"But I had big dreams for my Sodom and Gomorrah empire."

"Emmett, do you even know what happened to Sodom and Gomorrah?"

"Yeah some jerk off in New Jersey stole it!", he screams holding up the letter for emphasis. That is not exactly what I meant but I don't bother to correct him. I just shake my head. Emmett is beyond being rational at this moment.

"You're in law school. Can't you do something? Emmett asks.

"What can I do?"

"Read some law books. Find a loop hole. You're smarter than that $400/hr guy I hired anyway."

"Sorry. Not interested."

"How about Bella. Will she help her brother out?"

"Bella is interested in civil rights law Emmett. She wants to help people fight injustice and corruption."

"Perfect! This is an injustice of the worst kind. Just give her this paper during your class and see what she thinks."

I chuckle, take the paper from him and head off to school to see the love of my existence.

*****

I am excited as I arrive to contracts class on Monday morning. I can hardly contain my excitement at seeing Bella again. I have not seen her since Saturday when we shared that kiss that can only be described as something other worldly.

I had sent her a text last night, to say good nite and let her know I was looking forward to seeing her in class. Her responsive text was short: _I'll see you in class. _

I arrive early and wait outside the classroom for Bella. Truthfully, I am hoping we can steal a few minutes in a nearby empty classroom and pick up where we left off on Saturday night. My lips ache with the need to touch hers again.

Bella must be running late. Soon the professor arrives and greets me as he enters the classroom. I reluctantly go inside, hoping that Bella will only be slightly tardy. However by the time the class is almost over I know she is not coming and I start to panic. What if something happened to her? What if there has been an accident? What if Julian tied her up and is doing unspeakable things to her? I am just about to stand and leave when my phone vibrates. It is a text from Alice. _Calm down. Bella will show up to your next class._

I text her back. _Why? What's wrong? It is not like Bella to miss class._

Alice responds quickly. _She is fine. She will tell you what she wants you to know. I told you I am not interfering._

_Thanks for being so helpful_.

_Ass!_

*****

Bella shows up just seconds before our legal writing class starts, giving me no time to talk to her. She sits down next to me and acknowledges my presence with a quiet "hi." I spend the entire hour watching Bella closely. She looks tired. There are rings under her eyes and her body posture is extremely tense. That damn Julian. He has probably upset her again. Then something occurs to me. Maybe she told Julian she was leaving him. I catch her eye and give her a reassuring smile. The smile she gives me back is weak.

Class finally ends. We have one more class today but it does not start for another hour. I am hoping Bella will let me take her to lunch. "Lunch?" I ask as I rise and take her book bag in hand.

Bella slowly stands and looks down at her hands. "I'm not hungry. But we...we should talk," she says softly and she finally looks up at me. Anxiety is radiating from her.

"Okay." I notice the classroom is empty and as she sits back down in her seat, I realize she wants to talk here.

I place her book bag down and lean my back against the table, folding my arms across my chest and looking down at Bella. She folds her hands on the table and looks straight ahead as she speaks. "Edward, this has to stop. We're suppose to be friends. I'm not going to lie. The attention you have been giving me, the sweet things you say—I am flattered and a part of me wants to just forget what happened and run back to you."

"Then do," I whisper.

She looks up at me then with a firm resolve in her expression. "But. You. Left. Me. And I _**can't**_forget. You told me to move on with my life and find someone else. I did find someone else. I can't be with you like this anymore. It's wrong. I can't hurt Julian the same way you hurt me."

She could not have wounded me more if she had tore my limbs from me and burned me in the fiercest fire. I shift my stance and move to sit beside her. She is still looking straight ahead.

"Please. I will do anything, _**anything**_Bella to make that up to you."

"Even if I could believe you, how can I just leave Julian? He loves me. He needs me."

Who cares what Julian needs? "What about what _**you**_ need Bella?"

"I need Julian too. I need to know he is going to be there every time I come home."

"Bella," I say, longing and fear lacing my voice and making it hoarse, even to my own ears. "I swear I won't leave. Never again. I can't. Please don't send me away."

"I love you!", I say desperately.

"You won't change me."

"Don't be so damn stubborn Bella, please," I implore her. "We can talk about that later. It is not what is important."

She finally turns and looks at me. "How can you say that? How can I believe you won't leave me again when you don't even what to make sure I can be with you forever."

"Your soul.."

"It's my choice Edward. You still don't respect that fact. And you never will. And this," she points to the space between us, "is not good. It's not fair to string me along or for me to do that to you. I won't cheat on Julian."

"I don't want you to cheat on Julian. I want you to leave him and..."

"And what Edward? Follow you around like a pathetic puppy until you tire of me, if I don't die first?"

The mention of her demise makes me lose the hold on my temper just a bit. "Don't Bella!" I warn through gritted teeth. "Don't ever talk about dying. I can't stand it."

"But it will happen Edward. It's inevitable. You almost destroyed me when you left. Julian saved me. I won't let you do it again." She grabs her book bag and runs from the room.

I have to get out of here before I destroy the building. I am losing her and there is nothing I can do but watch it happen. She won't even give it time. Because of that damn Julian. No. If I am being honest. It is because of me. I rush to my Ferrari and tear through the streets of Seattle, searching out the interstate. I need to drive. I need to think.

Remorse. Anguish. Defeat. I feel it all so deeply. If I had not been so stupid it could have been me instead of Julian. I could have been there and watched her go to college, watched her discover her passion for law, and be the first one to share physical intimacy with her. I missed it all because of my stupid arrogance. I have lost all hope. The last time I had felt hopeless was when I had left her in Forks. This time is worst. This time my punishment will be ten fold. Because now I am going to be forced to see her live the life I could have had with her. Instead, she will live it with someone else, someone who is not worthy of her.

I made her a promise that I would not leave and I won't leave unless she tells me to go. She said we could be friends and I will have to learn to be satisfied with that.

I may not have a soul but that does not mean I won't burn in hell after all. Hell will be watching Bella love Julian, marry Julian, have his children. All while I stand by as the supportive friend. Yeah, it will be absolute hell on earth.

I return home late at night. I am not going to allow myself the luxury of wallowing. I have to return to my family and face the consequences of my actions. They have been able to renew their relationship with Bella. They should not have to suffer and leave just because I have irreparably harmed my relationship with her. I have to start learning to be just Bella's friend too.

As I approach the house, I am assaulted by thoughts I am not expecting. Tanya, our "cousin" from Denali, Alaska, is in there and I can tell from her thoughts she is absolutely heartbroken. From her thoughts and what she is relaying to my family, I realize she is upset because she fell in love with a human man.

Her thoughts are so full of sadness. His name was Clay. She really loved him it seems but he only had eyes for her sister Kate. Even though Kate was not interested in Clay and no matter how much Tanya pursued him, he simply did not reciprocate her interest. Feeling humiliated, she fled and is now here to visit with us until she feels strong enough to face her sisters. We consider Tanya and her sisters like our extended family, because they share our same vegetarian lifestyle. We are a rare breed in the vampire world and that has caused our respective families to bond.

I enter the house and give Tanya a look of sympathy. I certainly know what it feels like to be rejected. _You heard ? _She asks me in her thoughts. I nod my head slightly. She stands up from Esme's comforting embrace and I reach out my arms to her and give her a sisterly hug. "I'm sorry. I know. Believe me I know." I say simply.

"Tanya will be staying with us," Esme announces to me.

_God. Now there will be two of them rolling in self pity_., Rosalie's unkind thoughts assault me. Normally, Rosalie's rudeness does not affect me. However, I am angered for her malicious thoughts directed to Tanya, who is clearly suffering.

"A little sympathy and understanding wouldn't kill you Rosalie," I hiss.

"Forgive my brother Tanya. He is a little sensitive because he is shocked that Bella won't welcome him back with open arms after he stomped all over her heart."

"Rosalie, I swear to god...," I start.

"Enough," Carlisle says firmly and with the authority of the head of the family.

He continues. "Unfortunately, loss and pain is part of every being's life, even a vampire's life. But we're a family. We are here for our family. We support our family members. Edward. Tanya. We are here for both of you. Please let us know if there is anything we can do to help. Even if it is something as simple as just talking."

Rosalie at least has the grace to look contrite.

"Thank you Carlisle. I just want to be alone for a while if that is okay." Tanya says.

"Come. I will help you get settled in the guest room. It is just across the hall from my room." I lead Tanya upstairs, after grabbing her suitcases that were still sitting at the bottom of the stairs.

"Thanks Edward," she tells me as I place her suitcases on the bed so she can unpack. I shrug. It's no big deal.

I can tell from Tanya's thoughts that she knows about Bella. Alice and Esme filled her in before I arrived. She is debating whether to say anything to me about it.

"No need. Rosalie was right. I did this. I have to live with it." I say, before she can make up her mind.

She nods her head in understanding. "Do you want to maybe hunt together tomorrow?"

"I have classes until 3:00 but then I could go if you want to," I tell her.

She smiles. "That will be great. Maybe you can tell me how you live like this. With the pain."

I don't have the heart to tell her that this is not living. Without your mate, it's barely existing.

**E/N—Okay. Not so happy this time but don't give up on our Edward and Bella, at least not yet. Please stay tuned. Edward and Bella go on a double date next chapter—just not with each other. Reviewers will get a teaser. Shoutout to Demons4eva for being my 200th reviewer. Your reviews are really great. And remember it all belongs to SM.**


	19. Chapter 19

CHAPTER 19

WICKED GAMES

**A/N-I have to thank my sis who helped assemble the pics that detail the outfits that Bella and Tanya wear on the date. They are on my profile page. As you will see from this chapter, something that Bella is wearing is going to really get Edward's attention so you might want to take a peek before you read. Thanks Sis for being my best friend and for all of the fashion advice!**

It is Tuesday morning and time to start my penance, my life sentence as Bella's friend. I have spent the night listening to music, trying to find some solace in soothing chords and lyrics. It also helped me block out the thoughts of pity that filled the heads of my family members. Well, except for Rosalie. When I emerge from my self imposed isolation, I find Tanya downstairs playing video games with Emmett and Jasper. Alice's thoughts are filled with plans for a shopping trip she wants to take with Tanya later in the week.

"May I come with you?" Tanya asks.

"What? To law school?"

"Yes." I can tell from her thoughts she is desperate for a distraction. She is also just a bit fascinated with the idea of attending college. Tanya has a brilliant mind. However in her 1000 plus years on this earth, she has had very little formal education. This is because she and her sisters choose to live in more isolated areas and have more limited interaction with humans.

"Okay. We can tell the professors that you are visiting the area and you are contemplating applying to the law school next year and that you just wanted to sit in and observe a few classes." Tanya smiles at me in gratitude. Maybe having Tanya there will work as a distraction for me too. Maybe she can keep me from falling at Bella's feet and making a complete fool of myself once again.

On the way there Tanya asks me, "How do you do it? How can you go and see her everyday knowing she wants someone else?"

I sigh. "What choice do I have? I promised her I would not leave. I don't want to be away from her. If this is all I get, then I have to learn to accept that. She would be justified in wanting me completely out of her life after all."

"Oh Edward. There must be something you can do."

"Everyone says give it time. I have been honest with her. I told her how I feel. I told her I would always be here for her, until she sends me away. All I have left to give her is time."

"You don't sound hopeful."

"She has a human boyfriend that she loves and who can give her what she wants, what she needs. Why would she leave that for me?"

Tanya giggles. "Oh Edward, you really don't see yourself clearly."

I frown as I recall that I have said the exact same thing to Bella on several occasions.

"Is it because you won't change her?"

"That's part of it."

"I would've changed Clay if he had loved me and had been willing. How can you not want to change her?

"I don't want her to be a monster. She is so good, so warm, with so much potential. I can't destroy all of that. I can't destroy her soul."

"With all due respect dear cousin, it sounds like to me you're projecting your hang ups with what you are unto Bella. I have news for you. If Bella is all of these wonderful things, that part will not change once she is a vampire. In fact, those qualities will probably be amplified."

"What if you're wrong? What if she regrets it? An eternity is a very long time to live with that type of mistake," I tell Tanya.

She sighs and mutters something about stubbornness.

Bella is already sitting in our torts class when I arrive. Tanya and I greet the professor who has also arrived. I introduce Tanya to her and ask if it would be okay if Tanya observes the class as an interested visitor. Professor Borisov, after learning that Tanya is from Alaska, takes an instant liking to her as Professor Borisov is originally from Alaska as well. And I have to admit Tanya is very charming. Not only does she get the professor's permission to attend this class but she is invited to attend classes during her entire visit if she would like.

I can feel Bella's eyes on us and I am anxious to sit down and be closer to her. As we turn to sit down, the Professor asks Tanya what her last name is. I don't know the answer to that myself as I don't believe Tanya normally assumes a last name. I can see Tanya hesitate. Her mind is blank. I speak up quickly, "Masen. Tanya Masen."

Having secured the professor's permission, I turn and lead Tanya to sit with me. My usual seat is next to Bella. Bella is staring open mouth at us as we approach. I realize that she may not immediately make the connection that Tanya is part of our extended family in Denali. I had previously told her we had extended family there but I never told her anything specific about Tanya or her sisters.

"Bella, this is Tanya from Denali, Alaska. I told you about Tanya's family. We use to live with them."

Bella smiles but the smile does not reach her eyes. She is clearly unhappy and her unhappiness is something I cannot abide. Is she angry at me I wonder. I'm respecting her wishes, aren't I? She doesn't expect me to stop being her friend does she?

"Bella? Is it okay if we sit here?" I add softly, trying to not sound desperate, "You said we could be friends."

She tenses even more at my words. She takes a deep breath and nods her head to the seats beside her and says very stiffly, "Of course."

The next hour passes quickly. At this point, I am grateful just to be near Bella. But I am puzzled at her obvious displeasure. Does she regret agreeing to be friends with me? I cringe at the thought she might be taking her friendship away from me too.

When class is over, Tanya stands and moves around me to get to Bella. "Bella, I really liked this class. You must really be enjoying law school." Tanya's smile is friendly but Bella does not return it. In fact, she is clearly uncomfortable.

"Bella, are you okay?" I ask.

"Yeah, I just need to go check on something before real property. I will see you later in criminal law." I am not in Bella's real property class and it will be nearly four hours until criminal law starts.

Through Tanya's thoughts, I see myself as I watch Bella leave. It's a pathetic sight.

Tanya walks up and links her arm though mine and says, "Come on. Show me the library and we will talk."

"Talk about what?" I ask sadly.

"About how you are going to get that girl back."

I lead Tanya toward the law library which is located in an adjoining building. "She doesn't even want to be my friend. You saw how she couldn't wait to get away from me."

"Oh sweetie, the way she was acting had nothing to do with not being your friend. That was just old fashion jealously."

"Jealousy?" I scoff. "Tanya, why would she be jealous? She is the one with a live in boyfriend."

"Oh Edward don't be so naïve. I know jealousy when I see it. She was bothered by seeing us together. Giving me your human last name probably didn't help matters much either."

I can tell from Tanya's thoughts that she sincerely believes Bella to be jealous. She interpreted Bella's behavior to mean that Bella misinterpreted and thought there may be something romantic between Tanya and I.

If Bella is jealous then that means she still loves me. And so long as she loves me I still have a chance. I am so excited at that idea that without thought I reach over and hug Tanya, giving her a kiss on the cheek. Just as I am pulling away, I smell _**her.**_ I turn slowly but I know she is right behind us.

Bella's face is incredulous, as if she has just witnessed the worst of injustices.

"Bella," I say softly, trying to be soothing and reassuring. "I may not have been clear earlier. Tanya is like family, like a cousin."

Bella's expression shows she does not believe me but she smiles and tells us, "Of course. It is none of my business anyway."

I am about to rush to reassure her that nothing is going on between Tanya and I, that she is the only one for me, when Tanya cuts me off to speak directly to Bella.

"Bella, Edward was just saying how he wanted to take me out and show me Seattle. But he doesn't have any ideas for what we can do. What would you suggest?" _Trust me Edward_ Tanya directs at me through her thoughts.

Bella's eyes widen and she stutters her response, clearly thrown by Tanya's question. "I don't know..."

"Well, what do you like to do? What are you doing tonight for instance?"

"I'm going to a poetry reading," Bella answers.

Tanya responds by grabbing my arm and saying, "Oh Edward that sounds like fun."

Before I can form an answer, she turns to Bella. "Bella, why don't we join you? I don't get the chance to attend many poetry readings in the Alaska wilderness and I want to get to know you better. Alice and Edward talk about you non-stop."

"Uhh," Bella's response is non-committing to say the least.

Tanya pouts prettily. "Unless you don't want us to join you."

"No, no. It's just that I was planning to go with my boyfriend after we attend a dinner with some of his work colleagues. The dinner is to wish him well in his new job that he starts on Monday."

Tanya laughs and it sounds like melodic chimes. "Oh Bella, that's okay. We will skip the dinner and just meet you at the poetry reading. Edward and I won't be hungry anyway...at least not for food, right Edward?." Tanya lightly taps my arm and laughs. Her behavior is starting to annoy me. She is clearly goading Bella and I don't like it. _Relax dear cousin. I know what I am doing, _she thinks.

"Bella, it's okay. We don't want to impose," I explain apologetically.

Neither Bella nor Tanya are paying me any attention at the moment. They are having some sort of stare down. I have seen this behavior before. My sisters will do it sometimes. I won't use the word fear but two women locked in some sort of a stare challenge unnerves me very much.

Bella, while steadily meeting Tanya's challenging expression says, "It's no imposition. The poetry reading is at the Bookworm Exchange on South Ranier Avenue. It starts at 8 p.m. Julian and I will see you there."

She turns and rushes away. "Bella, wait," I call after her. I want to make sure she is not upset but she waves me off and keeps going.

I turn on Tanya immediately. "What the hell was that? You clearly upset her. You deliberately misled her to believe there is something going on between us."

"What are you talking about? This will be great. It will be like a double date."

"Oh you're so right Tanya. I have always dreamed about double dating with Bella when her date is someone else. All my dreams are coming true thanks to you."

"Don't be a sarcastic ass. Now go after her because you know you are figuratively dying to do that. I will just look around and meet you for your next class."

She's right. I must see Bella and make sure she understands the truth. It never occurred to me that Bella would have thought my love so fickle, so shallow that I would show interest in another a mere 24 hours after declaring my eternal love and devotion for her.

I catch up with Bella in the classroom for her real property class. She is sitting in there alone as the class does not start for another half an hour. She is furiously scribbling notes as she reads her text.

"Bella," I say softly as I approach.

"Yes?" she asks oh so politely.

"I hope you didn't get the wrong idea about Tanya and I."

"I understand." She finally looks up at me with a very serious and worried expression. "Edward, I don't think _**you**_ understand. Going to a poetry reading is code for a play party."

"I'm sorry. A what?"

"Play party."

Damn my perfect vampire memory. A definition of a play party as it relates to BDSM that I read during my research comes to the forefront of my mind:

_Wikipedia defines a play party as a social event in which people practice BDSM and socialize with like minded people. The organizers often provide large pieces of equipment to which people can be tied while the party goers usually bring their own whips, canes, restraints, and the like. Generally there is an area for drinking and socializing, an area for changing into more appropriate attire, including fetishwear, and an area for sexual play. Different sexual acts occur, within the confines of the rules of the party host, including penetration._

Bella is speaking. "Don't worry. They will go easy on you since it will be your first time. Minimal whipping for newbies."

How can I be having a heart attack when my heart does not even beat? But all the signs are there. Blurred vision, severe restriction in my chest and inability to breathe. I struggle for control as I know I need to act fast to save Bella from this den of debauchery and depravity that Julian wants to take her to tonight. My plan is coming together quickly as I start compiling a list of steps to take. Kidnap Bella; Castrate Julian; Find a priest to perform a quick exorcism.

I am just about to grab Bella and run for the proverbial hills when she breaks out into a smile and says "Gotcha!"

That little minx!

*****

Later that night, after a quick hunt with Tanya, she and I are walking into the book store for the poetry reading. An area has been set up in the back of the bookstore, with various chairs, tables and couches surrounding a stool for the reader to sit upon. Only about a dozen of people are there and Bella has not arrived yet.

I buy Tanya and I each a cup of coffee so as not to look out of place and grab a table with four chairs.

I smell her long before she walks in and I see her through Julian's thoughts. They are hurrying inside because it has turned quite cold and Bella is shivering. I can't see clearly what she is wearing other than her short black trench coat. Then they enter and for the second time in the same day I wonder if I am having a heart attack.

My beautiful Bella is looking like I have never seen her before. She is removing her coat to reveal a simple white, long-sleeved gathered dress which is knee length. It has a plunging V line neck that frames and shows off her stunning breasts. No nipple rings tonight I notice.

The dress has a contrasting black belt which emphasizes her tiny waist and curvy hips. However, as my gaze travels down I see one of the most earth moving sights I have ever seen. I literally feel like the earth has shifted and my world will never be the same. I now know what they mean by CFM shoes. Because Bella is wearing the most exquisite pair of CFM black shoes that are calling out to me. They are calling "come fuck me" and god forgive me that is a call I must answer!

**E/N-Sorry to leave a slight cliffie. Part II of the date will be contained in the next chapter. Thanks once again to Sis who seems to know an unhealthy amount about CFM shoes! Please let me know what you think. Reviewers will get a teaser for Chap. 20. Thank you all who are recommending this story to others. That is just so sweet! And it all belongs to SM (except Bella's CFM shoes).**


	20. Chapter 20

CHAPTER 20

DOUBLE DATING WITH VAMPIRES

**A/N—Because everyone was so kind in their reviews, I am posting another chapter today. I hope you enjoy it and will let me know if you did or at least let me know the reasons if you didn't. If anyone had trouble getting to the links that were posted on my profile for Bella's dress and shoes, just send me a message and I can send you pics of them.**

A part of me is concerned by the fact that Bella is walking around on such dangerously high heels but that part is quickly squelched by a more primitive part that is completely riveted by the sight of her stalking toward me in footwear clearly meant for a goddess.

I have never seen Bella in such high heels before. Why had I never bought her a pair of such shoes and begged her to wear them before? This was a sight every being should see at least once in his life. The leather, the straps, the feathers, the height-- it is all such an overwhelmingly moving sight. I am entranced, stimulated and aroused all because of a pair of shoes and the love of my existence who wears them so well.

I internally give myself a shake from the dazed state I am in and remember my manners. I stand quickly and beat Julian to pulling out Bella's chair for her. I had carefully planned it so that Bella would sit next to me and Julian across from me. I would have preferred he simply sit at another table altogether but I didn't think Bella would approve.

She thanks me and sits down and to my delight crosses her legs toward me giving me the most perfect view of her legs--and of the shoes.

"Hi Tanya, Edward. I was afraid we were going to be late but I see that they haven't started yet," Bella says politely.

I vaguely hear Julian say, "Hello again Edward" but I only acknowledge him with a nod and instead focus my smile and attention on Bella. She is smiling back at me but her smile is coy and knowing. I realize she is very aware of the effect she has on me. She dressed this way to get _**my**_ attention. That thought warms me even more than the sight of her legs in those damn bewitching shoes.

"Edward, aren't you going to introduce me to Bella's date?" Tanya's amused voice briefly diverts my attention. "Julian, Tanya. Tanya, Julian."

"Pleasure to meet you. How was your dinner?" Tanya asks politely.

"Wonderful," Bella answers. Julian mirrors Bella's sentiments about the dinner.

"How do you two know each other Tanya?" Julian asks. From his thoughts I can see he is very pleased to see me out with another woman, a beautiful one at that. I realize Julian must be an imbecile if he can focus on anything but how beautiful Bella is tonight. You would think a practicing physician would be able to control himself and his focus better.

"Oh Edward and I are old friends. He has promised to show me a good time while I am in Seattle." Tanya answers happily. Julian is thrilled with her answer and his jovial thoughts assault me:

_Good. Maybe he has moved on. I was probably worried for nothing. Bella loves me. Edward has this lovely young woman here. This is a going to be a great night. Bella loves poetry and after this I am going to take her back home and make love to her for hours. In fact, we may have to start in the car on the way home. Maybe...wait, what is that sound?_

That sound is a warning. It is a growl that I am having a hard time suppressing and it may be the last sound he ever hears if he does not stop fantasizing about defiling my sweet Bella.

"Edward, is your stomach acting up again?" He asks. _Wow. You would think his father would have him see a gastroenterlogist if it is such a persistent problem_.

Tanya laughs. "Don't worry about Edward. He just ate too much at dinner. Now does anyone know anything about this poet we will be listening to tonight?"

"The artist's name is Becky Watson. She is a local amateur poet who has recently ventured into writing love and erotic poems. She is reading tonight and I think she is hoping for some feedback as to whether she should pursue writing more ot this genre," Bella informs us enthusiastically.

_I just like watching how much Bella gets turned on at these things._ Julian's thoughts are close to triggering another digestive episode from me.

Bella uncrosses and crosses her legs, adjusting herself in her chair. Her movement brings my attention back to those shoes. "Bella, your shoes are quite lovely," I tell her.

"Thank you", she responds.

"No, I mean it. They are exquisite. Now tell me--where does one find a pair of shoes so beautiful, so elegant, and black, and with feathers?"

_Jesus. Now he is asking where to buy women's shoes? Maybe I really didn't have anything to worry about. I'm beginning to think this kid is gay_. _He is not even paying attention to that beautiful blond woman he has by his side_.

_Good Lord Edward. You're practically drooling on her legs. Control yourself just a little, will you?_

I register both Julian's and Tanya's thoughts. I know I am acting like a man possessed and I need to calm down. I sneak a peek at Bella and she has a small smile on her face. She knows what those shoes are doing to me. How did she know that they would affect me like this I wonder.

I am brought back from my musings by the introduction of the author and the poetry reading begins.

I will tickle your senses

Into paying attention to my fingers

My tongue tracing trails on your body

My teeth sliding dangerously on your skin

My being smiles

You are sunshine on my face

My heartbeat quickens

I will take you inside my body

Our own bodies dictating to us

Our own perfect pace to be together

Our needs for each other being tended to

You raise yourself above me

My fantasy on his knees

I lay supine beneath you

Awaiting your embrace

I am squirming most uncomfortably in my seat. Between the words I am listening to, the sound of both Bella's heart rate and breathing increasing, smelling what is most definitely her aroused scent, and already being overly stimulated from the shoes, my own aroused state is becoming physically painful and I have no way of seeking any relief.

The muscles in your stomach

Tense and quiver beneath your skin

Your hands grip my knees; pull me apart

I am moist; thinking of your entrance

That's it! Quivering, moist entrances, heels, feathers...it's all too much for any man to handle. I jump up quickly from my seat, hastily excusing myself to the men's room. _Hear something you like?_ Tanya teases me in my mind as I rush into the privacy of the men's room, locking the door behind me.

What do I do now? I am debating with myself.

Practical Edward: You know what you have to do. You can't go back out there sporting an erection like that. You will scare Bella to death.

Dignified Edward: There is no way you can do **that** with Bella sitting twenty yards away. And, with Tanya hearing the whole thing.

Practical Edward: Oh come on. It will be over very quickly and then you can get back to your date and enjoying the sight of Bella in those shoes. Speaking of those shoes...

Dignified Edward: Tanya will tell Emmett!

Practical Edward: Alice has already seen it and probably told everyone anyway. Besides, remember Bella's safety? Isn't it worth it to ensure that you stay in control and Bella stays safe?

Practical Edward gets the last word. I turn the sink faucet wide open, hoping at least a passerby will not be able to hear me. I unbutton my pants and pull out my sizable cock which I can say with some certainty has never been this hard. After adding some water for lubrication and groaning at the sensation as my cock is screaming for release, I give in to my baser urges and stroke myself firmly and quickly. All I have to do is think about Bella in nothing but those shoes and the task is finished in record time.

_What a pervert you have become. Not the same shy Edward I knew all of those years._ Tanya's amused thoughts drift to me from out in the sitting area.

As I return to the table I hear Tanya telling Bella and Julian. "Don't fret. I'm sure he doesn't need another hand right now." Tanya is quite amused at her own cleverness. God, she and Emmett are going to tease me mercilessly.

"I still think he should see a specialist. Maybe he needs an endoscopic examination, " Julian is saying. His concern is so overwhelming.

"Sorry about that," I say as I return to the table and take my seat. "Did Ms. Watson finish already?"

"Yes, she will be out soon to interact and you can ask questions if you like," Bella explains.

"Oh, I have a question for her," Tanya says enthusiastically. _I think I will ask her how often she has listeners rush to the bathrooms to masturbate at these type of readings_. Tanya's amusement at my expense is really starting to piss me off. The growl I direct at her is so low that only she can hear.

As much ribbing as I will receive for my antics from my family for centuries to come, it is all worth it. Now, that I have had some sort of release, I can simply enjoy Bella's scent and smile and legs without worrying if I am about to do something embarrassing right in front of her.

Tanya and Julian are engaged in a conversation about good hiking and rafting areas in Alaska and it gives me a chance to talk to Bella. "Did you enjoy the reading?" I ask her.

She smiles shyly and says "Yes, I think I did. And you?"

"Yes, it was quite provocative. Do you attend these functions often?"

"They have readings here on Tuesday and Thursday nights usually. I enjoy some of the more provocative readings myself. And of course the coffee is pretty good too," she adds, motioning to my still full cup of coffee that is sitting on the table.

"Me too. Provocative poetry and good coffee. This place is a real find."

She smiles so brightly at me and I believe she is enjoying our light banter and the sexual tension between us that is almost palpable at this point.

It would be the perfect date but for Julian's presence.

After the author stops by our table and thanks us for coming and Tanya resists the temptation to ask her question, Tanya asks Julian and Bella what they do for fun besides poetry readings.

"I mean this was fun and all but I hope a handsome, young couple like you do something more than this. Do you have any trips or vacations planned?

"Actually we have plans to go to California in a few weeks," Bella says.

That gets my attention.

"What's in California?" I try to ask with polite interest and not grip the table too hard. Visions of Bella frolicking with Julian in vineyards in Napa Valley torture me.

Bella smiles with childlike enthusiasm. "Halloween Horror Nights at Universal Studies in Hollywood. I have always wanted to go and Julian promised to take me this year."

"Uh Bella," Julian says, speaking up with an apologetic tone.

"I don't think I am going to be able to do that this year."

Bella's face falls and I want to crush him for bringing such sorrow to her.

_Calm down Edward. This may be good for you._ Tanya's thoughts calm me enough to at least hear him out before I decide whether to rip off his extremities.

"I'm sorry my darling but I'm starting this new job just about that time. I can't ask for time off right after I begin a new job. How would that look?"

Lying bastard. His thoughts reveal his treachery. He knows he could probably ask for two days off and get them but he wants to impress Carlisle and that is apparently more important to him than keeping his promise to Bella.

"No worries. I can take you Bella," I speak up right away. _Good move_, Tanya thinks.

"No!" Julian says.

"Why not? You're right. You're too busy. I can get away for a short trip and I could use a short break myself after all this studying," I respond and direct a reassuring smile to Bella.

From his thoughts I can tell Julian is about to protest further when Tanya cuts in.

"Oh yes, it will be so much fun. Alice and I can go too. Maybe even Jasper. Oh Bella, please say you will come." Tanya clasps her hands to her chest for emphasis.

_Oh, a family thing_. _That's okay,_ Julian thinks and is instantly relieved that Bella will get the trip he promised her without having to leave her alone with me.

Bella speaks up. "That will be fun. But we should go before Halloween because it gets really busy during that time and I hear the lines are very long."

I smile. There is nothing I would rather do more than plan a vacation with Bella and no matter who has to be bribed or threatened, she will not be waiting in any lines. This trip will be perfect if I have to buy out the entire amusement park. "Don't worry about a thing. I will talk to Alice and we will take care of all the arrangements."

She seems happy at that idea and I am in turn happy. But all good things must come to an end it seems.

"Bella darling, I think it's time to go. We both have to be up early for yoga class." I try to block out his disgusting thoughts of what he wants to do to my sweet Bella when they get back to their apartment.

Bella moves as if she is about to stand up. But before she does and after catching my eye, she oh so slowly and "accidentally" drops her clutch purse near her feet. I hide my smile as I quickly retrieve it and while my face is so close to her feet, I breathe in deeply of her scent at the artery point near her ankle and I am intoxicated. I stand and give her back her purse and tell her "Here you go Bella. I will see you tomorrow?"

"Thank you and yes, tomorrow."

And then almost as an after thought she asks,"And I guess I will see you too Tanya?"

"Maybe. I haven't decided if I'm up for another day of classes yet."

Julian leads Bella to the door calling out goodnight to us.

Tanya squeals as soon as they are out of sight. "Edward, it is working. Bella orchestrated that whole seduction scene tonight, trying desperately to keep your attention from me. She is definitely not over you. You are so lucky. You still have a chance. Don't blow it you stubborn ass."

I lead her out toward my car, smiling at my good fortune. Bella does care about me, at least enough not to want me to be with another woman. That has to mean something. It gives me hope.

*****

As we return home, I am preparing myself for Emmett's onslaught. I am sure Alice has told him and if she hasn't Tanya will soon fill him in on my self pleasuring experience at the book store. The thoughts start bombarding me as soon as my family hears our approach:

_Dude, hell even I wouldn't spank the monkey in the bathroom of a bookstore!_

_Did you ever find out where Bella got those shoes?_

_I understand Edward. I think it is admirable you want to maintain control in front of Bella no matter what._

_Even Emmett wouldn't do that in a public bathroom you animal._

_Edward Anthony Masen Cullen! I raised you to know better than to masturbate in a public bathroom. What if there had been children nearby?_

_Son, always use copious amounts of lubrication. You do not want to get some sort of friction burn._

**E/N—I'm betting you can guess which quote goes with which Cullen but if you can't figure it out let me know and I will tell you. The trip to Halloween Horror Nights will be coming up soon. If you are not familiar with it you can check it out at this website: halloweenhorrornights(dot)****com****. The Orlando link on the website gives the best information about the event. The poetry is taken from original works by Becky Watson. If you want to read the complete poems here is the website: ****(dot)us/becky_watson(dot)htm**

**No copyright infringement intended. You guys ****know SM owns all that is twilight.**


	21. Chapter 21

CHAPTER 21

OPERATION CUNNILINGUS

**A/N—If you don't know what cunnilingus is, don't worry. Professor Emmett will soon be giving us all a lesson. There is some crass language and slang used in this chapter. If that offends you simply don't read. Thanks for everyone who has been reading and reviewing to date. This is so much fun and your kind words is what makes me abandon my work in favor of writing updates.**

The next week passes by quickly. With Alice's help, I have been busy creating the perfect trip to Universal Studios. Classes next Monday are canceled due to Columbus Day. Because I want to maximize my time alone with Bella, I am going to propose that we attend the Halloween Horror Nights event in Orlando, Florida. It is just like the Hollywood event and we could fly on a private jet which I have already taken the liberty of reserving. I have arranged for a VIP tour for us. Bella will get the royal treatment. And make no mistake, it will not be a family vacation. Jasper, Alice and Tanya are going to come down with the flu the day we leave.

We don't have to be back until Monday. I have something special planned for Sunday but I need to get Bella's approval and I plan to discuss it with her when I see her today in class.

Tanya has been an unexpected godsend. She has been so supportive and seems almost personally invested in helping me get Bella back. She strategically shows up with me for classes but only occasionally. I was serious when I said I did not want Bella to get the wrong idea but I will admit to noticing and enjoying the fact that on the days Tanya accompanies me, Bella is just a little bit more attentive. For example, yesterday Tanya accompanied me to our torts class only and Bella reached out and touched my arm four times and even held my hand as we walked to the library together.

Part of me felt like I was taking advantage of Tanya when she was heartbroken and needed support. However, when I told her of my concern, she scoffed and said that helping me gives her hope that she will someday have a second chance at love. I really hope she does get that chance. She is a great woman. Not as great as my Bella, but pretty good.

It is Wednesday and that means four classes with my Bella today. God, I love law school. I have to enjoy my classroom time with her because my sisters are stealing her away from me to go shopping for the trip this afternoon. Alice told me there wasn't much hope of Bella buying high heels for the trip as that is not practical amusement park attire.

After our last class of the day, I walk with Bella to the parking garage, knowing that Alice and Rosalie are waiting there for her.

"Bella, I need to talk to you about this weekend. You know the Universal Studios in Orlando has Halloween Horror Nights too. And our family has a vacation home in Orlando." Or we will once Alice closes escrow on it tomorrow but I leave this little detail out.

"So I was thinking that if you wanted, we could fly to Orlando instead."

"Orlando? That would be too much, too expensive," Bella protests.

"Bella please let me. This is my vacation too. And I will only enjoy it if you are there. You said you would let Alice and I handle everything."

Bella smiles and says, "Okay. I won't argue. And Orlando does sound very nice." She has become much more gracious at accepting gifts than when we had dated.

"I think it will be perfect. We will fly and arrive in Orlando on Friday night. We can spend Saturday at Universal Studios and then I thought we could arrange for your mother to visit on Sunday. Jacksonville is only two hours away from there."

She visibly stiffens when I mention her mother.

"I thought you would want to see your mom," I say with a questioning tone.

"Yeah, of course. I would love to see my mom."

"Great. Just give Alice her number and she will make all of the arrangements."

"Okay." she says but not with a lot of enthusiasm. That is strange.

I see her off safely with my sisters and then return to the library. I stay late at school, doing research for Bella's human rights law paper. I plan to surprise her with it one day next week when she gripes about all of the research she needs to do.

When I arrive home that night, the girls have returned from their shopping trip after dropping Bella off at her apartment. My parents and Tanya have been out hunting all day and are not expected back until tomorrow. All of my siblings are gathered around the dining room table as if they are having a family meeting. I try to focus in on their thoughts in an effort to ascertain what is going on that has everyone gathered at the meeting table.

Jasper is clearly in complete military mode. He gets this way when he is planning something important. He was an officer in the Confederate army during the civil war. His tendency to attack a problem with military like precision and strategy is a trait he has carried over from his human days. He is trying to put some sort of plan together in his mind and he is thinking of military strategies and terms such as "element of surprise", "isolate and conquer", and "use of superior equipment and skills."

I am now worrying and flash into the dining room. "What's wrong? What's going on?" Everyone looks at me and their thoughts reveal excited anticipation for me and Bella. Alice is actively hiding her thoughts per her usual behavior of late.

_Dude you are so lucky you have us. You are in for the thrill of your young virgin life! _Emmett's thoughts are the first to assault me.

"Will somebody explain what has you all excited and planning?"

"This better not be about Emmett's sex toys," I say with exasperation.

Jasper rises and stands like he is a commanding officer in the military. "At approximately 1800 hours, Rosalie obtained information from Bella that we think it going to turn this thing around for you. It is going to give you the advantage over Julian you have been looking for."

"Let me tell him! I am the one that Bella told," Rosalie interjects. She is singing in her head so that I cannot see what exactly Bella told her.

"Tell me now," I growl.

"Okay, well after this afternoon's shopping trip we took Bella back to her apartment. Julian wasn't there and we stayed a while helping Bella put away her new things and for you know--girl talk.

I stop listening to her because I can now see the conversation she is referring to as it replays in Rosalie's mind:

Bella is laying on her bed and Rosalie is laying perpendicular to her and they are chatting about men in general. Alice it appears is busy going through Bella's closet. Rosalie is telling Bella a story about the first time Carlisle walked in on her while Emmett was pleasuring Rosalie orally.

"How could you not hear Carlisle coming with your vampire hearing?" Bella is laughing but there is a disbelieving and horrified edge to her tone.

"It's just the same for us as it is for humans. When Emmett goes down on me, I can't tell you my full name. Are you telling me you'd know if Carlisle was in the same room with you when Julian is tasting your pie?" Rosalie laughs and intends the question to be rhetorical but Bella's facial expression wavers with uncertainty and something else I can't readily identify. Longing maybe?

"Um, well....actually, I wouldn't know."

"What?" Rosalie exclaims.

"Uh, yeah....Julian doesn't do that."

"Why the hell not?" Rosalie asks.

Bella shrugs and says softly, looking at the comforter on the bed and picking away imaginary lint, "he says it turns him off, not his thing I guess."

The vision abruptly ends as Rosalie finishes telling her story, recapping the conversation.

"I don't understand? This is what you have all gathered to discuss? Other than being relieved there is at least one way Julian has not forced his vile self upon Bella, I don't see what there is to discuss. And this would embarrass Bella immeasurably if she knew you were all sitting around talking about it," I admonish.

Jasper speaks up. "Edward, you don't understand. This is a major short coming on Julian's part. He has shown a vulnerability and you my brother can move in and take advantage of that weakness."

Rosalie speaks up. "Edward, trust me on this. There is no woman who doesn't want to be pleasured orally by a man with a good technique. It's what makes our eyes roll back in our heads, makes us hear and see fireworks, and is the primary reason we put up with men in the first place."

"Rosalie's right. I can't believe this guy thinks he is some sort of sex god when he can't even nuzzle some fuzz," Emmett says.

"Maybe I'm missing something here. I fail to see how Julian not performing cunnilingus is somehow going to win me back Bella."

"Cunning what? Dude, we're talking about eating pussy. I'm sorry, I thought you read about this when you were doing all of that research. Do we need to back up and explain what eating pussy means?" Emmett asks so solicitously.

"I. Know. What. You. Are. Talking. About," I tell Emmett through gritted teeth. "Cunnilingus is the proper term for stimulating a woman's genitals with the use of your mouth and tongue."

"Yeah, that sounds hot," Emmett says dryly.

Jasper cuts in, "Edward, you are going to make sure Bella knows you are willing to perform oral sex. That will give her something to think about. And then when she comes looking to test you to see if you are in fact willing to do that, you are going to give her the best sexual experience of her life. That will completely nullify the one strategic advantage Julian has had to date—his sexual prowess."

Emmett adds, "And this is the best part. Jasper and I are going to teach you the proper technique so when Bella calls your bluff, you will rock her world so good she will be saying Julian who. The girls are going to talk to you about setting the mood, seduction and all of that girlie shit. Man, I am telling you Bella will be all over you."

I like the idea of Bella being all over me. I am a little surprised but in a good way. I can't say I am not just a bit fascinated by the idea of performing such an intimate act upon Bella. Using my mouth and tongue to stimulate her and bring her to an orgasm is not an unpleasant idea in the least. Especially if she is wearing those black high heels.

Jasper brings me out of my reverie. "Listen, timing is everything. We have to start your training right away. You have only a small window of opportunity which is this weekend . That is your chance to be alone with Bella and away from Julian for a period of time that is long enough to properly seduce her."

"Jesus Jasper. You make it sound like a military operation."

Emmett speaks up, "It is Dude. We even named it Operation Edward Eats Pussy--Finally."

I hiss and growl. "Can we please keep this dignified?" I ask, angered at his crass language.

"Edward I think dignity left the building when you started whacking off in public restrooms." The others start chuckling at Emmett's mention of my unfortunate bookstore incident. "It was only once you idiot. You make it sound like I'm going all over town masturbating in every public washroom facility I find."

Emmett is trying to control his laughter. "Okay, we'll call it Operation Cunnilingus. Better?"

I can live with that. I nod in agreement. "Okay then. Put those law books away and step into my office. Your first lesson starts tonight," Emmett says with glee. Professor Emmett is back.

**E/N—Stay tuned. Lessons start next chapter. I want to thank Squarepancake who was kind enough to start a thread for this story on the Twilighted Forum. The link is http(colon)//www(dot)twilighted(dot)net//forum/viewtopic(dot)php?f=33&t=9578. Stop by and tell me if you have any particulars you hope the good Professor brings up. I will be posting teasers there from now on, along with any pics relative to the chapters.**

**Also, shout out to Tazz0617 who was my 300th reviewer. Yeah! Please, please keep those reviews coming. I adore them. All of twilight belongs to SM(Even Professor Emmett).**


	22. Chapter 22

CHAPTER 22

WOULD YOU GIVE ME THE HONOR?

**A/N—Well, here it is. I hope it doesn't disappoint. Please, please let me know what you think through reviews and/or a post on the forum. I have been very nervous about this one. I had to ask some very embarrassing questions in the name of research. All things Twilight belong to SM but I'm not so sure she is going to want to claim Emmett after this.**

We are sitting in Jasper's den which he has converted to a makeshift base of command. There is a dry eraser board set up on an easel in the corner. I groan. I can tell. This is going to be painful, physically painful. I take a seat on a chair that has been sat out for me apparently. I stretch out my legs, crossing my ankles and I cross my arms over my chest. I think I am in for a long night.

Emmett is anxious to start. "Okay, now the first thing to remember about eating a pussy is..,"

I cut him off. "Can we call it cunnilingus please?"

"No. If you can't say pussy, I don't know how you plan to eat one."

"I. Don't. Need. To. Say. It." I say through gritted teeth.

"Yes you do," both Jasper and Emmett say in unison.

"No, I don't. That is crude and it would embarrass Bella."

"Do you know nothing about women? Don't you listen in with that mind reading thing? Women _**love**_it when you tell them how much you want to get in there and eat their pussy."

Jasper speaks up, "It's like when you see humans sit down to dinner and they tell the cook 'oh this looks good--can't wait to eat up.' It makes the cook feel good."

That may be the strangest analogy ever.

I squirm with embarrassment. "Listen, I want to say things to Bella but not that," I tell them, looking down the entire time.

"Okay, that's all right, " Emmett says with understanding. "Tell us what you want to say to Bella and we will tell you if it's hot enough."

I look down at my hands while I mumble my low response. Because of my embarrassment, I say everything in a rush. "I want to tell Bella that I am so happy she is giving me the honor of pleasuring her. I want to assure her that I respect her and always will. I want to whisper to her that I will give the up most attention to pleasuring her. I will assure her that I will watch her body for signs that I might hurt her and ask her what she likes and that I will otherwise adjust and respond and work very hard until she finds her climax."

They are both staring at me and I rush to further explain, "There is no reason to cheapen this experience with crass language that tarnishes what should be a beautifully intimate moment between a man and the woman he loves."

Silence. I can literally hear crickets. Even their minds are silent. What the hell?

After what feels like an eternity of awkward silence, Jasper finally sighs and starts pacing and mumbling something about how this will never work.

"Come on Jasper. He doesn't know. That's why he has us to explain this to him," Emmett says as if I am some sort of imbecile. Emmett turns to me with a look of...pity, I think.

"That's....sweet," Emmett says with a grimace. "But Ed man, you may only get one chance at this so you can't just go in there, poking around hoping you hit the right spot every now and then. This one time has to be perfect, absolutely mind blowing. And forget that crap about her body will tell you. I assure you pussies don't have neon signs or written directions."

Jasper joins in on the lecture, "Bella will want you to know what you are doing and lead _**her**_. I'm not saying don't listen or adjust as things progress, but it is going to seriously kill the mood if you are asking her 'does this feel good' every twenty seconds."

"Yeah, do you think Julian is saying things like 'Bella I respect you so much' and 'Bella what a beautiful, intimate moment we're sharing', when he has her tied up and whipping her ass?"

"Watch your fucking mouth when you talk about Bella!" I yell at Emmett, losing my temper at the very mention of such a thing. "Besides, I'm _**not**_ Julian."

Jasper sends out a false wave of calm so that I won't tear Emmett's head off. "Calm down Edward. Of course you're not Julian. The point is Bella obviously likes the man to lead things, to control things. We are just trying to warn you that demonstrating confidence and control will probably go further with getting her excited than the shared intimacy talk."

"In other words, you are there to eat the pussy, not become one," Emmett says.

I sit back down and Jasper sits in a chair beside me. "I know you have probably fantasized about making love to Bella and saying sweet things and sharing soft touches. There will be times for that. If all goes well, you and Bella will have a lot tender moments in the future. But you have to remember the purpose of this trip is to show her whatever Julian can do, you can do better."

"Exactly. You want Bella to have so many toe curling orgasms that she comes back here and tells Julian to go fuck himself because she is only riding the E-train from now on baby!" I can't help it. I laugh. Emmett's enthusiasm _**is**_ infectious. Although that may be one of the most juvenile things Emmett has ever said, I find myself caught up in the moment and standing up and high-fiving him and Jasper and doing the obligatory male shoulder bump.

"Now that you are in the right mind set, let's talk technique," Emmett continues. "I'm about to share with you some copyrighted trade secrets so pay attention."

I sigh in resignation.

_Edward, believe it or not Emmett does know what he's talking about. He has even given me good pointers. Listen to him._ Jasper's thoughts surprise me as I had never imagined Jasper wanting or needing advice in that area. Wow, I guess I am lucky I am learning from an expert, I think wryly.

"Now you have two primary areas you have to simultaneously focus upon. The first is the clit, or as I like to call it her love button. Do you know what that is?"

"Yes," I huff. "It is slang for the clitoris which is..."

"Please Edward spare us the medical lecture. And for god's sakes definitely spare Bella the lecture. You will have a better chance in Orlando of eating Minnie Mouse's pussy than Bella's if you start spouting that medical jargon crap."

"Where was I?"

"Now, the second area that is going to require a lot of attention is her... _vagina_. Emmett's thoughts reveal pride in his using the correct term. "Or as I like to call it her honey pot." Emmett is mentally congratulating himself for cleaning up his language. _See Edward you don't have the monopoly on being a gentleman._

"To make sure we understand each other, Jasper is going to show you a picture so you can use your finger and visualize as I describe the steps that should be followed." And with vampire speed, there is a picture of a naked woman with her legs and labia spread for all of the world to see. I don't think I have ever been so mortified....except maybe after my unfortunate bookstore incident.

"Okay, touch the love button." I mumble "idiot" but touch it as I figure that is the quickest way to get through this part. "Very good. Now the honey pot." I trace a circle around the entrance of the woman's vagina. "Excellent. Now let's talk about a woman's juices."

"Is that necessary?" I ask.

"Yes, it is. Because if there are no juices, that is a very, very bad sign."

"You may be wondering how do you get those juices flowing and I am going to tell you. First, you start with kissing her mouth and gradually working your way down. You should stop and pay special attention to the breasts. Since she went through the trouble of getting them pierced, I am sure Bella will really enjoy some attention in that area."

No need for Emmett to worry about that. I have been dreaming of tugging one of those rings with my teeth since she showed me her platinum adornments.

"Now, after you have her moaning start moving downward...slowly. Kiss under her breasts and her stomach. Take your tongue and run it from hip to hip. Girls love that shit. You have some discretion on how much time you spend in this area but if you are doing it right her hips should be shifting up rhythmically. That's when you make your move."

"You look her in the eye and you say something like....," he pauses for dramatic effect and then his booming voice is near shouting: "BELLA! PREPARE YOURSELF BABY, CAUSE PAPA IS GO-ING DO-WN!"

Before I can even respond to that absurd visual, Jasper's thoughts assault me,_ "Uh, Edward. Yeah, I'm not sure I would use that papa line with Bella. That might be too much."_

"You think?" I ask Jasper sarcastically.

"What?" Emmett asks. I sigh. "I get it. This would be the time for the dirty talk, letting her know that I'm in control of what is about to happen and she should ready herself for unbelievable pleasure. Now move along."

"You're a fast learner," Emmett says with a proud smile.

"Proceed," I say through gritted teeth.

"Now you will be moving to the pussy, the main show if you will. If you have done your job correctly, she should be dripping like a faucet."

"Emmett you should forget the sex toy empire and try your hand at being a poet," I say sarcastically.

"Shut up and stop interrupting. Now there is one more stop before you dive in. Kiss the inside of her thighs. That's a hot spot. You kiss one side. Then you give just a teasing flick of your tongue to her clit and then you move onto the other thigh. At this point, she will probably try to close her legs and force your mouth back to her love button." He stops and makes me point out the "love button" on the picture again.

"Now when she does this, you run your hands under her ass and lift her up. It is important that you choose an angle that will be both comfortable for her and allow you to give direct pleasure to the love button and front pelvic bone area. This is where all kind of good things happen."

"Flick your tongue along her folds." He pauses and waits for me to point out the folds of the woman's outer labia in the picture. "If she is not waxed bare, part her pubic hair and then part her folds gently. Gradually and slowly move inwards with your tongue, nuzzling, burrowing, and finally thrusting your tongue into her honey pot." I don't even wait for him to pause but immediately point out the "honey pot" on the picture.

"While you are enjoying some tongue fucking, you shift and while still holding her ass with one hand, you should move your finger to her clit. You should touch some of her juices for lubrication first. Then you circle her clit in firm circles, pressing down and putting pressure directly on the nerves there. I personally like using my thumb but Jasper finds his forefinger to be best. Use your best judgment on what works for you."

"It is about this time that she should not be able to remember her own name. It's now time to go in for the finale. You are going to remove your finger from her clit and lay her directly on the bed. She is going to moan in protest and you say something like: 'Shh baby, daddy is going to take care of everything.'"

Papa? Daddy? Sometimes I think there is something seriously wrong with Emmett. There are a lot of things I hope Bella will call me when we are finally intimate. However, I can say with up most sincerity that I sure as hell hope that nothing that even remotely means father is among the names she chooses to call me.

Luckily he quickly moves on with his technique instruction. "At this point, it's not a bad idea to stop off for a quick kiss to each inner thigh again but you don't want to leave her wanting for too long. Seriously. I made that mistake once and Rosie almost ripped all my hair out."

"After giving her one more look that tells her to get ready, you put your tongue on her love button and circle it a few times while you ease one finger into her honey pot. She is going to raise her hips. You take your other hand and steady her and then you give it to her man. You take her clit into your mouth and suck and lick it like your very life depends upon it. You should lean into it and put pressure against the front of her honey pot walls and underlying pubic bone. And while you do that, you start doing some serious thrusting with your finger. Don't be scared to add a second. At this point, she is going to be nearing her orgasm. She will arch her back off the bed, beg you to let her thrust, beg you to thrust harder, and try to pull you closer to her love button. All good signs."

"When she is almost there, you release the hand that has been steadying her, letting her thrust. You reach up with your free hand and tweak smartly her most sensitive nipple. It will set her off every time."

"And that my dear brother is how you please a woman orally. Any questions?"

"What about my teeth and venom?"

"It is good to consider safety. With regards to teeth it is simply, don't bite. You would have that same issue even if you were with a vampire. Our teeth can puncture vampire skin. Even though it would heal, I can tell you no vampire wants to bit in their special area. As far as venom goes, it is no different than kissing. Swallow back any venom that pools and even in small doses, that will not harm her."

"What about the g-spot?" I ask.

"It's a myth. Doesn't exist."

"What?"

"Just kidding. The g-spot orgasm is a very powerful thing. You should think of it as a nuclear weapon. You want Bella to know you are carrying the heavy artillery but you want to use it carefully and discretely."

"I would wait until she comes crashing down from the first orgasm and recovers just enough to be able to stand additional stimulation. That is when I would spring the g-spot attack on her. Now Jasper is the g-spot expert because Alice demands a lot of that type of action and he is going to draw a diagram and walk you through the steps."

We spend the rest of the night with Jasper going over his diagrams and showing me the proper position for my fingers to be in to elicit a g-spot orgasm. As the sun rises, I am strangely grateful to my brothers. This was not the horrid experience I thought it would be. In fact, it feels good to have some practical knowledge about oral sex, something more than what I've read in books or seen in others' thoughts. I suddenly realize that at least some of my anxiety about sex has been borne from simple fear of the unknown and unfamiliar. Even though Emmett's and Jasper's pictures and diagrams seemed almost silly at first, they have helped me to actually visualize with some specificity what it would be like to do these things to Bella. Surprisingly, I feel no fear or shame. I feel excitement..maybe too much excitement actually.

"Jeez Edward, go to the bathroom and take care of yourself will you?" Jasper says to me as he feels the waves of lust and arousal rolling off of me.

I groan as Rosalie's snide comment floats down: _Stay the hell away from our bathroom you pervert._

As I make my way up to my room, I hear Emmett say "I'm coming up Rosie. Will you give me the honor of pleasuring your honey pot?"

_E/N---I want to take a ride on the E-train too but unfortunately all we have around here is Amtrak. I hope you enjoyed it and that at least most of you are not too offended by Emmett's dirty mouth and that you will stick around for the next chapter. What can I say? He is one foul mouth mother fucker but we love him. He even managed to desecrate an iconic Walt Disney character. (For those outside the US who may not know, Walt Disney World is located in Orlando, FL hence the reference to Minnie Mouse. All rights belong to the Walt Disney Corp. No infringement intended). _


	23. Chapter 23

CHAPTER 23

RECONNECTIONS

I am still brimming with my new found knowledge and sexual confidence the next morning. I arrive to our first morning class to find that Bella has already arrived early. She greets me with a smile as I take my customary seat to her left. I am feeling a rare combination of emotions, at least rare for me: happiness and hope. It is an intoxicating combination.

"You look like you're in an especially good mood today," she tells me.

"I am. I did a lot of studying," I say with a conspiratorial wink.

Bella, knowing I do not need to independently study for these classes because of my perfect memory, is visibly puzzled by my comment but she doesn't say anything more about it.

At the end of our first class the professor makes an announcement that the remaining classes for the day are being canceled due to an alumni function that the professors will be attending in the afternoon. Bella looks over at me and suggests that we spend the day working on our respective human rights papers. There is no way I am wasting such a golden opportunity studying. I quickly come up with a plan.

"Actually Bella I took the liberty of doing some research for your paper last night. I whip out the notes, articles, and summaries of research I have prepared relating to US treaties and the Civil Rights Act.

A look of pure elation spreads across her face. Without warning she jumps into my arms, professing her gratitude. "Thank you. I can't believe you did that. Just.... thank you Edward.," she exclaims, hugging me tightly. I hug her back gently, chuckling at her exuberance. "You're welcome Bella. I didn't want you to feel stressed out over it."

She pulls back smiling at me. I can feel myself being pulled to her by that electric current that is always between us.

"Well, now that you are ahead on the research front, could I make a suggestion as to how to spend the rest of the day?" I ask softly.

"Of course," she answers.

"Well, between classes, studying and working on the papers, we have not really had a lot of time to do something fun together. And there is something I really would like to do with you if you are game."

She smiles warmly at me. "Anything."

I had spent years fantasizing in great detail about my fantasy college life with Bella. The life she and I could have shared if I had not left. In that fantasy life, Bella and I would sometimes find a cozy bookstore and curl up with books and simply read together. We would talk about what we were reading, what we liked about classes, and a dozen little things about our lives, which would be so intertwined. It may seem simple and boring to some but to me it represented a perfect way to spend time with my Bella. I wanted to create such a moment.

"Well I note that it is Thursday. Why don't we go back to that bookstore and get you a cup of coffee? Then we can find some old classics and curl up on one of those couches I saw and read and talk. And then with any luck, we can later be treated to another poetry reading."

Her smile fades and her face becomes very serious. Suddenly I'm afraid I have said something wrong.

"Really? That is what you want to do?" she asks.

"Uh, yes. Don't you still like the classics?" I ask, wondering if she really doesn't like the idea.

"No, I do. It's just when I promised to do anything you wanted I thought you might opt for something a little more...."

"Stimulating?" I ask.

"That's one way of putting it," she answers, cocking her head flirtatiously.

"To be honest I found our last visit to that bookstore quite stimulating."

"I noticed," she says smirking.

Thank god she doesn't know just how stimulating it was for me.

She looks down at her shoes and appears to be thinking about something. I get the sense she wants to say something but is struggling as to whether to say it. It is a bitter reminder that my so called gift is useless with the one person whose thoughts will forever be closed to me.

"Bella, is something wrong?" I ask, hoping to at least get an edited version of what she is struggling to say.

"No, I was just thinking about something," she says almost wistfully. "A day of reading books sounds wonderful actually."

We enter the bookstore and as we pass the door of the men's room, I almost feel like I am returning to the scene of the crime.

I buy Bella a smoothie and chicken salad from the bookstore cafe and as she eats her lunch, I rush to select some books for us to read I quickly select _Pride and Prejudice, _one of her favorites and _House of the Seven Gables, _one of my favorites. After she eats, we settle in a sitting area in the very back of the store, well hidden from view of other shoppers unless they happen to peruse the historical non-fiction section. To my surprise, there are sitting mats and bean bags there instead of the couches and chairs I have seen in other areas of the store. Perfect!

I sit down leaning back against one of the bean bags. Bella is standing there looking down at me with a smile on her face. Before she can protest, I reach and grab her wrist and bring her down to my lap. Thanks to my quick vampire reflexes I am able to cover her mouth, muffling the yelp of surprise that escapes her. Her eyes widen and her heartbeat accelerates and suddenly Bella's sweet arousal scent is surrounding us. I realize she finds my covering her mouth arousing. Unfortunately, I do too. My erection is growing and Bella's bottom is way too close and too much of a tempting target for that uncooperative part of my anatomy. I can't humiliate myself again with a raging erection, especially not here of all places. I quickly shift her until she is sitting by my side tucked under my arm. "Sorry," I tell her as I proceed to make sure she is comfortable and I show her the books I selected.

"Will you read to me?" She asks. Actually, I was hoping very much that she would want me to read to her but I didn't want to be presumptuous. She is looking at me and the hardness that has been commonplace in her expression lately is gone. For a moment, it is almost as if we are back in her bedroom in Forks and I am laying with her in bed about to read one of her favorite books to her. And for once I know what she is thinking as if I could actually read her mind. She is thinking the exact same thing as me.

I smile at her and pull her tighter into my side, resting my arm around her and upon her shoulder. "I would love to," I say and reach for _Pride and Prejudice_.

"No, read the book you like. I'm in the mood for Hawthorne."

"But you use to find him depressing, " I protest. "I distinctly remember you telling me you would never understand my fascination with an author who is unbelievable depressing and paints humanity as a never ending cycle of sin, penance with only a slight hope of partial redemption."

Her smile is wistful. "Let's just say redemption has been on my mind lately. Do you mind reading it?"

"Of course not silly girl," I tell her while giving her shoulder a squeeze. I lay the book in my lap, and with the love of my existence in my embrace, I begin whispering the tale of an entire family trying to overcome previous sins. It's a story of guilt, retribution, and ultimately atonement. Those are concepts I have been grappling with for a long time.

After some time, I take a break, sitting the book down. I reach with my other arm and stroke Bella's hair. The mood has shifted into one of thoughtful reflection as we gaze into each others' eyes. I am trying to convey to her through my expression all of the regret, longing, love, and absolute need I feel.

"Edward?" she asks softly.

"Yes, my Bella?"

"I think I know why you like Hawthorne so much. You are so much like his characters. For as long as I have known you, you have grappled with guilt and self loathing. Why?"

"You know how much I regret how I hurt you."

"No, even before that. When we were together, you always seemed so.....self loathing. You referred to yourself as a monster. You're no monster Edward. You have to know that."

"I am capable of such horrible things Bella. I've done such horrible things." She raises up unto her knees and cups my face in her soft, warm hands. I greedily inhale her scent and lean into her touch.

"You think you are a monster because you are capable of killing people? Edward, humans are capable of that too and not all humans stop themselves. But _**you**_, who needs blood as your most basic of needs, refrain because _**you**_ choose to preserve human life. Why can't you see that doesn't make you a monster? That makes you beautiful, a beautiful angel."

"But I have not always refrained Bella," I say, full of shame for a period of time when I gave into the urges.

Bella cocks her head to the side and studies me for a second. "Is that why you are so self loathing? Have you not yet forgiven yourself for something you did eighty years ago?"

Bella scoots closer to me and leans in and kisses each of my eyelids in a very comforting and soothing manner. "Edward," she whispers. "Sweetie, you have to forgive yourself. Believe me I know something about hating yourself, about feeling unworthy. You will never be able to let yourself love another completely until you fully love yourself."

This afternoon had quickly and unexpectedly turned very serious. But as painful as it was to discuss these things, I knew deep down that it was necessary before we could have any chance to move on. Bella had to let me know exactly what I had done to her.

She is still holding my face in her beautiful hands. I reach up and gently remove her hands and kiss each and every knuckle on each hand. As I hold her hands and stare at them, I say, "Tell me Bella. Tell me what I did. It was because of me that you felt that way wasn't it?" I barely choke out the last sentence. It is an ironic and humbling thought knowing that by leaving I in fact had hurt the precious being that I was trying to save. It was the makings of a goddamn Greek tragedy.

She tries to look away but I drop her hands and gently take her face into my cold hands. I lean in and exhale, knowing what kind of effect it has on her. "Tell me." I whisper.

When she finally speaks I can barely hear her. "I thought if I had been smarter, or prettier, or sexier, or even just a bit more interesting, that you would have stayed. I prayed every night for so long that I would get to see you just one more time so that I could show you I could change, that I could be worthy of your attention, of your love."

"Oh Bella," I whisper, my voice full of pain. I close my eyes but my hands stroke the sides of her face, trying to convey my regret through my touch. How could she feel this way? How could I have made her feel this way? I failed her in so many ways.

"At some point, I realized the chance of that happening was slim and that I had to move on. My life was continuing without you whether I liked it or not. I just decided one day to dive in so to speak. I thought maybe someone would like me, find me worthy."

I had to fight the urge to beg her to stop. Her words were causing me to feel a pain that rivaled that experienced during my transformation into a vampire. Bella was so good, so exquisite. A wonderful creature like her should never feel such insecurities, such sorrow.

"Then I met Julian. He was so handsome, so kind and he seemed to like me so much. He made me feel good about myself. He wouldn't accept the fact I was too clumsy to do certain things. I had convinced myself I could not exercise, that I could not even wear a simple pair of heels." She smiled fondly thinking about Julian. The jealousy I felt just made the burn more of a bitter burn.

"He would not allow me to put myself down. He still won't. He was right. If you believe you can't do something, you can't."

Tears form in the corners of her eyes and I lean in and kiss them away whispering the one word that was running like a loop in my mind, _sorry_.

"I know you think Julian is a bad person because of what you saw that night. But he's not Edward. He brought me back to life. He made me want to try to love again and he made me feel like maybe I was worthy of someone's love."

This was a much more serious conversation than I ever thought we would have in the bookstore. And while it was painful there was no doubt it was also cathartic. Bella sighs in apparent relief at saying those things.

I pull her into my arms. Thank goodness we are in a private area of the bookstore and no one has bothered us. I cradle her like one would a baby, holding her toward my chest and kissing along her hairline. "Bella, Bella, Bella," I sigh. "Don't you see the difference? You did nothing wrong my love. _**Nothing.**_ I on the other hand have done so many wrong things, the worst of which is hurting you. But god help me, I want to make it up to you. I want you to let me be the one that tells you how wonderful you are. I want to be the one that worships you like the goddess you are. I want to be the one that cherishes you like the unique treasure you are. Please, please let me."

She answers immediately. "I want to. God help me, I do. But what of Julian? I made a promise to him. I know what it's like to have someone leave after promising they would not. Should he now be forced to suffer?" Her voice is so full of anguish.

I have no answer that she will like. I truly could care less about Julian. He will have a chance to find the creature on this earth that was made just for him. Because I know it is not Bella. She was always meant for me. I now realize that. Please don't let me be too late.

Bella is staring at my chin as she continues. "And just so you know, I have done something bad too. I have never been faithful to Julian, not in my heart at least. My heart has always been yours. Julian and I have never had sex when I did not fantasize it was you with me. We have not even kissed when I was not reminded it was your cool lips that I wanted to feel."

_Fuck me_. I can't even describe what effect those words have on me. I simply react. I pull her to me and I kiss her. She moans. I moan. I'm so lost in this kiss that I am seriously considering having her right here in the middle of a bookstore. I want to claim her as mine so badly. It is then that I hear the human clearing his throat. It's a store clerk that looks to be in his mid forties standing there, looking down at us. I can physically feel the heat of Bella's blush at being caught by a bookstore employee.

"Listen, you kids need to take that out of here," the clerk tells us. As he walks away, he mumbles something like "damn teenagers out of control" and then his thoughts make me internally cringe with guilt and shame. _What's next? Teenagers in the bathroom masturbating?_

**E/N—I know this one was quite emotional. Let me know what you think. Stay tuned for the next chapter—Edward's lessons continue with Rosalie and Alice giving the ladies' perspective. I will post the teaser on the twilighted forum thread. Sorry but updates will not be as frequent this update as I am on vacation at Jazz Fest in New Orleans. Sis and I do plan to sober up at various intervals and then I will be sure to write and post. Loved, loved your reviews on the last chapter. Please keep them coming. SM owns all that is twilight.**


	24. Chapter 24

CHAPTER 24

TESTING BOUNDARIES

**A/N—Thanks to Sis who sobered up long enough to pre-read and advise me on this chapter. Thanks to the many reviews and recommendations to others to read this story. You guys are great and inspire me to sneak away to write every chance I get. Please keep the reviews coming.**

After tearing myself from Bella after our bookstore visit, I rush to hunt. Because of our upcoming vacation, Bella and I are skipping our usual Thursday night study session. She needs to pack and get ready for the trip. I don't plan to hunt while in Florida so I need to gorge myself tonight. I'm also looking forward to some time to myself to process what Bella told me.

It seems to be my lucky night. I find a rare mountain lion and coyote in one night. I bury the carcasses and think about Bella and the upcoming weekend. I realize it has become much more important that I initially thought. This is my chance to give Bella a glimpse that I have changed and that I am ready to be the man she needs me to be. I'm going to perform cunnilingus on her honeypot until she sees those fireworks Rosalie spoke of and then if she will let me, I'm going to make love to her until her human body simply cannot take anymore. I will not disappoint her again I vow.

It's nearing 3:30 am when I return home. Esme, Carlisle and Tanya have returned from their hunt but I gather from Esme's thoughts that Tanya is off somewhere with Jasper and Emmett. I hear Alice as I approach. _Hurry up Edward. It's our turn tonight!_ I gather from their thoughts that they have more "lessons" planned for me.

Alice and Rosalie are waiting for me in the family den. My sense of smell is assaulted by various,non-complimentary scents. Someone has lit dozens of differently scented candles. There is a table that has an odd arrangement of items. There is a wooden spoon, a short yard stick, a ping pong paddle, a wooden ruler, a plastic spatula, a hair brush, and what appears to be a wooden bath brush.

I may regret this but I am anxious to listen to my sisters and any advice they may be able to give me. After my talk with Bella today, I am determined more than ever to make sure I do whatever it takes to give Bella all the pleasure that her human body can take. It will help to alleviate the guilt I feel for denying her all those years ago.

"We want to talk to you about Bella's apparent preferences in the bedroom," Alice says.

"Yeah. What are your thoughts about rubber and latex?" Rosalie asks.

I know my face must be reflecting the horror I feel at her question and as her mind conjures up all sort of disturbing images which involve rubber suits, rubber hoses, and latex gloves.

"Relax Edward. I'm just kidding," Rosalie says laughing at my expense--as usual. "We want to give you some pointers on what Bella may be thinking and her expectations from you in the bedroom."

"I'm uncomfortable with discussing Bella's sexual tastes like this. It is too personal of a subject."

Rosalie gives a snort. "Don't be a prude, Edward. It's clear that Bella likes for a man to assume a dominant persona between the sheets. She expects a certain mood to be set. Your sexually repressed ass needs to be prepared."

Rosalie continues with just a slight snide tone, "Actually this should be perfect for you. It's the one time she will want you to act like the arrogant, know-it all, bossy Edward that you like so much to be."

Wait a minute. Bossy? "How bossy exactly?" I ask, my curiosity piqued.

Alice speaks up. "Oh sometimes she will want you to tell her exactly what to do and if she doesn't obey to your satisfaction, then she will want you to spank her."

"I don't know Alice. I have my reservations about that. I just don't understand how an independent, opinionated woman like Bella can like to be spanked?"

"You're incorrectly presuming that the personality traits we have in our day-to-day lives are the same ones that we exhibit in a sexual situation. Actually, it is in the bedroom where a man and a woman can explore and try personalities and roles which are otherwise unfamiliar to them."

To be honest there is a part of me that is completely enamored with the idea of spanking Bella. But only respectfully and with love and only when she has been really bad and she is in dire need of correction.

"When a woman trusts a man enough, sometimes she enjoys giving up control over her body. By willingly submitting herself to her partner, she is telling him 'I trust you to use my body in a way to bring us both pleasure and I am turning the control over to you.'"

I do remember reading such testimonials during my extensive research into erotica and sexual experimentation. I find the idea of a man and woman engaging in dominant and submissive roles and trusting each other to be only slightly perverted after becoming more educated on the matter. I am particularly drawn to the idea of assuming the dominant role and being the protector of a submissive Bella. I may not know everything about sex......yet, but I do know something about being Bella's protector. Being Bella's protector will always be my favorite role of all.

Rosalie brings me out of my musings. "Yeah and with you being such a control freak, you two should be a perfect match in the bedroom. Her attitude, as usual, is annoying.

I still have reservations. While visions of spanking Bella have come to be some of my favorite fantasies of late, I still am terrified that she will be offended."

"But Bella refused to sign a BDSM contract with Julian. Maybe she was just trying to goad me when she said she liked the occasional spanking."

Alice and Rosalie start to giggle. "Just trust us. She truly likes an occasional spanking," Alice says. I can't believe women talk so freely about such things.

"Now let's talk about the bondage thing," Alice begins.

"Wait, I'm not tying her up like an animal. I will not force myself upon her-- even in pretend. That is just wrong."

Rosalie speaks up, her voice dripping with sarcasm, "Oh yes Edward it is so wrong. That is why bondage sex toys are a $1.1 billion a year industry. No one must be doing it."

$1.1 billion annually? Emmett's obviously been doing his research.

"Now, you saw firsthand that Bella likes to have her arms restrained but Julian didn't restrain her legs or gag her. I'm guessing she likes light bondage, with just a little restriction," Alice says.

I don't bother to tell her about my sneaky suspicion that Bella may not mind being gagged given her aroused response at the bookstore when I clamped my hand over her mouth. I'm going to file that information away for a later date.

Alice continues. "Some women like some light bondage because it adds to that feeling of being dominated and having their body under someone else's total control. It makes a woman feel like she is being taken in every sense of the word. It can be....primal."

I'm not sure why but I like the sound of primal.

I turn my attention to the table full of seemingly random household objects and candles. "What is this?"

"Oh, the candles are for setting a romantic, sensual mood. We brought you some various scents to try out so you can see what you like," explains Alice.

Rosalie jumps in. "Emmett and I have done some research on this subject for Sodom & Gomorrah. It seems vanilla, licorice, pumpkin spice, cucumber, peppermint, banana nut bread, and jasmine are the most popular scents used to enhance sexual desire. I personally find all of these with the exception of vanilla and jasmine absolutely revolting but apparently this is what the humans are into these days."

Okay. I like vanilla and jasmine. I think Bella will too. I will try those. "What are these other things?" I ask, pointing at the various objects on the table with curiosity.

Alice looks over her shoulder to where I am pointing and answers in a matter of fact way, "Those are things you should find in the Orlando home which you can use to spank Bella's ass."

"Excuse me? Call me old fashion, but what is wrong with my hand?"

It hardly seems dignified to use a spatula to spank Bella.

Rosalie speaks up. "Listen, I'm not into the spanking thing but Alice...well let's just say this may be Alice's area of expertise and leave it at that. Alice, explain to him why a kitchen utensil is sometimes preferable."

Jeez. "No Alice don't. It's not necessary. I will not be using any object to strike Bella and that is the end of that conversation." I am still not opposed to the hand spanking but again, only if Bella really, really needs it.

"Maybe you should talk to Jasper about how much pressure you should apply. I'm sure it's different for a human. Just start light and work your way up in intensity."

"And as for the spanking tools, don't knock it until you try it. Let's just say it can be fun to be forced to bend over and have your guy give you swats with a paddle."

"Oh god Alice. Please tell me you are talking hypothetically. Even if it's not true, just tell me it is."

"Stop being silly Edward. You know, we could have purchased some paddles, floggers, whips, and the like for you to try out but I'm not sure what Bella likes. We thought you would prefer to play that part by ear. I would suggest that you start with your hand and if you think she's up for it and it's something you like, grab one of these items from around the house and give it a try."

"I said no Alice and I mean it. I'm putting an end to this madness. There has to be some boundaries."

"If you want to try it out and see what you prefer you can use me for practice. For educational purposes of course."

Good lord.--speaking of boundaries. "No Alice! I assure you I have no desire to practice on my sister. That's beyond disturbing."

"I understand. Well, Jasper will return soon. Would you prefer to try on him?"

"Fuck no!"

"Oh calm down, tight ass," Rosalie sneers. God, she gets on my nerves sometimes.

I walk over and pick up the ruler and smack the palm of my other hand with it in a several successive strokes. "You know Rose, I may make an exception for you."

"You wish."

"Bend over wench."

"Bite me virgin."

"Rosalie, Edward, stop bickering." Esme calls to us. We quickly end our banter and instead glare at each other as Esme comes into the den. As she enters, Esme gives me a smile and that look of a proud parent and I smile back until I realize what she is happy about. _ Your father and I are proud that you are so dedicated to pleasuring Bella. A selfless lover is what every woman dreams of you know._

"Thank you Esme, but there is no need to speak of it," I tell her in a rush, mortified as I can only imagine what Emmett and Jasper have told her about my "lessons".

"Don't be embarrassed. I remember the first time your father and I...." I quickly cut her off, seeing where her thoughts are going. "Esme, I appreciate what you are trying to do but please don't finish that sentence." She smiles in understanding and mouths "okay" at me, giving my left cheek a good tweaking pinch as she leaves the room.

"Oh one more thing Edward," Rosalie says. "We talked to Bella and there is one little fantasy she shared with us and it starred you."

I feel like I have won the proverbial lottery. Bella fantasizes about me? I feel my chest and my cock puff up with pride just at the thought of that.

"What fantasy?" I ask. I have to know. Stubborn Rosalie is blocking her mind by reciting all world capitals in alphabetical order. I focus on Alice but she is blocking too. What are these two up to?

"Tell me." I say when they just continue to stand there smirking.

Rosalie finally speaks up. "Okay Mr. Impatient. It's a simple one really. She wants a striptease."

"From me?"

"No, from Emmett. Of course you."

I really, really want to give Bella what she wants but a striptease? I'm not sure I can do it. I am going to have to get back to my research and consider this further. I need to act quickly as we leave tomorrow.

"I have to go. I have a lot to do before tomorrow. Thank you for taking the time to get the candles and....the rest," I say. They are good sisters. Even Rosalie the bitch is a loyal sister when push comes to shove.

"Well actually there is one thing you have to do before tomorrow if you know what I mean," Alice says slyly.

"What?"

Both Rosalie and Alice are thinking about that famous scene in It's Something About Mary when the main character masturbates before going on an important date in order to calm his nerves. I suddenly realize what "the one thing" is she's referring to.

"Jesus Christ! Does no one around here have any sense of decency or boundaries anymore. That is none of your business!" I nearly shout.

Esme is back in the den in a flash. "What's the matter now?" Before I can stop her Rosalie has to open her big mouth. "Edward doesn't want to jerk off tonight even though he knows he needs to before he sees Bella again."

And then I hear what every man hopes he never hears his entire life from any woman, much less one he considers his mother, "Oh Edward sweetheart, maybe you should do.....your thing. You don't want to be too nervous or tense tomorrow," Esme says. Esme is a living saint and I know she means well but I really have had my limit of testing my boundaries for one day. "Enough all of you, please! This is really none of your business. I'm going upstairs and I really would like some alone time."

I said the wrong thing as I can tell from Esme's thoughts that she thinks I have changed my mind and intend to go upstairs to masturbate. "Do you want us to leave and give you some privacy dear?"

"No Esme. You don't need to leave. And for the record I will not be upstairs doing _**that.**_" And then I rush upstairs before I suffer another heart attack.

In my rush, I don't miss Rosalie's last parting shot. "What's his problem? Can he only do it in public restrooms or something?" God she is such a bitch. I should have smacked her with that ruler while I had the chance.

**E/N—Poor Edward. He is never going to live that "unfortunate bathroom incident" down is he? Orlando is coming up...eventually. All that is twilight belongs to SM.**


	25. Chapter 25

CHAPTER 25

PLACE YOUR BETS

"What if he eats her pussy but blows it and she doesn't come, what is the line on that?"

"1.5 to 1."

"That's all? It should be more."

"No way. He was schooled by the best. It's almost guaranteed if he doesn't start telling her he wants to respectfully perform cunnilingus on her private areas or some bullshit like that."

"Okay, I've decided. Put me down for $1,000 that they have sex but no orgasm for Bella."

"That's a sucker's bet."

"What's the line on the spanking issue?"

"I'll pay you 3 to 1 if Edward doesn't chicken out and actually does it. I'll pay 3.5 to 1 if he uses something other than his hand. And I'm paying 4 to 1 if he ties her up."

"Alice swears she hasn't seen anything yet. Too many decisions yet to be made."

"$5,000 that everything will go just fine. What does that pay?"

"You mean that they have oral and regular sex, both resulting in orgasms to Bella, and she comes back to Seattle alive? That's the trifecta and the house is paying 4.5 to 1 on that."

"Mark my bet."

I am not surprised as I stand here listening to my siblings bet and barter over odds as to what will happen between Bella and I in Orlando. They are all degenerate gamblers and have absolutely no sense of common decency when it comes to such things. However, what does surprise me is that Carlisle just bet $5,000 that my sexual exploits with Bella will go successfully.

Carlisle looks up as I stand in the doorway, my expression and posture reflecting my annoyance. Bella and I leave in a few hours and this day has not went as well as I hoped. I received a text message from Bella early this morning telling me she would not be at school today but that she would meet me at the airport at 1:30 pm, just before our scheduled departure time. Alice has already told Bella that I have rented a private jet to take us to Orlando and that we would leave at 2:00 pm, arriving in Orlando at approximately 9:00 pm local time. It is so unlike Bella to miss class and a part of me was worried she was changing her mind about the trip. Alice assured me that was not the case and I have spent the day trying not to dwell on it.

I'm all packed and have stopped to tell my family goodbye. Carlisle smiles at me and asks me how much time I have before I leave.

"I need to leave within thirty minutes to make it to the airport on time," I answer.

_Take a walk with me? I want to talk before you leave. It won't take long._ He asks me via his thoughts.

I nod and we take off into a run in the wooded area behind our house. I try to scan Carlisle's thoughts to see what he wants to discuss but he is carefully blocking me.

"That was a hefty bet. Thanks for the vote of confidence I guess," I say as we come to a stop near a small stream.

Carlisle smiles. "Your siblings mean well. I think this bet thing is Emmett's way of challenging you to do what we all know you can do."

"It may be all for nothing you know. I may not be able to win her back no matter what I do," I say, revealing my insecurity about the upcoming weekend.

"I'll never understand why you are so quick to doubt yourself. It's like you don't think you deserve to be happy."

I smile wryly. "Yeah, Bella said something like that to me yesterday."

"She came and saw me this morning at the hospital."

"What?" I am shocked. Why would Bella skip class to go see Carlisle?

"Is something wrong? Is she sick?"

I'm desperately trying to read his thoughts but he is carefully guarding his thoughts. "Calm down son. Bella if fine. But she did come to see me as a doctor and that is why I must block you from my thoughts. I can't betray her confidence."

"Excuse me? You can't keep something like that from me if it concerns Bella!" I'm suddenly furious at Carlisle and I'm desperately trying to gain access to his thoughts.

"Edward, Bella trusted me to keep certain things confidential. She specifically asked me to and as a doctor you know I am bound to respect her wishes. But there were aspects of the conversation she did not forbid me from discussing with you. Just please calm down and listen to me."

I reign in my temper so Carlisle will tell me at least something about Bella's visit. My mind is racing trying to think of all possible reasons Bella would want to see Carlisle in a professional capacity. None of them are good.

"First, she wanted to tell me that Julian was not going to be at work for a few days. He is taking some time off. Apparently he and Bella talked last night and he needs a few days to himself. I'm sure you can make an educated guess as to why but that is all I can tell you about that."

They talked and Julian needs to take time off? I desperately hope that means Bella broke things off with him. That would explain needing some time off. I know from personal experience that losing Bella will send your life into a tailspin and make managing the simplest of everyday tasks impossible.

"Can you tell me anything else?"

"Just that Bella wanted to ask for my opinion on the two of you starting up a relationship again, hypothetically speaking of course.

Damn. Why didn't he start by telling me that? My whole being swells with hope that I may actually have a chance to win her back if I don't screw it up.

"What did you tell her?" I ask.

"Only what I know. That you love her more than anything or anyone in this whole world and that you always will."

I smile, pleased with what he said because it is the truth. Then Carlisle continues.

"She then asked me if you would leave again. I told her I didn't know."

"What? Why would you say that?"

Because I honestly don't know the answer to that question. You stayed away for four years after all."

"But you know I love her. You said so yourself."

"Yes but you used that love as the excuse for leaving her before. I told her that despite the depth of your own love for her, you have never felt worthy of her love in return and that this led you to become obsessed with protecting her from yourself.

He sighs before continuing. "But I honestly think your leaving had more to do with your deep rooted feelings of unworthiness and fear at moving forward with a fully committed relationship with Bella than with protecting her."

"What the hell are you talking about? I was fully committed to her."

"Were you?" He asks gently, his eyes full of sympathy and compassion.

"Carlisle, how can you ask me that? I was completely devoted to her. I still am." I am shocked that Carlisle is accusing me of somehow not being fully devoted to Bella. He knows the extent of my love for her. For christ's sake, I gave her up and plunged myself into absolute hell just to keep her safe.

"Son, you misunderstand me. I do not question your love and affection for Bella. But I do believe you were afraid to commit to her in every sense of the word. You had to know that for you and Bella to remain together that would mean that you would eventually have to change her. While I certainly understand you not wanting to rush such a thing, the fact you would not even allow Bella to speak of it always seemed....well, quite frankly unrealistic of you Edward. If you and Bella are going to be together, that issue has to resolved sooner or later. How can you now tell Bella you are willing to commit to her if you will not even consider changing Bella if that is what she wants?" His words are spoken in Carlisle's signature comforting and supportive tone but they leave me cold. He continues.

"I understand why Bella is so scared. She has been through a lot. She has learned to live with the pain. I know you don't want to hear it but she has a man in her life that is good to her Edward. What you are asking of her is to risk that, put her heart back on the line again, and all the while, you are not giving her any real assurances of your level of commitment."

I shake my head. "It's wrong Carlisle--so wrong."

"I'm not telling you to do anything Edward. I'm just trying to point out that you need to understand that Bella is scared and that from her perspective she may have good reason to be nervous about opening her heart to you again if you are not prepared to make her a full part of her life. Just tell me you will think about this before you ask her to make an irrevocable decision this weekend."

He places a comforting hand on my shoulder and looking at me thinks _At least talk to her about it. Don't just shut her out on that topic. She deserves more than that. You know that. I know you do._

I nod my head to acknowledge what he has said. I don't like it but he has made some compelling points. Why would Bella ever believe me? I understand Bella's point of view. I really do. It just breaks my dead, cold heart to think about my Bella being doomed to a soulless existence just so we can be together forever. Despite this, I know deep down that Carlisle is right. I have to at least discuss it with Bella. As if I did not already have enough pressure on me relating to this weekend.

I rush back to the house to retrieve my bags. I call out my goodbyes and smile to myself as I hear their various voices float to me as I enter the garage.

_Good luck man. Remember to tell her how much you want to eat her honeypot. I'm telling you she won't be able to resist._

_You are going to love what Bella plans to wear for you!_

_Go for the trifecta Edward._

_Esme says to put her down for $2,000 that Edward spanks Bella._

I am awaiting Bella's arrival to the airport and I have to admit I'm nervous. I had insisted no one else tell Bella about the change in plans so I could surprise her with it. At the time I made these plans, I had assumed the only reason Bella would object to us being alone together in Orlando is that it might upset Julian. I thought the "sudden flu" story would take care of that. But now as I stand here pacing outside the gate that leads to the private jet we will be flying on, I am nervous that Bella will reject the idea of being alone with me. I had presumed that Bella's reluctance to be alone with me was primarily due to her feeling of obligation to Julian. Now, after my discussion with Carlisle, I understand she may not want to be alone with me for reasons that have nothing at all to do with Julian.

Exactly thirty four seconds before our scheduled meeting time, I hear her heartbeat and assaulted by her scent as she makes her way down the corridor. I rush to greet her to assist her with her suitcase and shoulder bag.

She looks absolutely lovely. She is wearing a skirt which is not her usual attire. She is wearing a long white flowing skirt and a brown blouse and brown high heel suede boots. Her hair is loose and she looks stunning. I smile at her and she smiles back. As I hear her heart beat speed up, I am convinced she is happy to see me and I relax slightly.

As I reach her, I quickly take her bags and reach over to place a soft peck with my lips on her left cheek. I can't help it. It has been nearly 24 hours since I saw her and I have missed her damn it! She smiles in response much to my relief. "Where's Alice?" she asks, still smiling.

Here goes. I smile with the charm I have learned to use to my advantage over the hundred plus years of my existence. "Alice got the flu."

Just 3.8 seconds pass before she smirks. "And Jasper and Tanya?"

"Also the flu. Real nasty too. It looks like it will just be you and me."

She continues to smirk at me knowingly. "It's just incredible you were able to escape catching it yourself."

"Luckily I had my flu shot."

"You're not playing fair."

"Never said I would."

"I should be mad at you."

"But you aren't?"

"No. In fact, I expected something like this."

"And yet you came."

"Well.....not yet." She smiles coyly and blushes slightly as she says this and walks past me, moving forward to board the plane. Her comment confuses me for exactly 2.5 seconds and then it hits me. Sexual innuendo coming from that beautiful mouth belonging to my Bella? I think I like it.

I follow her unto the plane where the co-pilot greets us. I waive him off as he seeks to take the bags. I have instructed the pilot and co-pilot to give Bella and I privacy during the flight. The plane is equipped with a private bedroom and sitting area. I direct Bella to the back of the plane to show her the bedroom. After setting her luggage down in the room, I speak up. "I thought you might want to rest on the way to Florida. It's a long trip."

"But what will you do while I'm laying down?" she asks.

I shrug, with my hands in the pocket of my jeans and say, "I was hoping you would let me lay with you....like...before."

I watch Bella move slowly around the room surveying it with her arms crossed across her chest. I'm watching her closely trying to gauge her reaction. She finally turns and smiles slyly and says, "I like the bed. But if we're going to lie in it together, I hope you know the same rules don't apply as before.

**E/N—I have a lot of people to thank so be patient. First, apparently Eviekinz and Xtothey have nominated this story for a "Gigglesnort" award. Thank you ladies. I plan to try to get some leads on some other humorous stories once the voting starts. If you are interested, the link for that is: http(colon)//gigglessnortawards(dot)mmmboptastic(dot)com/nominate(dot)php**

**Special thanks to Squarepancake who made another awesome blinkie. It's for Chapter 24 and it is hilarious! You can find the code for it on Page 8 on the Forum. Thanks Squarepancake! And thanks to Tazz0167 who is going to pimp out this story next week on her blog, where she interviews the authors of stories that she likes. You should check out her blog for other recommendations and fun reads. The address is on page 7 of the forum or on Tazz0167's ff profile. All things twilight belong to SM.**


	26. Chapter 26

CHAPTER 26

SECOND CHANCES

**A/N—Please read below at the end notes after you finish this chapter. Sis and I need you to help us decide who is right.**

I almost hope the plane never lands as I sit on the bed watching Bella taking off those sexy boots. I try to keep my expression neutral and prepare myself for anything. I am quite aware of how much Bella enjoys shocking me.

Then with speed that can rival mine she pushes down her skirt. She is wearing some pink lace, flimsy ladies' under-thing with a camisole. She removes her blouse and stands there letting me drink in the sight of her in the pale pink lace. I have to say I really enjoy the fact that Bella seems so much more comfortable with her body than she did in high school. Her shoulders are back and she is clearly proud. And she should be. She is absolutely stunning. I shift, feeling the physical effect she is having on me. I lean back on the bed and hold out my hand, silently asking her to come and lay near me. She complies and I pull her back against my chest, resting my arm over her waist.

After we settle in and I feel her body completely relax, I ask her the question that has been most on my mind. "Bella, will you tell me what you discussed with Carlisle this morning? He told me saw you but he would not betray your confidence of course."

She turns over and we lay facing each other, with my arm still resting over her waist. She looks almost angelic as she rests her head on her folded hands and she looks up at me with drowsy eyes.

"I told him that Julian needed some time off. He left to go snowboarding in Canada for a few days."

"Is that all?"

"No. I also asked him to tell me what I needed to know about vampires and humans having sex."

"What?" Her boldness never ceases to amaze me.

"You told me that you were willing to be with me like that. In case something happens I wanted to know if there were precautions we should take. You know, issues about venom, birth control, those kind of things."

I am one half mortified that she spoke to Carlisle of such private things but the other part of me is ecstatic that she asked such god awful questions because that means she must be considering moving forward with a real relationship with me.

"Bella, I would have answered your questions."

"I thought you might but Carlisle is a doctor and I thought it best to see what he would say. I admit afterward I felt a little silly. Knowing you, I am sure you have prepared and prepared and prepared once again for such a scenario and probably already asked for his advice."

Lord knows I have been preparing but I did fail to ask Carlisle for his medical advice.

"What did Carlisle say?" I ask.

"He said the venom I would be exposed to in a sexual situation is not the same as when you bite and it will not hurt me. He also told me there was no need to worry about birth control because vampires cannot have children."

Her tone is even but I can't help but wonder if she is upset to hear Carlisle definitively tell her we can never have children.

"I told you before that I cannot give you a child Bella," I tell her, trying to keep from my voice, the sadness the knowledge that I will never see Bella carrying my child, causes me to feel so sharply.

"I know but Edward you have this slight tendency to think the worse and I just wanted to make sure there was no need for birth control."

"You're not already on birth control?" I ask incredulously and without thinking. I instantly regret my outburst. That is a private and inappropriate question to ask of her. It is just I was so certain she would have been on birth control giving the status of her relationship with Julian.

"I'm sorry Bella. That is none of my business. You don't have to answer that."

"Edward," Bella chides. "It's okay. No, I am not taking birth control. Julian always insists on using condoms. He is obsessed with being careful. He doesn't want children....ever."

"I see. May I ask one more question?"

"Of course."

"Why did Julian suddenly leave?"

Bella smiles sadly. "I told Julian last night that I still have feelings for you. After what happened at the bookstore, I couldn't bear going one more day without coming clean. He was understandably upset. We spent hours talking. He asked me if I was leaving him. I told him I thought it was wrong to be with him when I had these unresolved feelings." Bella's voice becomes saturated with sadness and she sighs.

"I don't want to rehash it all but he agreed that I should figure out for good if he is what I really want. It was his idea that we take some time off from each other, so we both can think things through. We agreed that he is going to stay at the Red Oaks drive house and I'll stay at the apartment until I can figure things out.

"So that is why I'm glad we have the weekend to ourselves. I have to make a decision about us. Actually, I guess it is more accurate to say we both have to make some decisions about us. I won't string Julian along unnecessarily. He is so hurt he had to leave and he was too upset to even talk to Carlisle about his request for leave."

We lay there in silence for a few minutes before I speak again.

"Bella, I want you to know that I have listened to everything, _**everything**_ that you have told me and I am prepared to do whatever it takes for us to be together again. I mean it. I have to be honest. I am still struggling with the idea of changing you but I promise I'm trying to see that issue from your perspective and I won't shut you out this time. I would like for us to figure out the solution together if you are so inclined."

Bella's eyes are misting and as she smiles at me through her tears, I lean in and kiss her very softy and gently and whisper against her lips "I love you. I always will. Let's start over. Let this weekend be a new beginning for us. Please."

She says the only word I want to hear at this point. "Yes." I continue to kiss her, relishing in the feel of her warm lips and soft breathy moans.

"Bella?" I whisper against her lips after a few moments. I am sure she hears the excitement and desperation in my voice.

"Yes?"

"I need to ask you to let me do something."

"Okay."

"Well...I want to smell you," I request a little awkwardly.

"Can't you smell me now?"

"No, I mean I want to inhale your scent—all over. I need to make sure I'm desensitized if we are going to spend the next three days together in close proximity."

I hope I haven't offended her with my odd request. Bella chuckles quietly. "It's been so long since someone wanted to sniff me more than kiss me. Go ahead Edward."

I start at her right temple and skim my nose down the side of her face relishing in the heat and softness of her cheek. Then I move on to to one of my favorite places on her body...her neck. I spend countless minutes inhaling the scent of her blood, so close to the surface of her skin. I rub Bella's arm lightly as I flick out my tongue to taste her neck and then I am smelling another distinctive and yet intoxicating scent from Bella. I smile as I realize she is affected by me as much as I am by her.

I move my lips down, gently kissing her shoulder. "Bella," I say softly against her shoulder.

"Yes?" she says slightly breathless.

"Would it be all right if you lay on your back so I can access.....other areas," I say. I don't want to be too blunt but if I am going to have any chance of being intimate with Bella, I know I need to desensitize myself to all of her scents, especially the sweet scent of her arousal. It is strong enough to make me lose all of my control if I'm not careful.

She takes a deep breath and moves from me slightly to lay on her back. I move in and resume lightly kissing her shoulder before I move down to skim her collarbone with my nose, taking in huge doses of her heavenly scent.

I place a kiss directly upon the thin lace covering her heart, which is beating wildly. I smile against her as I hear the skip and stutter of her heartbeat, which reveals the level of her excitement. I also see her nipples hardening under the thin lace, also revealing the level of her excitement. I inhale deeply, noting that the skin around her breasts is extra fragrant. I know it is not gentlemanly of me but I can't stop staring at her hardened nipples. I am mesmerized by them and those nipple rings that are clearly visible through her flimsy coverings.

As I lean in and breath directly over her breasts, I notice that my cold breath seems to make them harden even more. I smile and lightly brush them both with my cool lips. Bella moans and I smile. It is so gratifying to give her physical pleasure. Why did I deny us this for so long? And when the moment is right, I am still determined to pull on those nipple rings with my teeth.

Feeling emboldened, I move between her legs and lean back on my heels. I stare into Bella's eyes which are now dilated, signifying how aroused she is feeling. I reach down to the bottom of her camisole and once she gives me a slight nod, I push it up slightly, to bear her naked stomach to me. I place light kisses directly around her navel and she giggles.

"That's ticklish."

"Sorry," I say but without sincerity. I like her giggling. But then as I press a kiss just below her belly button, just above the waistband of her slip, she goes back to moaning and I decide I like Bella moaning even better than giggling.

After taking several deep breaths of Bella's scent, I move down to my ultimate target: the honeypot. I press a kiss over the lace that covers the middle of her pubic bone and am rewarded with an overpowering assault of Bella's scent. The sweet smell of her arousal assaults me and I relish in it. Emmett was right. It _**is**_ like a honeypot. I can feel the warmth from her center and I close my eyes tightly, trying to control my instincts which are telling me to dive in and just take all the honey that she is offering. The problem is those same instincts are directing my attention to her femoral arteries that run so close to her center. I stop breathing immediately. I clench the sheets on each side of Bella, willing the image of me sinking my teeth into her thigh and drinking my feel away.

My first reaction is panic. I can't do this. I knew it. Then I remind myself of the whole point of this exercise: to familiarize myself with the feelings being this close are going to invoke and learning to control them. I force myself to take shallow breaths, acclimating myself to the scent of her juices, the scent of her warm blood rushing through her veins so very close to the surface of her thighs, and that overall freesia scent that is simply Bella. I find it's intoxicating but manageable when I concentrate on my ultimate goal: pleasing Bella.

Bella, apparently recognizing my struggle, lies very still. After a few moments she cautiously and slowly moves her hands down to my head where she runs her hands through my hair in a soothing manner.

"Bella?" I ask her in a whisper, my words vibrating against her pubic bone, where my mouth is resting.

"Hmmm?"

"May I.....go lower?"

"Yes. If you want to." And the fact her juices are flowing even heavier all of a sudden punctuates her assent to my request.

I slowly move down, skimming my nose directly across the center of her warmth and then I kiss the tops of both of her things. I continue to reign kisses down her left leg. Once I make it to her left foot, I can't help it. I reach out and lick the instep of her ankle, imagining her in those damn high heels again. She moans deeply when I do this and I flick out my tongue again and again.

"Edward," she moans breathlessly and I look up to see that she has closed her eyes and she is licking her lips while she pants. I quickly make my way to her right foot and lick her instep over and over. She moans my name again and I smile with pride as I kiss my way up her right thigh. However, this time I deliberately push up her slip as I make my way but her to her right thigh. The honey is flowing and I realize too late some has made its way down to her right thigh. As my lips skim her thigh I get my first taste of Bella's essence. Since becoming a vampire nearly ninety years ago, I have tasted nothing that is appealing to me except for blood. That was until today. I lick greedily, like a dying man thirsting for water. I am even able to ignore the artery so close to where I am concentrating my efforts.

Bella's moaning has picked up again and her hands return to my hair. She is not being soothing anymore. She is taking. She is gripping my hair and pulling with all her might, though it does not hurt me. I take a break from my small feast to look up and see her head is thrown back and she is panting and chanting my name. I had planned to move to the other thigh to lick up the delicious treat resting on her left thigh for me but the sight of her head thrown back while she pants my name has cast me under some sort of spell. Like a sirens call I am pulled to her and I move up at vampire speed to rest my lips against her exposed throat.

"Oh god Bella, what are you doing to me?" I pant against her throat, reaching out to lick at the small sheen of sweat that has formed there.

"What are you doing to me? You never have wanted to touch me or kiss me like that before," she tells me.

I pull back to look into her eyes. Jasper's comments about how she felt undesirable because of the way I refused to push the physical aspect of our relationship in Forks returns to the forefront of my mind. I have to tell her.

"Bella, I always wanted to touch you and kiss you and make love to every inch of your body. I was too afraid to let myself try. I thought it was selfish to take pleasure from you when I knew it compromised my control and that you could get hurt in the process."

"What's changed?" she asks.

"I'm still afraid but I refuse to give into that fear. I just have to be stronger. You deserve to be worshiped like the beautiful goddess you are and if you will let me, I want to do that. I want to try at least."

I take a deep breath, preparing myself to be further honest with Bella. "I know that I am....old fashion, at least by today's standards, but I am a man with desires and wants just like anyone else. I admit I am still afraid of giving into those desires and needs sometimes but if you will be patient with me, I want to take the next step when you are ready."

"Oh Edward!" she cries and reaches out to bring my lips down to hers. Suddenly the mood has shifted and while the desire is still there, boiling under the surface, right now, in this moment in time, safe in our self made cocoon, free from the world that includes Julian, regrets, law books, mistrust and all of the negative things, the exchange of spoken words of mutual love and desire and soul piercing kisses are what we need most. She falls asleep in my arms, taking the nap she clearly needs and I hold her, I cherish her knowing that this weekend is going to change everything. So long as my Bella is willing, there is nothing I will ever deny her again.

**E/N—Shout out to Mjenn for being my 600th reviewer. And again, thanks to all of you who are recommending this story. That is too sweet for words. Tazz, who is a frequent reviewer and contributor to the Twilighted thread for this story is going to feature it on her blog this week. Her blog is full of summaries, interviews and information about Tazz's favorites fanfiction stories. You should check it out at http(colon)//tazz0617(dot)blogspot(dot)com. All that is twilight belongs to SM.**

**I received a message today, formally informing me that the story has been nominated for "Best Edward" and "Best Emmett" so far for the gigglesnort awards but that only the most nominated choices will move onto the voting round. If you want to nominate the story (and I would be so flattered if you do), here is the link: ****http (colon) // gigglesnortawards (dot)mmmboptastic(dot)com.**

**Please, please let me know what you think. Sis and I had some creative differences on this chapter so we need for you to tell us who is right. Our heated exchange went something like this:**

**Sis: You cockblocking tease. No one is going to like this chapter. **

**Missypooh: He is being Edward. Slow and cautious. Not my fault.**

**Sis: He just needs to find his inner perv and get it over with already.**

**Missypooh: This is more realistic. **

**Sis: They are going to yell at you on the forum and tell you that you suck.**

**Missypooh: Stop being such a grouchy ole bitch and get back to drinking your grey goose.**

**Please, please tell us who is right in your review or post to the forum!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**


	27. Chapter 27

CHAPTER 27

WELCOME TO ORLANDO, NOW STRIP!

**A/N—Before you read the chapter, you may want to take a look at Page 15 of the forum where I am posting pictures of Bella's club outfit and a link to the video that will be playing later at the club. Here is the link: http(colon)//www(dot)twilighted(dot)net//forum/viewtopic(dot)php?f=33&t=9578&st=0&sk=t&sd=a&start=140**

**Special thanks to PaulineAH (Twilighted Forum Nickname) for suggesting this particular song. All references to Universal Studios and Citywalk belong to NBC and related companies. No infringement intended.**

"Wake up sleeping beauty," I whisper in Bella's ear, as I kiss down her neck, gently nudging her awake. When she finally yawns and opens her eyes, I greet her with a smile and say "Welcome to Orlando."

"The place where dreams come true?" she asks me as she stretches, thrusting her beautiful breasts right into my face.

I smile and say to her breasts, "mine certainly are coming true."

"Edward!" she exclaims. Finally, I have shocked her for a change. It's a good feeling. I could get use to it.

I rent a Mustang convertible at the airport and we drive toward the new home. The night air seems to be warm and humid, at least to humans, so I lower the top as we drive.

I have only seen pictures of the house which is located on a lake just North of Orlando in a small area called Windermere. Realizing that the sun shines a lot more in Florida than it does in Washington, we located a home that has many indoor amenities for us to enjoy during the day including an indoor pool, hot tub, extensive game room, and bowling alley. It would probably be more appropriate to refer to the house as a small mansion.

I am pleasantly surprised as I listen to Bella's squeals of excitement as she runs through the house exploring. She even finds the tray of cheese and fresh fruit that I arranged for her to have, realizing she would be hungry when we arrive.

After eating a quick snack, Bella makes her way to the main bedroom, where I have placed her bags. Bella is sitting on the beautiful white bed and she looks like an angel. I lean against the door frame, watching her as she smiles at me. I can't help but imagine her laying there in that bed with nothing on but those boots.

I speak up. "We can do whatever you want to do tonight. Unfortunately, I will be stuck indoors tomorrow as there is nothing but sunshine in the forecast. But I am completely at your disposal for the next seven hours." I shrug apologetically, hating that I can't be out with her during the day.

"I'm looking forward to getting in that pool and hot tub tomorrow. It will be nice to relax before we go to Halloween Horror Nights tomorrow night."

A funny smile crosses her face as if she is suddenly remembering something.

"What is it?" I ask her, smiling back.

She doesn't immediately answer. She looks shy and uncertain. This is not a side of her I have seen often since I entered her life again. It reminds me of the 17 year old Bella I fell in love with all those years ago.

She is now staring at her lap, picking at imaginary lint on her skirt as she speaks. "Well, there was something I wanted to ask you to do. I don't want to offend you though."

"Bella, my purpose for existing is to make you happy. Tell me and it's yours."

She blushes and I realize she must be talking about her fantasy that she shared with my sisters. The fantasy she has of me stripping for her. Oh. Holy. Hell. Here it comes.

"I mentioned it to Rosalie and Alice and they said that you have loosened up some and that you'd probably be willing to do it but I don't know...I guess I'm a little shy asking."

"Say no more love," I say as I walk over to her. She is still staring down at her lap so I reach out and lift her chin with my finger. She raises her eyes and I admire the blush that fills her cheek and neck. "How can I deny you anything when you blush so prettily?" I say. She smiles happily at me and starts to say something but I stop her by placing my index finger of her lips. "Hush love. You don't have to say it. Rosalie told me. Just sit back and relax and let me make your fantasy come true."

I walk over to my bag and pull out my Ipod. After Rosalie told me that Bella had shared a fantasy of wanting to see me strip, I had decided to be prepared for such a request. My research revealed that Justin Timberlake's _Sexyback_ is the second most popular song for male stripping. It is not necessarily my favorite music choice but it seemed appropriate for the occasion. Plus it is a damn sight better than the most popular stripping song: Rod Stewart's _If you Think I'm Sexy_. I refuse to dance to that song. That's just not dignified.

I put my Ipod on the docking station located on the nightstand, set the volume to an appropriate level and back up a few feet from the bed. Bella is watching me curiously. As the music begins, I close my eyes and imagine Bella's hands are touching me. I read this is the trick used by every successful stripper. I move my hips slightly and sharply to the beat of the music as I move to undress myself.

I slowly unbutton my shirt pausing for dramatic effect when I reach the last button. I can hear Bella's heart beat accelerating and even though I feel slightly ridiculous, I know it is worth it to make her fantasy come true. I keep chanting to myself "This is for Bella" as I pull my shirt off with flare as Justin Timberlake sings out " _I'll let you whip me if I misbehave, It's just no one makes me feel this way._"

"Umm...Edward?" Bella speaks timidly and I open my eyes to look at Bella, afraid I am doing something wrong. I'm following all the moves outlined in various instructional manuals both for amateur and professional stripping. Does Bella want different moves? I'd not had much time to prepare. Maybe there are stripping techniques that I am not aware of.

"Not that I'm complaining or anything but I don't think we're talking about the same thing," she says, confusion marring her features.

And in that moment I know. That damn bitch Rosalie Hale has set me up. This is not Bella's fantasy. I can practically hear Rosalie cackling all the way from Seattle. Jesus, how embarrassing!

I hurriedly put my shirt back on. Thank god I didn't get to my jeans. I had planned on ripping them off with one tug.

"Wait...you don't have to stop," Bella says to me.

"I'm sorry," I say as I move to turn off that ridiculous song. "I thought you wanted to see me dance." I think that sounds better than stripping.

Her eyes go from showing confusion to excitement. "Dancing?" "Can we go dancing tonight?"

"Sure," I say taken by surprise at her request. "You like to dance now?"

"Well, I'm not much of a dancer but I certainly wouldn't mind going to a club and checking things out. Any suggestions?"

"Well there is a group of different type of clubs at Universal Studios. We could go there if you like. We could probably get you a proper dinner meal as well."

"That sounds great. Let's change and go."

I still want to know what her fantasy is but right now I am just glad to get off of the subject of my attempted striptease.

Forty minutes later, I look up, hearing Bella at the top of the stairs. I had already quickly changed into a pair of black pants and short sleeve black button down shirt. I am anxious to see what Bella is wearing. I have to be honest. I am hoping for some of those high heels again.

This is why people say be careful what you wish for. Bella comes down the stairs looking way too sexy for her good and mine. I can't even describe her dress. It's sheer. It's short. Simply put, there is not enough of it. And the shoes. Fuck me indeed! They are silver and delicate and strappy and high and oh so sexy.

As she joins me at the foyer, I consciously have to remember not to stare with my mouth open. She has such a confident smirk on her face. She knows she looks so damn irresistible. I take her hand and raise it to my lips and whisper simply, "You're exquisite."

"Thank you Edward," she says smiling at me. I hear the skip of her heartbeat. "You look handsome yourself."

"Thank you. Where is your wrap or coat?"

"Edward, this is Florida. It's 78 degrees outside. I don't need a wrap or coat," she says with amusement in her voice.

"Okay. Then where is the rest of your dress?"

"Excuse me?"

"Bella, you can't go out like that. I mean don't get me wrong. You look beautiful but if you go out like that, men will look."

"So?" she says with annoyance lacing her voice.

"So, then that will lead to impure thoughts on their part. Thoughts that I can hear, remember?"

"So?" she presses, amusement returning to her voice.

"So, then someone is going to get hurt," I tell her very matter-of-fact.

Bella laughs as she sweeps past me. "It's a good thing you are the master of control then Edward because I have been saving this dress for a special occasion and I'm going to wear it. I could change the shoes though if you think they are too much."

"No!" I say emphatically and immediately. The shoes are the best part.

We arrive at the famed Citywalk area of Universal Studios which is comprised of numerous restaurants, clubs and bars. Bella surprises me when she suggests Pat O'Briens, a piano bar which is patterned after the original Pat O'Brien's bar in New Orleans. I am unable to convince Bella to eat something but she needs no persuasion to drink. Apparently she has an affinity for Hurricanes, Pat O'Brien's signature drink. She is working on her second. The bottle of beer I ordered is still sitting in front of me, untouched.

The dueling pianists are entertaining to watch. They play requests and mix in humorous jabs with their playing. For humans, both of them have an impressive familiarity with a variety of songs. "Play the FSU fight song!" Bella shouts excitedly after a lull in the playing. I laugh as she is clearly tipsy and I have never seen her this way. I slip the pianist a rather large tip to make sure he abides by her request. She sings along, slurring the words just slightly and I feel a pang of longing, wishing I had been there with her during her stint in college. But then I shake off the melancholy. This weekend is not about regretting the past. It is about new beginnings.

Feeling inspired, I quickly ask the pianist nearest to me to play _These arms of mine_, previously recorded by Ottis Redding. The $100 tip I give him ensures he will play it immediately. I hold my hand out to Bella who takes it with no hesitation and I lead her to an empty dancing area and pull her into my arms. I have to steady her on her extra high heels and in her slightly inebriated state so I hold her as tight as I dare as we sway slowly to the music. I softly sing the lyrics as we sway.

_These arms of mine; _

_they are lonely;_

_lonely and feeling blue; _

_these arms of mine; _

_they are yearning; _

_yearning from wanting you. _

_And if you will let them hold you...._

Before I can sing anymore, she grabs my face and pulls me down for a passionate kiss. When she pulls away she gives me a very specific smile. It's a smile full of secrets and promises of pleasure. She is one seductive minx!

Two Hurricanes later, I find myself in a dancing club, trying desperately to keep up with an even more inebriated Bella. Truth be told, she is getting close to the state of plain drunk. She can barely stand up but insists upon dancing to a litany of god awful songs from the 80s and 90s. We also get the pleasure of having the equally bad videos to the songs play on wall size screens surrounding the dance floor. I decide to draw the line when Run DMC's _It's Tricky_ starts. "Bella, please, let's take a break. You are going to hurt yourself," I plead.

She laughs and slurs something that sounds like "I'm okay." Suddenly she is out of the safety of my arms. "Bella, don't," I say, reaching for her. She mumbles "bathroom" and laughs as she walks away from me. I guess it would be inappropriate to follow her in there even if it is just to steady her. I decide to take advantage of the break to go and get a bottle of water for Bella. She needs hydration that is not laced with rum.

I notice Bella talking to the disc jockey just a few minutes later. I focus in on the disc jockey's thoughts and see that she is requesting he play a 90s' TLC song that I am not familiar with. Bella asks him to dedicate it to Edward from Bella. How sweet that Bella is dedicating a song to me. I smile and a warm feeling flood me in response to her thoughtful gesture.

As the disc jokey announces Bella's dedication of TLC's _Red Light Special_ to me, Bella makes her way over to me to pull me back unto the dance floor, her bottle of water forgotten on an empty table. Strange thoughts from the other dancers assault me:

_Lucky bastard getting some of that tonight_

_Damn, she must want it bad_

_I'll take the southern route on that_

The thoughts are laced with lust directed at my Bella and I bring her in closer to me to protect her from the leers of others and I try desperately to block the thoughts. Damn drunken perverts trying to ruin my special moment with Bella. I listen to the lyrics and watch the video, anxious to hear the music and see the video that Bella dedicated to me:

_Take a good look at it, look at it now._

_Might be the last time you'll have a go round_

_I'll let you touch it if you'd like to go down_

_I'll let you go further if you take the southern route_

_Don't go too fast, don't go too slow_

_You've got to let your body flow_

_I like 'em attentive_

_And I like 'em in control_

She pushes her body closer to me and whispers into my chest, "I like this song." She then looks up at me and gives me a meaningful cock of her left eyebrow. "Do you?"

Oooohh. I think I am getting the message. _If you'd like to go down. If you take the southern route. And I like em' in control_. The song may completely lack musical integrity, but it certainly sends a not so subtle message. Bella is inviting me to devour her honeypot....right? Quite frankly, after that disastrous miscommunication over her fantasy, I am reluctant to trust anything less than direct confirmation.

I draw her back slightly so that I can look into her eyes. She is clearly intoxicated but there is desire there too. I need to get her sobered up quickly so I can find out if she really is telling me to what I think she is.

I take her hand and lead her back to the bar where I purchase another bottle of water. I hand it to her saying curtly "Drink. All of it." She complies and I lead her out toward the parking lot. As we walk I am trying to figure out the best way to ask her.

_Bella, do you wish for me to perform cunnilingus on you tonight? _No. Emmett said if I use proper terms, Bella wouldn't let me near her honeypot.

_Bella, may I eat your pussy? _I inwardly cringe. Too crass. Too Emmett.

_Bella, do you want me to eat your private area? _Too weird.

_Bella, do you want me to lick your private area? _Just slightly less weird.

_Bella, I need for you to be honest with me. Do you want me to go down, to take the southern route?_ No. I can't stoop to quoting TLC.

The brisk walk and water seems to have helped and while she is still feeling some of the effects of the alcohol, I can tell from her more steady stride and speech, she is at least in control of her faculties. After she is settled in the passenger seat and I am in the driver's seat, I turn to Bella, take her left hand and while pressing my lips to it say: "Bella, may I take you home, to our bed, and love you in every way possible?"

Then I lean over and whisper in her left ear, " Will you let me finish what I started on the plane? Will you let me taste _**every**_delectable inch of you with my tongue?"

She pulls back and gasps, her eyes wide. I hope this is a good gasp and I haven't driven her away with my perverted desires.

"Oh god Edward," she chokes out. "Drive. Drive now. Unless you want to go down on me right here, right now in this car. Get us home _**now**_."

I have my confirmation. All systems go.

**E/N—Shout out to Sherylb for being my 700th reviewer. Thank you all for your reviews and votes from last chapter. The final score between Sis and I was 29-5 in my favor. But we made up so no hard feelings. No need for me to rub it in her face or anything like that. All things twilight belong to SM**


	28. Chapter 28

CHAPTER 28

AT LAST

I quickly calculate the amount of time it will take us to get home, factoring in my ability to drive faster than humans and the amount of traffic based upon the thoughts of other drivers. What I didn't factor in is how distracting a tipsy and playful Bella can be and how much that will slow down my reaction time.

She is sitting very provocatively with her already short skirt hiked up to the top of her thighs and her feet propped up on the dashboard. She has demurely twisted her legs to the side but it does not make the sight any less tempting. Her beautiful legs look like they are miles long in that short dress and those tall heels. She is quite amorous too. I hiss as I feel her warm hand on my thigh.

"Bella, what are you doing?"

"Touching you." She moves her hand toward my inner thigh. "Doesn't that feel good?" She asks, widening her eyes as part of her innocent expression.

"Too good."

I turn to her and smile briefly before turning my eyes back to the road. "I'm trying to get us home as quickly as possible. It's hard to concentrate when you do that."

"I believe you told me once that you can drive well with any number of distractions," she says lightly.

"And I also believe I once told you that you would be the death of me." She laughs and moves her hand to my knee.

It takes us exactly 11.6 minutes to arrive at the house. I park the car in the driveway, exit the car at vampire speed and open Bella's door. I offer her my hand which she takes and I help her out of the car. As soon as she is standing, I swoop down and pick her up into my arms bridal style and rush into the house and up the stairs.

I lay her down in the middle of the king size bed in our bedroom. Her eyes are closed, her expression not giving anything away. I can hear her heart beating faster than usual but I am trying to ignore how it makes her delicious blood gush through her veins harder. I must keep the monster that forever craves her blood completely at bay tonight.

I crawl up beside her on the bed and rub her nose with mine. She smiles. "Please have mercy on me and tell me what you are thinking," I nearly groan.

"I'm trying to calm my nerves through meditation," she says, with her eyes still closed.

"I'm the one that should be nervous here. I've never done anything like this." I whisper, feeling extremely shy and anxious. I am acutely aware that if I can manage to complete a sexual act with Bella and further manage not to kill her, it could still end up being a disaster if it does not live up to her expectations...or even worse, her prior experiences.

"Does it bother you? That I have been with someone else?" She asks, opening her eyes and looking directly into mine.

"No." I say simply.

"Are you sure? I thought my innocence was one of the things you liked about me before," she says, insecurity lacing her voice. I have finally become accustomed to seeing a confident Bella and I do not want to be the reason she feels anything but perfect.

"Bella, the fact you have had sex before does not make you any less good or pure. My only regret is that I was not there to be your first lover. But it is my most fervent wish that you will find me worthy enough to be your last lover."

Her eyes widen and she reaches her arms around me and pulls me toward her, attacking my lips with her own. I return her fervent kisses, pulling away after just a few minutes to whisper, "Bella, I want to taste you."

"Yes, oh yes," she exclaims against my lips, tugging at my hair in her enthusiasm.

I pull back slightly and cradle her face in my hands. "I want to taste you everywhere."

She inhales sharply and nods fervently, with her face still cradled in my hands.

"I want to start by tasting your mouth."

Her eyes widen even more, in surprise and expectation. "But I need for you to stay very still. You must let me taste you with my tongue. You can't move your tongue into my mouth. My teeth will cut you. Do you understand?"

She swallows and nods her head affirmatively.

"I love you Bella," I whisper as I lean in and softly put my lips to hers, coaxing her to open her mouth to me. When she complies I do something I had never done before. I move my tongue into Bella's mouth, stroking her warm tongue.

My eyes roll into the back of my head. The sensations of her warm mouth and the electrical current between us which seems to intensify ten fold each time I stroke her tongue with mine, are overwhelming. It becomes too much when she starts moaning into my mouth and the scent of her juices assault me all at once. I pull back reluctantly but out of necessity. I have to stay in control. I can't take any risks.

I move my lips to her ear, whispering sweet endearments as I ease Bella back, laying her down comfortably on the bed, giving us both a chance to catch our breath. "Sweet Bella, let me love you," I whisper to her as I lean over her and stroke her hair back from her face. She moans her agreement and I place kisses all over her face before moving down to her collarbone. I run my tongue across her collarbone and Bella arches against me, thrusting her breasts toward me.

I shift as my erection is almost painful. I move so that my knees are between Bella's legs and I plant my arms by her shoulders, keeping my weight completely off of her. She moves her legs up to rest them on my hips lightly. It feels incredible to be in such an intimate position with her.

I can see her hardened nipples under her thin dress. No nipple rings tonight. Darn.

I shift downward, placing kisses upon her breasts through her dress. I watch as her nipples harden even more as I breathe cool air upon them. I continue downward, stopping to kiss her torso and naval. I shift to lean back on my heels as I run my hands under her legs, cradling them by resting her calves on my elbows.

I look down at her, taking in the exquisite sight before me. A wave of nerves washes over me as I look at her. Her eyes are still closed and she is biting her bottom lip as she arches her hips upward, clearly seeking on some sort of contact with me there. She opens her eyes and locks her stare upon me. Her eyes look almost frenzied and then she says words that will echo in my memory forever. "I'm aching Edward. Please...stop the aching."

Christ almighty. Were sexier words ever spoken? And just like that, the uncertainty and hesitation I was just feeling disappears. I now have a purpose to concentrate upon...to stop Bella's aching. And I am determined to use all of the knowledge and skills at my disposal to make sure I do just that. I sit each of her bent legs down on either side of me. I then slide my arms up her legs, toward her hips, pushing her dress up as I do. She is still arching and moaning and generally driving me to the brink of insanity.

I am taking steadying breaths and running through my check list, trying with all my might to keep myself in control. Bella's thrusting and moaning are not helping. The movement and sounds make the monster in me want to drive into her with no further frills or foreplay.

My hands are now on her hips with her dress pushed up to just above her naval. I slowly lower my eyes to stare at her small white panties which are clearly soaked with her essence. I forget my immediate intentions and bend down, holding her thrusting hips up, off the bed. I dart out my tongue and lick her through her panties beginning in her center up to the waistband. She moans in earnest and I repeat the action twice more, savoring the taste of her that is now on my tongue. Definitely better than blood, even human blood.

"Take them off...now," she pants.

"Patience," I say, smiling up at her as I continue up her body, kissing her belly button and circling it with my tongue. Her skin is hotter than usual, almost feverish in its temperature. Her ab muscles contract under my ministrations and I think I could get lost in the dip just below her naval but above the line of her panties. I finally shift and gently pull Bella to a sitting position so I can move her dress over her head. I toss it to the floor and take a deep breath before I lower my gaze to her breasts. I'm not sure how long I stare, mesmerized at her cleavage but at some point Bella becomes impatient and reaches and unhooks her strapless bra and removes it in one swift move.

Of course I remember perfectly what they look like from when Bella flashed me in the hallway all those weeks ago. But that doesn't keep me from being cast into some sort of spellbound state where the oddest thoughts are flashing through my mind. _Why did I not take her shirt off before when we were together in Forks? Why are they both perfectly round, seemingly made just for me? Would it be inexcusable to bury my face in them and refuse to move? _

But alas, Bella's impatience brings me out of the spell. "Edward, are you just going to look at them all night?"

I look up into Bella's eyes and playful smirk. "I could actually. But I want more tonight."

And with that I do something I fantasized countless nights about in Forks, while I held a sleeping Bella. I draw her right nipple into my mouth, trapping it between my lips, flicking it with my tongue, but keeping it from my teeth. Bella gasps and I imagine it is because of the shocking sensation of my ice cold lips and tongue which are moving lazily around her nipple, savoring the taste of her hot skin. I bring my right hand up to lightly rub her left nipple between my thumb and forefinger. Knowing that Bella likes nipple clamps, I am guessing she would like for me to pinch and tug on her pert nipple. However, the tissue is so soft and given my inexperience, I am simply too scared to do anything more than rub lightly out of fear of hurting her.

Her gasps for breath and tugging of my hair seem to indicate she is enjoying it nonetheless. I let my hips relax lightly against her which brings my erection directly into contact with her center.

"Oh god," I moan while Bella makes a keening sound. If simply touching her through clothing like that can bring on these type of sensations, I have no idea how we will ever manage intercourse. However, my task tonight is to please Bella and to taste her and I turn my attention back to that as Bella moans again, "I can't stand it...the aching....oh Edward....please."

It is time to deliver on my promise to bring Bella unimagined pleasure. I quickly pray to a benevolent god to please let me do this right. I am caressing her breasts with my hands as I quickly kiss my way downwards, stopping at her panties. I bring my hands down and tug on the waistband, silently asking her permission to remove them. This feels like the point of no return. Once her panties are off and she is laying before me completely naked and vulnerable, there is no way I can back out. That would certainly be unforgivable.

"Yes," she hisses, arching her bottom off of the bed to assist me. I quickly remove her soaked panties and toss them aside and after taking one more settling breath, I focus my attention on Bella's honeypot. In my preparations, I had envisioned her naked many times, mentally going through the steps of performing cunnilingus. But even my most depraved and detailed fantasies could not prepare me for what I am looking at. It is like looking at a piece of art. I am filled with a feeling of gratitude to the creator who created such a beautiful sight for my viewing.

"Damn it Edward. You're doing it again. Stop starring." Bella practically growls at me. Her honeypot is dripping with her juices and she is clearly aroused beyond reason. She is thrashing her head and her hands are digging into the sheets.

This is it. I move my head down slowly toward her honeypot, savoring the scent and taste of her that permeates the air. When I am at the top of her mound moving my nose through the top of her curls, she moves her hips up and I reach under her, grasp her beautiful bottom and pull her even closer to me as I kiss the top of her mound.

"More," she whispers as she squirms in my grasp. I hold her bottom off the bed with one hand while I use my right hand to part her legs slightly so I can place kisses on the inside of each of her thighs. Predictably, she arches and tries to close her legs around my head. I move my hand to her stomach to stroke her in a soothing manner cooing against her folds, parting them slightly with my lips, "Shh. Sweet love...shh." And then I take my first full taste of Bella. I lick from her center all the way up through her parted folds to the top of her clit.

"Ahhhh," she cries out and she starts thrusting wildly.

"Bella, Bella please be still love. I have to be careful. My teeth. I need you to be still."

"Please!" she nearly screams but she does still her movements. I open my mouth and move to put my tongue directly on her clit but just as I am about to press it against her, she suddenly shifts and her clit comes precariously close to my teeth.

"Goddammit Bella! You have to stay still. I don't want to hurt you."

I instantly regret speaking so harshly to her but her sudden movement really scared me. But she seems unfazed by my harsh words. If anything I think she is even more aroused as her breathing hitches and she moans even louder in response to my chastisement.

If she likes control, well that is what she is going to get. "Bella, look at me," I say in my most authoritative tone. She opens her eyes and her fevered brown eyes meet mine. "Be a good girl and keep your hips completely still. I know it is hard but I promise you if you do as I tell you, you will be properly rewarded. Do you understand?"

"Mmmm," is her response.

"Is that a yes?" I ask, my tone very serious.

"Yes, fuck yes."

"And don't say fuck. It's....distracting." And with that I move my tongue back to her clit and lick it furiously, stopping to apply direct pressure with the tip of my tongue. Her juices are overflowing and I dip down to taste them, moving the tip of my forefinger up through her slick folds before I find her clit and press the pad of my finger directly unto the bundle of nerves there. I find her entrance with my tongue and give into the deviant in me as I thrust my tongue into her with vampire speed.

"Ooooh godddd," she nearly screams as she pulls on my hair. If she had vampire strength, I would be bald.

I take quick note of her vitals. Her blood pressure if up, her heart-rate is that of a runner in the throes of a marathon and her thighs are trembling. It seems all is good. Time to change things up to get her closer to release.

I move my tongue out of her and kiss her right on her honeypot and start to move toward her clit, where I have slowed by movements.

"No!" she screams as she tries vainly to push my mouth back to her center. "No, please don't stop Edward!", she cries desperately.

"Hush love. I'm not stopping. I just want to taste that sweet love button of yours."

"My what?" she asks but her question is forgotten as she proceeds to shout every curse and expletive found in the English urban dictionary. While I do not generally condone gratuitous cursing, I do have to admit that I like that it's in apparent response to my entering her warm, wet center with my forefinger at the same time I latch my lips upon her clit. I am thrusting in her slick entrance, in earnest, enjoying the tiny contractions of her inner muscles as I pretend it is my cock inside of her thrusting. I moan into her clit as a wave of tense pain shoots through my testicles at just the thought of me being inside Bella like that.

The vibrations from my moan and my incessant thrusting take things to a new level. She is mewling and gasping for breath and I can feel her internal contractions getting more intense. I add a second finger and slowly ease her bottom down to the bed. I hold her steady with a hand to her left hip as I continue to thrust in her and devour her love button with my lips. I then curl my fingers just enough to make sure I am hitting against her pubic bone and push my tongue directly toward the same spot simultaneously. And then it happens. The most spiritual experience of my life. Bella cries out my name as I remove my hand from her hip so she can thrust up one more time as wave after wave of contractions move through her lower body. She pushes her self against my fingers and mouth and holds herself there for exactly twenty two seconds before she relaxes and falls back upon the bed.

I did it. She climaxed at _**my**_ hand and _**my**_ mouth. And she said _**my**_ name. And she is still alive.

**E/N—Okay, there you have it. I guess I am now officially a smut peddler. I sure hope no one at work finds out. Please, please tell a nervous Edward (and Missypooh) what you think. Good or bad. He and I can take anything but silence. Remember SM owns all that is twilight.**


	29. Chapter 29

CHAPTER 29

A PEACH BY ANY OTHER NAME....

**A/N—Just some light lemon juice this chapter but a lot of dialogue and hopefully some light moments. Thank you all so much for your kind reviews and praise for the smut. I am posting pictures of the pool/hot tub area and Bella's bathing suit on page 18 the twilighted forum if you like to see pics in order to visualize. Remember, all things twilight belong to SM (except for Bella's love button—that now belongs to Edward). As ever, please please let me know what you think.**

"What is a love button?" Bella asks, yawning as she awakens.

I have laid in this bed holding her for hours, awaiting the moment she would wake up after our incredible night together. I have spent some of that time, trying to guess what she would say, how she would feel when she opens her eyes. Would she be shy, consumed with love, grateful, ready for more? The possibilities were endless. However, I never imagined her first words to me would be this particular question.

"Uhm..nothing. Forget it."

She laughs as she stretches. "Nothing? I remember distinctly you telling me you wanted to taste my love button last night Edward. What exactly were you talking about?"

"You know..."

"Say it," she says, smiling broadly at my obvious discomfort.

"Don't make me say it Bella," I implore.

Jeez. Can't we talk about something else? Like where the hell are her nipple rings?

She moves from my embrace to lean up on her elbow and look at me. "Edward, how can you be so shy after what happened last night?" There is no judgment or annoyance in her voice--just pure curiosity.

I sigh leaning back on my bent arm, staring at the ceiling. "I was born in 1901. People weren't so open about sex then. It still makes me uncomfortable to speak about it--especially in the presence of a lady."

"Even when the lady doesn't mind and in fact speaks about it rather openly herself?"

"I know it doesn't make sense. It is just something that is a part of me."

I roll over, propping myself on my elbow, facing Bella. "It doesn't mean that I don't want you in that way Bella. These are my issues. I'm trying to work on them. You have no idea what I have been though trying to get to the point where I could do that last night."

She cocks her head a little. " I don't understand. What exactly have you been though?

That is what she focuses upon from my declaration? That's dangerous territory for me. I lean over and brush my kiss against her cheek and make my way to that sweet spot behind her ear, in the hopes of distracting her. "Why don't I fix you a nice warm bath?"

"Why don't you answer my question?"

I sigh and pull back. "I read...a lot."

"And?"

"I talked to my brothers."

Her eyes widen. "Even Emmett?"

"Yes, god help me, even Emmett."

She falls unto her back and laughs out loud. I can't help but smile. "I would have liked to hear that!" she says.

She turns her head to me. "Do you know that he asked me if I knew anything about ben wa balls?"

"He did not!" I say in horror. "Bella, I'm so sorry."

"Oh Edward, I showed him nipple clamps. I think I can handle a conversation about some harmless metal balls."

She smiles mischievously. "Besides, it was Esme that asked the most embarrassing questions."

"Uh yeah, she does seem to be somewhat fascinated with kinky sex accessories. Bella, if you don't mind, I would really prefer to talk about something other than my family. How about that bath?"

"I have a better idea. What if you join me in the hot tub for some relaxation before breakfast?"

"Well how can I say no to a tempting offer like that?"

Fifteen minutes later, Bella is sitting in the hot tub in her sexy one piece black bathing suit. I am wearing only a pair of light blue board shorts. I place a tray of freshly cut fruit and a bottle of water on the table next to the rim of the tub as I ease myself into the tub to join Bella. I am excited about the hot tub but I keep my distance from Bella for now. I estimate after only six to seven minutes, my entire body will absorb the heat provided by the hot water and I will be able to hold Bella with warm arms for the first time ever.

We sit in a comfortable silence for several minutes, savoring the heat and steam from the water. Bella finally moves to lean over the rim to eat some sliced melon. After she drinks half of the bottle of water I had left for her, she speaks up. "Edward, I've never done what we did last night with anyone. I just thought you should know that."

I move toward her quickly, taking her into my arms. "Bella," I sigh her name as I kiss the top of her head. "Thank you for letting me be the first to have such an honor."

I can almost hear Emmett's scathing, snarky comments about my choice of words. I don't care what my brothers say. Dammit, this is the way I feel and I'm not going to hesitate to tell Bella how I honestly feel ever again. I have vowed to only be honest with her and I am determined not to break that vow ever again.

She pulls back and smiles at me. "You feel warm."

"It's the heat from the water. My body is absorbing it."

"Very nice," she says as she nuzzles my chest with her cheek.

I sigh, perfectly content in this moment. I wish I could just freeze time and stay here forever with Bella in my arms. But after a few moments, Bella speaks again. "But you were really good Edward. You touched me just right, in all the right places. And your tongue, well..." She pauses and I can feel her blush even though her body is already heated from the water. "Well, let's just say your tongue is amazing."

I would be blushing in this moment if it was at all possible. "All for you love," I say, kissing the top of her head again. I can feel my chest puffing with a tinge of male pride at her praise.

"Well, Edward I was wondering about something. Did you...I mean...." She is clearly wanting to ask me something but is having trouble.

"What is it love? You can ask me anything. I will always tell you the truth, I promise."

She takes a deep breath and then speaks into my chest, "Did you have practice?"

I knew that vow of honesty would come back to bite me in the proverbial ass. I want to answer her honestly but at the same time, not make an utter fool of myself.

"Well, in a manner of speaking, yes."

She looks up at me sharply. I continue with my explanation. "I told you I asked for advice from my brothers. I also asked one other person, someone who had experience with sexual relationships between vampires and humans. Tanya helped me."

Bella pulls back and continues to stare at me. "You practiced with Tanya?"

I hang my head in shame. "Yes. I had to do it Bella. I had to make sure I knew how much pressure to apply and how to keep my teeth from hurting you. Please don't be disgusted."

"Oh Edward!" she says and pulls her hands away to cover her mouth, clearly horrified at my despicable behavior. Why did I let Tanya talk me into practicing? But if she had not, I would had never had the confidence to taste Bella in such an intimate way.

"Did you like it?" She asks me from behind her hands.

"What?"

"Practicing," she says through gritted teeth.

"No! It tasted absolutely disgusting. Nothing like you sweetheart. Please don't be upset. I did it for you Bella," I say practically pleading with her for forgiveness.

"For me? What the hell Edward?" She seems to be getting really angry.

"Practice was necessary so that I could be with you safely. Tanya and I couldn't think of any other way for me to practice with something as soft as feminine tissue."

"Oh well that is just the most damn romantic thing I have ever heard Edward. You tongue fucked Tanya for me because you had no choice!" She is practically screaming and tears are pooling in her eyes and her face is flushed.

My eyes widen as I comprehend her words and the misapprehension she is under. "Bella, I never tongue fucked Tanya. Jesus, of course not. You are the only one for me. I've told you that a million times. How can you even think that?"

"But you just said that you practiced with Tanya."

"Well, I didn't mean I did that to her. Tanya helped me come up with the idea of practicing on a....peach." I can barely get out the last word. It is so humiliating having to tell Bella this. But I would rather her know I tongue fucked a disgusting piece of fruit than think I was intimate with another woman.

Bella looks stunned. Her face is still flushed but the tears have halted for the moment. "I'm sorry Edward. I'm going to need a little bit more explanation. What the hell are you talking about when you say you practiced with a peach?"

"Unfortunately I mean just what I said. Tanya drilled holes into over ripe peaches and I practiced my..uh...technique on the peaches, until I knew just how much pressure to apply without cutting or breaking the peach. If I wasn't harming the peach, then I knew I wouldn't harm your delicate body and tissues."

She still looks absolutely stunned at my shameful admission.

"Please Bella say something," I beg after two torturous minutes in which there is nothing but silence.

She finally smiles and then her smile turns into giggling and before long she is bent over, enjoying a full belly laugh...at my expense. I simply stand waiting for her to compose herself. Jesus, I only pray this never gets back to Emmett or the rest of my family. Tanya swore she would never tell.

"I'm sorry Edward," she says, trying to reign in her laughter. After wiping away tears of laughter she looks directly at me and touches my cheek with her hand. "That really was sweet. I'm just surprised-- that is all."

"Did you really think I would be with someone else? Do you really not understand my devotion to you at all?" I ask.

"It has been four years and you knew I was with Julian. I thought it was possible something happened between you and Tanya," she says, not meeting my gaze.

I step closer and bend down to her ear as I rub her arms with my hands and I say, "There is only you. It has always been you and there will never be another for me. That I promise you."

She looks up, her eyes blazing and pulls my head towards hers where we share another amazing kiss. I gently suck her tongue in her mouth and I swear the electrical charge that pulses through my body could light up a small neighborhood. I am aching so much with love and desire.

I pull her closer to me and move my mouth to plant kisses down her neck and around her left ear. "Bella, let me taste you again. Please."

"Again? Already?" she breathes excitedly. I nod.

"Well, I guess that would be okay. I mean I would hate to think that all of those peaches were sacrificed for nothing." she says and giggles. But her giggling abruptly stops as I lift her up, sitting her on the wide rim of the tub. Soon moaning is replacing the giggling.

Two orgasms later (Bella's orgasms, not mine), Bella is lying on a lounge chair in the pool area without a stitch of clothing, completely comfortable in her nakedness. She is eating the remainder of the fruit and drinking her water. "Let me make you some eggs," I say. I am in desperate need for some alone time to take care of my perpetual hard on before it becomes a permanent condition and am seriously taking a quick detour on my way to the kitchen.

She smiles lazily and speaks, "No, I'm not in the mood for anything too heavy. This was perfect. I really liked the melon and the bananas. No peaches though. Too bad."

Oh hell. A new thing to be teased about for the rest of my existence.

She sets the empty tray aside and holds out her arms to me and I happily move toward her, sitting on the edge of the chair as I lay my head in the crook of her neck and shoulder, relishing the feel of her bare, warm arms wrapped around me. She strokes my hair for a few moments before leaning down to whisper near my ear, "Let me return the favor Edward. Let me taste you."

I stiffen. Not just my cock, but my whole body is now stiff with tension. I know what she means. And the part of me that is suffering from the never ending erection wants to take her up on the offer. It would be heavenly. But I'm just not ready for that.

I reach up and kiss her jaw and say, "Bella, today is about you. I want to pleasure you. You don't have to return any favor."

"But I want to Edward."

"I'm just not prepared for that yet."

"You lost me. What do you mean you're not prepared?"

"I haven't done enough research on that yet." I say rather lamely.

"Well I can assure you there is not much you need to know. In fact your part is quite easy. You just lay there. Or sit there. Or stand there. Whatever you prefer."

Listening to Bella talk about performing fellatio is too much. I'm going to lose control if she keeps talking naughty like that. God, how I wish there was a public men's room nearby.

"Bella," I practically groan. "Please don't talk like that love."

"Why not?" she asks petulantly.

"Because it is hard to keep my wits about me when you say such things. Please, stop tempting me."

"Well if you don't think you can handle a blow job, what about a hand job?"

Jesus christ! I can't take it anymore. I can't believe my Bella just said such dirty things. "Bella, I'll be right back," I say and take off at vampire speed and lock myself in a bathroom upstairs. I groan as I turn on the water and proceed to relieve myself. It takes an embarrassing short amount of time to finish the job. All I have to do is think about Bella's pretty mouth saying "blow job" and "hand job" and I'm done.

I clean my self up, adjust my shorts and leave the bathroom. Bella is standing there. God, I was so distracted with what was going on in the bathroom I didn't even hear her come up the stairs. She has put a robe on and she is standing there with her arms crossed and she is tapping her foot, clearly irritated. I swallow but manage to speak evenly. "Everything okay Bella?"

"No, everything is not okay. I'm not leaving this room until you tell me why you prefer your hand stroking your cock to mine doing it?"

Holy mother. Bella just said cock.

**E/N Okay, sorry about the small cliffie. I'm toying with the idea of writing an outtake covering Edward's practice session with the peaches if you guys would be interested. If at least 100 readers tell me they want the outtake (via review, forum post, pm, smoke signal or telegram) before the next update, I'll do it.**


	30. Chapter 30

CHAPTER 30

TO SPANK OR NOT TO SPANK

**A/N—Thanks so much to all of those that review, pm and/or post on the twilighted forum. It's great hearing from you. There wasn't all that much interest in a peachy time outtake. Only about 35 readers spoke up about it but those that did speak up were very enthusiastic. Some people expressed some offense at the idea of Edward raping a peach. On the advice of one of my readers, I am advising no actual peaches were harmed in the writing of Chapter 29 and no actual peaches will be harmed in the writing of the outtake-- in case that was the reason you hesitated to speak up about wanting an outtake. Thanks to Xtothey, I already have the name of the outtake which would be "peachlingus" so please let me know if you are interested because I will probably have some free time this weekend to work on it if that is the case. I also have an update about the giglesnort awards that you will see at the end note below.**

"Bella, stop acting childish." I have to get this situation under control. A good offense is always the best defense.

"Childish?" She huffs.

"Yes. You're acting like a spoiled child who has been denied a toy."

She smiles slyly. "Well I do feel like I've been denied a toy but I assure you it's not a chidren's toy that I want."

"Stop being saucy," I chastise, trying desperately to bring some sense of boundaries to the conversation.

"Answer my fucking question Edward," she says, annoyance evident in her tone.

"It's an absurd question. I won't dignify it with an answer."

"Don't do that!"

"Do what?"

"Get all puritan, straight laced, arrogant, and condescending. That's the old Edward—not the one that went down on me last night and this morning."

I pinch the bridge of my nose with my finger and thumb, trying to keep my emotions and more baser reactions to her foul language in check.

"Bella, please!"

"Please what?"

"Don't say things like that."

"For the love of god Edward.." she trails off shaking her head.

"I have a question for you. Why aren't you wearing your nipple rings? I thought you liked them."

Her eyes flare.

"Let me get this straight. I'm not allowed to talk about you eating my pussy but you can bring up nipple rings? I don't understand you sometimes Edward." She shakes her head, looking at me with an incredulous expression.

"Excuse me but I did not eat your.....well, you know. That's vulgar. I made love to you with my mouth. And you didn't answer my question."

"Answer mine first." She responds, not missing a beat.

"No."

"Answer it or I'm not letting you near my pussy again until you do."

"Jesus Bella, stop saying that word." She is going to have me back in the bathroom further humiliating myself if she keeps up this dirty talk.

Her expression changes and the mood in the room shifts. I can feel the change but I'm not sure what it means. She looks at me and there is a challenge being extended by her eyes. A challenge to do what I am not sure. "What are you going to do to make me stop?"

What does she mean? "Appeal to your intellect, your innate fairness, and your sense of decorum."

"Oh that's sexy Edward." She practically purrs her sarcastic comment. She walks toward me. A more accurate description is she saunters to me, her eyes seductive and still challenging. When she is just inches from me she stops and says, "What are you going to do to make me stop talking about you licking my pussy Edward?"

Oh. Maybe she wants me to kiss her and keep her from talking. I lean down to bring my lips gently to hers but she pulls away just enough so I can't kiss her. She leans up and whispers in my ear. "That's not going to stop me from telling you how much I like having your tongue inside me and making my pussy so wet..."

I'm putting a stop to this right now. I bend and pick Bella up under her knees and sling her over my shoulder, walking briskly to the bed in our bedroom. She squeals but does not seem offended by my action. By the scent that is now heavy in the room, I am quite sure she in fact likes it very much. I lay her down swiftly but gently upon the bed and at vampire speed, lay down beside her and place my hand over her mouth. Oh yeah, she is definitely liking this. Her sexy whimpers and dilated eyes tell me so. "Bella, behave. I can't put into words how much I am enjoying us sharing intimacy but we can't be reckless. I need to keep my wits about me. When you say naughty words it makes me want to forget about control and give you what those big brown eyes of yours are begging for and that is just too dangerous at this point."

I lean back and remove my hand. She licks her lips and I watch her breasts heave as she takes deep, excited breaths. She does seem to like me being firm with her. "Now, as for your question, the answer is simple. I would much prefer you touching me but we need to take this slow."

She starts to protest and I reach out putting my right forefinger over her lips. "I'm not saying we won't do other things. I'm just saying we have to take it slow." I smile and she smiles back with my finger still pressed against her lips. "Be patient love. I promise it will be worth it." I smile and reach down and tweak her right nipple through her robe. She yelps in surprise but I can tell she liked it. "Now young lady, tell me where are your nipple rings? Or do you just bring those out when you want to educate Esme or torture me?"

She smiles. "Wow. You really do like them don't you? Sometimes it is hard to believe you are the same Edward that I dated in Forks. That Edward would probably have given me a two hour lecture on the health risks and moral shortcomings of piercings."

She actually nailed me pretty good on that one. "Oh that Edward would have liked them. He would have just been too uptight to admit it to himself or to anyone else for that matter."

"Why are you suddenly willing to accept such things?" she asks with genuine curiosity.

"Because I realized my hang ups were going to cost me any chance I had of winning you back," I answer honestly.

She smiles at my answer. "I have the rings with me. I was planning on wearing them tonight actually."

I smile back. "Good. Because I got you something, actually two things and they work better with your rings."

I jump up and move to grab my duffel bag. Realizing that I needed to show Bella I was okay with her choices, I went outside my comfort zone and purchased two things for Bella before we left Seattle.

I take both boxes out and then sit beside Bella on the bed. She is now sitting up and staring at me, eyes blazing with curiosity. I hand her the light blue box first. It is clearly from _Tiffany & Co._ and is actually something I had specially ordered weeks ago, shortly after I learned she had nipple rings.

I have fantasized about her wearing something of mine for weeks. Now I'm feeling a little uncertain. Maybe it was too presumptuous to get her a charm in the shape of an "E". I just find it so alluring to think of her wearing a mark, my mark, under her clothing, upon her breast while she is in public. Only she and I will know it is there. At least I hope only she and I will know.

She opens the box slowly and her eyes stare at the platinum charm sitting upon the velvet interior of the box. She raises her eyes to me, an expression of surprise on her features. "Is this really what I think it is? A charm for my nipple ring?"

I smile. "It is. Just one though. I thought if and when I earn your heart back, you might want to wear it on your left breast, nearest your heart."

She reaches out and cups my cheek. "That is really, really sweet. Thank you." She shakes her head a little, smiling but bemused.

"What is it?" I ask, my mouth turned up in only a half smile.

"I just never imagined Edward Cullen would give me a nipple ring charm. I guess that is why they say never say never."

"Well, if that shocks you, I am glad you're sitting down for the second gift."

She smiles excitedly and bounces just a bit. "Oh, please let me see. Please!"

I shake my head. "Talking about people changing. Since when are you so happy to receive gifts?"

She shrugs her shoulders. "I don't know. I grew up I guess."

"Well, despite such a horribly non-specific answer, I'm still going to give you your second gift." I bring out the other box from behind my back. She grabs it from my grasp and squeals in excitement. I laugh, loving her enthusiasm. If I had known my gifts would have been so well received I would have went for a car.

She unwraps the purple wrapping paper and white ribbon. The box is plain and does not give any clue to its contents. She finds the end of the box and opens it. Inside, among tissue are two items I found at the highest end adult novelty store I could locate in Seattle. She picks up the two identical items and scrutinizes them.

She finally speaks. "Oh dear lord. I think I have died and gone to heaven. Edward Cullen is giving me wireless, vibrating nipple clamps."

I can't hide my enthusiasm. I take one from her to demonstrate. "See, they are extremely light weight and have a small, flat clamp which can be attached to your rings if you like." I turn it on to demonstrate and smile at the vibrations being emitted from the small box in my hand.

I notice Bella is not saying anything and her expression does not convey how she is feeling about the gift.

I immediately begin to backtrack. "Bella, I do not mean to imply you must use these, or that we must use these together. I just wanted to get you something to show you that I have changed and that I am okay with your decisions. If I have offended you, I'm..." I'm unable to finish the last sentence because she launches herself at me and in my surprise and at her urging, I fall backwards upon the bed. She straddles me and attacks my lips with her own.

Passion spikes between us and we are both lost in the exchange of frantic kisses, frantic touches, and moans. She has nothing on under her robe and I am only covered by swim shorts. The first time her hot center comes into contact with my hardened cock, I think I am going to literally die from the exquisite torture. I hiss and immediately drop my hands from her hips to the bed, afraid that I will hurt her in my torment. I fist and shred the bedding underneath my hands as I throw back my head, gasping Bella's name and begging for mercy. She attacks my exposed throat and Adam's apple with her hot, moist tongue. When I feel her teeth nipping playfully at my neck, I have to fight the urge to flip her over and drive into her until the torment stops.

She pulls back suddenly and while holding my gaze, she slowly moves down my body. She kisses the top portion of my chest, the whole time, keeping eye contact. It is such a damn sexy sight. She finally moves her eyes downward as she kisses a path down my chest and torso coming to rest at my naval. I look down at her head resting on my stomach as she lazily circles my belly button with her tongue and I am overcome with feelings of tenderness for this beautiful girl who gives me so much.

"I love you Bella. Always." I whisper.

She looks up at me. "I love you too Edward."

We stare at each other for thirteen of Bella's heartbeats before Bella speaks again. "Trust me?"

"Yes," I say with trepidation. I suspect she is planning to touch me and I know it is selfish to deny her. I can't tell her I've changed and then refuse to let her to simply touch me like any other lovers would touch. But I am so scared of losing control and hurting her. When I anticipated this weekend, I did not think past the part of performing cunnilingus upon Bella. I honestly thought I would be lucky if she would let me do that and if she did, I would have to be even more lucky not to kill her during the process. I concentrated so much on my efforts to perform perfect oral sex, that I did not properly plan for more, including reciprocation by Bella.

She tugs at my shorts, clearly indicating her desire to remove them. I have never been naked in front of Bella-- or any woman for that matter. I am gripped with a feeling of panic. Every misgiving, hang up, and fear I ever had about sex rises up to the surface.

She can see my trepidation and she smiles reassuringly.

"We will take it slow—I promise."

Then her smile changes from reassuring to mischievous. "And if I do something wrong, you can spank me."

"Bella," I groan, mortified as my cock noticeably swells even more at the thought of spanking her cute bum. The shorts I am wearing do little to hide it.

"What? It's not like I said pussy," she says, her eyes widened in mock innocence.

I am gasping for air that I normally do not even need and I rub my hands over my face, trying to clear my head from the heady mix of lust and anticipation that Bella's naughty talking is creating.

I have to get back into control of this. I pull her up to me and roll over her. "Say that word again and I may just very well take you over my knee," I tell her, my voice husky from the desire coursing throughout my body and the strain of trying to keep it in check.

"Oh Edward," she moans and bucks her hips up against me, trying to make contact.

"Sweetheart, be perfectly still. I want to try something."

I put my finger over her mouth when she starts to protest. "Shh. It's something that we both will enjoy I think."

With that, I grind my hips gently into Bella, my cock coming directly in contact with her center. Realizing my intentions, she smiles and wraps her arms around my neck for leverage.

"Let's try this before we attempt coitus," I say.

"Intercourse," I clarify when her brow wrinkles in confusion. Dammit. Emmett's inappropriate comments about Minnie Mouse come to mind, reminding me that medical terms are not sexy.

I move quickly, wanting to make sure we do not lose the mood. I nudge her robe apart with my nose, finding her left nipple with my lips. Anticipating she will arch in response, I time the next thrust of my hips perfectly, meeting her as she arches. The surge of desire that shoots through my body is intense and I suspect Bella feels the same way as she mewls and holds onto my neck as tightly as humanely possible.

"Fuck Edward. Don't stop. Please don't stop."

And with that, I am lost.

I start a steady rhythm of thrusting against Bella, purposely making sure I hit her clit with each pass. I move my hands down to steady her hips so that I can control the thrusting and keep her from getting hurt. Her head is thrown back as she mutters incoherently and I continually lean down to take swipes of her nipples with my tongue, leaving a trail of cool venom all over her chest.

The friction is heavenly. And the knowledge of knowing that Bella and I are sharing these feelings together makes this the spiritual experience that Emmett had warned me of all those weeks ago.

All too soon, I can feel my climax building, my body desperate for release. "Bella love...I can't....I need...oh please." I can't stop what is coming. It is just not possible at this point. I slightly move my hand that is latched upon her left hip so that my thumb makes direct contact with her clit at the same time I feel myself about to explode. One firm press of my thumb against the nerves there and she clenches and screams as she experiences her third orgasm of the day. I follow quickly after her and pull my hands away from her body to make sure I don't inadvertently hurt her. I latch my hands upon the headboard and throw my head back as my cock jerks and venom shoots forth in my shorts. "Bella, oh Bella" is all I can say as the electrical pulses move throughout my body and the sweet feeling of release starts to settle throughout.

I roll to the side and pull Bella into my arms. She rests on my chest, her robe on her but fully open. I pull the shredded comforter over her to keep her from getting cold as her body temperature drops to a more normal rate after our activities.

Her breathing finally evens out after several minutes pass. Her eyes are closed. I stroke her back, enjoying the post coital feelings coursing through us both. "Bella love, if it is all the same to you, I prefer to never do that alone ever again."

**E/N—A reliable third party source has told me that this story made it through to the voting round for "Best Edward" for a small fish story (less than 3,000) reviews. Here is the website if you are interested in voting http(colon)//gigglesnortawards(dot)mmmboptastic(dot)com/. Voting commences May 20th. A big peachy thank you to all of you who nominated and/or voted in favor of this story. Remember, SM owns all that is twilight (except Bella's new vibrating nipple clamps).**


	31. Chapter 31

CHAPTER 31

BELLA'S REAL FANTASY

**A/N—Thank you Katmom for reviewing this story on The Edge Girls blog. Katmom is one of the founders of the blog and they regularly review and recommend fan fiction works. There is a link to the blog on Katmom's profile page of you can go directly to the review for this story by visiting the blog at:**

**blogspot(dot)com/2010/05/may-ff-recommendations-how-to-win-back(dot) html#more**

**Remember all things twilight belong to SM.**

**Remember voting at the Gigglesnort Awards starts May 20th.**

Bella smiles and stretches as she wakes up from her impromptu nap. I smile at the sight of her breasts that are clearly visible through her still open robe. Unfortunately, I had to leave her side to clean up and put on a pair of boxers. Other than those two minutes, I have held Bella in my arms the entire time she slept.

"You look happy," she says to me.

"I am. I have spent the last 73 minutes listening to one of my favorite things in the world."

"My heartbeat?" she guesses.

"No, that is my absolute favorite. But a close second is the sound of you talking in your sleep."

I reach out and brush the blush on her cheek with three fingers. The heat feels amazing against my flesh. "God, how I missed this when we were apart."

"Don't try to distract me. What did I say?"

"That you love me."

"You knew that already. I've always loved you."

"It's still nice to hear the words. Even when you're unconscious."

She jumps up saying something about a "human moment" and before long I hear the shower running. I notice it is just past lunch time and realize that Bella must be starving. I put on a pair of jeans and rush down to the kitchen, intent on making lunch for Bella as a surprise.

I remember how to make omelets as I use to do that for her when we were together in high school. I take out the eggs and other ingredients I need and start to work. As I pull out a spatula to use to turn the omelet in the pan, I am reminded of my sisters' advice on spanking tools.

As I cook, my mind wanders to Bella's earlier challenge and her mention of my spanking her. I have come to believe Bella must really enjoy erotic spanking. My sisters said she liked it and I know she has mentioned her fondness of the activity to me before. Could I really do that? Could I deliberately strike Bella, even playfully and knowing she will like it? What if I strike too hard? Oh god. What if she bruised? It would be asinine to take such an unnecessary risk.

But what if I was good at it? And she liked it? And I liked it? Maybe I could do it after she says those naughty words she seems so fond of. Suddenly I look down and realize I have crushed and twisted the spatula handle into near dust, over run by emotion just from picturing myself spanking Bella. That is not good.

After disposing of the ruined spatula and finding a large spoon to use as a makeshift spatula, I hear my phone buzz, indicating a new text. It takes me only a second to retrieve it from the pool area. As I finish up Bella's lunch, I take a look at the new message. It's from Alice: _Remember Bella is meeting Rene for brunch tomorrow at 11. _As much as I hate the thought of being separated, I know seeing her mom will make Bella happy. Alice had arranged for a limousine to drive Rene from Jacksonville to meet Bella for brunch tomorrow at _The Boheme, _an upscale restaurant in downtown Orlando. The limo will be at their disposal to take them wherever they wish until Rene is ready to return to Jacksonville.

I inhale enjoying Bella's approaching scent even before she appears in the kitchen. She comes up behind me, wrapping her tiny arms around my waist as places a kiss on my back. I groan at the heady sensations caused by the mixture of her potent scent and body heat. She peeks around me to see what I'm making. "An omelet will be wonderful. Thank you." I slide the omelet upon a waiting plate that also contains some cut fruit and then turn to wrap my arms around Bella and place a kiss upon her top of her head. "Anything for you love."

I sit at the island counter next to Bella as she eats. "Bella, will you tell me about your fantasy now—the one you told my sisters about?" She pauses, her mouth full of a bite of omelet. She quickly washes it down with a gulp of orange juice.

"Promise you won't get mad."

"Why would I get mad?" I feel the shyness trying to overtake me again but manage to add "I was hoping I might be able to make it come true."

"Because you have a tendency to overact and jump to the worst conclusion. Just remember it's a fantasy. Fantasies can be fun but if you don't like it, that's okay too."

"Just tell me. I won't be angry; I promise."

"We were just being silly really. We agreed to tell each other our favorite fantasy when we are....well, you know."

"No, I don't know. When you are what?" I'm genuinely perplexed.

"When we're taking care of things ourselves Edward. Do you want me to say it?"

Oh! I'm starting to understand. She is talking about unfortunate bathroom incidents. Wait...Bella does that? I'm going to purposely ignore the fact that apparently my sisters do as well because that is just more information than I need to process at this point and time.

I clear my throat. "Uh, I see."

And now I do see. Bella has a fantasy she likes to think about when she is pleasuring herself. And it involves me. _Holy Mother_. This new information is doing so much to me. I am intrigued and perhaps more than just a little bit turned on. I _**have**_ to know what that fantasy is now.

"Bella, you have to tell me about the fantasy," I say with a little more urgency and desperation than I really want to convey.

She laughs lightly as she finishes off her glass of juice. She gets down off of her stool and takes her now empty plate and glass to the sink. "Bella, there will be people by tonight while we are out to take care of those. Leave them. And finish your story please. You can feel free to leave out any mention of my sisters though."

She pointedly ignores me and walks upstairs. Having nothing else to do I follow her. I decide I need to be patient. She will tell me when she is ready. I listen to her brush her teeth, change into a new swimsuit and then watch as she grabs a towel and goes back downstairs. The entire time I am patient.

I follow her back to the pool area, where she unceremoniously drops her towel on a nearby chair and dives into the deep end of the pool, swimming laps. I call out to her, "It's not a good idea to swim after a meal." She stops long enough to say "And you would let me drown if I suddenly got a cramp?" Good point. As I have said before, she will make a good lawyer.

I do watch her closely as she swims, looking for any sign of distress. It's a mesmerizing sight to watch the muscles in her legs and thighs contract as she kicks along the pool's length. My focus falls onto her gluteus maximus muscles. I am not ogling. It is really important that I pay special attention to her muscles to make sure she does not cramp up. Her bum is really enticing and the red bottom of her modest two piece bathing suit is really flattering. Maybe I could take her across my knee and spank that bottom until she tells me her fantasy? _Jesus. There are those dark thoughts sneaking up on me again._

I decide to stay with the same plan and simply be patient. I slip off my jeans and sit on the edge of the pool in my boxers. While I watch Bella I try to figure out what her fantasy might be. Maybe it is something kinky. Does she fantasize about me spanking her or tying her up? Gagging her? Oh god. Maybe she wants to try _coitus more ferarum. _Or as the kids call it these days...doggy style. I wouldn't be mad at her for picturing me taking her from behind while she is on all fours. I too have been guilty of indulging in such a fantasy once or twice.

Maybe it is not so kinky. Does she perhaps fantasize about us making love for the first time as man and wife? That's a favorite of mine. Or perhaps making love in our meadow in Forks? The possibilities are endless. I know one thing. She is going to tell me or I might just be forced to try out that spanking thing. There has to be a ruler around here somewhere.

She finally stops swimming and rests in the water, holding onto the side of the pool near the mid pool mark. She looks at me, her breathing heavy. "Do you really want to know?"

I knew patience would pay off. I dive into the pool and come up to the surface directly in front of Bella, less than an inch separating us. I lean in and kiss her gently and whisper against her lips, "Yes, please."

I am now holding her at her waist and supporting her weight. She moves and wraps both of her hands in my hair, pushing my lips down to her neck. I indulge her, kissing and enjoying the sound of her blood pounding, the pressure raised from her recent exertion. She leans down and starts whispering in my ear as her urging hands tell me to not stop my ministrations to her neck.

"This is the same fantasy I had the first time I touched myself and it is still my favorite."

"Oh dear god," I moan against her neck, making a point to lick her pulse point which causes her to moan as well. My cock betrays me again, straining against my wet boxers and I am certain Bella can feel it. She is going to think I'm insatiable if I don't learn to control that.

"I came up with it that summer after I found out you were a vampire. I could only....indulge when I knew you were away on hunting trips."

Fuck. My cock is going to explode right here in the pool if I keep thinking about my sweet, innocent Bella touching herself back in Forks. In that same bed I shared with her. Dear god.

I move my left hand up and lightly brush her breast as I kiss under her chin, moving to the other side of her neck to continue kissing. "Tell me. More." I say, my breathing heavy and harsh as I start to kiss my way up to her ear.

"Well, I am lying in my bed in Forks. It's hot so I have stripped down to just my panties and a tank top." I love fantasies with specifics and vivid descriptions. "Continue." I whisper in her ear as I lightly tweak her left nipple.

She gasps and then leans down and whispers directly in my ear: "You suddenly come through my window. I'm shocked because you are suppose to be away hunting. Your eyes are black and blazing and your eyes alone tell me you are going to fuck me hard."

My eyes open and I swallow back the venom that has suddenly flooded my mouth. She continues. "You crawl up the length of my body and the coolness of your skin feels so good against my hot, flushed skin. You rip away my tank top and panties with your teeth."

I start to pull back, wanting to look at her but she urges me with her hands to keep kissing her neck. I am now tracing up and down her neck with my tongue, enjoying the taste of the skin there, where her blood is so close.

After a deep breath she continues. "You fuck me...hard, telling me the whole time that I am yours and that no one else can ever have me."

Every time Bella says fuck, a quart of venom floods my mouth. I desperately swallow it down and continue to place kisses along her neck, now moving to her sexy little ear where I do some whispering myself, "Oh Bella, I love this fantasy. I don't understand why you thought I would be mad."

Three seconds later I realize why she was concerned about telling me. She couldn't have picked a worst time to say it either. I am licking a path over her carotid artery, enjoying the scent that is radiating from the pulse point in her neck when she says "And then when I come, you hold me down, put a hand over my mouth and sink your teeth into my neck."

My eyes fly open and I instantly push myself eight feet away from her. "Jesus Bella! Are you out of your mind? You tell an aroused vampire who is kissing your neck that you fantasize about him biting you during sex? Have you developed no sense of self preservation over the last four years?" I speak quite harshly, the fear of what I could have done driving me toward anger.

"It's just a fantasy Edward. Calm down," she says, sounding annoyed.

"It's a dangerous, stupid fantasy. At least the part about the biting. You shouldn't even think such things. And I damn sure should not think about such things." I am furious at her for being so damn reckless.

"Unfortunately, you have too much control to ever bite me. And I don't think that it's worry over your control that is making you so angry about the fantasy."

"It's very fortunate that I have some control today after you dropped that bombshell. As to your second comment, I honestly don't have any idea what you're talking about."

I pull myself out of the pool and go to the adjoining bathroom to find fresh towels and to dry off. I am also trying to calm my temper. Bella's reckless streak is so infuriating. I remove my boxers and dry off, wrapping a dry towel around my waist as I return to the pool area intent on retrieving my jeans. Bella has climbed out of the pool and wrapped her towel around her. She is sitting on a lounge chair and by the look in her eyes, I can tell she has some more things to say.

"Bella," I say curtly. "I am in no mood for more foolishness. No talking about biting when we are close together is one of my oldest rules. You know that."

"Excuse me? Maybe you missed the memo Edward but I am not your employee. I don't abide by your rules." Her chest is heaving and her nostrils are flaring just a bit. These are all physical signs of her anger and should be adequate warning for me to stop this argument right now. Unfortunately, my anger is piqued too and I have no desire to let her get away with her stunt.

"You know it is not like that. I'm trying to keep you safe for god's sake. Taking pleasure in my draining you is deranged. It's madness."

"Oh you are so full of it. You know it's sexy as hell and that's why you're scared of it. Why don't you just admit the real reason the fantasy bothers you so much."

"What real reason?"

She takes a deep breath and looks me in the eyes. "You still loathe yourself, especially anything to do with your vampire nature. You won't even admit to yourself that you biting me while we are having sex is erotic. I'm not saying we should do it. But I can't even talk about it without you freaking out."

"Of course I loathe my vampire nature. Of course I loathe the fact that I still have to fight the urge to sink my teeth into you. I should loathe those things. Any sane person would."

"When will you accept the fact that I love you...._**all **_of you. And there is nothing wrong with me fantasizing about you being a vampire during intimate moments. That is what you are after all."

Damn. She is making sense. It's like she is using some sort of slick lawyer trick on me or something.

Bella saying she loves me, all of me, instantly dissipates my anger. How can I be angry at this beautiful creature who loves me? I sigh as I move to kneel by her chair. I realize I have forgotten about my jeans and I am conscious of the fact that I am covered only by a towel. Normally I would feel self conscious in this state of undress but right now all I can think about is Bella. I stroke her arms, hoping to calm her down. "I don't deserve the way you love me," I say as I take her hands into mine and kiss them.

She looks at me with a bittersweet smile on her face. "That's not true. When will you realize you deserve to be fully and completely loved?"

I don't answer her question but instead lean my head down into her lap, relishing in the feel of her stroking my hair as I think about her question and what it means to love yourself.

**E/N—Shout out to Teresabug, my 1000th reviewer. I am writing the peachy outtake from Chapter 29 but since we never got anywhere near a 100 interested readers speak up about it, you're going to have to pay for it. It will cost you about $5.00 and the joy of charitable giving. I'm donating it to the relief effort for the Tennessee flood victims which is called Fics for Nashville. It works like the Haiti relief fundraiser. You donate at least $5.00 to the flood victims and email your receipt and you will receive a compilation of works from various authors. The peachylingus outtake will be among them. If you are interested, you can get more information at the following link which is also posted on Page 28 of the twilighted forum (which has been nicknamed The Honeypot by the visitors there) : http(colon)//www(dot)thetwilightawards(dot)com/2010/05/fics-for-nashville-how-you-can-help(dot)html.**


	32. Chapter 32

CHAPTER 32

HALLOWEEN HORNY NIGHTS

**A/N—Well enjoy this one because starting with Chapter 33 I am going to have a real beta (I love my Sis but the liquor has just killed off too many brain cells over the years). The sweet Ladyrip has volunteered to beta the story going forward so no more lack of commas and fractured sentences for me. Please don't tell Sis because when I told her she was being replaced she threw a vodka bottle at me and said something about me being dead to her. I think she was just being dramatic, but just in case....Remember, all things twilight belong to SM.**

As I pull into VIP parking at Universal Studios, I can't help but sneak one last peek at Bella's legs which look so lovely in her tan shorts and garnet FSU tank top. Sneakers and platinum nipple accessories top off the outfit although I am the only one that knows about the rings and a certain "E" pendant she is wearing underneath a very sexy black bra. I can't quite explain why the thought of her wearing that pendant in such a private place thrills me so much.

Bella had tried to convince me to wear shorts before we left the house. "Other than boxers and swim trunks, I do not own a pair of shorts," I had told her.

"Why not?" she asked. "Because I want to spare the human population the sight of my shockingly white legs Bella," I told her, laughing.

Shaking off the memory from earlier, I get out of the car to open Bella's door and help her out. I am standing there with her hand in mine when we are approached by a Universal Studios employee named Wade.

"Mr. Cullen?" he asks, as he approaches. His thoughts are full of his desperation to make sure Bella has a good time. He has been instructed there will be a very large tip at the end of the evening so long as my date enjoys herself and is pleased.

"Yes, I'm Edward and this is Bella," I say, making introductions. He introduces himself and tells us he will be escorting us to the various rides and haunted houses through restricted passageways and ensuring we do not wait in any lines. He gives us "VIP" passes to wear around our necks and then hands Bella a guidebook, listing all of the open rides, shows, exhibits, and haunted houses and asking her what she wants to do first. I stand back and simply enjoy Bella's expression of child-like excitement.

Why did I not know that Bella enjoys amusement parks before? We ride two roller coasters first. I enjoy watching Bella's expression of excited fear during most of the ride. The spike of adrenalin coursing through her blood only makes her scent stronger and sweeter and that gives me a thrill of a different kind.

We next try out some of the different haunted houses. There is a horror movie theme to most of them. Bella squeals in delight when she realizes there is a haunted house based upon _Dracula_. "Oh Edward, I hope the scary vampires don't get me," she whispers with mock fright as we approach the entrance.

I lean down to her ear and whisper back, "there is only one vampire you have to worry about tonight my Bella." I punctuate my words with a snap of my teeth just beside her ear. She jumps and her heart rate spikes. I smile, grab her hand, and lead the way into what is suppose to be Dracula's lair.

There are various hired actors scattered throughout the set up which is suppose to look like an old haunted castle. The actors are positioned and hidden in various spots through the walk through scene where they jump out and startle the guests. Of course the element of surprise is lost on me as I can pick them all out by hearing their thoughts and heartbeats. But Bella seems to be enjoying it. A female "vampire" suddenly appears from a dark corner and tells us to run for our lives. Bella squeals as she buries her head in my shoulder. She really does enjoy a little fright.

As we exit the _Dracula_ haunted house, Bella asks Wade to take a picture of us with her camera. She is standing in front of me and I have my hands resting on her shoulders. Just as he goes to take the picture, I lean down and pose as if I'm going to bite her neck. When Bella sees the picture, she seems to see some sort of significance in it other than my just being playful. She mouths "thank you" to me as I steer her to a nearby restaurant so that the human can eat.

After Bella eats, we spend the next three hours visiting shows, exhibits and more haunted houses. We top off the night with one more ride on the largest roller coaster in the park.

After tipping him generously, we say goodbye to Wade at the exit of the park and make our way to the car which is parked nearby. The three minute walk to the car is a test of my strength and will power as Bella proceeds to show me just how excited she is after all of the thrills of the evening.

I now know for sure. Fear and danger work as some sort of aphrodisiac for Bella. She is overly affectionate, ardent and impatient. Truth be told, she is downright randy. We stop every thirty seconds or so and I pull her away from the main walkway so that I can kiss her properly. Our tongues meet briefly during each kiss. We enjoy four in total before we reach the car.

During the walk, Bella is not satisfied with our intermittent kissing. My arm is around Bella's shoulders the entire way as I try to lead her quickly and discretely to the car. She has one arm around my waist and her free hand is constantly on the move. Being conscious of others passing by, I forcefully remove her hand from my zipper area two times before we make it to the car.

I open Bella's door, usher her in and as soon as I sit on the driver's seat, she begins her attack in earnest. She comes over the console with a look in her eyes that tells me in no uncertain terms she will not be denied. She puts each of her tiny hands on my cheeks and proceeds to lay the kiss of all kisses on me. All I can do is close my eyes and let her devour me.

Bella's kisses are amazing. Her lips are so soft and warm and the sensations that are caused by feeling them pressed against mine, coupled with the sensations caused by her moist, sweet tongue are close to making me lose my senses and give in to my urges right here in the middle of the Universal Studios parking lot. On top of that, I am also assaulted by the most heavenly scent on earth and the sound of Bella's moans and curses, all of which indicate her heightened desire for me.

"Bella," I manage to get out between kisses. I'm trying to plead with her. I am just not sure if I'm begging her to stop or not to stop.

"Don't talk," she responds as she moves her hands under my T-shirt. She caresses my abdominal muscles and then scrapes her nails over my nipples, causing me to hiss and throw my head back against the driver's side window I am pressed up against. I am not being cautious and the driver's side window pays the price. It shatters from the impact. "Damn it," I say as I turn around to survey the damage. However, Bella is not fazed in the least. I feel her hands move down to my belt.

"Bella, stop it now!" I say much more forcefully. She pulls back and looks at me, dazed with desire. "Look what happens when I lose control for just a second," I tell her pointing at the broken window.

She shrugs. "It happens," she says as if my breaking the window in a moment of unrestrained passion is nothing.

"What?" I ask, not sure what she means.

"Things get broken in the heat of the moment."

"Windows?" I ask incredulously.

She shrugs again. "Windows, doors, beds." Her voice trails off as she licks her lips and lunges at me again.

I twist away from her attack, grabbing her hands and bringing them in front of her. "Bella! You have to stop. I have to get us home without breaking anything else on this car."

"Let's go to the backseat," she purrs.

"Bella! Nothing is going to happen in this car. I think it would be illegal and I know it would not be safe. Now sit your bottom down in that seat and stay there until we get home."

She pulls her hands away from my grasp and moves back to her seat with just the slightest hint of a pout on her lips. Her eyes are thoughtful, as if she is considering something. I turn to start the car and before I even put it in gear, she leaps into the backseat. I turn the engine off and turn around scowling at her. "Are you planning to ride back there?"

"Yes," she huffs.

"Behave," I warn turning around to start the car again when my eye catches what she is doing in the rear-view mirror. I turn my head at lightening speed to look at her and it's hard to believe what I see. Bella is so casually taking off her shirt.

"Bella, stop that." I notice she has toed off her sneakers and she is now just wearing her shorts and bra. Her hands go to her bra and she quirks her eyebrow at me, as if she is daring me to stop her. She is seconds away from exposing her breasts to the whole world. I take quick inventory of who is around us. There is a couple returning to their car two rows over. Other than that, there are no other humans on our parking level.

Using vampire speed, I grab her discarded shirt and pull it back down over her head. She yelps in surprise and laughs as she bringer her bra out from under her shirt and throws it on the dashboard. "Goddammit," I mutter as I reach for it. "Stop undressing; Someone is going to see you." I am trying very hard not to get distracted by her hardened, adorned nipples that are so visible through her shirt. But then she pulls up her shirt and I see that beautiful pendant dangling, calling my name, and I know I have to put an end to this now or I will be losing my virginity in the back of a car tonight. How cliché.

I gracefully move to join Bella in the backseat. She is smirking and that look of challenge is in her eyes again. "What exactly are you going to do about it?"

And this is a rare occasion wherein I know exactly what Bella is thinking. She might as well be holding up a sign as her desires are so clear. She is daring me to spank her.

I simply react. I pull her shirt back down with one hand while I reach forward with the other and adjust the front seat to move forward, giving me plenty of leg room. After making sure there is no one else around, I grab her left hand and with a light tug bring her across my lap. As I secure her over my lap, she squeals with a mixture of surprise and delight.

"Is this what it is going to take love? Is this what you need to prove to you that I love you?" She nods minutely and I let some deviant part of me take over and do what I have thought about doing since Bella first mentioned her appreciation for a good spanking.

I bring my hand down and give her three firm and successive slaps on her bottom. The pressure will not bruise. It is the same pressure I've used to push her away in the past. She moans and wiggles some more. "Bella are you going to calm down and behave so I can drive you home safely?"

"No," she whispers.

I bring my hand down again, just a little harder and give her three more slaps. She moans louder. I swallow as venom floods by mouth and my cock strains against my jeans. "Now?" I ask, my voice husky from the desire coursing through me. "If I promise to reward you when we get home?" I add.

"Okay," she says and I assist her in sitting up and pull her into my lap. Her eyes are dilated again and the scent of her arousal is flooding my senses. I reach out and rub my hand across her cheek and reach over and kiss her very gently. "Bella, what are you doing to me?"

Five minutes later Bella is safely in the passenger seat, still braless but with her seat belt. I am maneuvering through traffic, heading to the house. We have plenty of breeze coming through my broken window. I will have to remember to call a glass company and get someone out to fix that first thing in the morning.

I am in some sort of state of shock. The evening has been surreal. It's hard to focus on anything other than what just happened five minutes ago. The same sentence keeps going through my mind: _I just spanked Bella. I just spanked Bella, I just spanked Bella. _Then an errant thought occurs to me. _Esme is going to win her bet._

I am not sure what I am feeling other than shock. It's several things at once and some of the feelings are conflicting. Disbelief, shame, relief, and arousal are just a few of them. I look at Bella. She has her eyes closed and she has a smile on her face. She has that cat that ate the canary look. She suddenly opens her eyes and catches me looking at her.

I move my eyes back to the road. "Are you okay?" she asks.

"Yes. Are you?" I ask automatically.

I dart my eyes to her and she is now smirking. "I'm great. Looking forward to my reward."

After a short moment of silence, she speaks again. "You have changed, haven't you?" she asks me softly. "You really meant that you would do whatever it takes to win me back."

"Of course I meant it Bella." I take my eyes off the road for a few seconds to look at he while I ask, "What happened back there—was that just another test?"

She smiles again. "Maybe. But I enjoyed it nonetheless." She turns and looks out the window and says so low, I barely hear her, "You surprised me though."

"I love you Bella. We will have to take things slow but as I told you, I will be your lover in every sense of the word if you still want me." I grab her left hand and bring it to my mouth so I can kiss her knuckles.

"I've always wanted you. I always will."

I pull into the driveway and cut the engine. Bella reaches out her hand to my arm as I move to exit the vehicle, effectively stopping me. There are tears in her eyes. "No more tests. I believe you. I trust you. I love you."

I swallow as emotion overwhelms me. I put my hand over hers on my arm and nod, acknowledging her words. When I finally trust myself to speak, I say, "You don't know how long I have waited to hear that."

**E/N—Remember to send your donation receipts ($5.00 or more) to ficsfornashville(at)gmail(dot)com in order to get the compilations of various stories, outtakes, and one shots from several ff authors. The outtake relating to Edward's peachy lessons will be part of the compilation. And last but certainly not least, thank you all so much for your reviews, pms and posts to the forum. I can't tell you how much they make my day and are the reason why I work so hard to get these chapters out as fast as possible.**


	33. Chapter 33

CHAPTER 33

FEAR NO MORE

**A/N—I want to profusely thank my Sis. This chapter literally would not have happened without her. Her support and great ideas had a lot to do with me being able to put this together. Thanks Sis. Also no promises, but my Sis recently indicated she may make an appearance on the forum and reveal all of my sordid secrets...all 2 of them. I am hoping she is bluffing, but you never know.... All things twilight belong to SM, but you know that already.**

_Fear._ It has been a constant part of my existence from the moment Bella Swan walked into that biology lab and into my life almost five years ago.

First, there was the initial fear that I was going to drain and kill her. Then there was the fear she would find out I was a vampire and banish me from her life. After we declared ourselves, there was the constant fear I would hurt her. I was literally fearful I would love Bella too much and be unable to restrain myself from making her mine for all of eternity.

Then I was fearful I would not be able to protect her from the dangers that my world posed to her.

Even after I left her, there was the constant fear that I would not be strong enough to stay away. Fear that she wouldn't forget me, fear that she would.

And since that fateful day when Bella Swan came back into my life? I have experienced all categories of fear. Fear that she was being mistreated at the hands of another, fear that she loved another more than me, fear that I had hurt her so badly she would never be able to forgive or love me again, and finally fear that I would not be able to deliver on my promise to be her lover.

But in this moment, in this one blissful, asomatous, rapturous, divine and sacred moment, there is no fear. There is only peace. I have my beautiful mate in my arms, sated and exhausted from our lovemaking. And for the first time in my long existence as a vampire, I actually feel peace with the universe, with god, with myself.

My mind is overrun with snippets from our night together. Bella above me with her lust-filled gaze; Bella beneath me, her head thrown back and her back arched, offering herself to me; the pulsing of her blood in her center as I drive her to orgasm.

God, who would have thought a spanking could have been such a cathartic experience--that it would have been the catalyst that would drive Bella to fully forgive me for my past sins against her, my sins against our love. If I had just known, I would have spanked her in the middle of Terminal C at Hartsfield Airport in Atlanta all of those weeks ago.

On second thought, as painful and downright frightening as these past weeks have been, they were absolutely necessary to bring us to this point where the past is truly forgiven and two people are only loving in the present and looking toward the future. Was it worth it? Abso-fucking-lutely!

Bella sighs contently and mumbles "forever" in her sleep. I pull her even closer to my side, enjoying the feel of her breath on my chest and the feel of my left arm wrapped protectively around her warm body. She is warm despite my chilly body because I really did plan ahead for this weekend. The bed we're lying upon has a heated mattress which can be adjusted and is now keeping Bella's body temperature a comfortable 98 degrees despite my close proximity.

A noise involuntarily erupts from me. It's not really a laugh but close. It's a noise of pure, unadulterated happiness. It's as if my body cannot contain the joy I am feeling and must physically express it. I want to run; I want to shout from the rooftops that Bella is mine; I want to make love to her again. So many things I want to do with the love of my existence.

Why did I deny us this experience for so long? And what an experience. I never imagined. It wasn't sweaty, oversexed bodies thrashing against each other as portrayed in the movies and books and in the imaginations of many others. I can't even say it was all unbridled passion. There were moments of shyness, nervousness, awkwardness, and reverence mixed in with love, pleasure, and passion.

I close my eyes and focus, content for now as I replay every second of our night together in my mind....

When Bella's words of love and forgiveness finally sink in, I know that tonight will be the night. It is time to give Bella all of me.

It is old fashioned, sentimental, and downright cliché, but I can't resist the temptation to lift Bella up, cradle her in my arms, and carry her up the stairs and into our bedroom. I move at a hurried human pace, anxious to be with her but, at the same time, not wanting to rush this. She is staring into my eyes as I place her down on the bed and lay beside her. She is overwhelmed with emotion. It is apparent in her expression, in the way she is clenching her fists and the way her chest rises with her deep gulps of breath. I prop myself up on my side, and with my free hand, I brush back her hair from her face and run my finger along the planes of her face, trying to soothe and reassure her. I am not sure what I should say.

Then one single tear escapes from her eye. "Oh, Bella, don't cry, love. You know I can't bear to see you cry. Please tell me what to do."

"Love me," she says simply.

"Forever," I whisper as I taste her lips. This first kiss is slow and languid. I press my lips to hers over and over until I finally swipe her lips with my tongue. At this, she moans and immediately opens her mouth to me. Our tongues slowly entwine as I enjoy the taste of my Bella.

When our lips finally part so she can take a much needed breath, she whispers, "I love you," as I kiss her neck and collarbone. I reach down and quickly remove her tank top. As she never put her bra back on in the car, I'm immediately met with the view of Bella's naked, heaving breasts, and I gulp down the venom that pools in my mouth at the sight. This will be the first time I have touched them when she is wearing her nipple rings. I kiss my way down, bringing my right hand up to massage her left breast, the one carrying my "E" so close to her heart.

After placing several kisses over her beating heart, I move my way down and kiss and lick all of her exposed nipple while my other hand finds her right breast and kneads it softly. Her nipple is so tasty and saturated with her scent. More venom pools, but I quickly swallow it, trying to ignore those urges. Try as I might, I cannot ignore the ring though. I finally give in to _**my **_fantasy and surround it with my lips and tug gently. Bella moans and mutters a soft "fuck," clearly enjoying the sensation caused by the pressure of the ring being pulled.

Bella pulls my hand away from her left breast and guides it down toward her thigh. She places my hand on her inner thigh. Following her lead, I splay my hand and press it firmly against her thigh, enjoying the feel of the warmth I can feel through her shorts.

I return my lips to hers and kiss her soundly as both of my hands move around to cup her ass and lift her into my erection. God, just the feel of her so close to me, even through our clothing sends unbelievable pulses of pleasure through my body.

I move my lips to kiss her ear and whisper my love for her. "Bella, my love, my life. Tell me what you want."

"Clothes. Off. Now," she pants.

I have not had an actual dream since 1918, and what it feels like to dream is not a memory I have carried into my life as a vampire. However, as I help Bella slip out of her remaining clothes and then in turn remove mine, I wonder if I might be dreaming now. I can't really be here lying completely naked before the love of my existence, can I? Is Bella truly pushing me onto my back and gazing at me with love and desire like she did so many times in my fantasies? Is this simply a fantasy that has become a little too vivid?

It just doesn't seem like this can really be happening. It feels almost as if I am watching someone else lie on his back as Bella Swan proceeds to kiss and touch him from his forehead all the way down to his knees. It must be someone else that is gripping the headboard, trying desperately to stay still as his love covers his body with sweet, sexy kisses and caresses.

However, that part of my mind that wants to deny this is real, feels the hot prickle of electricity shoot through my body each time her wet tongue comes into contract with another part of my body, and I know this is really happening. I am making love with my Bella.

I am completely jolted from my out of body experience when Bella's kisses find their way to my hips. She kisses each hip, and I have to fight the urge to buck my hips in response. She looks up at me. She looks so damn sexy, situated on her knees between my legs, and her hands braced on my thighs. Her look has a hint of warning in it, and I realize what she is about to do. I steel myself for the onslaught.

She licks her lips and then slowly licks the entire underside of my cock which is erect and straining against my stomach. With vampire speed I move and take her and spin her around under me. I lean my forehead against hers, breathing heavy and whisper, "Too much," as I try to get myself under control. She runs her hands through my hair, simultaneously soothing me in some ways and exciting me in others.

She raises her hips and begins to whisper "please" over and over.

And I know...it is time. This is it. This is monumental.

I am assaulted by insecurity, and a low moan of anguish escapes me as I bend down and kiss Bella's sternum. Bella stills as if she senses my nervousness. I pull back, hovering over her and stare into her eyes. She smiles at me as her eyes tell me that she is mine and that she trusts me. She is giving herself to me.

I reach out, grabbing her hands and giving each a kiss before I situate them, laying each by her head. I am preparing her for our lovemaking.

I run my right forefinger over her sex and shiver at the feeling of her wetness, knowing she wants me as much as I want her. Bella closes her eyes tight, clearly striving to keep herself as still as possible. She is letting me take this at my pace.

I am situated on my knees between Bella's legs. I picture pulling Bella closer and entering her while I am on my knees. In this position none of my weight will rest upon Bella, but I am sacrificing having direct contact with much of her body. This position seems safer, but will Bella like it? I reach up to her hips and pull her toward me until her sex is lined up with my cock, her thighs resting upon mine. Her legs are bent, her feet resting on the bed on either side of me.

"Is this okay?" I choke out as the dual sensations of being assaulted by the sweet scent of her arousal and the feeling the wetness that has pooled between her legs on my own skin threaten my control.

"Yes," she whispers. "Please.....make love to me."

I close my eyes and nod, desperately trying to push back all feelings of insecurity.

"I'm yours," I whisper as I push forward and enter her.

Hot. Jesus Christ, the heat feels so good. It is the first sensation I register. Then completeness. Also unbelievable pleasure. Pleasure that rivals that of drinking human blood. I quickly banish any thoughts relating to drinking blood. This is not the time.

As I had entered her, my only conscious thought was of giving myself to Bella. Now, I want to claim Bella as mine. The feeling is very primal and very dangerous. I am overwhelmed by the urge to simply thrust and take. It is no longer a choice. I must keep thrusting inside of her.

Instinctively and without conscious choice, I use her hips to pull her away from me until my cock is just barely inside of her and then I thrust back in her, relishing the feeling of possession, of claiming her. I do register Bella's quiet moans and gasps, and much to my relief, I realize she is enjoying my moving inside of her. It is a relief because I can't stop burying myself inside of her over and over.

I panic as I realize I am acting on instincts, instincts similar to those that take over during hunting. Somewhere in the far corners of my mind, I am identifying the danger, and a part of me knows I should stop. But it is too late for that sort of rational thought.

I moan as I realize this may be the moment I have dreaded—the moment I lose control and harm Bella. _Dear god, please let me have enough control not to kill her, _I beg. Then, I suddenly realize that even though my instincts have taken over, those same instincts are keeping me from doing anything to hurt Bella. Just as they guide me when I hunt, my instincts are guiding me as I make love to Bella. But it is not a frenzied, out of control experience. My instincts are in fact helping me maintain perfect control of my strength and thirst. They won't let me do anything that would hurt my mate or stop this heavenly thrusting.

I almost laugh at the irony. All the time I have wasted. All this time I feared this sort of intimacy would put Bella in danger of being hurt by me. However, this act of union, of finally being complete with my mate has done just the opposite. It has ensured Bella's safety as those very instincts I have always feared now are the thing that will not permit me to hurt her.

I laugh and scream out in joy, "Bella," overwhelmed by the sheer relief and happiness I feel in this moment. I am not going to kill Bella. I am simply going to do what my body was built for, what I was meant to do—be one with the love of my existence. "Mine," escapes my lips as I lean down to kiss her tummy.

I pull back and look down at Bella as I continue to thrust and relish the sight of her head thrown back, her hands gripping the pillow that her head rests on. I remove one of my hands and continue to thrust, using my grip on her right hip as leverage. I lightly brush her clit with my thumb and watch her visibly shiver at the sensations.

Her heart continues to pound hard and her breathing is starting to hitch. She is moaning my name as her head moves from side to side. My cock can feel the small contractions of her body, and I know she is getting close to finding release. I am relieved as I am not sure how much longer I can hold out. As much as I would like for this to never end, I am already feeling a tightening that signals my release is near as well. But I won't let go...not before she does. Or at least I hope not.

"Bella," I hiss through gritted teeth, almost entirely overwhelmed by a particularly strong contraction of her inner walls on my cock. "Baby, please. I don't know how much longer I can last." I hope she understands what I am not saying. I need her to tell me what to do so she can finish before I do. I hate to admit this to her, but it will be much more humiliating if this ends prematurely.

"I need....," she pants,

"What, love? What do you need?" I ask desperately as I continue to thrust and enjoy the feel of her clamping down on me. I am chanting to myself _not yet_ over and over. I can't let go until she does. It would ruin the most wonderful experience of my long existence.

Instead of answering me, she takes my right hand and moves it back to her clit. Using the same technique I used when I pleasured her orally, I press down on the bundle of nerves there, and thank god I did. She comes undone immediately. Her back arches and she cries out and her cries are disjointed and animalistic. The beautiful sight of her orgasm, the sounds, the smell and the sensation of being milked by her inner walls--it is all too much and I let go. As I feel my release coursing through me and toward my cock, I cry out her name and throw my head back, losing myself as wave after wave of euphoria washes through me.

Time passes, but I don't comprehend how much. I am still in the throes of the most spiritual experience I think a vampire can enjoy. As I collapse by Bella and bring her into my arms, whispering my love for her, I realize that this has restored my faith that maybe my existence is something other than a curse. For once, I can have my heart's greatest desire without fear, guilt, or shame. I take it as proof that some sort of divine intervention, some predestined plan, brought me and Bella together. As long as we are together, there is nothing to fear.

**E/N—Special and heartfelt thanks to my brand new Beta, ****ladyrip****. And shout out to Sunshine83 who was my 1100****th**** reviewer. Thanks to all you of you awesome readers and reviewers. I really appreciate it. Please, please keep them coming.**

**If you are interested, voting has started for the gigglesnort awards. You can vote at http(colon)//gigglesnortawards(dot)mmmboptastic(dot)com. This story is nominated for ****"Best Edward"**** for a small fish story (less than 3000 reviews). **

**Also, remember to get your donation receipts in to ****ficsfornashville(at)gmail(dot)com**** so you can get the compilation of donated stories. Remember an outtake from this story called ****"Peachylingus"**** will be part of the compilation. It is an outtake that features Edward's lessons with the peach as mentioned in Chapter 29.**


	34. Chapter 34

CHAPTER 34

THE MORNING AFTER

**A/N—Lots of thanks to spread out. Thank you, RoryCullen for being my 1200****th**** reviewer. Yeah! This story seems to have picked up several new readers this week, and I want to thank them and all of you who twitter, blog, or otherwise recommend this story. I'm sure ladyrip's fantastic beta skills are helping bring the readers in, too. Thank you, ladyrip! All things Twilight belong to SM.**

Although her eyes are still closed and she is trying to appear to be asleep, I know better. Her heart rate has changed and, even though her breathing is still deep, it is noticeably shallower than that of her usual sleeping breathing cycle. I have to bite back a moan as her hand, which had been resting on my chest, starts to move downward. She is still feigning sleep and is moving as if she is adjusting in her sleep. I play along and give no indication that I know she is awake.

Her left hand moves over my chest, following the thin trail of bronze hair that extends from my naval to my hip area. She pauses in her travels as she reaches my right hip and lightly scrapes her nails there. It sends a shock of electricity through me, and I stiffen slightly in response. She nuzzles her face into my chest as her hand absently slips lower.

I had not dressed after last night's activities. Additionally, I have also been physically aroused for most of the night as I replayed the memory of our lovemaking over and over in my mind. Thus she has a very open route to my protruding manhood.

I gasp as her hand lightly passes over my length. Her small hand comes to rest on my inner thigh a mere inch from my raging erection. Is she just going to leave her hand there like that and torture me? My cock, feeling the warmth of her hand so close and clearly having a mind of its own, seems to be straining, trying on its own to reach her warm hand. But she does nothing. No further movement. Just more pretending to be asleep. While her hand is so close. What kind of game is she playing?

I shift my hips just enough to bring her hand into slight contact with my cock. I hiss in response. Just the smallest contact between her hand and my cock feels incredible. Bella moans lightly and shifts a bit. I am watching her eyes closely, waiting for her to open them, when all of a sudden I feel her small, warm hand wrap around my cock.

_Fuck_. That feels so unbelievably good. She begins to stroke, and I know then I have found heaven on Earth. Her hand is so much better than mine. The warmth, the softness of her hand contrasted with the cold, granite like hardness of my erection—it is utter bliss. I lay back and close my eyes, reveling in the pleasure. Then, suddenly, it is gone. _What the fuck ?_

I open my eyes and Bella is propped up on her side, smiling down at me. "Good morning," she says with glee, arousal, and amusement dancing in her eyes.

At vampire speed, I grab her and roll us so that she is lying on her back and I am hovering over her. "Good morning, my little minx," I tell her as I proceed to place soft kisses along her jaw line.

I pull back to smile at her. The joy I am feeling is overwhelming. I am pleased to see Bella's face is shining with the same emotion—unadulterated happiness. We are grinning at each other like a couple of fools actually.

She whispers, "We did it."

"I know. I was there, remember?"

All of a sudden her expression turns serious.

"What we did last night. That was...I have never...it's never..." She bites her bottom lip and appears to be feeling shy. She tries again to articulate what she is feeling, "I mean I have had...but it wasn't like that..." She stops, seemingly frustrated at not being able to fully express what she wants to say.

"Shhh, love," I say as I stroke her hair from her face and forehead and look into her beautiful brown eyes, which are shining with love. "I understand." And I do. I have been around a long time and have heard too many thoughts about love and sex. I know what Bella and I shared last night was special. I know without a doubt there will never be another for me than Bella.

I feel her hands move to my chest where she pushes. There is no way she can budge me, but I fall back, thinking that Bella means to straddle me. Instead she sends me a mischievous smile before she hops off of the bed claiming she needs a shower.

After a few minutes, I hear the shower running. Initially, I plan to lay here and simply wait for her. But just thinking about her in that shower has me uncomfortably hard again. Then it suddenly hits me. I can join her...can't I? Lovers join their partners in the shower, don't they? I decide I'm really over-thinking it and just decide to ask.

I grab a towel from the linen closet and wrap it around my waist. I knock on the door, but Bella can't hear me over the running water. I open the door and enter the bathroom. Bella's scent is always stronger when she is wet, but after our day in the pool and hot tub, I have been accustomed to the potency of it.

I can see Bella through the smoky glass of the shower stall. Her back is to me, and I can make out her slim waist and sexy ass. I move to the stall door and open it. Bella jumps slightly in surprise, her gaze finding mine.

I give her my crooked the smile...her favorite one. "Sorry. You couldn't hear me knock. Do you want some company?" By some sort of miracle, I am able to hold her gaze and not ogle her naked body.

She smiles but then turns her back to me. I am confused as to whether that is a yes or no. Maybe I shouldn't have been so confident. Then she reaches for the washcloth and bottle of bodywash and holds the items over her shoulder toward me. "Do you mind helping me with my hard to reach areas?" she asks with just a hint of coyness in her smile.

In an instant I drop the towel, enter the shower and take the items from her. She is standing so that the spray is running down her front. I am standing right behind her, and she has never looked or smelled better. There was a time I would have been worried about my control. But now I know I can't hurt my mate. There is another shower head on the other side of the oversized stall. I turn it on, letting the warm water hit me from behind. I know it will warm my frigid skin and hopefully be more pleasant in case Bella decides she wants to touch me.

I squeeze some bodywash onto the very soft wash cloth, and after pushing her hair over her shoulder and placing a kiss on the back of her neck, I slowly start to wash her, starting from her shoulders and moving downward. I actually enjoy washing her back. I am discovering that washing another is a very loving and intimate gesture.

Before moving lower, I place another kiss on the back of Bella's exposed neck. She shivers despite the warmth and steam that fills the shower stall. Then I drop to my knees behind her. I place another kiss on the spot just above her ass, in the middle of her waist line, and I hear Bella illicit a small moan. For good measure, I flick the same area with my tongue a few times.

I notice she is now bracing herself by placing her hands in front of her against the tile wall. This position makes her bottom stick out just right. Her legs are slightly spread. I am so fascinated by the sight before me, I forget I have a task to complete. I hear Bella's teasing voice, "Are you staring again?"

Even though she is not looking at me, I smile sheepishly and say, "Maybe," as I get back to washing her lovely skin. I wash the entire length of Bella, carefully picking up each of her feet to make sure I wash underneath. But I think my favorite part was when I ran the soapy cloth up the inside of her legs and thighs. In fact, I enjoyed it so much I decide to do it again once I have finished with her feet. But instead of using the cloth, I decide to use my hands. My hands have warmed from the hot water, and I am anxious to caress her.

Leaning forward to place a kiss on each of her beautiful ass cheeks, I run my hands up her legs, starting at her ankles. I inch my way higher very slowly.

"I thought you already washed there," she says playfully, but I can hear the desire in her voice.

"Just checking to make sure I did a good job," I tell her, desire lacing my own voice as well.

I have now reached just above her knees, and I run my hands up and down making sure I inch just a little higher on each pass upwards. When I reach her inner thighs, she moans and starts to wiggle her hips. "May I touch you?" I ask as I place a kiss on her hip.

"Yes," she hisses. I place my hand on her right hip urging her to step back slightly and to brace her feet slightly more apart, giving me better access. With my forefinger, I trace a path from mid-thigh all the way up until I meet the heat of her center. She is so wet. I can feel the wetness seeping from her, and it is one of the most arousing things I have ever felt. I slowly insert my finger and bite back my own groan as I feel her inner muscles clinch. She throws her head back, and I hear her plea. She simply says, "More," and I gladly abide her wishes. I pull out and insert two fingers and start a steady pace of pumping my fingers into her. I trail kisses from one hip to another the entire time. She is gasping, and I am moaning, trying to not imagine it is my cock pumping her instead of my fingers.

"Stop," she says suddenly, and I immediately freeze, terrified I have done something wrong. Then she speaks in a voice gritty with need, "Now, Edward! I need you inside of me now!"

I don't even answer as it would waste too much time. I simply spin her around and lift her against the tile wall between the two shower heads. She wraps her legs around me, and I enter her. I think the entire movement took 1.9 seconds. I stop once I am fully enveloped in her heat, desperately trying to maintain control. I'm not worried about my bloodlust. I am worried about plain old lust. I am afraid this will be over too quickly if I don't slow things down. I have been hard for over eight hours, and my member is desperate for release.

I stop all movement, and when Bella opens her eyes to look at me, I capture her lips with my own. She moans into my mouth and wraps her hands in my hair as I deepen the kiss, allowing my tongue into her waiting mouth. I realize this is the first time I have ever had my cock and my tongue inside of Bella at the same time, and I almost climax at just the thought of it. I groan against her lips and pull back slightly so I can enter her with long, controlled strokes. I love the sight of her breasts being jostled every time I complete a thrust into her. I love the sight of her panting and biting her bottom lip as she enjoys our lovemaking. But after a few minutes I have to close my eyes, hoping that closing down the visual stimulation will help me last longer. I feel her remove her hands from my hair and hear her whisper, "Edward."

It is not long until I miss the sight of Bella too much, so I open my eyes. Oh, dear god. The sight before me is unimaginably sexy. Bella is kneading her own breasts, her eyes are squeezed closed, and she is mouthing "fuck" over and over. There is no force strong enough on Earth to tear my gaze away from this sight. I watch as she pulls on her nipple rings and squeals in delight. I am so enraptured by the sight that I stop my movements. Bella's eyes open immediately, and she nearly screams, "Don't stop!"

I shake my head slightly in an attempt to clear it from the lust-induced stupor I am in. I kiss her again as I resume my thrusts, harder and quicker this time.

"Come for me, Bella? Please?" I plead against her lips.

"Yes! Please, fuck me...fuck me hard," she responds.

I'm damn sure not going to be able to hold back now after hearing that. I answer her call, pumping my cock as hard as I dare, reveling in the feel of being inside of her like this. I am so relieved as I feel her muscles clamp down on me as she screams my name over and over. I cannot last one more second. I groan in relief as I let myself go, and I feel my venom pour into Bella's body.

There is a built-in sitting bench on the other side of the shower. I quickly walk over to it, with Bella slumped against me. I sit down on the edge while she continues to hang onto my shoulders, resting her head in the crook of my neck. Her legs are still wrapped around my waist, and I am still inside of her. Bella and I spend several minutes just holding each other tightly and whispering our love for each other. I then speak. "Bella, please don't say fuck again while we are doing that or you may very well be the death of me."

Bella is getting ready to meet her mother for brunch while I sit on our bed, admiring the view.

A technician from a glass company arrived earlier and quickly replaced the broken window in the car. I just offered to drive Bella to the restaurant and even join her for brunch. I explained that I could just wear long sleeves and a hat and park in the adjoining underground garage, thus never being exposed to the sunlight. She has politely declined my offer, and I don't understand why.

"Does this have anything to do with Julian?"

"No," she answers emphatically.

"Do you need a break from me?"

"No."

"Are you ashamed of me?"

"No, of course not."

"Are you afraid I will sparkle?"

She laughs mildly. "Not at all."

"Then tell me why I can't come with you to see your mother," I beseech her.

"She hates you."

"What?" I am surprised. "Hate is a rather strong word," I say as a sinking feeling overwhelms me. If Bella's mother truly hates me that does not bode well for me and any future I may have with Bella.

"Believe me, it's nothing compared to how Charlie feels. Rene would probably just make a scene if she saw you. Charlie wants to hunt you down and shoot you."

I laugh weakly. "I hope you are exaggerating."

"Afraid not. He even asked me once if I had a picture of you that he could take to the shooting range and use as a target."

I can only think of one reason they would hate me so. "It is because of my leaving you."

"No," she answers quickly, as she braids her long hair. "I don't think they expected you to stay in Forks if your family left. But they didn't understand why you never called or contacted me. They thought it was cruel."

Despite her best efforts to seem nonchalant, I still pick up on the slight hitch in her voice as she speaks.

I move behind her as she finishes braiding her hair. I take the tie from her and wrap it around the end of the braid. I then place a kiss on her neck as I place my hands on her shoulders, catching her gaze in the mirror in front of us.

"Love, I promise you... I will make that up to you if it is the last thing I ever do."

She turns and smiles. "You already have."

**E/N-If you are interested, remember voting has started for the gigglesnort awards. You can vote at http(colon)/gigglesnortawards(dot)mmmboptastic(dot)com. This story is nominated for "Best Edward" for a small fish story (less than 3000 reviews). **

**Also, remember to get your donation receipts in to **ficsfornashville(at)gmail(dot)com** so you can get the compilation of donated stories. Remember an outtake from this story called "Peachylingus" will be part of the compilation. It is an outtake that features Edward's lessons with the peach as mentioned in Chapter 29. I have already finished it! Sis says it was funny!**

**I will be seeing you in the honeypot!**


	35. Chapter 35

CHAPTER 35

TIME

**A/N—Much thanks to ladyrip for being such a great beta and sweetheart. Thanks to Sis for her pre-reading and advice and for being the best sister in the world. And thanks to the ladies at the forum (oops, I mean the honeypot) who make me laugh! And the biggest thanks of all to those who review and/or comment on the forum about the chapters. The reviews make me abandon all of my adult responsibilities in favor of writing more so by all means, keep them coming.**

I wander aimlessly through the house, feeling lost without Bella. I am happy she is spending time with her mother. I just wish I wasn't an enemy of the state so that I could have joined them. Suddenly my phone beeps. I grab it anxiously, hoping it is signaling a text from Bella.

_You haven't made a decision about changing her. It's time! -Alice_

_Stay out of it, dear sister -Edward_

_Did you know Charlie and Rene hate me? -Edward_

Beep.

_Yes. What did you expect? -Alice_

Beep.

_Dude, even I knew they hated you-Emmett_

Another Beep.

_Did you get the honeypot yet? Alice won't spill. -Emmett_

I ignore Emmett's texts. Answering him will only encourage him. Refusing to answer him will only encourage him. It's a no-win situation.

_Talk to her, Edward-Alice_

_I don't suppose you will tell me how it goes?-Edward_

_I can tell you she will return in sixty-two minutes -Alice_

I am conflicted on whether or not to bring the change issue up. I promised Bella we would talk about it. But we're having such a good time. No, not a good time. A perfect time.

Can I agree to change Bella? It's the one thing she has asked of me that I have not been able to readily agree to give her. I truly don't think I can agree to take her life away. But it is not fair for me to make that decision alone. I know that now. As much as I want to spend the rest of our time in our lovers' bubble, I know the right thing to do is to keep my promise and have the talk.

The main problem is we are running out of time. I had planned to take Bella to see Cirque de Soleil, a local show that is a mixture of circus theatrics and street entertainment. However, if we go to the show tonight, that will not give us much of a chance to talk. We are scheduled to leave for the airport at noon tomorrow. I am in the middle of debating what to plan for tonight when my phone beeps again. Maybe it's Alice, finally willing to help and give me some answers.

I am pleasantly surprised to see it is from Bella.

_Will be home within the hour. Miss you-Your B._

_Miss you too my love-Your E._

_Can we stay in tonight? I'm exhausted after spending all afternoon with mom. -Your B._

_It's like you can read MY mind. Of course. -Your E._

I set off to plan the perfect evening at home.

Fifty-two minutes later, I am standing in the foyer, listening to Bella's footsteps as she hurries up the walkway. The sun has not yet set, so I can't go outside even though my arms are aching to hold her as quickly as possible.

I open the door, and she jumps into my arms as she squeals my name. I laugh and hold her close, hoping my marble hard body did not hurt her. She appears to be unfazed. My lips find hers, and I feel sweet relief and electricity stream through my body.

One of the advantages of being a vampire is the ability to multitask. While holding Bella in my arms and kissing her, I am able to walk us to the entertainment room. I have a fire going in the fireplace. There is a tray of fruit, vegetables, cheeses, and crackers, as well as a variety of beverages sitting beside the thick Persian rug. I have placed several pillows around half of the rug. There is a shelf stocked full of DVDs and a 60 inch LD television on the wall. I have tried to plan for the perfect evening at home, watching movies and talking.

Five minutes later, Bella is lying on her stomach, propped up by a pillow under her chest. She has laid out the food in front of her and is happily munching. She looks so relaxed and carefree as she lays there with her ankles crossed and swinging her bare feet in the air.

The movie she chose is starting. It was an odd choice. "Why on earth did you choose _Bye Bye Birdie_?" I ask as I lay down beside her, also on my stomach, propping my chin on a pillow.

"I like old musicals. Besides, I thought you would like to see Ann Margaret."

I look at her in confusion. "Why?" I ask.

"Didn't all men have a crush on Ann Margaret when this movie came out? That's what Charlie always said," she explains.

I chuckle. "Not me. She's not my type at all."

"Okay. Then who is your all-time favorite movie actress crush?"

"What? No one. No crushes."

"Oh, come on, Edward. You're a guy. I'm sure you liked some actress in some movie scene over eighty-something years of watching movies." She nudges my shoulder playfully, grinning at me.

I think for a second. "Okay. I wouldn't call it a crush, but there is one particular scene that I always thought was...sexy," I confess.

Bella is completely ignoring the movie, smiling at me. "Tell me," she urges.

"You've seen _Grease_?" I ask.

She nods her head.

"Well, I do like the scene toward the end when Olivia Newton John comes walking out in that black outfit and the heels."

"Really?" Bella asked, obviously surprised.

"Yes, is that surprising?"

"I don't know why, but I imagined it would be Ingrid Bergman or Grace Kelly for some reason."

I snort. "Because you think of me as completely old-fashioned. And I admit, to a certain degree, I am and I probably always will be."

I can tell from her expression that Bella is mulling over what I have just said. "But I still think black leather and heels are sexy," I add for good measure.

She smiles at me knowingly. "I will have to remember that for future reference."

As Ann Margaret starts singing "How Lovely to be a Woman," we turn our attention to the movie and Bella continues munching from the tray of food. About halfway through the movie, Bella finishes her food, and I rearrange the pillows so that I am propped up against them and Bella is lying in between my legs with her back pressed against my front. It's a convenient position for watching a movie together. Not so convenient if you are trying to concentrate on anything other than the raging erection in your jeans.

If Bella is agreeable, I have every intention of making love to her tonight, maybe twice if she can be persuaded. However, first, I have a very tough conversation to have with her tonight. And I can't let myself get distracted. No pun intended, but it is harder than I would have thought when all I can think about is slipping my hands under Bella's shirt and kneading her breasts. _How do other couples ever get anything done when you can make love anytime you want?_ I wonder.

When the movie ends, Bella crawls out of my embrace and stretches. I lay out on my side watching her moan as she stretches her limbs while resting on the rug. The sound of her moans brings the vivid memories of our shower activities from this morning to mind, and I have to bite back a groan myself. _Focus, Edward_, I silently command myself.

I reach out and cup her cheek as she lies on her back. She turns her face in toward my cheek, clearly enjoying my caress. "Bella, I love you. I think I've made my intentions clear. I want you back. I want to spend forever with you. I'm hoping that you feel the same way." She nods, her eyes full of love. I swallow, suddenly very nervous. "Then there seems to be only one more thing we need to discuss," I whisper quietly.

I see the look of understanding in her eyes. "Changing me," she says, holding my gaze.

I swallow again. "Is that...is that something you still want?" I ask.

She doesn't answer right away. Instead she closes her eyes and continues to nuzzle my hand that is still cupping her cheek. After what feels like an eternity, she opens her eyes and tells me, "Yes, but not right now."

"Do you know how long you would like to wait?"

"At least until I finish law school."

We lie there staring into each other's eyes for several moments. My first instinct is to protest and urge her to wait longer. I want to tell her that she should experience more before choosing to end her life. ButI know that will only anger her.

I take a deep breath and then offer a compromise. "If you're certain you do not want to be changed until after law school, can we agree to table this discussion until then?"

"Will you agree to listen to me then? I mean really listen to me with an open mind and with the understanding that it is my decision?

I reach out and pull Bella on top of me as I roll onto my back. I push a lock of hair behind her ear and kiss the tip of her nose. "I promise to listen to you with an open mind. The last thing I want to do is lose you again. But it must be a decision we reach together, agreed?"

"You still don't think it's the right decision for me though?" she asks.

"I don't think this is the right time. Apparently you don't either. Maybe we will both feel differently in a few years." This is as close as I can get to agreeing to do something so horrific to her.

She pushes her forehead against mine and whispers, "Thank you for agreeing to let us decide this together this time."

"You're welcome. Thank you for giving me a chance to get this right. I will never forgive myself for hurting you and driving you into the arms of that predatory old man."

She pulls back immediately. She braces herself on her hands which are placed on either side of my shoulders and looks down at me. Actually she is glaring slightly. When she speaks her tone is deceptively soft. "Predatory old man? You're calling Julian a predatory old man? The 90-year-old vampire is calling Julian a predatory old man?"

Time to change the subject. I shrug slightly and say dismissively, "I don't want to talk about Julian," and reach up to capture her lips with my own. But unfortunately, she does not seem to want to drop the subject.

"Edward, I want to be clear about something. Julian is not a bad person. He did not use me or take advantage of me. And, he is not _that_ old.

I really don't want to talk about Julian while I am holding the love of my existence in my arms. "Let's just agree to disagree and leave it at that," I say as I run my hand up her back, trying again to distract her attention from this subject.

"Edward, I have told you over and over that Julian was good for me. He helped me."

I find myself snorting again. "Please, Bella. Seducing a young college student is hardly a public service." I run my hand back down her back and brush her ass, trying desperately to distract her now. It doesn't work. She pulls back even farther and sits up completely, straddling my hips. Now _I'm_ distracted. I'm imagining Bella riding me in this position, giving me perfect access to her beautiful breasts. I can imagine them bouncing and catching one of her perk nipples in my mouth and...

"Edward, will you stop staring at my breasts and look at me," she admonishes. I smile sheepishly, having been caught staring again.

"I understand the male jealousy thing. But I really don't want you to be under the wrong impression that Julian took advantage of me. If anything, it was the other way around."

"Okay love," I say as I reach up and start placing kisses along her jaw line.

"Dammit, Edward," she says in exasperation, pulling away from me. "Don't do that. I'm serious. Listen, it was me that was interested in the kinky sex. I was the one always pushing Julian to try new things. The fake rape scene you witnessed? My idea, completely."

"Bella, why the hell are you telling me this?"

"Because I want you to understand that I'm not Julian's victim. If anything, he is the victim here. I'm the one that used him and then dropped him as soon as you returned to my life."

Much to my dismay, it wasn't really as soon as I returned to her life, but I decide not to correct her. That doesn't appear to be her main point here. I'm not sure what her point is, but I'm out of ideas at distracting her, so it looks like I am going to have no choice but to figure it out.

I pull up until I am leaning on my elbows. Bella is still straddling my hips, but she has her arms crossed over her chest, blocking my view of her breasts. "The way I see it, it does not really matter if the role playing was your idea. He should not have agreed to treat you in such a demeaning way."

"Demeaning? What is demeaning about him fulfilling my sexual fantasies?"

"It seems convenient that in this particular fantasy, he is treating you like some sort of object that he forces to his will."

"But can you understand that is what I find arousing about it? Being at someone else's mercy?"

"Wait a minute. Are you saying you want to continue to do things like this fantasy rape thing now that we are together?"

"Well, maybe not that exactly. I thought we might explore and find things we both like..."

I gently pick up Bella and sit her down on the rug while I jump up and pace in front of the fireplace. After a minute of pacing, I stop and run my hands through my hair. "Bella, am I missing something? I thought you enjoyed our time together last night and this morning."

"I did," she responds quickly.

"Then why are we talking about kinky stuff? We don't need that." Although I'm struggling to keep my tone neutral, I can hear the hurt in my own voice.

"I think you're misunderstanding me. I'm not complaining. I'm just trying to explain to you that having sexual fantasies is perfectly normal, and any couple should explore and figure out ways to fulfill those if it is pleasing to both involved."

I am looking at the floor when she gets up and walks over to me. She reaches up and pulls my chin up, forcing me to look at her. "Hey, I'm looking forward to fulfilling _your_ fantasies too, you know."

I put my arms around her waist and say, "You are my fantasy. I don't need anything but you."

Maybe this Julian talk is behind us. Feeling optimistic, I start to kiss her jaw line again. She pulls back. I sigh. It wasn't so long ago she was the one always begging for us to go further and to have sex. Now, it seems I will soon be the one begging here.

She looks at me with determination. "Edward, can we go upstairs and lie down?"

Finally! "Of course, love," I say as I scoop her into my arms and carry her upstairs quickly. I lay her down in the middle of the bed and lie down beside her. I lean in and kiss her gently. I move to her neck where her natural fragrance is so potent. I place my right hand on her stomach and start to inch upward under her shirt while I start kissing a favorite spot behind her ear.

She leans up and whispers in my ear, "Edward?"

"Mmm?" I answer as I nuzzle her neck.

"Tell me your kinkiest fantasy."

I pull back and look at her. "I don't have those types of fantasies."

"I don't believe you," she says.

"Okay. Sometimes I fantasize about you being on top, straddling me."

"That's not kinky."

"It is to me."

"No, it's not. Tell me what you thought about when you were pleasuring yourself," she whispers in my ear.

"Dear lord, Bella, I can't talk about that."

"Why not?"

"Because it's...embarrassing."

"That's the thing, Edward. We're lovers now. We shouldn't be embarrassed to share these types of things with each other. Now, I shared my fantasy with you yesterday, and I think it is only fair that you share yours with me. A naughty fantasy."

Sometimes I think she is really trying to kill me. "Bella, I'm not comfortable with discussing such things."

She changes tactics. Suddenly her lower lip is jutting out just so, and her eyes are as wide as saucers, and she whispers, "Please."

Damn. I can't resist her when she pleads. And I did promise to be honest with her. "Okay, I imagined once you were in nothing but those black heels you wore to the poetry reading and you were..." God, this is hard to say with her looking at me. I close my eyes.

I whisper, barely loud enough for her to hear. "You were sitting on the hood of my car. The Aston Martin."

I can hear the smile in her voice as she asks, "And?"

"And you were asking me to do naughty things to you," I say, hoping that will be enough to satisfy her.

"What naughty things?"

Of course she wants all the details. "You were telling me you needed me inside of you. You were sitting on the edge of the hood, and I did...what you asked. Quickly and hard. You said you wanted it like that."

I am mortified to face Bella after what I just confessed. She now knows the ugly truth. I stroke myself while picturing her in very compromising positions. Jesus. I feel like such a pervert.

I finally open my eyes, but it is not disgust I see in Bella's eyes. It is lust. She puts her arms around me, pulling me down on top of her. I let her and almost groan as I smell her arousal permeating the air around us. "Shut up and fuck me...quick and hard."

**E/N-Remember, SM owns all that is twilight. I believe there is still time to vote in the gigglesnort awards if you're interested. And I know there is still time to get your donations into .**


	36. Chapter 36

CHAPTER 36

GOODBYE ORLANDO

**A/N—As always I am so humbled and grateful for your reviews, recs and posts. Please keep them coming. If you have not noticed, I am a review addict. **

**Sis, thank you for giving such great advice on this story and in life in general. **

**Thanks again, ladyrip, who is making this story so much better.**

**Thank you Mjenn for being my 1300****th**** reviewer. Yeah!**

**And thank you Monamour for working on the banner. You're a sweetheart.**

"Fuck me. Yes, just like that."

"Hush, Bella," I murmur.

"I love it when you fuck me."

"Bella!" I admonish.

"Oh, god. Your cock feels so good in my pussy."

"Dammit, Bella, do you want this to be over in two minutes?" I growl. "You know what hearing you talk like that does to me."

Two minutes ago I was standing in the kitchen making Bella pancakes for breakfast. Then Bella saunters in, wearing nothing but those black high heels—the ones with the feathers. Next thing I know she is laying on her back on the kitchen table, my jeans and boxers are around my ankles, her legs are resting on my shoulders, and I am plunging into her over and over.

On one level it feels so wrong to take Bella like this. There was no preamble, no loving words, just my hoisting Bella on the table and taking what she was offering. However, the other side of me just says I should stop thinking so much and enjoy this. Besides, Bella seems to be enjoying it. She just won't keep that lovely mouth shut so I can concentrate on prolonging this as long as possible.

"Edward, talk to me. Does it feel good to you?" she asks, ending her question on a moan.

"Yes, Bella. It feels quite nice actually."

She leans up on her elbows and looks at me while I continue pumping in and out of her at a steady rhythm. "No, talk dirty to me. Tell me what you like."

"I like all of it, Bella," I say, slightly breathless.

"Do you like my pussy?"

"I adore it."

I move her legs to wrap them around my waist and bend down and kiss Bella as hard and as passionately as I dare. My intention is to stop her from saying such things, but now I am simply drowning in the ecstasy of being so connected to Bella. I have to break the kiss for Bella to breath, and I immediately move my lips to her left breast. She has removed her nipple rings so I have complete access to her nipple, and I suckle as if it contains manna from the heavens.

"Say it," she whispers as her breath hitches from me sucking extra hard on her left nipple before moving my lips to the right one.

"Say what, love?" I whisper against her breast.

"Say you love my pussy."

"I can't," I groan. "I do, but I can't say it." That word is just too vulgar to use at such a special moment and in front of Bella.

In an effort to silence her, I move up and capture her lips again, while I move my hand down to her clit. She moans against my mouth as I apply pressure just as she likes it. When I know she is close to her climax, I pull back and thrust as hard as I can into her, holding her hips steady.

Bella's words are broken. "Not fair...too good...I'm coming, Edward."

I throw my head back and groan. Her words, her moans, the heat, the contractions...it is all too much, and I give in to the sweet relief and rush of euphoria that accompanies my release.

I lean down to kiss her before pulling out of her warmth. As I pull back, she says, "One day you are going to say it."

I smile at her. "Is that a challenge?"

"Most definitely," she says, grinning mischievously.

I pack up our things and bring our bags down to the foyer. I am wearing an oversized hoodie and hat due to the sun. Bella giggles when she sees me. I'm a bit overdressed for sunny 80 degree weather. "I know, I know," I say but smile anyway because I love hearing her sound so carefree.

She comes to me and wraps her arms around my waist, leaning her head upon my chest. I wrap my arms around her and squeeze as hard as I can without causing her discomfort.

"This has been a perfect weekend," she says. "I don't want to leave."

"I know, love. I feel the same way. But it's time to return to Seattle and start our life together." We have not discussed logistics such as where we will live. But I have faith we will work it out. I am full of hope and faith actually. I actually feel that the universe is not conspiring against me for once.

Bella insisted on spending the night at her apartment alone. Julian is expected back tonight, and she plans to call him to talk about moving out of the apartment. She and I talked on the plane and have decided to get our own place, in the City. I am sure Alice is already looking for real estate.

She asked for privacy to speak to Julian and let him know she needs no more time, that she has made her decision. I was ecstatic to hear this, and while it pains me to be away from her, I am more than happy to give her the privacy she has asked for. I even called Alice and warned her not to be watching.

I arrive back at the house, feeling on top of the world. I am not sure what Alice has shared about our weekend, but I suspect she has respected our privacy. Emmett's previous text had indicated as much.

As I approach, I hear my family's thoughts. Everyone is home, even Tanya. Their thoughts are all along the same line. Everyone is overly curious about my weekend with Bella and whether we did or didn't. I have no plans to tell them. I want to keep my new sexual relationship with Bella a secret, at least for now. I am not so naïve as to think it won't be revealed eventually. It is almost impossible to keep secrets in our family, especially something like this. It will probably come out soon. But for as long as possible, I want to keep it between Bella and me.

I am barely through the door when Esme is hugging me. _Edward, you look so happy. Are you and Bella back together for good? _

I nod at her unspoken question and she squeals, hugging me as hard as she can. I laugh, hugging her back.

Jasper speaks up. "Oh, believe me, I can tell that Edward had a very good time this weekend." _You seem very satisfied. Not a trace of tension._

Tanya comes up to me and takes Esme's place when Esme finally lets go to hug Carlisle.

_Edward, I am so happy for you. I expect details later. You owe me. You know what I mean._ Tanya looks at me meaningfully, and I give her a slight nod.

Carlisle is holding Esme in his arms and smiling at me. _I am so happy for you, son._

Alice looks as if she is about to combust from the effort it takes to keep silent.

Rosalie looks bored. And Emmett… well, Emmett is missing.

I can tell from his thoughts that he is fumbling with something in the den.

I am filling the family in on the highlights of the weekend. I tell them about the club, the house, and Halloween Horror Nights. I tell them that Bella enjoyed her time with her mom. I end with an announcement.

"Bella has forgiven me and is willing to give me another chance. We are back together, forever if I have my way. We will be looking for a place together in Seattle."

I am basking in everyone's congratulations and well wishes when Emmett finally barrels in, holding a huge dry erase board.

"Yeah, yeah, Edward. That's great, but I need for you to settle some bets for us."

Emmett sets up his large dry erase board on an end table. I see that it has a list of all the various bets placed by my family members on what sexual acts Bella and I may or may not have experienced this weekend.

I laugh, shaking my head at my fun-loving brother. "Emmett, you are out of your mind if you think I am going to tell..." I suddenly stop mid-sentence as the description on one of the line bets grabs my attention. It says: 2 to 1 that Edward tastes Bella's peach pie.

Peach? Someone must have told Emmett about the peach lessons. I see red, I am so furious. "Who told?" I shout. It could only have been one of two people, Tanya or Alice. Tanya gave me her word she wouldn't say anything. I wasn't sure that Alice had even seen the lessons, but she usually keeps such things private. I feel so...betrayed.

"Was it you, Alice? It was bad enough you told everyone about the unfortunate bathroom incident but this, you told them about something that you knew I wanted to keep private?"

_Of course not, Edward. I honestly don't know what you're talking about. _

Alice must not have seen the lessons with Tanya. So that leaves Tanya as the culprit. I search her thoughts, and she is worried that I am about to be embarrassed. _Oh no, oh no, oh no, _she chants over and over again.

I turn my anger on her. "Dear, dear cousin. Was it worth it to betray my trust for a few laughs behind my back? Did you enjoy laughing it up with Emmett about poor Edward who has to resort to practicing oral sex on a peach?"

"Edward, I..." she says, but I cut her off, not wanting to hear her apologies.

"Don't."

_Edward, listen to me, I didn't..._

I don't even want to hear her thoughts. "I trusted you to be a friend, a confidant. But as soon as I am gone, you rush to make fun of me. Did my brothers howl as you told them about all of the peaches I destroyed, thrusting in them with my tongue?"

"Dammit, Edward, stop this right now!" Tanya shouts. _Edward, I'm trying to tell you I did not say anything. You are jumping to conclusions._

I pause trying to make sense of her words. Tanya continues, "Esme made Emmett change the word pussy to something less crass on his board. Emmett just happened to choose peach pie as a euphemism. It's simply a coincidence; that's all, I swear."

_Oh, fuck_.

The rest of my family's thoughts are full of shock and confusion as they rush to make sense of the exchange.

_How the hell do you practice oral sex on a peach? _Jasper wonders.

_He put his tongue in a peach? Disgusting!_ Rosalie thinks.

_Your father and I love you—no matter what_. Esme's never ending supportive thoughts reach me.

Emmett speaks first. "Dude, I'm a little confused here. Just tell me one thing. Please tell me you had a good weekend because you were doing Bella and not some piece of fruit."

"Emmett, who or what Edward does is his business," Esme admonishes.

"Mom! I was not doing a peach!" I feel the need to defend myself before everyone concludes I have some strange fruit fetish.

"Then you were doing Bella this weekend?" Emmett asks.

"Of course," I answer too quickly. And I realize I have just revealed the information I had hoped to keep secret for a time.

There are collective cheers and back slapping from my brothers.

I catch Carlisle's eye and he smiles and directs his thoughts to me. _Is 'congratulations' the right sentiment? _I nod in response. _Then you have my sincere congratulations._

Tanya's thoughts reveal her struggle, trying to decide whether to congratulate me or punch me for doubting her loyalty earlier. I go to her and whisper my apologies. She smirks. "You're forgiven. This once." She hugs me and wishes me her congratulations in her thoughts as well.

Rosalie is standing to the side, looking bored. _So you finally had sex. Hardly worth all this fuss_. I roll my eyes at her. She is lucky I am in such a good mood. I am considering not even seeking revenge against her for her practical joke that almost ended with me unclothed and humiliating myself in front of Bella in Orlando.

Alice finds me last, and there is silent communication between us. _You don't have to apologize. I know you're sorry for doubting me, and you will be buying me a lovely pearl necklace to show just how sorry you are_. I nod and laugh in joy. While it wasn't my plan to reveal that Bella and I now share a sexual relationship, a part of me is happy they know. It is not like I can contain this joyous feeling. They were bound to figure it out.

"Okay, Eddie...tell me who to pay off," Emmett says, nodding toward the dry erase board.

I glance at the board. "Emmett, get your wallet out. You owe Carlisle and Esme some money."

**E/N—Remember SM owns all that is twilight. Remember to get your donation receipts to ficsfornashville(at)gmail(dot)com so you can get the compilation. The Peachylingus outtake has already been submitted and will be part of the compilation.**


	37. Chapter 37

CHAPTER 37

AND IT ALL COMES TUMBLING DOWN

**A/N— Again, my notes are full of thanks. **

**Thank you, ladyrip, for your hard work. It's so appreciated. **

**Thank you, Eviekinz, who is writing a lovely review of this story. If you don't know in addition to writing some pretty amazing fanfic, Eviekinz has an incredible talent for writing reviews. I hardly recognized my own story she made it sound so good!**

**Speaking of glowing reviews, Nelson Smandela who recently published a great review of this story at:**

**http:/thelittleknownficster(DOT)blogspot(DOT)com**

**Thank you, Salix Caprea, for making a lovely banner which is featured on the forum (page 42) as part of the Chapter 37 teaser. I love it. She couldn't resist adding a peach.**

**Speaking of peaches, the Fics for Nashville compilation had some problems and my story was one of them. They are trying to fix the issues and re-post it to the compilation. If you have any problems reading it, just let me know via PM.**

**Finally, consider this a GREY GOOSE WARNING. Have a shot of something strong nearby...just in case.**

It is almost midnight and I am sitting, playing video games with my brothers. I can't wait for morning to come as I will see Bella at school. Alice has already located some properties she wants Bella and me to go see. She and Esme are now looking at furniture on-line. I remind them I want one of those warming mattresses. Those are great.

I hear Alice's tell-tale gasp and focus immediately on her thoughts as she is experiencing a vision involving Bella.

The image is terrifying for me. Bella's on the phone. She is upset. The vision skips forward and she is in her car, crying as she drives. In her distraction, she swerves over the center line and nearly hits an oncoming car.

"Go-go to her quick! I'll call her and let her know you're on your way," Alice urges, and I'm out of the house and in my car before she finishes the second sentence.

Driving at the speed I prefer, I will arrive at Bella's home in just less than fourteen minutes. I take out my cell phone and text her.

_Don't go anywhere. I'm on my way. 13 minutes. I love you. -Edward_

I was debating whether to call her to see what was wrong, but I sensed I should wait until I was there in person so I could comfort her. Was it bad news about Charlie or Rene?

_She will wait for you. Julian is hurt. -Alice_

I arrive and rush to Bella's door. I can hear her crying before she opens the door, and I immediately pull her into my arms as I enter the apartment.

"What is it, Bella? Tell me so I can make it better."

She cries into my chest, "Julian fell this morning, and he is unconscious, and he has been that way for hours. They couldn't reach his mother." She says it all in a rush, her small hands clutching my shirt.

"And Edward, he is all alone and..." She stops trying to explain as she simply wails, clearly tormented and scared for him.

A small part of my mind is conscious of the fact that perhaps I should be worried that she is so overwhelmed with concern for Julian. But it's a small, petty, jealous part. I would not expect Bella to not care that a man who until recently, had been her boyfriend, has been seriously hurt.

I hold her, whispering words of comfort. When she calms down, I pull back slightly and ask her, "Where is he now?"

"In a hospital in Jasper, Alberta, Canada. It's a long drive."

"You can't drive in this condition. Do you want me to drive you to see him?"

"Would you?" Both surprise and relief are evident in her tone.

"Of course, Bella." I rub her arms and shoulders soothingly. "Calm down, love."

I get her to sit down in a chair, and I bring her a glass of water. As she is drinking it, I move to pack her a small bag as I am not sure if we will be staying for a time. I also think to grab her passport which is sitting on top of her dresser. Luckily, I have one or two passports in the glove compartment of my car.

Ten minutes later we are in my car and on the highway. Bella is on her phone trying to reach Julian's mother, but apparently she is not answering her phone. I distinctly hear Bella mutter, "bitch,"after she leaves a second message, advising her of Julian's accident.

Bella makes one more call to the hospital to check on Julian's condition which is apparently the same. She then leans her head against the window, worry marring her features. She drifts in and out of sleep during the six hour ride.

It's just after 7:00 am when we arrive at the hospital. We made good time. We did not talk much during the trip, and I'm not certain what my role is supposed to be here. My first instinct is to usher Bella to a comfortable seat and take charge. But I sense that is not what Bella wants. So I opt for taking a secondary, supportive role. It's horrid.

We soon find Julian's room, but visitor's hours do not start for forty minutes. Bella asks to speak to his doctor. I pick through the young female doctor's thoughts while she explains the basics of Julian's condition. He has suffered a head injury significant enough that he has been in a coma for almost 24 hours. His initial CT, EEG, and BSER test results have all shown injury to his brain stem, but it does not appear from the tests to be as extensive as initially feared. However, as with any brain injury, it will be impossible to access the full extent of short term or long term damage until after he awakens.

Bella gasps over and over as the doctor explains to her that according to the report made, Julian was snowboarding the previous morning, a few hours before he was due to check out of the ski resort. Witnesses said it looked like he hit a hard patch of snow and that he twisted, flying from the snowboard and landing at the base of a tree, where he struck his head. He was barely coherent—and only for a few minutes—before he was completely unconscious.

After explaining that all we can do now is sit and wait for him to wake up, the doctor excuses herself and reminds us he can only have one visitor at a time, per hospital rules.

I turn to Bella who has paled and is clutching her throat, her body rigid with anxiety. I gently remove her hands from their grip on her throat and rub them soothingly in my cold ones. "Bella, don't give up hope. His body has induced this coma so his brain has time to heal. It is entirely likely he will wake up." She nods absently at my words of comfort.

Bella sits by his side all day. I sit just outside in the visitor's lounge. My only view of Bella is through the thoughts of the doctor or nurses when they enter the room to check on Julian. Julian's thoughts are nothing more than random dream-like images.

Bella's expression is stressed and anxious. Sometimes she is holding Julian's hand and whispering words of encouragement to him, practically begging him to open his eyes.

I feel so helpless. At noon, I approach Julian's room. When she looks up, I motion for Bella to join me in the hallway, and she seems reluctant when she joins me. She is anxious and keeps looking over her shoulder back at Julian's room, as if she wants nothing more than to be in that room.

_She's just concerned for him. It has nothing to do with the love she feels for you_. I repeat these thoughts to myself, like a pep talk.

I speak first. "Love, you didn't have breakfast, and it's now lunch time. Please come and get something to eat."

"I'm not leaving him."

"Bella, you have to eat," I admonish.

"Fine. Bring me a sandwich. I'll eat it here."

"Bella, I really think getting out for just an hour or so will do you some good."

"I'm not leaving him," she snaps, anger flashing in her eyes. "It's bad enough he was alone when this happened and for 24 hours afterward."

I can't say with honesty that hearing her speak so passionately about Julian and her commitment to stay by his side doesn't hurt. _She is just worried. It is her fear that is making her overact_. I repeat these thoughts over and over again, willing myself to believe them.

I nod my head in assent—or maybe it's defeat—and quietly make my way to the cafeteria where I purchase a sandwich and bottle of apple juice for Bella.

She quietly thanks me for the food and returns to her vigil beside Julian's bedside.

Finally, at 4:03 pm, I receive the text I have been hoping for.

_I just saw it. He will wake up around midnight.-Alice_

Thanks be to the heavens. Now I can give Bella assurance that Julian is going to be okay, and she can stop this all-consuming obsession over Julian's care.

I make my way down the hall and look into Julian's room. Bella is lying with her forehead pressed to Julian's hand on his bed. Is she praying? I am not sure.

"Bella?" I ask quietly.

She looks up, and I don't think I am imagining the look of annoyance that flashes in her eyes. She gets up and comes outside to the hallway, closing the door behind her.

I don't delay giving her the good news. "Alice just saw it. He will wake up late tonight, around midnight."

I smile at her, anxious to see the worry lines that currently mar her forehead disappear.

And when she gives me a small smile in return, I breathe a sigh of relief. "Really?" she asks.

"Yes, everything is going to be fine just like I told you."

She bows her head and whispers, "Thank you," and her voice is full of gratitude and relief at the knowledge that Julian is going to recover.

She turns to return to his room. I grab her gently by her arm, stopping her. She looks at me, raising her eyebrow slightly in question. "You need to rest. You have been at this for more than 8 hours."

"Where do you expect me to go, Edward? I'm not leaving until he wakes up."

"Let's go get a hotel room. You can wash up and take a nap. Don't tell me you are not exhausted." I make sure my tone is gentle and calm.

"I'm not leaving him alone that long. I'm going to ask the doctor if I can spend the night in his room."

"Bella, no!" I say firmly. She looks like she is about to pass out from exhaustion. Her appearance is disheveled, and I know she must want to clean up. She is still wearing the clothes she was wearing when we left Orlando, for goodness' sake.

She pulls her arm from my grasp. "Go home, Edward," she says sadly.

"What?" That one word is saturated with the hurt and confusion I feel at her request for me to leave.

"I appreciate what you have done, but I need to concentrate on Julian right now. It's not right for you to be here. Please, just leave."

I reach out and cup her face with my hands. "Bella, I'm not leaving you like..."

I don't get to finish my sentence as I hear a voice I have not heard in over four years boom "Bella!" as the owner of the voice rushes to us.

I look up, and Charlie Swan is fast approaching. Now that I know he is here, I try to lock in on his thoughts. I am disappointed to see his mind is still not entirely open to my abilities. But I can still get the general idea of his thoughts. He is worried about Julian, and he is absolutely livid about me being here with Bella. Could this situation get any worse?

As he comes to stop in front of us, I see in his thoughts he is fantasizing about jerking my hands from Bella's face and ripping my arms off. Yeah, Bella was not exaggerating. He definitely hates me.

"What the hell is this?" he hisses at Bella, staring pointedly at my hands upon her face. She reaches up slowly and removes my hands. She continues to hold my hands for just a second before she drops them. How can such a simple gesture drive shooting pains into my gut?

"Dad, Edward and I are here about Julian. Isn't that why you're here?"

"Yes, the hospital tried to reach me when they didn't reach you the first time. Apparently, Julian had us both down as emergency contacts. I didn't call you because I thought you may still be on your way back from Orlando."

Bella shakes her head. "No, I got back last night."

"I wasn't sure. I didn't see any reason to call until I first found out how he was." He pauses, takes a deep breath, trying to calm his anger at the sight of me. "We'll talk about this later," he says, nodding his head toward me. "First, how is Julian? The hospital said he was unconscious."

"Yes, apparently he fell off of his snowboard and hit his head against a tree. His ankle is messed up pretty bad, but the head injury is the main problem right now. Dad, he is...he is in a coma." Bella's voice breaks on the last sentence.

"Oh, baby," Charlie coos as he brings Bella into his arms.

I know it is selfish. There are so many things that should be my priority right now. Bella's pain, Charlie's anger, even that Julian's condition. But instead all I can seem to focus on is how I feel like I am completely unnecessary here.

I try to give Charlie a fair description of Julian's prognosis. "Charlie, the doctors think Julian will wake up soon, after his brain heals. They will assess if there is any permanent damage then. His initial tests looked promising."

Charlie glares at me over Bella's head as he cradles her to his chest. "Thank you," he says curtly. "Why are you here? You work here or something?"

"No, I volunteered to drive Bella here when she got the news about Julian."

"You live in Seattle?" he practically booms in shock.

"Yes," I say evenly, waiting for Bella to indicate if she wants him to know more. She had told me she wasn't planning on telling her parents that we were back together until after a respectful time had passed after her break up with Julian. I wasn't sure how this may change those plans.

"And you knew this?" Charlie asks, pulling Bella away to look at her face.

"Yes, he goes to law school with me. It's a long story. Can't we talk about it some other time?" Bella's voice is laced with exhaustion. She pulls out of her father's embrace.

"Yes, of course," he says contritely. "I'm sorry. What can I do to help?"

"There is nothing we can do but wait."

"No word from Julian's mother?"

"No," Bella says, her voice tight. I glean from Charlie's thoughts that Julian's mother is less than maternal and that both he and Bella resent how uncaring she is toward Julian.

_Poor kid. No father and a mother in name only_. Charlie's thoughts are full of nothing but sorrow and compassion for a man he respects and cares for very much.

Well, I had wondered earlier if things could get any worse. Apparently they can, at least for me.

But wait. I spoke (or thought) too soon.

"Listen, Edward, thanks for driving Bella, but I can take it from here. Why don't you go back to Seattle? Tell your family hello for me when you see them." Charlie's words are polite but dismissive. He internally congratulates himself for being cordial to me. It is only for Bella's sake. He doesn't want to upset her anymore than she already is.

"Thank you, but I think I will stay and see if there is anything I can do to help. I was just suggesting to Bella that maybe she should get a hotel room and go lay down for a bit. She hardly slept on the way here last night."

Bella has been staring at her shoes this entire time. I watch as she crosses her arms over her chest and looks up at me with determination in her expression. "Edward, thank you so much for driving me here. I don't think I could have done it by myself. But Dad's right. You should go home and let us handle this. I will call you later, okay?"

_Call him? To hell with him._ Charlie thinks even though his expression is impassive.

I am wounded. Physically and emotionally wounded. She doesn't want me at all? It was bad enough when she banished me to the waiting area, but now she wants me to leave and be a whole country away from her?

How can I leave the love of my existence here when she is in so much pain? Isn't it my role to stay here and help her? My phone beeps.

_Trust me Edward. You should leave. She will only get more upset if you don't.-Alice_

I look back up, and Bella is staring at me. "Dad, why don't you go in and sit with Julian. I'll walk Edward out."

"Bells, I don't think that's a good idea," he starts, but Bella ends his protest with one simple word, "Please." He nods to her, gives me a scathing look that is supposed to be a warning not to hurt his daughter, and then he ducks quietly into Julian's room. His thoughts are full of despair as he sees Julian lying in the bed, hooked up to the various monitors.

I honestly don't know what to say or do. I am being dismissed. Bella couldn't make it any clearer that I don't belong here and further, that I am not wanted here. I turn and walk to my car in a daze, vaguely aware that Bella is following, just behind me. When we reach my car, I grab for the door handle and stop, facing away from Bella. "Call me if you need anything. _Anything Bella_."

She reaches out and puts her hand on my shoulder. "I love you, Edward. I just can't do what I have to do for Julian with you sitting here. Please understand."

"I understand," I lie. So much for my vow of honesty. I really don't understand, but I seem to be out of choices. I grab her hand that is still on my shoulder and turn to place a kiss on her knuckles, whisper "I love you," and quickly get in my car and drive away.

Just out of town, I stop in a wilderness area and let out my pent up frustrations, disappointment, pain and aggression on the helpless wildlife population of Alberta, Canada.

**E/N—Thank you all for your reading and reviewing. I am still addicted to those reviews,**** and even though I know this story may have taken a sad or unexpected turn this chapter, I hope you will still send me your thoughts. You can even call me names if you want to. It can't be any worse than what Sis called me.**


	38. Chapter 38

CHAPTER 38

HANGING ON

_Fuck the Universe._

_Fuck the idiot that said love conquers all._

_Fuck snowboarding._

_Fuck Julian Yates._

"You have to go to school today," Alice says as she barges into my room.

"I don't want to go. Leave me alone," I growl.

"So you're just going to sit in here listening to Otis Redding's "These Arms of Mine" for another 48 hours straight?" she asks sarcastically.

"If I want to. Now get the hell out of my room."

I know my behavior is despicable. Alice loves me and is trying to help. But I feel...pissed off. And I want to wallow in my anger and misery.

"Bella is going to call you today and ask about school," she says.

That gets my attention. "You had a vision?" I ask.

"No, silly. Bella called."

"She called _**you**_?" She really called Alice but not me? I've kept my cell phone right by my side for two days, waiting for her to call.

"Wrong again." _Do you read thoughts anymore Edward?_

I've been actively blocking my family by listening to music and replaying every minute of my trip to Orlando with Bella in my mind.

Oh, now I see. Bella called Carlisle and at the end of the conversation, told him she would call me after classes today.

"Why did she call Carlisle?"

"To update him on Julian's condition. The hospital is going to release him tomorrow night. No sustained brain damage. He has two torn ligaments in his right ankle and will be on crutches for six weeks. But of course I already knew that. "

"And?" I ask Alice, wanting her to extrapolate as to what the immediate future holds. She doesn't immediately answer.

I am highly annoyed as I press Alice for answers. "Well, once he's home, is that it with the two of them?"

"Why don't you ask Bella when she calls?"

"Why don't you stop being an annoying know-it-all and just tell me if that bastard is going to be out of our lives anytime soon?"

"Whoa, Edward. That's enough." Jasper is standing in my doorway in an instant, coming to Alice's defense.

I sigh. It's not Alice's fault. I know second to only me, she is the one family member who wants things to work between Bella and me the most.

"I'm sorry. I feel like I am at the end of the proverbial rope."

Both Alice and Jasper give me a sympathetic look.

"I just don't know what to do," I say in exasperation, tugging at my hair as I go to sit on the edge of the bed in my room. "I can't lose her again...not when I just got her back."

Alice sits down next to me, and after a moment, she shows me a brief vision. It's of Bella and me sitting in class, holding hands under the table. I look up, and I can't keep from grinning like an utter fool. That one simple vision gives me hope and encouragement that maybe this is just a bump in the road that we will get past.

"This is my favorite vision of late. But I have to warn you. There are others, and they change all the time. I think your relationship is going to depend upon how you handle this Julian situation."

"Edward, unfortunately Julian is a consequence of the decision you made all of those years ago. He became an important part of Bella's life, and that fact can't be undone."

"So this is like some sort of punishment? Bella said she forgave me for leaving, Alice."

She sighs and puts her hand on my knee. "It's not a punishment. It's just something that Bella has to do. What do you want her to do? Simply abandon and walk away from Julian when he is injured and alone? You know Bella. Do you think she could do that in good conscience? It would be something that would haunt her and be a blot on your relationship."

I try to keep my expression impassive, but I feel my mouth tightening in annoyance at the thought of Bella having to help Julian.

"This is going to be tough for you, but my advice is to support Bella once she decides what obligation she thinks she has to Julian."

"Why does she have to do anything other than drop him off at his home? He's an adult. He can hire help if he needs it."

"You know it's not that easy. Just keep that vision of you and Bella holding hands in mind." Alice hugs me before walking out.

_I'm sorry, man_, Jasper says in his thoughts.

I get up and get ready for school. It will give me something to do, and I can also pick up any assignments Bella might need.

I am just walking through the door of the house after school when my cell phone rings and "Feel Like Making Love" plays, signaling Bella is calling.

"Hello, Bella," I say as I answer, and I'm sure my tone conveys a mixture of worry, relief, despair, and longing.

"Edward. I've missed you," she says softly.

"Then why didn't you call before now?" I figure direct is the best approach. And truth be told, I am hurt she has not called me before today.

I hear her take a deep breath before she answers. "I wasn't sure if you wanted to speak to me, and I guess I had to build up my nerve." I can hear both the exhaustion and vulnerability in her voice, and it melts the edge of my anger.

I pinch the bridge of my nose between my thumb and forefinger. "Bella, I always want to hear from you. I love you. I wish you would just let me help you."

"I love you, too. Please understand. I just couldn't have you here with Julian and Charlie. It would've just been too much. Please, please tell me you understand."

"I understand." And this time it is half true when I say it.

I continue. "Alice says Julian will be released tomorrow. I can help you arrange for some in-home help for Julian if you like?" Okay. That wasn't quite so direct. What I really want to know is if she is dropping Julian at his house tomorrow, saying goodbye for good, and coming home to me.

"Thanks. Carlisle actually gave me some names and numbers to call."

After a short, awkward silence, she speaks again.

"Edward?" Her tone has a warning in it—warning me that I'm not going to like what she is about to say.

"Yes?"

"I'm going to need to ask you for some time. I'm going to have to stay with Julian for a while."

I swallow with difficulty as fear is trying to paralyze me.

"I see," I manage to respond. "Did you tell him about us?"

"Not yet."

I force the words, "I see," pass my lips once again.

"He just woke up from a coma, and he had to go through all kinds of scary tests and..."

I cut her off. "It's fine, Bella. I understand."

There is a long period of silence. It's anything but fine.

"Can I see you on Sunday?" she finally asks.

"Of course. I suppose you will want to pick up your missing assignments."

"Edward, stop it. I want to see you. I miss you so much."

"But not enough to tell Julian that we are together."

"Honestly, there just hasn't been a chance. And my dad was here until today..." She trails off, not finishing her thought. Her tone is full of worry. I don't want to add any burden to her.

"Listen, Bella, I'm trying. I'm trying to give you space and time as you requested. It's hard for me but...I trust you to make the right decision."

"Oh, Edward!" she exclaims, and I hear relief and happiness in her voice. I like this much better than her sadness.

Then her voice turns playful. "Have I mentioned that I love you?"

I smile. "I don't recall."

"Hmm. Have I mentioned that I miss you?"

"I'm not sure." I'm so relieved we can have a light moment again.

"Have I mentioned that I can't wait to fuck you again?"

_Oh, god. Bella is talking dirty to Edward. This is so great._ Emmett's thoughts assault me immediately.

"No, Bella, I'm sure you didn't mention that one. I would've definitely remembered that," I answer her playfully. And then I lower my voice and warn her, "Remember, love, I am home and certain people can hear you."

"I guess that's just something I'll have to get use to again. Is Emmett home?"

"Yes. And he is the one family member who won't even try to respect our privacy."

_Hey. I resent that_. Emmett's thoughts filter down.

"Tell him I have not had a chance to locate that penis pump he asked me about."

A penis pump and Emmett? _That_ gets a chuckle out of me.

_It's not what you think! It's for research. _

"You don't owe me any explanation," I say, knowing he can hear me.

_I'm serious. Bella said she saw one that was made of titanium once. I was curious as to how strong it was. That's all._

"Whatever you say, bro," I respond, enjoying Emmett feeling uncomfortable for a change.

_I'm serious, dammit! I don't need a pump. I don't need anything to please my woman all day and all night. I can show you if you want._

"That won't be necessary," I say laughing.

This is starting to move into dangerous territory as erotic images of Rosalie are starting to come to mind for Emmett. I turn my attention back to Bella.

"Your message has been received," I tell her.

"So, can I come by and see you on Sunday afternoon?" she asks shyly.

"Yes, of course. I can't wait to see you. I've missed you, too."

I can't stay angry. I'm going to take Alice's advice. We'll get past this. We have to. I need the love of my existence too much to give up now.

"I have to go. I'll see you then. Love you," she says, and she hangs up just as I whisper my goodbye.

Emmett walks past me then, on his way out to the garage, and slaps me on the back. "See man, I told you she would be wanting more rides on the E-train."

I make my way to the computer and an hour later, I have finished the arrangements to have a private jet ready to take Bella and Julian to Seattle on Saturday. They are to be told that his health insurance is covering it, to minimize the chances of further injury.

There. I have done all I can do from here to make Bella's life a little easier. Now I have to sit back and... trust.

**The following Wednesday (Five days later)...**

"Okay, dude. I spent hours on this. I have the five most definitive signs that your girl is cheating on you."

"Number one: She is very secretive about her phone and email." _What about it Ed? Does she act weird when she gets calls? Refuse to talk in front of you? Refuse to let you see her emails?_

I ignore his words and thoughts.

"Okay, think about that one. Let's move on to number two. Your sex life has cooled off." _Well, since you were just recently deflowered, you barely achieved a sex life to begin with. Let's just put a question mark by this one for now._

"Number three: She is dressing extra sexy for no apparent reason." _What did Bella wear to school today? Okay. Still not answering. Was it that bad?_

My only answer is a low growl. God, Emmett can be so damn annoying.

"Number four: She's suddenly using birth control again."

I won't give Emmett the satisfaction of answering, but I know that is not an issue. Bella told me. He doesn't wait long before he moves on.

"And the number five most popular sign that your lady is stepping out on you is that she suddenly has excuses not to spend time with you. She may encourage you to spend time with your own friends and family, away from her." _Oops, that's not so good in your favor._

"Enough of your stupid list. Bella is not cheating on me. She is helping Julian during his recovery period. That's it." God, if it was just that simple.

"Okay, I was just trying to help," Emmett says as he finally leaves my room so I can have some peace. _Jasper said he hasn't gotten laid since Bella returned and that was four days ago. Something is not right._ I grimace because Emmett's thoughts scare me. _Is_ something not right?

I think back to Sunday afternoon. Bella and I had talked. She explained that Julian wasn't being permitted to return to work until after Thanksgiving. She said he was very upset about his mother never showing up to even check on him.

The doctors said a mixture of the accident and things in his personal life had led to a mild case of depression, and he was prescribed anti-depression medicine. She didn't say so, but it was obvious Bella blamed herself for this as well.

Given his current physical and mental health problems, she didn't think it was fair to leave Julian in the middle of the holidays. She also explained that Charlie had already invited them to Thanksgiving dinner and was looking forward to it. She further explained that Charlie was going to have a hard enough time accepting our relationship when he found out and that it would only be worse if she abandoned Julian right in the middle of the holidays. Charlie would blame me, she was sure.

I listened intently and nodded in all the right places. What she was describing was nothing short of horrific, but I clung to that vision of Bella and me in class, holding hands.

Bella had told Julian that their romantic relationship was over but that she was still his friend. She made a point of telling me she had moved into the guest room of the apartment, while Julian remained in the master bedroom.

She carefully described their relationship as one friend helping another get through a tough time.

I might have been able to accept that except I couldn't help remembering that her_ friend_ used to tie her up and force his vile self upon her.

Now, I sit here staring at my phone, willing it to ring. It's been three days since our talk on Sunday. I get to see Bella every day at school, but she always rushes home to take care of Julian. She texts often and usually calls before she goes to bed. It's not enough. How the hell am I supposed to watch the love of my existence live with and take care of her ex-boyfriend for the next seven weeks?

I know one thing for certain. If he goes near her honeypot, I'm going to rip his extremities from his foul body.

**E/N—Thank you spunkmehard for being by 1400****th**** reviewer. And thanks to Sis and ladyrip who make this story so much better. Please, please some patience. I promise, for the safety of my ****Kitty Kat, B&E are far from over. See you in the honeypot!**


	39. Chapter 39

CHAPTER 39

HARLOT

It's Thursday morning, and I'm anxious to see Bella. She had mentioned she would be stopping at the gym before school so she would not arrive until time for our first class. I arrive early just in case. I am desperate for even an extra minute with her. I crave her. I long for the connection we had in Orlando. Not just the physical one but the emotional one, too. When it was just me and Bella and nothing else in the world mattered.

She looks so beautiful when she walks in five minutes before class starts. She is wearing a pair of light brown jeans and a white sweater. Her hair is swept up, and she looks breathtaking. I drink in the sight of her like a human man dying of thirst. I stand as she takes her seat, holding her chair out for her, and lean in to breathe in her fragrance and place a soft kiss on her cheek.

"Good morning," I say, and she smiles at me in return. She is trying to hide it, but I see exhaustion and worry in her expression.

"You look tired," I comment.

"I am. Julian hasn't been sleeping well, and he wants to talk constantly."

"Talk about what?"

"Everything and nothing," she says with a huff. "I think he's just restless, having nothing to do. He's used to being busy."

"Maybe Carlisle could loan him some of his medical journals. Some of them are quite obscure and interesting."

She smiles. "That would be great. I'll call Carlisle later and ask. If he says yes, would you mind bringing them tomorrow?"

I try to hide my disappointment. I was hoping she would want to come out to our house tonight, and I could give them to her then. "Sure, Bella," I answer and then turn my attention to the professor who has just entered.

Later that afternoon, Bella and I are in the library as it is our usual Thursday night study session. We have found a free study room, which permits us to talk without disturbing other students.

Bella is a bit frustrated. "I don't think I'm ever going to catch up from missing last week."

"Of course you will. I'll help you. You know that."

She smiles at me in response, and we go back to reviewing the basic elements of all common law torts.

A few minutes later her phone, which is lying on the table, vibrates, indicating some sort of text message. Bella covertly looks at it and then I notice she puts her phone in her bag. Emmett's stupid list instantly comes to mind.

_Don't be stupid,_ I admonish internally. She has a right to privacy. It would be weird if she showed me the text message...right? Then again, she could have at least mentioned who it was and there was no reason to remove the phone from the table unless she was deliberately hiding something from me.

Bella looks up at me from her notes and raises an eyebrow, and I realize while I have been contemplating the significance of the secret text, she has asked me a question.

"Sorry?" I ask. She looks at me, clearly puzzled by my lack of attention. She knows I normally can think about more than one thing at a time.

"I asked you if you wanted to call it an early night. I'm just too tired and distracted to concentrate."

"Oh, yes, of course, if you want."

This is wonderful. No studying. It's only 6:00 pm. We can spend some real time together for a change. Maybe I can lure her back to my house, to my bedroom. I get excited as I start thinking about being alone with Bella again.

"Do you want to go get something to eat now?"

She hesitates. "Um. I think I should go home. I need to check on Julian, and I was really hoping I could get to bed early."

I duck my head, trying to hide my disappointment. "You know, I have a bed you could sleep in...if you want."

I look up, and she smiles sadly. "It's not that I don't want to Edward. I just wouldn't be good company tonight. Rain check?"

I try to smile. I'm not sure that I am successful but manage to say, "Of course."

She jumps up, gathering her things. I reach for her book bag, intent on helping her put her books back in when she screeches, "No, Edward!" She is staring horrified at her open book bag that is in my hand. I look down and quickly see what has her so upset. There, inside her book bag is a four-strip of unopened condoms.

"It's not what you're thinking," she says in a rush.

"What am I thinking, Bella?" I ask, still staring at the offending prophylactics.

"I found those in Julian's car this morning and removed them so the nurse wouldn't see them. She uses his car to run errands."

"I see," I say and hand her the book bag and quickly gather my own things so I can leave. I need to drive fast, or run, or pound on something very hard.

As much as part of me wants to stomp out in anger, I'm not letting Bella walk to her car alone. Once she has it packed, I take her book bag from her and walk with her to her car. We don't speak on the way.

When she reaches her car, she opens the door quickly and throws in her bag and then turns to me. "Edward, you don't think that there's anything going on with Julian and me do you?" she asks tentatively.

I don't answer her. I am staring at her, brooding, secretly hoping she will continue and completely assuage my fears and my suspicions, no matter how ill-founded they may be.

When it becomes clear I'm not going to answer, she puts both her hands on my face, cradling it, and she pushes up onto the tip of her toes to place a kiss on my lips. I feel that familiar electric current and almost groan at the sensation but manage to stay quiet and keep my expression neutral. She whispers against my lips, "I love you so much. Let's get through these next seven weeks and then we have forever. I promise."

Her words are like a balm to what ails me. I let my arms wrap around her and pull her up, until her feet are dangling off of the ground, and I kiss her properly. She moans and her hands find their way into my hair. "Oh, Bella," I whisper as I break the kiss to let her breathe. "I've missed you so much. God help me, I've missed this." I punctuate my words by placing a soft kiss on each of her eyelids.

"Me, too," she assures me.

"Really? It doesn't seem that way to me," I say, and I know I am practically pouting.

"I just need to get these...responsibilities behind me and then I promise, my focus will be on you and only you."

"I can't wait," I say, placing one more kiss on her lips before releasing her so she can get in her car and drive away from me.

Later that night, I am sitting in the study at home, perusing the selection of books, intent on finding a good read to keep myself distracted for the rest of the night. I hear Carlisle speaking to Bella on the phone, assuring her he will send some journals that he thinks Julian may like.

"I thought this was your study night with Bella," Emmett says as he walks into the study.

"We ended it early. She was tired," I say, and by the edge in my voice, any idiot would know that I do not want to continue the conversation.

_Uh oh. Making excuses not to spend time with you. That's one of the signs. _

"Shut up," I tell Emmett even though he didn't speak a word, and it was only his thoughts I heard.

"Your list is idiotic, and the only thing more idiotic is you thinking that Bella is some sort of... harlot who would cheat on me."

"Harlot?" Emmett chuckles. _God, you say the funniest damn things sometimes_. "For the record, I don't think Bella is a harlot. And if that is the only sign, that is hardly conclusive."

I involuntarily flinch at his words but try to pass it off as a reaction to what I am reading.

"Oh no, there's more, isn't there?" Emmett asks. He can be damn observant sometimes.

"Mysterious phone calls or texts?" he asks.

"Emmett, Bella doesn't have to report to me every time she receives a call or text," I say dismissively, but my mind wanders back to the text she received earlier and her putting her phone away.

"Not interested in sex with you?"

I growl. "That is none of your business."

"Okay. That's a yes. What else was there? Oh yes, birth control?"

"Whether or not Bella uses birth control is none of your business." I will the image of those condoms from my mind. Bella gave a perfectly rationale explanation for that.

_Oh, shit. Another yes,_ Emmett thinks.

"There was one more. Oh yes, has she started dressing differently? Wearing more make-up?"

"No, not at all," I say with more enthusiasm than the answer should warrant. Bella dressed today like she has since we started attending school together. Her make-up was barely there, which has always been her style. She is obviously not trying to gain someone else's attention. Emmett's ideas are idiotic as usual, and I comfort myself with that knowledge.

The next day, I beat Bella to school again. However, she had sent me a text this morning telling me she is going to try to get to school early so we can have time to chat. I smell her and hear her heartbeat minutes before she reaches the student lounge, where I am waiting for her. I have already purchased a banana muffin and strawberry smoothie for her, and I am determined to make up for yesterday.

Truth be told, I am also feeling a bit guilty for doubting Bella's fidelity. Emmett and his stupid stories were starting to mess with my mind, but I have put those thoughts completely away. Bella would not break up with Julian and get back together with me, all just to chase after Julian again. It's just irrational jealousy and my insecurities talking. Besides, there were only 4 out of 5 signs. That is hardly persuasive.

At least this is what I tell myself until I look up and see Bella as she comes through the door. Her appearance looks different. She is wearing a short black skirt and royal blue sweater. She has on a very sexy pair of black leather boots which would normally have me dumbfounded. But today, I can't even concentrate on those CFM boots. All I can do is stare at her face and, specifically, her lips. Something there is definitely different. She is wearing red lipstick-harlot red.

Five signs. They are all there. That's it. It's official. Bella is interested in someone else. And I am sure I know who.

She smiles when she spots me and rushes over, and I watch as if everything is happening in slow motion.

When she reaches the table, she seems...excited. She leans over and kisses me on the cheek. She notices the food I purchased for her and the journals I brought for Julian, laying on the table, and her eyes light up. "Edward, thank you so much."

I just nod in response. "Nice boots," I say through tight lips.

She blushes and says, "Thank you."

I nod toward her food and say, "You should eat. Class will be starting soon."

"Actually, I'm not going to class."

I can't take any more. I have hit my limit. She's dressed so damn sexy and enticing. She has no interest in spending time with me anymore. Now, she won't even go to class.

I have to leave before I say something I will regret. "Fine, Bella. Have a nice day," I tell her and jump up and head toward the parking lot. I can hear Bella calling after me, but I have no choice but to ignore her. If I don't leave, I'm going to end up venting all of the frustration and jealousy that has consumed me for over a week.

I reach my car and head toward home. I've decided that Alice is going to tell me something, anything about what is going on with Bella or I'm going to destroy every bit of clothing she owns.

My phone beeps. I suspect it is Alice, who must have seen my plan of destruction, but I ignore it, rushing to get home so I can confront my most unhelpful sister in person.

As I pull in the driveway I know something is wrong because no thoughts are coming from the house. I look at my phone, and as I suspected the missed text is from Alice.

_No one will be home until morning. You're welcome_.

She cleared out the whole house just to keep from telling me what is going on with Bella? Unbelievable! I decide to go inside and listen to music in an attempt to alleviate my foul mood.

I have just found some fitting blues music to listen to when I hear it. First, Bella's heartbeat and then I recognize the sound of her car.

She followed me? I thought she had plans.

I rush downstairs to meet her. I have to admit that despite my anger, there is a part of me that is excited she has shown enough interest to follow me here.

She gets out of her car, and she looks angry...downright pissed. Good; I feel the same way.

"Bella?" I ask, keeping my tone even.

"Care to explain your rude behavior?" she asks, crossing her arms over her chest as she stands at the bottom of the porch, looking up at me.

"_My_ rude behavior?" I ask incredulously.

"Yes, _your_ rude behavior. You were acting weird all morning and then you up and leave. Why?"

"Why do you care that I left?"

"Because, I had hoped we could spend the day together."

I have to admit. Her admission softens me. "When you said you were skipping class, I just presumed..."

"Yeah, after what happened that night you threw Julian against the wall, I would have thought you had learned your lesson about presuming," she says wryly.

"Fair point," I say softly, gazing into the eyes of the woman I love. She dressed sexy _for me_. She skipped class _for me_. She loves me. She wants me. Suddenly my earlier suspicions seem so stupid.

I'm in front of her in a flash, bringing her into my arms and spinning her around, giddy with the feeling of relief.

I place a quick, intense kiss upon her lips and pull back to say, "Forgive me, love. I've just been so damn lonely and miserable, hardly seeing you."

I hug her to me like the precious treasure she is and she squeezes me as hard as her frail human arms can. "I know. Believe me; I've felt the same way."

Our lips meet again, and the kiss is passionate. But there's more than the normal, intense passion and desire that floods me, whenever I am with Bella. This feeling is different. The desire, the hunger for her is wild, almost mad in its intensity. I can't stop the deep, possessive growl that erupts from me as I lift Bella and carry her into the house.

We both fall onto my bed at the same, our mouths locked and our hands groping. A small part of my mind realizes we are both caught up in some sort of frenzy, but I am powerless to stop.

Bella's moaning my name over and over as I push up her skirt so I can cup her bottom through her panties. I growl and pull her center against my erection—hard. I break away from the kiss, gasping for air I suddenly seem to need and say huskily, "Bella, what the hell are you doing to me?" In response she grabs my face and brings my lips back to hers, and I thrust my tongue into her mouth, not being half as careful as I should be with my teeth.

My senses are flooded with delicious scents. There are the familiar scents of Bella's blood and arousal but there is more. Her blood is sweeter. I can smell the increased levels of adrenaline and dopamine coursing through Bella's bloodstream. I vaguely register that her body probably created increased levels of these hormones in reaction to her anger and our fight.

"Oh, Bella, this is so good," I groan as I move my lips to her throat.

She reaches down and pulls my face up to look at her, "Edward, have you ever heard how great make-up sex can be?"


	40. Chapter 40

CHAPTER 40

THANK YOU ALICE

**A/N—Well, I hope you enjoyed the 2 back to back updates last Friday. I wish I could do that all the time but alas, that damn job of mine is always bugging me. Lots of people to thank. I am so overwhelmed and honored by the number of you who have made banners for this story. Monamour, Moonlit wishes, Mehke 18, and Salix Caprea...thank you all so much. Many of them have been posted on the forum. You should check them out. I am amazed at how many talented folks there are out there. **

**Back by popular demand...smut!**

"Mine," I growl as I lay Bella back on the bed and proceed to kiss from her chin down to her breasts. Her sweater and bra have been tossed to the floor. Her skirt is pushed up, exposing her panties. And of course she is still wearing those sexy boots. I've lost my shoes and my shirt, but I can't readily recall the specifics of how that happened.

I'm pleased to see she is wearing her nipple rings and my charm. "Mine," I say again as I give the left ring a good, sharp tug with my lips. She moans and arches her back off the bed, clearly wanting more. I don't deny her. I devour her breasts with my lips, lamenting that I can't use my teeth to give her more friction in that sensitive area.

I reach my hand down and touch her center through her panties and realize they are wet with her arousal. I can't stop the deep groan that erupts from me, knowing she is wet and aroused for me. I suddenly realize I must taste her again. It's been too long.

I make a steady downward path with my lips toward her sweet honeypot. Two quick flicks of my teeth and her panties are no longer a barrier to where I want to be. "Bella, I have to taste you," I say before placing a kiss on her clit. "Yes," she hisses. I lick the entire length of her folds, devouring her sweet juices. She tastes just as good as I remember.

I eagerly claim her clit with my lips, reveling in her cries as I hold her hips to the bed and press my tongue directly on the bundle of nerves there that I know makes her feel so good. I move my right hand down to her entrance and slowly enter her with two fingers. So hot, so moist. I slowly stroke her as I concentrate on devouring her clit.

I suddenly remember that I am the only man who has known the pleasure of tasting Bella like this; I am the only one to have claimed her like this, and that thought excites me exponentially. My erection is straining, wanting to be inside of Bella so bad. However, I am determined to feel Bella fall apart under my mouth before I let myself have the relief I so desperately want.

I increase the pace of the thrusting, going slightly faster than human speed and enjoying her mewling responses. I curl my fingers, pushing toward the front of her walls while I simultaneously add pressure to her sweet love button with my tongue. She is trying to push her thighs closer to my face, and her hands are tugging my hair, trying to get me even closer to her. I let go of her hips, and as I anticipated, she starts thrusting her hips upward, meeting each thrust of my fingers.

While continuing to thrust inside of her at a slower pace, I pull my mouth back slightly and she gasps, and then begs me not to stop.

"Look at me Bella," I say. I need to hear her say it.

She opens her eyes, and I ask, "Are you mine, Bella?"

"Yes," she moans. "Forever."

"Only mine?"

"Yes, I swear."

That's what I wanted to hear.

I return my mouth to her clit and just before making contact, I whisper, "Then come for me, my Bella." She's overwhelmed by the dual sensations caused by my mouth and steadily thrusting fingers, and she quickly climaxes, flooding my mouth with her sweet honey. I continue my assault until I feel her inner contractions start to wane.

I remove my jeans and boxers at vampire pace. I brace my knees between her legs and line up my member to enter her. It occurs to me that the polite thing to do is ask before entering her, but shamelessly, I have no concern of being polite at this moment in time. I want to take from Bella. I want to claim what is mine. I want to possess the love of my existence, the woman I almost lost.

I close my eyes, brace myself over Bella, on my arms, not wanting to crush her with my weight, and slowly enter her. It's been far too long. The heat! The tightness! I am moaning something, much of it incoherent, even to me. I do register that I am saying the word "mine" an awful lot.

I hear her moans and cries of pleasure but I'm more focused on the waves of electricity and pleasure that are coursing through my body as I move in a steady rhythm inside of her. I marvel again at how stupid it was to deny Bella and me this pleasure and this feeling of completeness for so long.

Her legs are now wrapped around my waist, and the feel of the leather against my thighs and ass is highly erotic, making me even more heady with passion and desire. I open my eyes briefly to gauge Bella's reaction, wanting desperately to bring her to climax again but not sure if I can hold out much longer. Her eyes are closed. She is panting, her tongue darting out to lick her lips several times. I want to crush my lips to hers, but I am actually scared that in my passion right now, I will be too rough and hurt her. I move my hands down and lift her ass up to me as I continue to thrust into her, and I know I am being much rougher than I have ever been before.

"Bella," I cry out, starting to feel that now familiar tightening in my belly and testicles. Bella is covered in a thin sheen of sweat, and she's panting in such a way that I know she is close again. I quickly put my hand on her clit and give a sharp tug of each of her nipple rings with my mouth, trying desperately to overwhelm her so I can feel her come undone with me. As I know I am reaching the end of my control, I start begging her desperately to let go for me as I place my lips over her heart. I vaguely register her screaming in excitement, "Yes, Edward, it's yours," but I don't remember asking her a specific question. And then I feel it, those first contractions signaling her orgasm, and with a sigh of relief, I let myself fully go, gripping the sheets on either side of Bella as the most powerful orgasm of my existence courses through me.

Once the long waves of euphoria start to recede, my mind clears enough so that I am more aware of Bella and my surroundings. I look down at her, and she is smiling, looking like the proverbial cat that ate the canary. I smile back, bending to kiss her lips gently before pulling back and pulling myself from her. It vaguely occurs to me that I am also the only man to be with her like this, with no condoms, no barriers. I like the thought of that, too.

"What are you smiling so mischievously about, Miss Swan?" I say as I lay down by her side and pull her into my arms.

"I can't believe you said it," she says, nuzzling my ear with her lips before resting her head in the crook of my neck.

"Said what?" I whisper. I know there were a couple of points in our lovemaking when I wasn't fully comprehending the words coming out of my mouth.

"Pussy. You said 'my pussy' once. That was after you said 'my honeypot' twice."

I should be mortified from my use of such crass language, but in the heady feeling following such an intense love making session, I can only feel smug satisfaction that it is, in fact, mine. I kiss her forehead and say firmly, "Mine."

Thirteen minutes later, Bella is still in my arms, and we are both enjoying the post-coital glow from our love making. It's actually more than a glow. It's almost like a post-coital induced coma. I have no desire to move one centimeter from where I am, and I'm so grateful we have the house to ourselves.

"Edward?"

"Hmm?" I answer as my fingers trace lazy patterns on Bella's back as she lays across my chest.

"What are you thinking right now?"

"I'm just thinking that I should do something really nice for Alice."

She looks up at me questioningly.

"It's not just a coincidence that the house is empty," I say in response to her unspoken question of why.

"Oh," she says as she snuggles back on my chest.

"What are you thinking, love?"

"That if the make-up sex will always be this good, I may be picking more fights with you in the future."

After about an hour-long nap, Bella awakens. I smile at her as her eyes slowly open. She looks so damn adorable with wild, tangled sex hair and wearing nothing but her pushed up skirt and the leather boots. While she napped, I had showered, made her lunch, and made some plans.

She notices the sandwich I made for her that is sitting on the nightstand and devours it in record time. "Thank you. I was starving," she says sheepishly when she finishes it so quickly.

"Bella, I want to take you out this afternoon and tonight. On a real date," I say excitedly.

She smiles, wiping some crumbs from her lips. "That sounds wonderful."

I look at her torn panties and other recklessly discarded garments strewn on my floor and frown. Bella speaks up quickly, "I brought a bag of clothes. I had thought that I might get to spend the night with you. I arranged for Julian's nurse to stay at the apartment tonight." Her tone turns shy. "So, if you want me to stay, that is, I can."

"Do I want you to stay the night, Bella? Of course. In fact, I want you to stay forever," I say as I lean forward and kiss her lips gently.

She sighs when I remove my lips. "I need to shower," she says.

"Okay. I'll grab your bag from your car."

Forty five minutes later, Bella is sitting in my Ferrari, and we are speeding to Seattle. Bella has changed into a long dark jean skirt with a cashmere black sweater. She is still wearing the sexy black leather boots much to my delight.

"You look so good, Edward, " Bella says to me flirtatiously as she openly ogles me. I am wearing a pair of black Armani pants and a dark green sweater. Bella's compliments and ogling warm me and make me want to pull over and fulfill that car hood fantasy I have been harboring for so long. But I figure I have abandoned decorum enough for one day, and I'm determined not to do anything ungentlemanly for the rest of the evening... if I can help it. I politely thank her and take her hand into mine, resting them between us.

"So where are we going? I know you have something planned."

She's right.

"_First__**, **_we are going to the Seattle Art Museum and the Frye Art Museum," I tell her. She smiles wistfully, and I know she is thinking the same thing I am. She and I had discussed going to these museums together, several times during that one perfect summer we spent together in Forks. However, we never had the chance to actually go before my abrupt departure from her life.

"You said first, so I'm guessing you have more planned for later," she says.

"You guess right," I tell her and bring our entwined hands up to my lips so I can kiss her knuckles. "But that part is a surprise."

We spend the afternoon touring Seattle's two most popular museums. I enjoy sharing everything I know about the various pieces of art with Bella. I enjoy hearing her intelligent thoughts and observations about the art we look at. But my favorite part is strolling through the museums, holding hands with _my_girlfriend, knowing that I have won her love, her affections.

A half hour before sunset, I arrive at Pier 56 of the port, where the _Royal Argosy_ is docked. Every night, the three deck boat serves four course, gourmet meals to several diners as it cruises Elliott Bay and other parts of Puget Sound, giving a spectacular view of the Seattle skyline and the sound. However tonight, all dinner reservations were canceled and rescheduled. Tonight's dinner cruise will only have one couple.

A romantic and lavish table has been set up on the top deck. The ship's jazz band is playing softly and there are several employees standing by to fulfill Bella's every desire tonight. At least the desires relating to dinner. I am happy in the knowledge that is my job to satisfy her other desires now. As we are shown to the table, Bella squeezes my hands and whispers, "This is perfect. Thank you."

I vow to, one day soon, sit down and write a song about this night. The breath-taking sight of the sun setting on the western portion of the Sound, the music, the sight of Bella smiling and glowing as the sunlight is soon replaced by the moonlight all make for the perfect inspiration for the perfect song. I already know what I will call it: Completeness.

**A/N-Thanks, Sis and my hard working beta, ladyrip, for making this story so much better. Thank you Spidermoney95 for being my 1500th reviewer. That's so exciting. I hope you guys keep those reviews coming and feed my addiction. You review and I write quickly so I can get more reviews—it's a vicious cycle really. Remember, all things twilight belong to SM (except for Bella's sexy leather boots).**


	41. Chapter 41

CHAPTER 41

SAFE CAR SEX

**A/N-Remember all that is Twilight belongs to SM. Let's see if Bella takes advantage of Edward's inhibitions being lowered after their intense make-up sex and romantic date...**

"What a perfect date. Thank you so much, Edward," Bella says as she leans back in the passenger seat of my car, smiling contently at me.

It's completely out of character for me, but something about our perfect evening and the high of relief I am still feeling works to lower my usual inhibitions. "You'll have a chance to thank me properly later, at home," I say suggestively. I wonder vaguely if there might be something in Bella's juices that I digested that can work like some sort of narcotic on me. Maybe it was being so close to her blood earlier. I feel downright giddy.

Bella's expression reveals her shock at my suggestive comment but she recovers quickly. She smiles coyly and practically purrs, "Who says we have to wait until we get home? Maybe I want to show my gratitude right now."

Something about the mischievous glint in Bella's eyes worries me. I had thought we were simply exchanging light, sexy banters between lovers. Now, it's as if Bella is forming some sort of...plan.

With one eye still on the road, I watch Bella unfasten her seatbelt and rise to her knees in her seat.

"Bella, what are you doing? Put your seatbelt back...Oh, my god!"

I lose my train of thought as Bella reaches out and her warm hand cups me, all of me, through my pants.

"Bella! What the hell are you doing?" I exclaim as I push her hand away, gently but with determination.

She is not deterred in the least. She nuzzles my neck and whispers in my ear, "I think you know what I'm doing. Edward, you're not feeling shy are you? You were screaming that my pussy belongs to you just a few hours ago; No need to be shy now."

"I'm not shy. It's unsafe. You should be buckled in your seat."

She laughs. "You're not going to wreck. We both know that." She leans closer and whispers directly into my right ear, "Don't you think it's time we start taking advantage of some of your vampire skills?"

"Which skill, Bella, the ability to drain you in less than 90 seconds?" I ask wryly, trying to push back the titillating images which have found their way into my consciousness of Bella and me having a sexual encounter in my car.

"I was thinking about your ability to concentrate on more than one thing at once," she says seductively, running her hand, down my arm, pushing her hand up under the sleeve of my sweater. She whispers directly in my ear. "And your ability to _do_ more than one thing at a time and _do it all very well_."

Jesus. Bella has become such a seductress. _Did they offer seduction classes at Florida State University when she was there?_ I briefly wonder.

"Bella, we will be home in sixteen minutes."

"That's too long. I need to feel you now." And with that her small hands are back in my lap caressing my erection through my pants.

I have to concentrate hard so as not to break the steering wheel as my grip tightens in response to the desire that courses through me with her touch. I remove my right hand from the steering wheel and put it around her as she lays her head on my chest. I feel one of her hands move to unfasten my pants. A part of me realizes this is crazy-certainly not safe and likely illegal. But how can I say no to my Bella? And I _can_ concentrate on more than one thing at a time.

I take quick inventory of the sounds, cars, and people within a two mile radius. There are two cars approaching from the opposite direction, but I will have no problem keeping the car steady as they pass. After that, I do not hear any additional thoughts from other drivers for at least a mile.

After Bella unbuckles my belt and unzips my pants, I lift my hips slightly so she can maneuver my cock from the confines of my boxers. I definitely must be intoxicated from our previous encounter...that's the only explanation for me acting this way, allowing_this_. That, and I simply can't get enough of her tonight, especially after fearing I had lost her for a second time.

The sensation of her warm hand over my cock is simply indescribable.

I turn to give her a brief stern look. "I don't know exactly what you're planning, but only touch me with your hand, understand?"

She makes a point of pouting, and I have to bite the inside of my mouth to keep from smiling.

Then, I'm trying to keep from moaning. Her hand starts to slowly move down my length.

"Bella, be careful...don't hurt yourself," I tell her as I watch the two cars I had expected pass.

Bella lets out a small giggle. "Hurt myself? What do you think I'm planning to do exactly?"

I squeeze her just a little with my right arm and lean down to whisper. "Sometimes, it has a mind of its own and moves of its own volition. I don't want to hit your hand or wrist and bruise it."

"Ohhh," she says with understanding.

"Edward?" she says after stroking my entire length twice.

"Yes, Bella," I ask, my voice husky with desire.

"Please, let me taste it...just a little. I want to know what it tastes like. You know what I taste like. It's not fair."

Bella pleading is not a sight I am likely to endure, and I know I have to try to put a stop to this quickly.

I try to reason with her. "Bella, not here, not in a car. This is dangerous enough as it is. My focus is pulled in too many directions already."

"Okay, how about one lick then? I will get to taste it, it will provide some lubrication, and then I can finish with my hand."

I can't believe I am sitting here negotiating how Bella is going to bring me to climax in my car as I drive down a mostly deserted highway. But she does make some good points. Lubrication is probably a good idea.

"God," I groan. "It's so hard to say no to you," I tell her, kissing the top of her head. While still looking ahead to the road, I whisper near her ear, "One lick from tip to bottom and back up and that is it. Understand?"

She immediately raises up and smiles brightly at me, nodding her head in agreement. She looks like I just promised to give her the world. God, I hope this doesn't end in disaster.

She moves her hand back down my length and positions herself so she can reach my manhood with her mouth. I mentally prepare myself for the onslaught of sensations I am sure will come from Bella's warm mouth there. And then, I feel her lips at my top and she places a kiss there which makes me whimper with need. Then her warm tongue flattens against the side of my cock and slowly makes its way all the way down to the base, leaving a trail of her warm saliva in her tongue's wake. She then licks me from bottom to top on the other side. She pauses at the top to place another kiss at the tip and then her hand is doing the most amazing things to me.

There's warmth, there's pressure, there is a frantic rhythm that is making me desperate to climax. I vow my hand will never touch my cock again, not after having experienced Bella's touch like this.

Now, she is using both of her small, soft hands on me. Somehow my right hand ends up placed firmly on her bottom which is slightly raised in the air as she bends over my lap. I squeeze and knead, trying to focus on something other than the ecstasy caused by Bella's talented hands. And then, without adequate warning, I'm climaxing and my venom is spurting forth. "Ughhhhh," I scream, throwing my head back, vaguely remembering to keep the steering wheel steady.

As I come back to earth, I look down and Bella is kissing the tip of my cock and licking some of the venom that has gathered there. "No, Bella!" I nearly yell, concerned that maybe it could harm her if digested.

She laughs and sits back, licking her lips. "Delicious. Like sweet cream. I am definitely having some more of that later."

"Bella, that was an unnecessary risk. What if my venom can somehow affect you if digested," I say, with admonishment in my voice.

"It can't. I asked Carlisle."

She specifically asked Carlisle if she could taste venom that comes from my cock when I ejaculate? No wonder he was so quick to place a bet in my favor for the Orlando trip. He had insider information.

I am trying to figure out the best way to clean myself up, when I notice Bella removing her panties. What does this woman plan to do to me now?

"Bella, please, I don't think I can take anymore car encounters tonight," I practically plead.

She laughs and then takes her panties and wipes up the mess my ejaculation caused. "Oh," I say sheepishly. It may be completely perverted, but the sight of watching Bella use her black satin panties to clean the ejaculate from my cock and naval is erotic, and I find myself getting aroused again.

Much to my chagrin, Bella notices and smiles but carefully tucks my semi-erect manhood back in my boxers and zips my pants up. She leaves the buckle open and returns to her seat. I reach and grab a small plastic bag I keep under the seat for trash and hand it to her so she can put her panties in it.

"Thanks," she says.

"I should be thanking you. That was...well, there are no words, I guess." We exchange goofy, happy smiles.

I look at the clock. We are less than four minutes away. I had slowed down my speed considerably during our encounter, but now I know we are within range of my family being able to hear us. I can already hear their thoughts. Some are directed to me, as my family members hear us approaching.

_Eddie, Eddie, Eddie. I see and smell that you and Bella had a good time earlier. _

_Sorry, Edward. Your, uh, detour, changed the timing of things, and we arrived home before you. I was hoping to give you and Bella a few minutes alone before we overwhelmed you._

_You couldn't even change the sheets? Human sex smells disgusting. Pig!_

_I don't think I could have taken one more day of sexually frustrated, jealous, and slightly crazed Edward._

_Maybe Edward would want to borrow this journal. It details some nice positions to try to ensure a human woman achieves a vaginal orgasm._

_I hope you put more of our peach lessons to use. Believe me, that's the way you get a woman's attention._

_I just know he pleased her. Edward is so kind, he has to be a considerate, giving lover to Bella._

Much later that night, after we are bombarded by the well wishes of my family and enjoy some well-meaning teasing from Emmett, I find myself in my bed, _with clean sheets_, and the heated mattress turned on, holding Bella in my arms as she sleeps. I know Bella will be leaving me soon to return to Julian, to care for him. Just like I know it will hurt deeply to watch her walk away. But I vow when things get tough, I will hold onto my memory of this perfect afternoon and night with Bella and hold onto the knowledge that when this Julian thing is put behind us, Bella and I will have thousands of more days just like today—full of love, lovemaking, discovery, laughter, and peace.

**E/N-I know I skipped over Bella seeing the Cullens again for the first time since she and Edward got back together, but there is a reason. I thought that might be a good scene to write from BPOV and give those of you who are interested some insight into what is going on in Bella's head right now. I hope to have that up by the end of the week.**

**If you like this story or chapter, please let me know with a review. I love those! And if you really like it, then a lot of the credit must go to my pre-reader, my sis, and the greatest beta, ladyrip. **

**Finally, this chapter is dedicated to my Kitty Kat who survived an intense week of death threats and mob riots from some readers who were a little upset about the HF from previous chapters.**


	42. Chapter 42

CHAPTER 42

SOMETHING IS UP WITH BELLA

**A/N- In case some of you are not aware, the outtakes for this story are posted under a different story entitled "HOW TO WIN BACK OUTTAKES". The BPOV II Outtake which coincides with Chapter 41 was posted last Saturday. Many thanks to the many of you who have reviewed, posted on the forum, or sent a PM. I love to hear what you are thinking so much. Ladyrip, thank you for your amazing beta skills and endless patience. Sis, thanks for the cooking advice.**

I can't put my finger on it, but something just isn't right with Bella. It's Tuesday, the last day of classes before Thanksgiving, and the last two and a half weeks have passed tortuously slow. I have seen Bella every weekday at school. We studied together every Thursday night. And we spent the last two Sundays together at my house. However, I am worried about Bella's plans to leave and go to Forks tomorrow for the holiday. And I'm not just worried because she will be making the trip with Julian. Something just isn't right with Bella.

She had been under even more stress this past week as she was finishing up her research paper which had to be turned in this morning. We have also started reviewing for the end of the semester final exams as they are due to start in two weeks. Bella is extremely worried about her Torts and Real Property exams. She's also still determined to receive the top grade in the Contracts class and demanded we spend hours reviewing our outline for that class alone. I have tried to be supportive, but she still seems extremely worried.

That cursed Julian hasn't made things easier either. He started attending physical therapy last week and insisted that Bella go with him on Tuesday nights and Saturday mornings. It made me beyond furious to see him taking advantage of Bella's selfless nature and burdening her like that.

But today, as I am sitting in our last class of the day, I am concerned that maybe all of this undue stress and worry is having some sort of physical effect on Bella. Her scent is off. I can't place it exactly. But it's definitely off. I first thought it was some sort of illness, but it does not smell like any other infection or virus I have smelled in humans during my existence. I had first noticed it yesterday, but when I mentioned it to Bella, she dismissed the idea of being sick, stating she was just tired and stressed and she would be fine once the school break started and she could rest and relax. But now as I sit here, I am starting to get really worried.

I want to bring it up again to Bella and ask her to see Carlisle or even another doctor, if she is more comfortable, but she was so irritable when I mentioned her scent was off.

When I had pressed the issue again this morning, she had responded, "I told you I am not sick! What do you want me to do, Edward? Miss class and go see the doctor to tell him I think I'm sick because my boyfriend says I smell funny?" I have discovered that Bella can become quite grouchy and sarcastic when she is tired and stressed.

There's actually another physical symptom I have noticed, but I don't know a delicate way to bring it up to Bella. Not that I want to be intrusive about private matters, but I _am_ a vampire, and I couldn't help but become familiar with Bella's menstrual cycle over the past two months. That's how I know she is three days late.

As the class is dismissed, I hear Bella take a deep breath and sigh as she stands. "Are you okay?" I ask.

She grits her teeth, clearly in annoyance. "Yes, Edward," she says with exaggerated patience. She turns to walk away, but I grab her arm gently but firmly. "Hey, don't be like that. I'm just worried." She turns to look at me, and I see the remorse in her eyes. I also see the deep, dark circles under those same eyes. "You look so tired," I tell her as I rub one of the circles gently with my thumb.

"I'm sorry," she whispers, and her voice trembles slightly.

"Hey, come here," I whisper back, pulling her into my embrace, completely uncaring of all of the curious stares and thoughts thrown our way by the other students as they walk out of the classroom. I hold her tightly and lay my chin lightly on the top of her head, wishing desperately she would let me take on her burdens for her.

"Oh, Bella, how am I going to survive, not seeing you until Sunday?" I whisper into her hair.

Wednesday starts out as a quiet day. I mope, missing Bella already. Tanya left this morning. She told us just before Carlisle left for work that she realized that she missed her sisters very much, and she was anxious to be reunited with them. We all wished her well. But it has also been quiet because Alice has been missing since Tanya left early this morning, and it is now mid-afternoon. I can tell from Jasper's thoughts he does not know where she is either.

At 3:22 pm, I hear her thoughts as she approaches. She has just been to our house in Forks.

"Why have you been to Forks?" I demand as she enters the door.

"Securing our invitation to have Thanksgiving dinner with Charlie, of course."

"What?" five vampires all say at once.

"We're having Thanksgiving dinner at Charlie's house tomorrow. It's going to be quite cramped, but Charlie's assured me he will have room for us. I went by our old house in Forks and opened it up. If we leave now, we can be there by nightfall, giving Emse plenty of time to cook her famous mincemeat pie."

"Her famous what?" I ask, trying to make sense of what Alice is saying.

"Well, I needed an angle to get us an invitation. I asked Charlie about past Thanksgivings, and he got really sentimental and told me that one of his fondest memories of his childhood Thanksgivings was of his mother making mincemeat pie. He said he hasn't had it in years, not since long before his mother died. So, I happened to mention that Esme was kind of famous for her mincemeat pie, and when he reacted positively, I suggested we should have Thanksgiving dinner together."

"And he agreed because of a stupid human food dish?" I asked incredulously.

"Of course not, it also took a lot of charm. He also likes Esme and liked the idea of seeing her again. I think he wants you to come because he wants you to see Bella and Julian together. He is oblivious to Bella's current relationship status—that was clear."

"What I don't understand is why you have gone to all this trouble Alice?" I am troubled by Alice's insistence that we go to this dinner. She tries to hide her thoughts from me, but I still sense some sort of worry from her.

I lock my gaze with hers. "I _know_ something is worrying you. Just show me. Show me _now_."

She relents, and I see her vision of Bella in the kitchen at her father's home. She is turning away from the sink when she suddenly looks dizzy and she swoons, falling face forward, and striking her head on the kitchen table.

"No," I roar at the image.

"Relax, Edward. That happens tomorrow. That's why I was anxious for us to be there. We'll make sure Bella stays off her feet and doesn't hurt herself."

"I know something is wrong with Bella. I want Carlisle to examine her," I announce.

"I already checked with him. He is pulling a double shift because so many doctors are out for the holidays. But he will meet us for dinner tomorrow at noon."

"That's not soon enough," I growl.

"It's as soon as we will get to see Bella anyway. How strange would it look if Carlisle showed up there in the middle of night wanting to give Bella a medical examination? Be reasonable," Alice admonishes.

"I have a question. What the hell is a mincemeat pie?" Emmett asks.

"Who cares?" I say in aggravation, losing my patience.

"Well, apparently Charlie does," Emmett says defensively. "And I imagine Esme does since she is supposed to be famous for cooking them."

"I'm not sure, dear. It's not something I've ever had cause to make," Esme says. "Rosalie, dear, do you know?"

"I've never heard of it. Sounds strange," Rosalie answers.

"Just look it up on Google," I order Emmett. "How soon can everyone be ready to go?" I'm anxious to get to Forks, to Bella. Even though Alice is sure her vision takes place tomorrow, I will feel better if I am close by and can be there for Bella in case something happens tonight.

A few seconds later, Emmett starts to read, "According to Google, a mincemeat pie was traditionally a British holiday treat, but the recipe has been modified in the United States to include a variety of meats."

"We don't have time for this, Emmett. Just memorize the main ingredients, and let's get going."

"Okay, bottom line: a mincemeat pie should include chopped meat, distilled spirits, dried fruits, fruit juice, and spices," Emmett mumbles as he jumps up and readies himself.

"Fine. You go with Esme and Rosalie, and you can stop at the grocery store when we get close to Forks. Jasper, Alice, and I will ride together."

We beat the others to the house. I had sent Bella a text in the car, asking her if she knew that we had been invited to dinner. She has not responded. I hope she is not angry, but quite frankly, I'm so worried about her I really don't care if it angers her or not. I'm going to be by her side tomorrow and until we figure out what is wrong. I hear my phone beep as we enter the house.

_Yes, I know. Please behave. I can't take any fighting._ _Love, B._

I respond immediately.

_No fighting, sweetheart. I Promise. How are you feeling? Love, E._

_Sleepy. Julian just got settled in on the couch for the night. I'm going to bed now. See you tomorrow. Remember your promise. Love, B._

I look at my watch. It's only 7:15 pm. She must be extremely tired. Forty minutes later, Emmett and the others arrive.

"Man, Edward, that was a bad idea to wait until we got to Forks to stop at the grocery store. There was practically nothing left," Emmett complains.

"Did you get the necessary ingredients?" Alice asks, worried that her cover story to Charlie will be ruined if we can't produce a delicious mincemeat pie.

"I think so. We decided on the way there that the meat should be turkey since it's Thanksgiving," he starts. Everyone nods, agreeing that would make sense. "But the store was completely out of turkeys. But luckily they had turkey giblets left." Emmett pulls out a small bag of what appears to be innards of a large fowl.

"God, that smells something awful," Jasper comments.

"I know, man, but those humans seem to like turkeys. Personally, I wouldn't touch one of those disgusting, scrawny things. We will just chop these up, and that should work for our meat."

Alice inquires further about the other ingredients.

Emmett continues. "Well, we needed spices but we weren't sure which ones. We asked the clerk what spices you use on turkey, and he said tarragon, oregano, garlic, basil, and rosemary are the most popular, so we got all five. I figured we will just add a little of each."

Again, we all nod as this seems to make sense.

Alice nods approvingly. "Dried fruits and juices?" she inquires.

"Dried prunes and peaches." Emmett winks at me when he mentions the dried peaches. "I also picked up prune juice."

"Distilled spirits?" Alice asks.

"That's alcohol, right? I just picked up some of that beer Charlie was always drinking. I figured he would like that."

"Oh, this is going to be delicious," Alice exclaims enthusiastically.

"I don't know, Alice, I'm a little nervous," Esme says. "I hate having to take something I haven't cooked before. And I won't get to test it on anyone beforehand."

Emmett puts his arm around Esme, giving her a comforting hug. "Oh, Mom, it will be delicious, I'm sure. You have a natural talent for cooking. Bella always likes what you cook, right?"

Later that night, Esme removes both of the pies she has made. I notice the pie crust is buttery and brown. It looks picture perfect.

I kiss her on her cheek on my way out, telling her that the pies look wonderful and that I will be back in the morning. I am deliberately not specific on where I will be tonight.

Rosalie has guessed my intentions which I can tell from the thoughts she directs my way. _Off to stalk Bella? Some habits die hard_.

I don't respond to Rosalie. I am, in fact, on my way to Bella's to sit in that tree outside her room and keep watch over her through the night. I am determined not to enter her bedroom as I think that will upset her, but I have to at least be close enough to hear her heartbeat. I need that assurance she is okay.

"What do you think?" I hear Esme ask the others nervously about the pies, as I shut the door.

Emmett answers her first. "It smells like utter shit, so I'm presuming the humans will love it."

**E/N—Remember, SM owns all that is Twilight (except for that unique mincemeat pie). For those of you who may not be familiar, the Cullens didn't choose the most traditional ingredients for a mincemeat pie. Here is a list of ingredients you would likely find in a traditional mincemeat pie:**

**Venison or beef**

**water**

**chopped tart apples**

**meat broth**

**sugar/molasses**

**apple cider**

**raisins**

**cinnamon**

**cloves**

**nutmeg**

**lemon juice**

**orange juice**

**sherry or brandy**


	43. Chapter 43

CHAPTER 43

DON'T TALK ABOUT MY MOM'S PIE

**A/N –See below for news about a recent nomination for this story.**

**Everyone knows what pie is a euphemism for, right?**

"Carlisle is running late. He said to go ahead and start the meal without him, and he will join us as soon as he can," Esme tells us as she hangs up the phone.

I hate that Carlisle is delayed. I am anxious for him to see Bella. She was complaining when she awoke this morning of a headache. It was difficult to stand in the woods near her house and hear her complain of pain and not be able to rush inside to help her. I only left after I heard Charlie bring her some aspirin and water.

I am approaching this day as a necessary evil. The quicker these holidays are over, the quicker the Julian issue will be behind us and Bella and I can start our life together.

The trip to the Swan residence is uneventful. Upon arrival, we are immediately greeted by Bella. She meets us in the driveway, giving everyone a welcoming hug. The hug she gives me is different as she finishes it with a quick squeeze to my ass and a cheeky smile.

"Remember, Charlie doesn't know about us," she whispers as we make our way up the familiar walkway and into her house. I nod in response. "I'm afraid he is going to be rude. I apologize ahead of time," she adds.

"No need. I understand," I tell her, giving her a reassuring smile.

The tenor of Charlie's thoughts is a mixture of anticipation and annoyance. He is actually excited to see the rest of my family, especially Alice, Esme and Carlisle. But his thoughts reveal his wish that the invitation had excluded me.

Julian's thoughts are rather subdued and surprisingly only slightly hostile. He is really enjoying spending Thanksgiving with Charlie and Bella. While he is anxious to see Carlisle, he too wishes I was not spending the holiday with them. When he sees me from his position on the couch in the living room, his thoughts reveal that while Bella has been silent on the subject, he has deduced that she loves me and that she has been seeing me these past several weeks. I take a perverse pleasure in the knowledge he knows it is me who Bella loves and it is me who she really wants to be with, even if we can't admit that openly yet.

Charlie greets Esme warmly. "Esme, it's so nice to see you again," he says and, in a very un-Charlie move, kisses her on the cheek. His thoughts reveal his excitement about the mincemeat pie she is holding in her hands. Emmett is holding the other one. Charlie finds delight in the simple things in life it would seem.

It's only 12:30 pm, and dinner is scheduled to be served at 1:00 pm. Bella returns to the kitchen, and Alice and Esme follow her. _Relax__,__ Edward. I won't let anything happen, _Alice tells me silently. Her thoughts reveal her plans to make sure Bella does a lot of sitting.

The rest of us gather in the small living room to watch the football game that is on. Emmett and Charlie exchange some opinions about the Seahawks' season. Charlie is actually warming up to Emmett just when Emmett, being Emmett, has to ask a strange question.

"Charlie, you use handcuffs in your job, right?"

I see quickly from his thoughts where this is going. "Don't you dare," I hiss to Emmett, so low, the humans cannot hear.

_Relax bro. I'm going to be completely cool._

"Uh, yeah," Charlie asks, wondering why Emmett has suddenly asked him about handcuffs.

"I was wondering how strong police-issued handcuffs are. Are they stronger than the ones generally available to the public? Do you know what they are made of?"

"Stop this right now," I hiss, again so only the vampires in the room can hear.

"They're strong enough. I have no idea how they may differ with others. Why do you ask?" Charlie asks, his police officer suspicions rising to the surface.

Emmett gives him a friendly smile. "No reason really. Just something I always wondered about."

"That's an odd thing to wonder about, son," Charlie says. He is determined to get a sensible answer from Emmett before he drops the subject. Before I have time to curse Emmett for his stupidity, my love makes an appearance and distracts her father.

"Dad, I'm running a little late with the meal. Why don't you have a small piece of Esme's pie to hold you over until the meal is ready."

Charlie's thoughts are immediately focused on the mincemeat pies. I am always amazed at how humans can be so easily distracted by disgusting human food. It is fascinating to read from his thoughts how much he associates this dish with happy childhood memories. Eating human food is not something I remember as a vampire, and I fleetingly wonder if there was a dish my own mother made that perhaps I was especially fond of or associated with good family memories.

Charlie happily brings the pies to the dining room, where he has combined his small dining table with a table I have never seen before, to make room for all of us. He invites everyone in. I notice Julian seems to be able to handle himself well enough on his crutches. My siblings and I politely decline his offer for a slice, stating that we have already had some of Esme's pie. Julian agrees to share a slice with Charlie.

Up until now, I had not given a lot of thought to the pies, considering them nothing more than necessary props. But now, I have to admit that I am a bit apprehensive as to what they may taste like. Esme comes into the room with two glasses of iced tea for Julian and Charlie to enjoy with their pie. She is anxious to know what they think of the pie.

They both take their first bite at the same time, and I hear their simultaneous reactions in their thoughts. Julian is immediately repulsed by his bite and decides to covertly spit it out in his napkin. Charlie however loves the pie. Before he says anything though, Julian spits his piece into his napkin and despite his intentions, Esme sees him and gasps in dismay. As for my brothers and I, our protective instincts for our mother kick in, and we are quickly enraged at Julian's insult.

"I guess you didn't like it," Esme says softly as she turns to leave and hurry back to the kitchen.

"Of course he did, Mom," Emmett says quickly, giving Julian a frightful glare.

Julian swallows, sensing that he has angered Emmett. But he won't lie. "Actually, no. It doesn't taste like any mincemeat pie I have ever had." Too much honesty.

"Dude, are you really insulting my mom's pie?" Emmett asks, his voice quiet and dripping with warning.

"I don't mean for it to be an insult. I just prefer a different tasting pie," Julian says diplomatically and even manages a friendly, if somewhat frightened, smile to follow his words.

"What the hell do you know about pie anyway?" Emmett asks. Then, realizing the double meaning of the words he has been using goes on to say with a wicked smile, "In fact, from what I hear, your pie tasting skills leave much to be desired."

"Tastes good to me," Charlie offers as he is greedily eating his piece and contemplating eating Julian's if he does not finish it.

Before Julian can figure out exactly what Emmett is referring to and escalate this dangerous conversation further, Bella suddenly groans and runs from the kitchen to the upstairs bathroom. Alice follows her.

"What's the matter?" Charlie asks, his forkful of pie quickly forgotten.

Alice calls down the stairs, "Bella is feeling a little under the weather. Nothing to worry about."

"Distract Charlie," I hiss to Emmett, as I am intent on getting upstairs to Bella's side, and I would prefer not to have Charlie asking questions or trying to stop me.

"Hey, Charlie, you know when I was asking you earlier about handcuffs? Well, the real reason I asked if because I am starting an adult sex toy company, and I'm conducting research on various toys commonly used by couples to enhance their sexual experiences. Given your familiarity with handcuffs, do you have any practical experience that would help me in my research?"

Even though that is not what I would have wished Emmett to use as a distraction, it certainly has the desired effect. Charlie wouldn't notice if I started climbing the walls as his shocked thoughts are locked solely on Emmett at the moment.

_Jesus, and I thought Edward was the freak in that family. Does this kid actually expect me to give him advice on marketing handcuffs as a sex game toy?_

I ignore Charlie's thoughts and focus on Bella as I stealthily leave the dining room and rush up the stairs to be by Bella's side.

_I've already called Carlisle. He is close and will be here soon._ Alice reassures me with her thoughts. _Stay with her. I will go downstairs and let everyone know she's okay._

_I will also try to salvage Charl__ie's impression of Emmett if that's possible_, she adds as she crosses my path in the small hallway.

I knock on the door, but I don't wait for Bella's permission before I enter. Her head is resting on her hands which are folded and laying on the rim of the toilet. Her skin has a very unhealthy tint, and after only a few seconds, she is vomiting again. I rush to her, pulling her hair out of her way. She tries weakly to push me away, but I ignore her efforts whispering firmly, "Forget it, Bella. I am not leaving your side."

When she is finished, I carry her to her room and lay her on her small bed. As I run my hand across her face, she leans into my cool hand. The coolness feels good to her. She feels warm, flushed from her earlier exertions no doubt. "Wait here, love. Let me get a cool cloth for you.

"I knew you needed to see a doctor," I say, mostly to myself, as I go back to the bathroom to retrieve a wet washcloth.

As I return, and lay the cool cloth on her forehead, I continue my tirade. "It's clear something is wrong. You're weak, tired, prone to fainting, vomiting, not regularly menstruating..." And I suddenly still as a horrific thought occurs to me. I can tell from Bella's shocked expression and widened eyes the same thought has just occurred to her.

"You're pregnant?" I ask, not able to say anything more given my shocked frame of mind.

"I couldn't be...I don't know how...Carlisle said you couldn't...," her words drift off, and she doesn't finish her disjointed thoughts. She is still too shocked to formulate complete sentences. I understand how she feels. I am rendered completely speechless.

After only a few minutes of silence, I recover the ability to speak. "I know how," I say, my voice deceptively calm, not revealing the raging, murderous emotions that are coursing through me as a realization crystallizes in my mind. "Julian is the father," I say with a mixture of horror and defeat.

My family's thoughts instantly drift up to me, and they are predictable.

Esme: _Oh__,__ Edward, no, maybe you're the father_. _In fact,__ I'm sure of it. Carlisle must be wrong._

Emmett: _You can have a paternity test bro. They have them on the Maury Povich show all the time._

Alice: _Edward__,__ don't jump to conclusions and don't say something you are going to regret._

Rosalie: _A baby. I want that__ baby._

Jasper: _Oh shit. I can feel it. All hell is about to break loose._

**E/N-The next chapter to be posted will be an outtake ****in Carlisle's POV entitled "What Carlisle Saw" and will cover the "all hell breaking loose part." Edward may be a bit distracted to report in his own POV, all the things that are going on at once in the Swan residence, so Carlisle is going to give us a more detailed description of what is going on as he arrives. We will then pick up with Chapter 44, with EPOV, which will pick up right after Chapter 43.**

**Some good news, I think. I've been informed this story has been nominated for Best Comedy in the Vampire Awards. Thank you to the person or persons who nominated this story. That is so sweet and makes my heart**** pound like Bella's when Edward jumps her bones at the library. If you're interested, you can check out the website,** **www(dot)twificpics(dot)com(slash)vampawards(slash)?page_id=198. Voting starts on July 11th!**

**Please, please review and let me know what you think and what you think is going to happen. If you haven't noticed, I love reviews and they do in fact make me write faster, I assure you.**

**Speaking of reviews, I like to share the positive feedback with two other people who make this story possible, my beta, ladyrip and my sister. Thanks to both of you for all of your support and assistance!**

**As always, everything twilight belongs to SM.**


	44. Chapter 44

CHAPTER 44

NOT AGAIN

**A/N—If you have not already read Chapter 4 of the outtakes, I would recommend you read it before this. It will give you a better picture as to what is going on with the rest of the family while Edward is with Bella. Remember all things Twilight belong to SM.**

**Okay, I think most of your questions will be answered. Please let me know what you think. The good, the bad and the funny.**

Bella's eyes widen until they are as big as saucers after I voice the horrifying thought that she must be pregnant with Julian's baby. It's the only thing that makes sense. I can't father children. Until five weeks ago, she was in a romantic relationship with Julian. There is no other rationale conclusion to be made.

Bella starts to shake her head. "No, no, Edward. There's just no way that can be possible."

"If you have sex with a human Bella, you can become pregnant. No type of contraception is full proof. You know this I'm sure." I struggle to keep my tone even. I try to hide the anger I'm feeling. I can feel it starting in my gut and spreading through my body, trying to consume me. It's the kind of anger that can make me lose control and I struggle to reign it in. The strange thing is I'm not sure who I'm mad at. Certainly not Bella. She is innocent.

Bella closes her eyes and mumbles "no, no, no." She then turns on her side, curling into herself.

"Bella?" I ask. It pains me to see her like this. I feel so helpless.

"I'm still feeling nauseated. I can't talk right now. But we need to talk as soon as this passes." She hands me the washcloth. "Can you wet this again with cool water?"

"Of course, love." I exit her room, shutting the door behind me. I can hear the many voices from downstairs and I don't want the noise to disturb Bella.

Normally I would be angry with Emmett for engaging Charlie in a conversation about his sex toy empire obsession but right now I'm grateful as Charlie cannot focus on how much it bothers him that I'm upstairs taking care of Bella. He briefly wonders why Julian is not upstairs with Bella but presumes it has something to do with his injury.

Emmett's mention of kinky couples has made Julian reminisce about his memories of being with Bella. I desperately try to block the images that are filtering through his mind as I return to Bella and place the washcloth over her forehead. She is laying very still and I remain quiet, giving her the time she needs to recover. But the lack of distraction makes it hard not to see Julian's thoughts.

Bella is blindfolded and naked while Julian is rubbing an ice cube all over her breasts and stomach. Then the image in his head switches. He is remembering what it felt like the first time he tied her up. I can't take it anymore. Bella is hurting because this animal couldn't keep his perverted desires to himself.

I silently rush downstairs, intent on ripping Julian to pieces. I am immediately met with numerous waves of calm that Jasper directs toward me. As I come down the stairs, he physically restrains me, hoping his influence will have time to work and calm me down.

"Whoa. Don't do something stupid. Not here," he growls at me. While his influence doesn't completely eliminate my anger, it does help me reign it in enough not to physically attack Julian in front of Charlie.

I catch Julian's eye as Jasper moves behind me. "You!" I shout. "You did this to her you selfish, irresponsible son of a bitch!"

"What the hell are you talking about? Have you lost your mind?" Julian asks. _There is something very off about him. He looks homicidal_. Julian has no idea how accurate his musings are.

"What is going on?" Charlie asks. _Alice said_ _Bella just needed to lay down after spending all morning in the hot kitchen. How is that Julian's fault_?

Emmett realizes he has failed to keep Charlie distracted and quickly speaks up again, "Charlie, let me ask you, if you were in the market for a new vibrator, would you not prefer to order one via the internet?"

"Emmett, I think you need professional help, son," Charlie says to Emmett and his look and thoughts indicate he has had just about enough of Emmett's insane chatter about adult sex toys.

_Edward, get back upstairs. I don't think Bella wants you announcing her pregnancy to her family right now._ Jasper's cool and collected thoughts get through the haze of rage that is surrounding me and I know he is right. Right now, I need to be by Bella's side, helping her through this. I don't want to make this harder on her.

I turn and rush back upstairs to be near Bella. She appears to still be resting. I silently kneel by her bed, trying desperately to drown out the thoughts from downstairs.

Then, suddenly, Rosalie has to open her big mouth. I can't believe she has just asked Julian about purchasing Bella's baby. I know she has always desperately wanted a baby but that is simply insane. And now she has effectively revealed Bella's delicate condition to both Julian and Charlie. Crazy bitch!

Julian doesn't say much in response to Rosalie's outrageous offer and luckily Esme quickly gets her to stop. However, Julian is still thinking about Bella possibly being pregnant. He is not pleased at that possibility.

_Can't be true. She knows how I feel about this issue. I was clear. It's probably Edward's and he's trying to pass the brat off as mine._

Then he recalls in his memory his first conversation with Bella about the issue of children. His memories are very detailed. It took place just after he and Bella had been intimate for the first time and Bella asked if she should start taking birth control pills now that their relationship was physical.

"I want to be clear Bella. I don't want to get married or have children-ever. Take the pill if you want but I will always use condoms. I'm sorry but I don't trust anyone more than myself."

Bella is clearly shocked by his harsh statements.

"I don't mean to hurt your feelings baby. It's just after what I've experienced with my own parents, I know that it is something I never want. Are you okay with that?"

Bella nods in response.

"Just to be clear I won't marry you if something should happen."

His thoughts threaten the little control I have over my anger. What a heartless, stupid bastard. How could he not want to have children with Bella. Or to marry her? That idiot would have been so damn lucky if Bella had been willing to marry him and bear his children. Instead, he practically tells her if something should happen, she is on her own. If there is something I can't abide it is disrespect to my Bella. Jasper's calming waves are useless now. If Emmett can sufficiently distract Charlie, I may just follow through on my homicidal urges this time.

I silently rush from Bella's room.

Jasper, sensing my feelings of violent rage, meets me at the bottom of the stairs and pushes against my chest to make sure I can't get get too close to Julian.

But I can see him and I let him know he will do right by Bella. "You will do the right thing!" I tell him.

"Listen, Edward, I don't know what she has told you, but I can assure you I didn't get Bella pregnant."

"Bella's pregnant?" Charlie asks in shock.

"If she is, it's not mine," Julian says arrogantly.

"What kind of animal are you? You pushed your perverted self on her time and time again and now, when she ends up with child, you deny your responsibility?"

"Edward, please stop," Alice says pleadingly.

"What Julian? Was she good enough to be your sex slave but not to be your wife?" I inwardly cringe when I realize I may have revealed too much in front of Charlie. I know Bella would not want Charlie to know the details about Julian's unnatural sexual tastes.

Not surprisingly Charlie refuses to sit by, listening quietly. He speaks up, demanding an explanation. "Okay, someone better tell me what is going on right this minute! Sex slave?"

_Edward is just trying to make Julian look bad. I think I was right. He is on drugs. _After concluding I must be lying, Charlie then turns to me. "I'm not sure what you are talking about, but I do know that you have a hell of a lot of nerve coming into my home and accusing Julian of mistreating Bella. You are the one that nearly destroyed her!"

"Charlie, Julian is not who you think. He's a deviant." It's not that I want to have to tell Charlie that his daughter has been abused and impregnated by a sexual pervert with no sense of morality or responsibility, but it is hard not to say something when he seems so convinced that Julian is good for Bella.

"You don't know what you're talking about, you arrogant kid. Julian has been wonderful for Bella."

I am momentarily distracted from my conversation with Charlie when I notice Rosalie waving cash at Julian. She is trying to make good on her offer to pay for Bella's baby. God, she is going to make Charlie think we are all crazy with her antics. Does she have any idea how foolish she looks?

"I see that," I warn Rosalie with a low hiss.

Before I can turn my attention back to Charlie, to plead my case as to why I'm much better for Bella than the good Dr. Yates, Bella groans loudly. Nothing is more important than being there for Bella in her time of need and I ignore everyone else and rush back upstairs to be by her side.

I am vaguely aware of Jasper following me. He is sending out waves of calm and energy to Bella, hoping it will make her feel better.

"Bella, are you okay?" I ask as I open the door and flash to her side. She is now lying on her back and her arm is thrown over her head.

"I've felt better. Can you rub my face with your cool hands again?" she asks, her voice very low.

"Of course," I say as I immediately take her face into my hands and slowly and lovingly caress each inch of her face and neck.

"Edward, we need to talk," she says.

"Hush love, we can talk later. You have nothing to worry about. I will take care of you and this baby. That I promise you."

Before I can continue the door opens and Carlisle walks in.

"Carlisle, Bella needs to be examined. She is..." Carlisle cuts me off with a low hiss that only I can hear. Then his thoughts assault me. Carlisle is upset with me.

_For the love of all that's holy Edward! Why do you always seem to lose your mind and all good judgment where Bella is concerned? _

I take that as a rhetorical question so I remain quiet, waiting for him to continue.

_You have declared to Bella and everyone else in this house that Bella is pregnant with Julian's child when that clearly is not the case_.

"But she's missed her menstrual cycle and she's vomiting and ," I start, intent on explaining all of Bella's symptoms, when he cuts me off again with a low growl this time.

_Edward, I know for a fact Bella is not pregnant. Think Edward. If Bella was so far along in a pregnancy that she was showing these symptoms, what would you hear right now?_

And all at once, I see how asinine my conclusion was. There is no heartbeat. I would clearly hear a heartbeat if she was more than three weeks pregnant.

The most intense wave of relief washes over me. I am practically giddy from it. Bella's not pregnant with that monster's child.

However, through my giddy haze, I notice Carlisle's thoughts are full of concern for Bella. He is asking her questions about how long she has experienced these symptoms. What really concerns me is that Carlisle is mentally reviewing a health alert bulletin that he had read only days ago, alerting the local hospitals that a patient with a rare strand of the swine-origin H1N1 virus had been admitted to a Seattle area hospital and that this strand was very resistant against the flu treating medicines. Since that time, two more college students have been diagnosed with the rare strand and one died two days ago.

"Carlisle?" I ask him in a tone that indicates I expect him to communicate to me his diagnosis.

_I can't be sure until I get her to a hospital and perform the test. But she has some rather severe early symptoms of swine-origin H1N1. _

He thinks it might be swine flu and is worried it may be a particularly nasty string that is present in the Pacific Northwest. I have read much on the swine flu since it's appearance in the United States. It works much like the Spanish Influenza that led to my conversion. Ironically, it is the one illness that affects healthy people the worst. It will turn a human's healthy immune system against himself. Bella is young, works out, and eats healthy. She is a prime victim for the virus.

My mind is full of images from the weeks just before Carlisle changed me. People wearing face masks, sick people blue in the face, the sounds of coughing and wheezing. I can still see my own father coughing up blood as he succumbed to the deadly disease.

_Relax Edward. It's treatable. _Carlisle has noticed me tugging my hair and my harsh breathing as I try to fight against the panic that wants to consume me. If his suspicions are true, Bella is sick. Very sick.

"Not always," I hiss in response, low enough for only him to hear. I shake my head in despair. Bella has been getting sick for days and I didn't recognize the danger. I won't be able to forgive myself if something happens because I didn't get her medical care sooner.

I walk over and pick up Bella's hand as Carlisle listens to her lungs. I can tell from his thoughts that he can hear the beginning signs of congestion and fluid on her lungs. Her hand is warm and I can tell she has a fever. She wasn't simply flushed earlier. Her body is starting to burn with the many infections the virus will infect her with.

"What is it?" Bella asks. "I'm not pregnant, am I?"

"No, you're not." Carlisle says. He looks up at me and his look and thoughts warn me not to upset Bella by over-reacting.

"Bella, I think you have the flu. It might be the swine flu. Let's get you to my hospital and get you checked out so we can start treatment right away."

"But the Thanksgiving meal..." Bella protests.

"It's okay, love. Everyone will understand. Your health is much more important." I keep my voice an expression calm and even manage a smile. Inside, I am almost paralyzed with fear. I keep seeing my mother and father in their last days. I remember how one day they were feeling weak and nauseated and how within days, they could barely breathe.

Alice enters the room. "Why didn't you tell us of this?" I demand of her.

"I didn't see this Edward. I swear." Alice tells me. "I saw her fainting but nothing like this."

"It doesn't matter. Everything is going to be fine," Carlisle says calmly.

"Bella, let me help you up...," he starts but I cut him off.

"I'll carry her," I say firmly.

"That's hardly necessary Edward," Bella says dismissively and moves to fully sit up.

"Dammit Bella, you have the flu. This is not the time for your stubbornness. You need to preserve your strength." I am trying not to reveal just how scared I am but it is beyond frustrating that Bella will not take this more seriously.

Bella's eyes flash with anger. She glares at me and I meet her stare. She must see something in my eyes because she suddenly calms and nods her assent to my request to carry her.

I quietly lift her up and follow Carlisle down the stairs. Alice follows behind us.

"What the hell is going on?" Charlie demands as soon as we come into sight.

"Charlie, Bella's has flu symptoms. There is nothing to be concerned about at this time. But as a precaution, I want to drive her back to Seattle so I can immediately start treating her."

"Is this the swine flu that I heard about on the news?" Charlie asks, his voice laced with worry.

"It could be," Carlisle answers simply.

Julian comes toward us, hobbling on his crutches. "I saw the bulletin," he says meaningfully to Carlisle.

Carlisle doesn't want to unnecessarily worry Charlie. "Yes, I'm aware. That is why we are taking this precaution. If it is the swine flu, Bella will get the best treatment."

"I want to come," Charlie says.

"No, Charlie. She's contagious. Let us find out what we are dealing with."

"Then why does Edward get to go?" Charlie demands angrily.

Carlisle looks at me briefly before sighing and turning back to Charlie. "Because none of us here are strong enough to tear him away from her. It's a useless fight."

Carlisle could not be more right.

Charlie looks as if he wants to protest further, but Carlisle cuts him off. "I promise you she will have the best care, the very best care possible," he tells Charlie.

"Thank you," Charlie says, somewhat appeased. He approaches Bella, clearly wanting to say goodbye but Carlisle stops him. "She's contagious Charlie. I'm sorry."

Charlie is about to ignore Carlisle and go to Bella anyway but Bella stops him.

"Please Dad. Don't make me worry about you. Stay away until I'm better."

Charlie relents and waves at Bella, telling her he loves her. "Take care of my baby," Charlie tells Carlisle.

Carlisle nods his agreement and we turn to go.

Bella speaks out as I carry her out the door. "Please don't worry Dad. It's no big deal. Stay and enjoy the meal. Please."

Charlie offers to take Julian home and Carlisle warns them that if anyone shows any flu like symptoms, they should immediately go to the local hospital.

I can tell from my family's thoughts that they will keep up the pretense of staying here, away from Bella until the meal is over and then they will quickly return to Seattle.

I get into the backseat of Carlisle's car after Bella is settled there. I wrap her in a blanket from her bed and hold her close to me. Alice brings us some bottles of water and crackers for Bella to have during the trip.

_I'm so sorry I didn't see this Edward. But everything is going to be okay. I can see you and Bella together weeks from now._

I nod my thanks to Alice for her reassurance. However, I don't have much confidence in her visions since they totally missed Bella getting so sick.

"Edward?" Bella whispers and I look down at her, waiting for her question.

"Am I very sick?"

I squeeze her closer to me and murmur in her ear, "Don't worry my love. I won't let anything happen to you...ever."

**E/N-To all of those who guessed Bella was pregnant, I hope you're not too disappointed. And of course Bella wouldn't have cheated on Bella and of course Edward would not accuse her of that. He presumed she was pregnant from before. I know this wasn't the funniest of all chapters but if you still think this is a humorous story, I would kindly remind you that voting is open at the Vampire awards. The link is: http(colon)/twificpics(dot)com(slash)vampawards(slash)?page_id=198.**

**Thanks to ladyrip, who will be editing this chapter upon her return from a trip.**


	45. Chapter 45

CHAPTER 45

AFTERMATH

**A/N—This chapter contains some serious dialogue. Many of these characters need to have some serious discussions. Remember, all things Twilight belong to SM.**

**As always, thank you ladyrip for using your awesome beta skills on this story. **

**Thanks so much to everyone who has reviewed, recommended and posted comments on the forum. I am so excited about how many of you have indicated that you have voted for HTWBTLOYE in the Vampire Awards. I have to admit I want that award as bad as Rosalie wanted Bella's baby.**

I pause outside of Bella's hospital door, listening to her conversation with Alice. I don't know why I am hesitant to join them. Instead, I wait and simply enjoy watching Bella through Alice's thoughts.

"Well, Charlie said he preferred for me to go home with him but it's hard to argue against the wisdom of me staying with you guys since Carlisle will be so close by," Bella tells Alice.

"And Esme and Edward will fight over who can take care of your every want and need. It will be perfect," Alice gushes.

"Hey, I'm not an invalid. I just need to rest and take it easy for a few more days. Then I can return to my normal routine," Bella protests lightly.

"Bella, Edward almost lost his mind when you were at your worst. Let him coddle you a bit. It is more for him than for you."

Bella's tone becomes somber. "How bad was he?" she asks.

"He was so frightened. And you know Edward. When it comes to your safety and health, he can be just a wee bit over zealous. If it wasn't for the fact he is related to Carlisle, the hospital would have banned him from the premises."

Bella groans slightly.

"The worst was when your fever was so high that you were slightly delirious. I think it reminded him of when he lost his parents. He really freaked out."

"What did he do?" Bella asks, concern coloring her voice.

"I could never forget the sight of him in your room, wearing that ridiculous mask that the staff insisted upon. He was on his knees, holding your hand and his eyes were closed and his lips were moving, you could tell even through the mask. But even I couldn't hear or understand what he was saying. It was almost as if he was praying or chanting or something. When he would open his eyes, they were unfocused and it was like he was not even here or something. He wouldn't respond to anyone who spoke to him."

Alice snorts then. "The staff thought he was crazed. Poor Carlisle had quite the task convincing them he was not deranged, just incredibly worried about you."

Alice's thoughts turn serious and remorseful. "Bella, I'm so sorry I didn't see this sooner."

"Ugh," Bella exclaims as she pounds her small fists down on the hospital bed beside her. "If you and Edward don't stop apologizing, I swear I'm going to..."

Bella stops mid sentence when she notices me walk into the room. She smirks at me and continues.. "I won't move in with Edward and you won't have a new apartment to decorate," she says rather smartly.

"Oh, don't be silly," Alice says dismissively. "Edward has already secured your new condo and Esme and I have already ordered the furniture. It will be completely ready for you to move in to in just six days"

Then Alice bends over, placing an affectionate kiss on Bella's cheek, as she prepares to leave. "Sorry Bella. That's a done deal."

"Okay, I've got to go but I will see you at the house tomorrow when they let you out of here."

_Bye dear brother_, she directs to me in her thoughts as she leaves.

I turn my complete attention to the beautiful girl laying in the bed, still pale and weak but looking much better than she did just 48 hours ago.

"So, we just decided yesterday to go ahead and get a place together and you already have purchased a condo?" She asks me, feigning annoyance.

"I found a great place and a great deal and I purchased it. It has everything you said you wanted. But if you don't like it, we can find something else. It is entirely up to you, my love," I tell her as I sit down on the edge of her bed and bring her left hand up to my lips and kiss her knuckles softly.

"Is it close to the law school?"

"Incredibly so," I answer.

"At least two bedrooms?"

"Three actually," I say as I kiss the inside of her wrist, running my tongue lightly over her pulse.

"Thick walls so the neighbors won't hear us having loud, kinky sex all night?"

"Esme is adding some sound absorbing layering to all of the bedroom walls."

"Did you tell her why?"

"She thinks it is to help me block out the sounds from the neighbors. I didn't think there was any reason to correct her assumption," I tell Bella as I stroke her cheek with my free hand.

I stiffen as Julian's thoughts suddenly assault me. He returned to work just today and he is approaching Bella's room, intent on speaking with her.

"What is it?" Bella asks me, noticing my suddenly tense posture.

"Julian is coming. He wants to talk to you," I tell her.

She blinks, her expression giving nothing away.

"I'll send him away," I eagerly offer.

"No, Edward. I need to do something that is long overdue. I'm going to let him know I'm moving out and that you and I are together," she says.

I don't tell Bella that Julian figured that out a long time ago, even if she had never confirmed it to him.

How long have I waited to hear her say that she is completely letting Julian go? Seems like years. But I don't want to see her strain herself when she has been so sick. It was just eight days ago that she was admitted into the hospital.

"You don't need to do this now. You have just recovered from a very serious illness."

"I think I have enough energy for a simply conversation. I _need_ to do this."

Before she can say anymore, Julian appears at her door.

He is nervous as he stands in the doorway.

"Julian," Bella says in greeting.

"Bella, you look good. Are you up for another visitor?" He asks, smiling at my Bella. His thoughts reveal he thinks his smile is charming. I personally think it's a creepy, leering old man smile.

"Of course. You look good yourself. Off the crutches I see," Bella responds.

"Yeah, for five days now. Almost as good as new." He smiles again and I fight back a growl.

He has completely ignored my presence. "Glad to see that you can take care of yourself again," I practically sneer.

"Edward," he says, finally acknowledging me.

"Um, Bella. Can I talk to you alone for a few minutes?"

My grip on Bella's hand tightens and I fight back the urge to dismember him for trying to separate me from my mate.

Bella squeezes my hand in response and I turn my glare from Julian in order to gaze upon my angel's beautiful countenance.

"Edward, can you please give us some privacy for a few minutes?" she asks, her expression pleading with me to understand and agree. As much as I don't want to leave her with the old letch, I can't deny Bella anything.

I lean over and lightly brush my lips across her forehead. Before I pull back, Bella whispers very low, "Real privacy Edward. Please."

I nod in understanding. She expects me to leave the building and go far enough so that I can't hear the conversation or Julian's thoughts. I trust Bella. But there is no way in hell that I'm leaving the hospital while Bella is still here. But as a compromise, I am going to go downstairs to the emergency room where Carlisle is working. That will help me to block out Julian's thoughts and their conversation.

Carlisle greets me in his thoughts before I enter his office.

_Happily surprised to see that you can extract yourself from Bella's side for a few minutes to come and see your old man. _

"Come in," he calls as I unnecessarily knock on his office door, signaling my arrival.

"Julian wanted to speak with Bella alone," I tell him by way of explanation for my visit.

"Ah. I see," Carlisle responds.

"Well, I was just going to come up and share with you the results from Bella's latest blood work. But since you're here I can tell you that everything looks good. No indications of any further infections. It seems the virus has run its course. After a few more days of further rest, she should be as good as new."

"Thank you," I tell him, knowing that simple phase cannot adequately convey my profound gratitude not only for his medical assistance to Bella, but his moral support to me. The first five days were rather rough. When Bella's symptoms were at their worst, I may have been a bit tough on some of the hospital staff.

"Just please don't have any further altercations with the staff for the next eighteen hours. I'm really tired of trying to explain to them that you are not suffering from some sort of compulsive mental disorder."

I smile sheepishly. "I wish I could say I was sorry but I can't sincerely apologize for my behavior. Bella's health and care are too important to me to worry about offending anyone."

"I don't expect your apology. Never apologize for loving Bella the way you do. It does drive you to extremes sometimes but at the end of the day, that is simply how you love Bella. It's all consuming."

I nod in agreement. I really can't love her any other way. She is everything. It's really that simple.

"You have worked so hard for a second chance with your true mate. I'm so proud of you."

I squirm at Carlisle's praise. Then I hear his add on thought.

_But try not to screw it up this time_.

Sixteen minutes later, I am happy to find Bella alone in her room. She smiles at me as I enter and I return to my preferred spot, sitting on her bed, as close as possible to her.

She cups my face with her soft hands and brings me toward her where we kiss very softly. When she pulls back her eyes are shining with happiness and relief.

"You look happy," I tell her.

"I am. I feel like the last shadow hanging over us is gone. We now get a chance to simply be together."

"Julian took the news well?" I ask, not really caring about his reaction but certainly relieved that Bella doesn't seem to be experiencing any regret or guilt.

She nods affirmatively.

"So you told Julian and my father that I was pregnant when I was sick at Thanksgiving?" she asks suddenly.

"Uh, well I wasn't the first one to mention aloud the possibility but my rash presumptions did lead to that information being revealed to them. I'm sorry."

She smiles. "And Rosalie tried to convince Julian to sell the baby to her?"

Damn. Was his intention to tattle to Bella on my entire family for their embarrassing behavior at Thanksgiving?

"Bella, she didn't mean any harm. I'm afraid Rosalie may have been a little overly excited at the idea of a baby. You see, she has always wanted to be a mother and she tends to lose what little sense she has when there is even a mention of a baby."

Bella laughs lightly. "I'm not offended Edward. I just never realized. Rosalie doesn't strike me as the maternal type."

"Believe me, she very much wants to be a mother. But unfortunately, she can't. That's one of many prices you pay for immortality."

This is actually made for the perfect opportunity for something I need to discuss with Bella. I swallow before continuing, dreading her answer, no matter what it is.

"Bella, I need to ask you something and I need you to be completely honest with me," I tell her as I rub her cheek softly. She turns her cheek to quickly place a kiss on my hand and then turns back to me.

"Of course."

"Do you want to have a baby?"

Her brows draw together as she frowns. "With Julian?"

"Fuck no!" My response is instinctual. I wasn't able to censor it. I have to back peddle.

"Sorry. Actually, what I meant to ask is do you think you would like to have a child someday? Is that something you want...out of life?"

Understanding dawns in her expression. "Oh no, Edward. It honestly is not something I want. I'm sorry to hear about Rosalie, but I promise you I do not have those same urges. Even before you came back, Julian and I had decided we would never have children and I was perfectly fine with that decision."

"Yeah, I saw a bit of his distaste for marriage and a family in his thoughts at Thanksgiving. Please don't take this the wrong way, love. I'm just wondering how you could be with someone who declared to you he would not marry you or care for any child you made together?"

This has really been bothering me. As far as I am concerned, that is the most offensive, selfish thing a man could ever say to a woman he professed to care about so much he was willing to be intimate with her. When did being responsible for a child you make become an outdated concept?

Bella sighs as she gathers her thoughts. "Julian is deeply scarred from being physically abandoned by his father and emotionally abandoned by his mother at an early age. He steers away from anything that reminds him of that pain. I actually understand that. I did the same thing when it came to you. I went to great lengths and hurt a lot of people who cared about me, to try to keep from being reminded of the pain for a long time."

She ends with a shrug. "We were both broken people trying to do the best we could to find as much happiness as possible."

I am just about to launch into a plethora of apologies when Bella smiles and leans up, wrapping her arms around me. "I feel so fortunate I have been able to put that all behind me. The pain is gone. The hole in my heart is gone. I'm whole again-thanks to you."

"Oh my sweet Bella," I whisper, almost choking on the emotion welling up inside of me. How did I ever win the affections of this angel?

And then I lean in with the intention of kissing her gently but the kiss turns almost frantic as we both struggle to be as close to each other as possible. We whisper our love for each other as I pull away and kiss a path along Bella's jaw line to her ear. When I reach her ear, I whisper, "Bella, I want to change you. Whenever you are ready, I want you to know that I am too."

She pulls back and looks at me surprised. "Really?"

"Yes. I can't describe how it felt; Seeing you in this hospital bed so sick and not being able to do anything and knowing your fate depended upon whether some medication would help your body fight off a vicious virus and infection. It was horrific."

I am rambling but I can't stop my confession. " I can't lose you. I have been such a fool, trying to delay the inevitable. When you're ready, I will happily change you and I promise I will spend the rest of my existence, making sure you don't regret that decision."

Tears are running down Bella's cheeks but they're happy tears. I would be crying too if I was capable.

I lean my forehead against her and whisper, "Forever."

**E/N—As you have probably guessed, this story is getting close to its end. There will be one more regular chapter and a long Epilogue. I have not ruled out another outtake. Before this story ends, I invite you to visit the forum (also known as the honeypot) if you have not done so before. There are some really great ladies that post there and I think you will find their dialogue and exchanges so funny! Thanks to all of the "honeypotettes" for making me laugh and encouraging me through this journey.**

**I'll probably take a small break but I do plan to write again in the near future. If you think you might be interested, please add me to your author alert list so you will be notified when the story is posted.**

**Again, if you're interested you can still vote for this story at the Vampire Awards. The link is: http(colon)/twificpics(dot)com(slash)vampawards(slash)?page_id=198.**

**Oh, the Peachylingus outtake that was submitted for Fics for Nashville will be posted under the outtakes this coming week, probably on the 21st.**


	46. Chapter 46

CHAPTER 46

BAD COMPANY

**A/N—Thank you****,**** Shakespeare's Lady****,**** for being my 2000****th**** reviewer. All of the reviews and posts on the forum are so great. I really enjoy them so much.**

"I can't believe our bedroom is big enough for a baby grand piano," Bella exclaims excitedly as she takes in our newly decorated bedroom. The white baby grand piano was added per my request.

"Well, I thought maybe I can play your lullaby when you can't sleep," I tell her shyly, shrugging my shoulders. Maybe the piano was too much.

Bella graces me with a warm smile and says, "I would love that."

I sigh contently as I watch her wander through the adjoining closets and bathroom. She has completely recovered from her recent illness, and this will be our first official night in our new place. I showed it to Bella when she left the hospital four days ago, but this is the first time she has seen it since Alice and Esme finished decorating our new home.

Home. Our Home. God, I love that phrase.

My sister and mother have done a great job readying the condo for us. And per our request, the bedroom is completely soundproof. Well, not completely soundproof for vampire ears, but the walls are thick enough to help me block a lot of surrounding sound to where it's more like dull background noises rather than distinct voices and words.

I watch her closely as she comes toward me. She has regained some of the weight she had lost, but she is still six pounds under her normal weight. She has been very patient with my insistence that she rest and concentrate on regaining her strength the past four days. But she had hinted on the drive over that she had missed our physical relationship. I miss it, too. But I fear pushing her too much.

I watch her closely as she sits down on the piano bench.

"Play for me?" she asks.

In a quarter of a second, I am sitting beside her. "Your wish is my command," I tell her, placing a small peck of a kiss on her forehead before reaching out for the keys.

I play a variety of songs for her, including Debussy and Chopin favorites. I have been playing for about twenty minutes when she suddenly turns to me with an odd expression.

"Do you mean it? You would give me anything I wished for?"

"I can't believe you even have to ask. Of course," I tell her, shaking my head with a slightly bemused expression.

She smiles in response and leans in and kisses me. The kiss starts out rather gentle but becomes more passionate as I push my tongue into Bella's mouth. She pulls back suddenly, and I smile at her, slightly bewildered that she has stopped things. Then she shimmies down to the floor, and before I can guess her intentions, she is on her knees, resting in between the piano and the sitting bench and, more importantly, between my legs.

"Uh, Bella, what are you doing, sweetheart?" I ask her, but I think I can guess.

She runs her hands over my jeans until they rest on my thighs. "I'm doing something I have wanted to do for a very long time," she says coyly.

As her hands inch toward my fly, she adds, "I hope you got around to doing that research you wanted."

I cover her hands with mine as soon as she undoes my top button and starts to move the zipper of my jeans down. "Please, Bella. This isn't right," I whisper. I want to let her touch me intimately with her mouth. Hell, I want to beg her to touch me intimately with her mouth. I can't even deny that I have fantasized about this several times. But I can't help but feel like this is wrong. Bella should never be before me on her knees in such a position of submission.

"What is not right about it?" she asks as she looks up at me, with desire shining in her eyes.

I swallow and whisper, "It just feels like I'm being selfish. I don't want to demean you. In my time, a man would never force a woman he loves to perform fellatio."

She smiles with understanding. "Edward, listen to me. You are not demeaning me. I am before you, offering to do something that will give both of us pleasure. I love you. You love me. Please don't let some sort of outdated notion keep you from letting us experience this."

I gaze into her eyes and see nothing but sincerity and love. And one more thing. Vulnerability. It immediately calms me, and with determination, I let go of one more sexual hang-up and prepare myself to enjoy the gift Bella is about to bestow upon me.

As I lift up so she can pull my jeans and boxers down to my ankles, I mentally prepare myself for the onslaught of sensations I know I will experience when Bella touches me with her warm mouth. She has touched me briefly there before, with licks and kisses. However, I have never experienced having her take me fully into her mouth, and I hope I don't do something humiliating. Like immediately orgasm.

And without any further preamble she lowers herself upon my engorged cock. _Holy Mother. _Nothing could have prepared me for this. Not all of the research in the world. My eyes roll back into my head as her warm mouth engulfs me fully for the first time.

"Bella," I choke out.

"Hmm," she answers against me, and the vibrations from the sound sends sharp ripples of pleasure though my cock and testicles.

This has to be wrong. Nothing that feels like this can be right. Bella's warm mouth is moving up and down, taking in almost all of my length with each downward thrust. I can feel my control slipping away. I have found it. I have found the cure for vampires' bloodlust. I have discovered the one thing that is more pleasurable than drinking human blood, even Bella's blood. It's fellatio.

Then I look down and take in the sight of what Bella is doing to me. Big mistake. I no longer have conscious control of the words that leave my mouth as I throw my head back, hissing.

"Jesus Christ, Bella...Fuck...Don't stop. Don't ever stop... Unh. Fellatio... So good."

Until this point I have been resting my hands on the piano bench-gripping it, but the sides of the bench are slowly splintering apart under the pressure. I want so badly to put my hands on Bella's head, stroke her hair as I watch her love me so intimately. But I'm afraid of what I might do to her under this onslaught of pleasure. As I continue to watch her so affectionately stroke me, she suddenly peeks up at me through her eyelashes as she moves her mouth on my cock. The sight is erotic, sexy, and so very loving. And then I know I can trust myself. I won't hurt Bella. I can't hurt this beautiful creature who gives me everything.

I carefully place my right hand on top of her head, lightly stroking at first. As she moans, indicating she likes the feel of my hand there, I apply a bit more pressure, and I am soon guiding her movements. I realize three minutes and thirty-nine seconds have passed since this beautiful experience began.

And for the record, I have performed research in this area. My previous research indicated that on average, most men last only ninety-two seconds during fellatio. With the knowledge that I have more than doubled the average time of lasting, I am slightly less embarrassed when I suddenly orgasm with no real warning for myself or for Bella. The pleasure of the act was so overwhelming, I did not have adequate time to warn her of my release. I am pleasantly shocked as I realize through the haze of pleasure coursing through my entire body that she is eagerly swallowing as I release for a long time in the warm heaven of her mouth. I continue to groan through my release and close my eyes, enjoying the explosive orgasm that Bella has unselfishly given me.

"Bella," I breathe when coherent thought starts to return. I open my eyes to see her release me from her mouth but not before she places a reverent kiss on the tip of my cock. She looks up at me, still on her knees, and she gives me a beautiful smile. It's a smile full of love and pride.

I quickly push back the damaged bench, yank up my pants and let them hang on my hips unbuttoned, and pull her up into my arms. "Thank you, love," I whisper to her as I proceed to place kisses all over her face and neck.

She laughs, and it is such a joyful sound. "I told you," she whispers in my ears as I lick at her sensitive spot behind her left ear.

I suddenly realize how lacking my manners have been. Bella would probably like some water or juice after swallowing my ejaculate.

"Be right back," I tell her as I flash away and return in two seconds with a glass of orange juice. She raises her eyebrow at me in question.

I smile shyly. "I thought you might want something to drink. After...what you did...well, I'm sure it couldn't have tasted pleasant." I'm stumbling in my speech like an awkward teenager.

She takes the glass from me and smiles. "I'm going to drink this because I'm thirsty, but believe me, you taste heavenly. I told you before. It's like some sort of sweat cream. It's incredible really."

I have to admit. I'm feeling a bit prideful about Bella's statement. And hopeful. If she likes the taste then maybe it's something she will consider doing for me again.

Suddenly Bella's expression becomes mischievous, and she runs to her jacket and removes her iPod from the pocket. She moves toward the entertainment center which houses an iPod docking station and after inserting her iPod, she makes her selection and turns up the volume considerably.

Suddenly the sound of Bad Company's "Feel Like Making Love"starts playing. She turns and slowly starts to walk toward me. I smile at her as she returns to me. I carefully bring her into my arms and lift her off the ground so we are eye level before placing a soft kiss on her lips and hugging her.

"I believe you once told me that you would take your true love to your bed and worship her body while this song was playing," she whispers in my ear.

I pull back and smile at her, setting her on her feet.

"That sounds vaguely familiar," I tell her.

"Well, the song is playing. We have a rather large bed over there, so if you should see your true love anywhere around here..."

She squeals as I lift her up and throw her playfully upon the bed—our bed. As I crawl over her, I lock my gaze with her. "Has anyone ever told you that you shouldn't tease vampires?" I ask her huskily.

"Why? What are you going to do about it?" she asks me saucily.

"Fuck you-hard."

"Edward!" she gasps, clearly shocked by my uncharacteristic crass language. I can't help it. That damn fantastic blow job has brought out the animal in me. Or I should say brought out the vampire in me.

I tear through the middle of her t-shirt with my teeth and give her a heated look. "Ready to learn your lesson, Miss Swan?"

An hour later after an intense and pleasurable love making session with my Bella, I find myself lying in our bed, holding her sweaty but satiated body in my arms, enjoying the feel of stroking her hair and back.

"Edward?" she asks me, her voice raw from her rather loud screaming during our recent amorous activities. It's a good thing these walls are soundproof.

"Yes, love?"

"After you change me, how much time will I need before I can be with humans again?"

I did not expect that question. We had not spoken again of my changing her since I confessed to her my willingness to do so during her hospital stay.

"There is no exact time, but it takes most newborns about a year to master the requisite control."

"Was that how long it was for you?"

"Hmm. Eleven months actually before Carlisle let me have direct human contact. With Esme, it was twelve. The same with Rosalie. But it was nearly sixteen months before Emmett could handle it."

"What will we do for that year?"

I'm a little unprepared for this conversation. I have not given the details much thought, knowing we have over two years until Bella graduates and will want to be changed.

"Well, we could go anywhere you want, so long as we stay in an isolated area, away from humans. Alaska is always a possibility. We still have a home there. You would be near Tanya and her family."

"Will your family come with us?"

"Of course, so long as you want them to. They're your family, too, Bella. They will always be there for you—like they are always there for me."

And I realize just how much they have been there for me over the last several months. Actually over the last several years, ever since I left Bella. Even when I was so horribly cruel to them, refusing contact, I knew I had their unwavering love and support. And then when I returned to Bella's life, every single member of my family did everything they could to assist me in winning her back.

As I hold the love of my existence in my arms, I am acutely aware that I would not be experiencing this absolute bliss if it was not for my family. My success was due in large part to them and I am humbled by the magnitude of their love and support.

My mind remembers every single instance of my parents' unwavering support of me and absolute faith that Bella and I were fated to be together.

Thank god for Jasper who forced me to address my sexually repressive nature. How close I came to letting my issues with sex drive Bella away forever.

There was a time when I didn't believe I would ever say it, but I am even thankful for Alice's refusal to share her visions with me. She was right. I had to find trust in myself and not rely upon her to guide me through my relationship with Bella.

Even Rosalie, who was quick to tell me every time I was being an idiot, was an instrumental part in me overcoming so many obstacles during the journey.

And of course who could ever forget Professor Emmett whose uncanny insight into matters of a sexual nature, even of a kinky sexual nature, proved to be instrumental in me finding my way back to Bella.

I turn and tell Bella about the time when I lamented not being able to give her children and that Jasper had told me that while I could not give her children, I could give her a family nonetheless that would make her happy.

"They are outspoken, opinionated, and have absolutely no respect for private matters," I tell her chuckling. "But they are also fiercely loving, protective, and loyal. Other than your love, my family is my most prized possession, and I am humbled that you will be part of that family and let them love and protect you as they have me all of these many decades."

Bella leans up and kisses me softly and gently. And I know at this moment there is only one thing missing. One small but pivotal piece that will make our love and our family complete. I am going to ask Bella Swan to be my wife.

The next morning, Bella wakes up early, and we shower lazily together. It is Friday, and she will be returning to school on Monday and take her final semester exams next week. We are committed to studying most of the weekend.

I'm standing by our bed, leaning down to grab the jeans I had laid out when I am attacked. Attacked by Bella. She is only wearing a robe, and the smell of her skin and blood, both warmed by her recent shower, assaults and excites me. I quickly find myself sitting on the edge of the bed, my towel stripped from me and Bella again on her knees taking my member into her mouth. Bella can assault me like this anytime. I could really get used to this fellatio thing.

I brace my hands behind me on the bed and lean back, enjoying the view of watching Bella lovingly stroke me over and over with her mouth, mesmerized by the sight of her swirling her tongue upon my tip. I am growling, moaning, cursing—simply lost in the overwhelming onslaught of primal pleasure her ministrations are evoking in me. Even as I close my eyes, my mind still replays the vision of Bella on her knees, loving me and stroking me, and I have found my heaven on earth again.

My first clue something is amiss is when I feel Bella tense and not in a good way. For a half of a second I fear I have hurt her. In that half of a second, my other senses start noticing something other than Bella's mouth and my cock.

Damn these fucking walls. Maybe if they had not been so thick, I would have heard him.

But as I listen to an unnecessary clearing of the throat and amused thoughts, I know my worst nightmare has come true. Emmett McCarty Cullen is standing in our bedroom doorway, smiling like a total jackass.

"Hello, kids," he says casually as if he has walked in on us playing video games.

Bella pulls back instinctively, blushing at having been caught in such an intimate act.

_Eww. Eddie peter. Dude, I could have gone the rest of forever without seeing that._

"Emmett, for the love of god, what the hell do you think you are doing?" I ask as I grab the discarded towel and wrap it around my waist. I help Bella up and pull her into a comforting embrace, letting her bury her fiery face in my chest as I glower at Emmett.

"Have you no decency?" I ask him, outraged at his intrusion.

"Sorry. But I knocked three times. It's not my fault you didn't hear me. That would probably be Bella's fault," he laughs, and Bella moans in embarrassment.

He continues. "You have some thick walls here. I heard your voice Eddie, but I didn't realize it was your sex moans I was hearing until I opened the door."

"What the hell do you want?" I ask him, not buying for a second he didn't have at least a suspicion what we were doing in here when he opened that door.

He holds up a bottle of vitamins. "Carlisle asked me to drop these off. He thought they would be good for Bella to take until she gains back all of her weight." I can see from his thoughts that he did come here at Carlisle's request, but that does not lessen my anger at his disrespectful entry into our private bedroom.

"Leave them and get the hell out. And call next time before you come over," I hiss at him.

He chuckles. "No need to be embarrassed, you two. We're all adults here. God, do you have any idea how many times Carlisle or Esme has walked in on Rosie and me?"

I unfortunately know for a fact that Emmett and Rosalie enjoy getting caught. "That's because you are freakish animals who can't control yourselves and contain your activities to the bedroom like good decent folk," I hiss again in anger and impatience. I am purposely ignoring the fact that Bella and I have been intimate outside the bedroom. In the hot tub, on the kitchen table, in the car, in the public library. Jesus, we're almost as bad as Emmett and Rosalie.

"I can't speak for Bella," Emmett says with a wink. "But don't you have an affinity for public places, Edward? Like say, public restrooms."

That's it. "Get out of my house right now, you over-sized idiot, before I tear you limb from limb."

"You wish," he scoffs, but his thoughts reveal he is going to leave.

"I'm going. Bye, Bella. Enjoy your morning," he says jovially as he turns to leave.

"Jeez, you would think a man who was getting that type of action wouldn't be so grumpy," he mumbles as he lets himself out.

I put my hands on Bella's shoulders and gently pull back, looking upon her face. She is still blushing, but her eyebrows are drawn as if she is concentrating on something.

"I am so sorry for Emmett's behavior. He is an insensitive cad," I tell her, placing a comforting kiss on her forehead.

"Edward, what did he mean by that remark about public restrooms?"

_Oh fucking hell_.

**E/N—Good news—I hope. I guessed wrong. There is going to be one more regular chapter and then the epilogue. And I will be posting another outtake involving Charlie sometime next week. Remember all thingsTwilight belong to SM.**

**There is still time to vote in the Vampire Awards. The direct link was posted by Xtothey on page 70 of the forum.**

**Xtothey and some other great readers have also nominated this story for a few different Glove Awards, including Best Emmett. Show Emmett some love. He gave his brother oral sex lessons for goodness' sake. I love my sis, but I don't think I would have done something like that for her...lol.**

**The website is: http(colon)/thegloveawards(dot)webs(dot)com/nominees(dot)htm**

**Thank you, sis, for pre-reading and all the good advice.**

**Many thanks to my beta, ladyrip, who is working overtime to beta this entire story.**

**I want to send out a special prayer and plea for you to keep Monamour in your thoughts and prayers. I know many of you probably know her and know that she has recently been very ill from complications arising from what should have been a simple medical procedure. She was kind enough to make one of the banners for this story and is a very nice, creative soul.**


	47. Chapter 47

CHAPTER 47

A PROPOSAL

**A/N—As always, all things Twilight belong to SM. My prayers and thoughts are with you, monamour****.**

I remember the excitement of Christmas mornings from my youth, before I was changed. I remember that feeling of waking up with excited anticipation, knowing something great was waiting for me. This morning feels that same way. But this day holds more in store for me than presents from Santa Claus. I am spending my first Christmas with Bella today. I'm hoping it is the first of hundreds—maybe thousands.

I am currently waiting for her to wake up so we can exchange our own gifts. We have plans to meet Charlie at my parents' house later today. But this morning, I get Bella all to myself.

It is my fervent hope that in a few hours, this day will be ingrained in my memory, not only as my first Christmas morning with Bella but also as the day she agreed to become my wife.

We have been living together for 19 days, and except for those precious four days I spent with Bella in Orlando, they have been the 19 best days of my life. I have won back my Bella. Now, I have to make sure I keep her.

I have spent the last two weeks trying to imagine the most perfect proposal, trying to find that one romantic gesture that would adequately convey to Bella how much I love her and want her to be my wife. Some of my ideas were rather grand in nature. I have a tendency to get carried away when it comes to Bella. Let's just say passports, exotic flowers, and fireworks were involved.

But as I imagined these different elaborate and romantic scenarios, something always just seemed off. I couldn't imagine Bella feeling comfortable in those settings. And then I thought maybe I should take Bella to a place that had special meaning to us. I thought of _Bella Italia_, the site of our first date. Or our meadow, where we first declared ourselves. I even thought about returning to Orlando, the place where I first gave all of myself to Bella. But then, it suddenly came to me. The perfect place to declare to Bella that I want to have her by my side for eternity, as my wife.

Here. In our first home.

Bella and I will share dozens of homes over the next several decades, centuries. But this place will always be special because it will always be our first home. It is the site where my dream of sharing a life with my mate first began. So, I called off the pyrotechnics and orchestra that I had on standby and simplified my plans considerably.

I am so nervous and excited. But this just feels right. It is the next natural step.

I smile in anticipation as I hear Bella's breathing and heart rate change. She will be awake in less than a minute. As she starts to move, I hug her tightly in my arms and whisper, "Merry Christmas."

She stretches and wishes me a Merry Christmas, but without opening her eyes.

"Breakfast or presents first?" I ask as I place soft kisses on her eyelids and nose.

She finally opens her eyes as her stomach growls. We both chuckle.

"Breakfast it shall be," I tell her as I scurry from the bed.

After a human moment, Bella meets me in the kitchen. While she tries to hide her reaction, I can see she is surprised that I have not started her breakfast. I have cooked her breakfast every morning for nearly two weeks. It's something I enjoy doing for Bella. And she oftentimes rewards me with fellatio.

But this morning is different.

"Do you want eggs?" I ask her.

She smiles. "Yes. Scrambled eggs and toast sound perfect."

I kiss her on the cheek and then call as I walk by her toward the living room, "Good. You will find a whole new dozen in the refrigerator that I bought yesterday."

I hide my smirk and even though I don't look over my shoulder, I can practically hear Bella's jaw drop in surprise. She knows that I never pass up an opportunity to make her breakfast and increase my chances of receiving fellatio. But this is part of my surprise.

As soon as I hear her open the refrigerator and remove the carton of eggs, I get ready to make my move. As soon as she opens the carton, I hear her gasp of surprise and when she turns around, with the egg carton in her hand, she finds me on one knee, in the middle of our kitchen floor. I take her hand in between both of mine. I take a deep breath and look up into Bella's eyes, which are wide with surprise.

"Ninety-nine days ago, the fates finally smiled upon me when they put me in your path, and you were then gracious enough to give me another chance. You have made me the happiest man on this entire planet. You have brought laughter, love, and life into my dreary existence. I want to spend every day of forever with you by my side, trying to make you as happy as you have made me."

I reach into the egg carton and remove the ring in there. It was my mother's ring. I hold it up to her.

"Isabella Marie Swan, will you marry me?"

She drops the carton, and eggs splatter on the floor, but we both ignore them. Her now free hand flies up to cover her mouth, and her heart is fluttering at an extremely high speed. She has not made a sound except for that initial gasp, and her eyes have now lowered and are focused on the ring. I feel so vulnerable here on my knee holding out my ring literally and my heart figuratively to the woman I love.

After thirty-three agonizing seconds, Bella finally speaks. "Edward," she breathes.

And I know. Her answer will not be yes. It feels like my heavy, dead heart has fallen into the pit of my stomach.

"Yes," she says so low that even I can barely hear it. My dead heart soars.

"But," she whispers. My dead heart drops again. This roller coaster is enough to give a vampire an aneurysm.

"Would you mind if we had a long engagement? Maybe wait to set a date after law school?"

Relief floods through me. While I would have preferred to marry Bella as soon as possible, I choose to concentrate on the important part of her response. She said yes.

"Yes. Of course we can wait," I answer as I slip the ring on to her fourth finger and proceed to kiss every inch of her left hand in gratitude for her agreeing to be my wife... someday.

I stand and hug her and simply say, "Thank you."

"Is it okay if we tell our family?" I ask tentatively. "We can let them know we plan a long engagement," I add.

She bites her bottom lip briefly before replying. "Yes, of course we will tell your family. It's not like Alice doesn't know."

Then something occurs to her. "Wow. Charlie is going to be shocked."

"He knows I was planning to ask you," I tell her, as I hold her in my arms.

She pulls back. "What?"

"I had to seek his permission to ask you, of course," I tell her and smirk at the look of disbelief upon her features.

She shakes her head. "You're brave."

"I told you I would win him over."

She smiles and moves away from me, her eyes focusing on the mess on the floor.

"Why don't you let me clean this up, and I will whip you up something else since the eggs are ruined?" I ask, really wanting to be alone and collect my thoughts. "Breakfast should be ready by the time you finish getting dressed and then we can open our presents."

Bella goes to leave the kitchen, and I jump into action. The mess is cleaned up in less than two seconds before I slow to human speed, grabbing the ingredients for pancakes. Thank goodness we have the instant batter. I only need to add milk and frozen blueberries.

I leave Bella briefly to eat while I go and take a shower. I leave her with a soft kiss and a promise to exchange gifts upon my return.

I take my shower quickly and return to the living room, where Bella is sitting Indian style, in front of our modest Christmas tree. My family and Charlie are not expecting us for over four hours. I made sure Bella and I had some alone time this morning because I'm feeling selfish and I want to spend some alone time with my new fiancé.

Bella has a wrapped present in her lap and smiles at me when I sit down. I cock my head in confusion and look at the gifts under the tree that she had placed there previously for me.

She answers my unspoken question. "Oh, those are yours, too. But this one is special."

I am truly happy and thankful to be here, in this moment, sharing Christmas with my Bella. She has already given me everything. And I tell her so. "You have already given me the best present. Your love and promise to marry me someday."

She smiles and looks down at her ring.

"It was my mother's. I hope you like it. If you don't..."

She cuts off my offer to buy another ring. "Edward, it's perfect. I have never seen anything so lovely."

She then looks up at me and nods to the gift I'm holding in my lap.

"So me first?" I ask, giving her the crooked smile I know she likes. She nods her head and smiles with anticipation.

I carefully remove the paper and life the lid on a slender box. I find myself staring at two round trip tickets to Tanzania, a country located in Eastern Africa.

I look up at her and she smiles. "You spent nearly four years in Africa, Edward. I thought you might like to go back and maybe show me what you did there. It sounded fascinating."

"Bella," I breathe. "This is too much." The truth is I have dreamed of taking Bella to Africa and sharing some of my memories with her. But, she must have spent most of her savings on these tickets.

"Edward Cullen is complaining that I spent too much on a gift?" she says teasingly. She crawls over to me and sits in my lap, facing me and wrapping her arms around me. "Can't a girl spoil her fiancé?" she says as she kisses me softly on my lips.

How can I argue with anything she wants when she calls me her fiancé? "Anytime," I say as our lips continue to meet in soft kisses.

She pulls away smiling. "We go in May, right after the semester ends."

I smile back. "I can't wait to show you Africa, Bella. Thank you for this wonderful gift."

"You're welcome," she responds.

I hand her a small gift box. She opens it enthusiastically, smiling as she uncovers a slender box. She opens it and inside is a 24 carat gold bracelet. The bracelet contains a charm which is the Cullen family crest.

"Oh, Edward," she exclaims in awe as she lifts it from the box and holds it up.

"It's our family crest. You're part of this family. I thought you might like to wear it like the rest of us do," I say shyly.

"Do you want me to wear this before we get married?" she asks.

"Of course," I tell her, reaching for the bracelet and moving to put it on her right wrist.

After I fasten the bracelet around her small wrist and while still staring at it, I tell her. "We love you. I told you already: you are already part of this family."

"You know Alice is going to want to start planning right away. She is going to be hard to keep at bay," I tell her as I let her wrist go.

"No! No big wedding. When we're ready, promise me we will keep it small."

I sigh and take her hands from my face so I can place kisses on the inside of each of her wrists. "Anything you want, love."

We continue to exchange the rest of our gifts for each other, made up of FSU boxers and sweatshirts for me and a new iPod for Bella.

Before it is time to leave, I take Bella into my arms and hold her to me tightly. I thank her again for accepting my proposal. I sigh, looking forward to today and all the tomorrows I will have with the love of my existence.

**E/N—Well, that's it...just kidding. When I started the epilogue, I realized that I really hated to skip over Bella's and Edward's law school years. So I've decided to do a sequel that will pick up a year and a half after this, when Bella and Edward are about to begin their third and last year of law school. Therefore, the epilogue will be put off until after the sequel. I haven't decided on the title of the sequel yet, so make sure you add me to your author alerts list so you will know when the new story has been posted. I should have the first chapter up before the end of the month.**

**Don't forget to vote in the Glove Awards and Golden Lemon Awards. If you are so inclined, vote for this story ;). If you love Emmett, you especially want to check out the Glove Awards where this story is nominated for Best Emmett. http(colon)/thegloveawards(dot)webs(dot)com/vote(dot)htm**

**BTW, ladyrip (the wonderful beta who helps bring you these chapters) has written a great story for the Plot Bunny Contest. The link to her story and the voting website in on page 78 of the forum. Voting has started!**

**Thank you again, sis, ladyrip, the reviewers, and all of the honeypotettes who kept me and this story on track.**

**Please leave me your (semi?) final thoughts in a review or a posting on the forum.**


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